My Best friend just told me that my H is indeed still talking to the OW, I had no real proof before so I lived in denial. She made me promise that I would not tell him. I am sinking. Do not know if it is worth sticking around anymore, if he will continue contact then I guess I do not mean enough to him. I am so very very sad. My friend said that the OP had little interest in talking to him- that information does nothing for me but feel like I am second best, like he would have left or started things back up if she was interested, but since she is not, he is stuck with his wife. I am so upset, I hate this. I am crying and do not know what to do.

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 09:20 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

I am here for a few minutes.....shoot

did you get my edit from above?

I wish I had someone to talk to. writing is good, but feedback takes so long. I have not felt this bad in a long time.

I can tell you that I am not suprised. I don't really have any advice for you here hon. I think you now where I stand on this. This is EXACTLY why I am so damn against this program at times. Someone now will come on to this baord and tell you to revamp your PLan A..... Where is 2long???? or Melody, or Mini.

I am sorry for this pain you are in. There probably isn't anything I can advise you though. My advise would be that you should kick your WH out of the GD house and fle for divorce TOMORROW. I just feel strongly about this. You have been getting emotionally crushed by this. How much more pain do you have to feel before you do THE RIGHT thing.

THIS IS A MESSAGE TO ALL PLAN A mongers: YOU DO NOT STAY IN MARRIAGES FOR THE KID'S SAKE. YOU DO NOT !!!!!!!!!! YOU do more harm than good.

KMEJ, is your gf correct about contact? If so, it is important that you confront your H, in a non lovebusting way, with this information. You can't sit silently by while he chats to the OW.

Have you exposed this affair?

are you working tonight?

I hate this feeling. It is being betrayed all over again. Why? I am not ugly or mean or nasty. I take care of our house and kids (okay house is a mess, just have not picked up after my 3 stoogies yet) and I work hard. I try so hard to please him and get so little in return, why was this not enough, why did he have to call her. Why did he tell my best friend he had to know she would tell me.

I need someone to talk to. Lemonman are you really logging off?

exposed the A the day I caught them 4-25-2003. He supposidly said he had not taken with her since 2/2004. LIAR

How am I suppose to confront H with out betraying my friend?

This sucks I have tried so hard, been walked on so much. I feel such the fool.

I want a smoke and a drink bad right now and I do neither or these things.

Melody:

Ok, THEN WHAT???? KMEJ husband has treated her like a piece of S^&% for months now, AND has been physically abusive, AND now has been contacting the OW, and your adbise is: Talk to him about this in a nice way. !!!!!!!!!!! The poor girl is devestated and her self esteem is hit, and your advise is to ask him nicely about this. How much more pain and betrtayl does one have to go through with this plan. Please enlighten me, I just want to know how you can sit there and honestly gove advice to her to try and stay in this marriage.

Lemonman, how many marriages have you saved? You sure do have lots of advice so I figure you must be an award winning marriage counselor with hundreds of successful marriages under your belt, putting Dr Harley to great shame. What is your track record of success?

I am crying, Best friend keeps saying how adiment my Husband is to make it work with me. How can he or she say that when he is contacting the OP?

Anyone feel like talking on the phone?


Head full of hurt and anger, so lost and frustrated here.

Kmej: So sorry for your pain, but I think you should call a firend and have a good cry about this. Get support from your family now, you will need it. I have a case at 7 am tomorrow so I can't stay logged on much later.

I know this is probably hard for you to hear, but you have no choice here now. If you stay married to this man, you can only expect more of the same and then you are going to really lose the support of your family. This is somehting that the Plan A zealots never realize. When they continue to be destryoed and betrayed by a WS, and keep leaning on family and friends becaseu of repeated betryals and YET keep taking the WS back, they lose a large amount of respect. This is probably so tragic for your family also. This isn't just about you. I wish more people realized this. It is like the marriage is more important than everythign else.

Lemonman- I have no family left to talk to about this, they have all made it very clear that they do not want to hear it. My best friend is on-line instant messageing me all this information. She is trying to be helpful but I am so sad now.

I am truely alone in this besides this board. All others have given up- either that or I have pretended that everything has been good for so long to them, I hate to admitt defeat.

Good luck tomorrow. Thanks for the ear

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> Lemonman, how many marriages have you saved? You sure do have lots of advice so I figure you must be an award winning marriage counselor with hundreds of successful marriages under your belt, putting Dr Harley to great shame. What is your track record of success? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have saved NO MARRIAGES, I have NEVER claimed to save any. I am not about saving marriages. I would ONCE AGAIN like your answer to my wuestion. This woman has been betryed multiple tiomes, she has been "recovered" for months. Her husband treats her worse than a dead dog. She has zero self esteeem, and she gets physically abused on occassion just to top things off. I ask you once again to tell me what advise do you have???? Is it your contention that she should STAY and try to recover this marriage. Please tell me what you advise BESIDES asking husband about this is a "nice way". DOn't speak in metaphors, WHAT CONCRETE PLANS DO YOU SUGGEST?

LemonMan, I would only point out that KMEJ is on the Marriage Builders forum to get help with the MB program. If you want to condemn MB, then go start another thread. Telling her to dump her H is very out of line.

KMEJ, you need to have a discussion with him and find out what is really going on. It will do you and your boys no good to get all riled up and start shrieking at him and kicking him out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> Lemonman- I have no family left to talk to about this, they have all made it very clear that they do not want to hear it. My best friend is on-line instant messageing me all this information. She is trying to be helpful but I am so sad now.

I am truely alone in this besides this board. All others have given up- either that or I have pretended that everything has been good for so long to them, I hate to admitt defeat.

Good luck tomorrow. Thanks for the ear </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry to hear this is the situation, I don't say this to be as A-hole, but this is a consequence of "saving a marriage, at all costs". Call your family, Yuo need their support. Stop "covering" for your husband. YOu are living alie of a life and you can't go on like this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have saved NO MARRIAGES, I have NEVER claimed to save any. I am not about saving marriages. I would ONCE AGAIN like your answer to my wuestion. This woman has been betryed multiple tiomes, she has been "recovered" for months. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And that is my point. You have lots of advice for someone who has saved NO marriages. On the other hand, Marriage Builders has saved many using principles that [i]you do not understand.

I have self esteem when it comes to everything except my Husband, I am actually a very strong person, who loves deeply, cares deeply about others. Please do not fight about this. Enough fighting.
Melody- thank you for your advise, I will think about it- as it stands right now I just want out

Lemonman, thank you for your honesty, that I appriciate. Wish you did not have to sign off but I understand. If I ever get married again, maybe it will be to someone who is not afraid to stand up to what they belive in and can still care.

Here is to another long night in hell.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> LemonMan, I would only point out that KMEJ is on the Marriage Builders forum to get help with the MB program. If you want to condemn MB, then go start another thread. Telling her to dump her H is very out of line.

KMEJ, you need to have a discussion with him and find out what is really going on. It will do you and your boys no good to get all riled up and start shrieking at him and kicking him out. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am sorry about this melody, but I am just giving my opinion that she asked me for. You are right, she is on a MB forum and I guess I should not be suprised. Once again, any one with any ration of reality knows that her WH is still in contact. I ask you once again, what should she do. I admit I have no experience here, and you obviously do, ia m eager to see what you prescribe. I am trying to learn something here from you.

Lemonman, my family wants nothing to do with this topic, that was made clear months and months ago.

If I did tell them anything, they would go after H and then H would get mad and I would regret it.

It is 10 here and most of my "friends" are sleeping. Just me and here and my own little hell.