Noodle,

First, I will pray that your husband completes his mission and returns safely home to his family. I don't agree that the war in Iraq is a good idea. But...I support all of the families who have loved one deployed over there. I know it must be a very difficult and stressful time.

My question is whether the military has any kind of formal support network that can help in a situation like this, where a deployment comes on top of some marital stress. Or...is the support network less formal - basically spouses supporting each other?

The support..as it were <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> consists of other wives from the company..and meetings [which I usually avoid as I find them more hinderance than help].

I think I'm gonna move the kids and I as planned and get started setting up house. We were supposed to be out in June..I see no point in sticking around if he will be gone 8 mos to a year and then exiting the military.

I'm thinking though..is there anything that I can do to bolster the marriage?

Noodle, sorry to hear about this new twist.

I guess all you can do is place your best effort into "affair-proofing" the M before he goes.

He's going to need to understand how little you trust him. Probably has a good idea about that already, eh?

GC

Noodle, my H has been deployed in Afghanistan for 7 months and will be gone at least 13.

You mention alcohol freely flowing. There is NO alcohol in any of the war operation areass, other than if they go on R & R: one 3 day pass, I think all areas use Qatar? (RIF--do you know the answer to that one?) and one 15 day home leave pass for those deployed for a year.

My H's home leave ended this Monday, so I have just seen him and sent him off again. But we had a blast while he was home. It was so much fun and the leave-taking wasn't so hard as last spring.

Before your H leaves, offer him as much support in his soldier role as you can. And, you've got some months before he leaves (my H left with 3 weeks notice with orders through 11/05, though will probably be home 6/05), so go on vacation or at least do some of your favorite things, make some great memories, along with great pictures to send with him.

My H spent a ton of money before he left on "gadgets" DVD player, digital camera, MP3 player, computer memory stick, 2 watches (he wears 2 because time is figured local, Zulu & he wants to know what time it is home) so know spending $$$ isn't unusual.

My H is able to call me 2-4 times a week, he has access to email. This is his 2nd deployment. In Desert STorm, there basically were no communications home. That has improved hugely. Though I would imagine it will depend on where your H is located.

I just became the co-leader of our Family Support Group, one of the former leaders was removed, another stepped down. The meetings aren't so great, but the wives/girlfriends have initiated social gatherings (ladies night out--restaurants, or movie, or those in-home sales parties, wine tasting, hot tub, picnic) and we're forming some good bonds.

There aren't any male spouses, all the female soldiers in this unit are single...yeah, no point in worrying.

The thing I like about the wives' socials is each wife gets a little different information from our H's, put it all together, it's almost real knowledge <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . But also, if my H knows I'm talking to "Sue" whose H tells her every detail about every thing he knows in the world...it's a kind of accountability.

If you attend the family support group and it doesn't meet your needs, talk to the leader(s), if nothing changes, talk to the state family readiness office. That's how our ineffectual leader was removed when enough of us complained. (The leader's H wasn't deployed and she didn't understand...anything).

I'm not on MB so much anymore, but I'll try to check on you.

And, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> salt peter </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was thinking more along the lines of starching his chonies with alum........

((((Noodle))))

You TOLD us to bring the dark humor on.........

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hey Noodle,
Definitely see your IC and talk, talk, talk, it will help you sort out all the emotions your are feeling and dealing with. And post, post, post - not all of us know what the deployment of our spouse is like, but alot of know about what being a BS is like (unfortunately).

I've found that I have to be strongest for my kids at a time like this - they always need us. You just had that baby boy, right? You are not allowed to fall apart for like forty years (weak smile).

I will keep you and your H in my prayers. And I hope you will find the faith, hope, and trust in your H that will substain you over this very trying time in your life and your M.

{{{Noodle and Mr Noodle}}}

Brown

Hi Noodle,

LOR(LOR) is correct... General Order #1 makes alcohol and sex with anyone NOT your spouse an offense under Article 92 of the UCMJ.

Theres no alcohol here in Afghanistan and soldiers that try to "hook up" are usually caught. I just completed a 15-6 investigation for violations of GO#1 and several senior NCOs are going home with General Officer letter's of reprimand.

One of the main places that couples like to meet and "hook up" are the various bunkers around the base.... Only problem is that all of the guard towers have night vision devices and they usually catch the culprits when they sneak off to do the dirty deed! So take heart in knowing that it's not as easy as you think to have extra-marriatal affairs in a combat zone!

Semper Fi,
RIF90

RIF, thanks for posting about the difficulty of "hooking up". I found it to be the little "ok" I needed this morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

>>>>>BUMP<<<<<

Hey Noodle, how are you doing?