Why is it you wrote that I would have an A soon? Is that what you did and I am following a pattern? Also have I done something here that leads you to belive I am falling into an EA with someone on MB's?
KMEJ

KMEJ the answer is in what you posted: However he read what I had been trying to tell him for a long time. That I was unhappy, feeling traped and taken for granted, that I was lonely in what was suppose to be a marriage, and that I was feeling so neglected and unloved, how important affection was to me- that I was very close to leaving if he did not start to show improvement.

You have been neglected and unloved for a long time now, factor in the more pressing issue in your marriage, YES you are extremely vulnerable to an affair. While you may not venture into a PA for fear of your H's temper, an EA would be much more difficult for him to put his finger on especially if it were with someone on a marriage building site.
You need to go back and reread the tone of your posts to one particular person and hopefully you'll see why Cherished said what she did. No one is saying you are in an mutual EA but KMEJ you very seriously need to reevaluate your direction here. KB

not sure who you are referring too. I am a flirt, maybe it is coming across on here too. I am not trying to get into a EA, I am just chating. Maybe I should stay off of here for awhile.

Yes I am lonely, no I am not trying to pick anyone up here.

It's like my wife told me the other night "If it hadn't been OM, it would have been someone else."

She was ripe for an affair because of a lot of different threads in our marriage that had come unravelled.

You are very vulnerable, KMEJ - and I'm not sure your husband realizes that. He porbably just assumes that you would never cheat on him. You probably assume that, also.

But, I never thought my wife would cheat, either. And the more I hear her story, the more I'm convinced that she didn't SET OUT to cheat. But the moment, the opportunity and her NEEDS all came together.

I think you need to find a way to discuss this openly with your H.

my H says he never thought he was capable of cheating on me either until a girl lived in our house and doted on him every second I was not around. SHe was into gambleing, and scary movies and was just different then what he was use to. H says he feels bad for how much he hurt me and that he never ment to cheat on me or fall that hard for someone else. He says he never stopped loving me, and that he was an idiot, but he does not regret taking that time for himself.

I do not think I could ever cheat, I know how much it hurts. I am not looking to cheat, or have an EA on here. I am just lonely and like having someone to talk too.

KMEJ:

I think that what the above poster was trying to tell you was that many posters on here were concerned for you in that they felt that you were seeking me out to much in particular, and starting to look out for my presence to much for their liking. It must have been so concerning to them that one particular poster on the recovery board nearly had a nervous breakdown in dealing with all of the triggers it caused her.....LOL (well not really). I certainly don't know feel that anything that we may have posted is innapropiate (at least from my end), so this all has me kind of perplexed. You may need to talk to some other posters about it though as they feel "offended" and are worried about you. When you figure out what has some posters "losing sleep" over this, please let me know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>

missed that one LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

LM, I found you interesting. That and you would talk with me other then about my lousy state of marriage. I never ment to hurt anyones feelings. Yes I do seek you out, because again I find you interesting. I did not mean to make anyone uncomfortable. It was all innocent. I am sorry if you are uncomfortable.
Sad thing is all it took was me actually thinking about it and I knew they were referring to you. Again not what I intended. LM- has someone said something to you? Are you uncomfortable?

TO everyone else, Sorry.

I just want you to know that feeling lonely is normal, but you don't want this board or any of it's posters to replace what your husband is supposed to be giving you. I think it would be a tragic mistake to get your EN filled here and thus continue to stay in a unfulfilling marriage as you are OBVIOULSY in. There are many many co-dependent peeople on this board, and realize that you can not possibly make everyone happy. I have since learned this and have to come to the realization that as long as I don't personally attack anyone or intentionally hurt them I could care less what they think. People are going to feel the way they WANT to feel. Just realize that. If chatting on these boards, helps you at times when things are bad, THEN DO it, NO MATTER WHO'S TRIIGERS IT PULLS. The danger is in replacing this baord for your husband, that would be a mistake and lead to problems for you. Don't stop posting b/c someone is "offended" or feels "triggered"....LOL. DO what you think you need to do to survive, but just realize what the dangers are of finding a replacement for yoru EN's for which your husband should be filling... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I read that post you are referring to, LM.

But..I don't think this about you or about KMEJ asking specifically for your advice.

It's pretty clear from KMEJ's story that she is vulnerable to an affair.

Will she have one? Who knows. If you ask the majority of WS on this board...I'd bet they would say that they "never" thought they would have cheated, either.

The point, KMEJ - and I think you recognize this - is that you have described a marriage where there are many, many things that are wrong. That's the kind of marriage that leaves people open to affairs.

Hopefully, your husband will see the light and agree to work with you to build a healthier, stronger relationship.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> LM, I found you interesting. That and you would talk with me other then about my lousy state of marriage. I never ment to hurt anyones feelings. Yes I do seek you out, because again I find you interesting. I did not mean to make anyone uncomfortable. It was all innocent. I am sorry if you are uncomfortable.
Sad thing is all it took was me actually thinking about it and I knew they were referring to you. Again not what I intended. LM- has someone said something to you? Are you uncomfortable?

TO everyone else, Sorry. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I take back the sorry, this is Bull. IF you have a problem with me, then call ME out. tell ME about it. I come on here to read and try to be helpful, and to chat. If it is wrong that I talked to one more then another, then I guess I am guilty. IF it is wrong that I inquired about ones personal life, did not realize that was a no no. I am so annoyed right now. Please I play stupid mind games and chase my tail with my H all day long, I expected more from this place. Yeah that is exactly what I came to a infedility site for, to find some one to cheat on my husband with, Please.
Yes I like talking with Lemonman, as well as bear, and Andrew A, and knewbetter, and cherrished, and who ever else happens to be on. Again I find I enoy chating with Lemonman, his insights are interesting, his comments are classic, and I get a kick out of him. He happens to be male, now I am out looking for an EA. This just does not make since to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> LM, I found you interesting. That and you would talk with me other then about my lousy state of marriage. I never ment to hurt anyones feelings. Yes I do seek you out, because again I find you interesting. I did not mean to make anyone uncomfortable. It was all innocent. I am sorry if you are uncomfortable.
Sad thing is all it took was me actually thinking about it and I knew they were referring to you. Again not what I intended. LM- has someone said something to you? Are you uncomfortable?

TO everyone else, Sorry. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are you sorry for? DO NOT LET PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD DO THAT TO YOU. I think it was EXTREMELY innapropiate from someone to write a post writing how you were casuing them all of these triggers....PUllleeze. You do not make me uncomfortable. I understand where you are coming from. You are in a bad place in your life and marriage. As long as you understand what they are saying you are fine. They don't want you to get caught up in this image of me or whoever as this interesting guy that you want to get to know better. That screams concern, and though I can see how some might interpret this, it is all speculation and I am sorry that you were hurt by al of this. Obviously this is all innocent but you cannot let people make you feel guilty like this. maybe I should write a post how WS positng here cause me triggers and I can't handle the emtion of it all, because I was betrayed by a WS. Acknowledge them and move on. I think a lot of this goes back to the co-dependenancy of the posters here. That is ok. You didn't offend me, and to tell you the truth I don't see what all of the hoopla is about. It is kind of ridiculous to me, but hey that is just my opinion.

thanks LM- I had already pulled my apology in the post above yours, if you missed it. What was the thread on Recovery discussing this, do you mind my asking. I feel I should read it. I enjoy your company, now I am being labeled, This sucks. I would expect this empty attack from my H as he always is assuming with out facts, but here. I am hurt. If it is alright with you I would like to continue posting with you. If it is not, I won't.

Ofcourse it is ok with me. There is nothing wrong with any of this. Let people think what they want to think. Their own insecurities rule them. Look on the Recovery board on a post authored by "LIT" entitled something about "triggering and don't know what to do about it". It was from only a few dyas ago. I want to warn you though, it will make you pissed, so be forewarned.

okay, I will go look. Did you think that I went off a little too hard on every one? Go up a few posts on this if you missed it and let me know.

I was the one who "nearly had a nervous breakdown" from some triggers I was feeling. Although it was not a nervous breakdown, it was simply personal trigger extremely different than what I have felt in the past.

And I specifically posted on that thread that these triggers were my issues - that I did not feel that you or LM did anything wrong. It was my reaction that I was trying to keep in check.

KMEJ - I can relate too well to how you feel regarding your H. I had an A as a result because I wasn't educated. Nowhere did I say that I thought you were involved in an A or anything of the like. I simply stated that I was triggering because I noticed you taking an 'interest' in LM. I was trying to gain advice on how to control my kneejerk reaction to emotional openness.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What are you sorry for? DO NOT LET PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD DO THAT TO YOU. I think it was EXTREMELY innapropiate from someone to write a post writing how you were casuing them all of these triggers....PUllleeze. You do not make me uncomfortable. I understand where you are coming from. You are in a bad place in your life and marriage. As long as you understand what they are saying you are fine. They don't want you to get caught up in this image of me or whoever as this interesting guy that you want to get to know better. That screams concern, and though I can see how some might interpret this, it is all speculation and I am sorry that you were hurt by al of this. Obviously this is all innocent but you cannot let people make you feel guilty like this. maybe I should write a post how WS positng here cause me triggers and I can't handle the emtion of it all, because I was betrayed by a WS. Acknowledge them and move on. I think a lot of this goes back to the co-dependenancy of the posters here. That is ok. You didn't offend me, and to tell you the truth I don't see what all of the hoopla is about. It is kind of ridiculous to me, but hey that is just my opinion. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LM - Never did I say that KMEJ caused my triggers. Nowhere did I say any of this is her responsibility. In fact, if you reread the posts, I specifically said that it had nothing to do with you and KMEJ - only that it had to do with my trigger, and how to control such reflexive reactions so that I can relate in a more healthy manner.

If you would like to post about how you can't handle a WS posting, go ahead. I read many of them everyday. But I also know that instead of being offended, I have to realize that the BS is working through something.

I am really disappointed that you would think that I would be out to "peg" or "get" KMEJ - I made it perfectly clear that my trigger was my issue. And that neither of you were to blame, or even doing anything wrong.

IT WAS MY TRIGGER, AND MY PROBLEM

I'm sorry if anything has hurt you KMEJ. It was not my intent, and I clearly posted that when I said

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> **Disclaimer - there is NOTHING wrong with the posts - this has to do with me - not them.** </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> **Note again – there is nothing wrong with this.** </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> On a side note – KMEJ and Lemmonman – if you read this, please know that I am only talking about this as MY issue, and how to deal with it related to my personal recovery. In no way am I making any kind of judgement or assumption. This is all in how I am interpreting things, and how to balance and integrate what I have learned in a healthy way rather than a paranoid way. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Lemon - Realized you posted and deleted. I really hope that you didn't find offense in this thread, as it was not my intent at all. This is not in any way about you or KMEJ - rather I am trying to understand my trigger and how to better deal with it myself. I haven't had a trigger like this - so mixed with feeling - and it's relatively new territory. Sorry if any of this upset you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KMEJ - the above quotes were made in my post....

Here is the link if you want to read it.

FWW triggering and don't know how to handle it

Again

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR LM - IT HAD TO DO WITH MY TRIGGER

LM - I am disappointed that you think I am blaming KMEJ for my trigger. THAT was unwarranted and inappropriate.

KMEJ don't be angry or embarrassed, you should read the thread in question and see where she is coming from. It was well meant. There is a certain difficulty in posting helpful advice to you KMEJ as Noodle suggested earlier. You seem to want to reinvent things in such a way to make yourself feel comfortable with the status quo and we read your posts and our hearts break for you and the kids. There is care and concern for you here, KMEJ and you KNOW that.

L.I.T. was not trying to hurt or harm YOU and probably never thought any attention would come to her post on the recovery board. She has posted some AWESOME advice to you KMEJ don't write her off b/c you are angry.

Take your own advice and call her out if you want to address this but don't you EVEN consider leaving the board over this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You've got too many friends who care here and I've been with you from the START.....I want a happy fairy tale ending for you, darn it!!! (And I'd miss your spirit and bubbly personality <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) KB

P.S. Lemon, it's not about what people think...there are some valid reasons why we need to be careful in our communications on the board. One particularly *flirty* poster ended up getting scammed by a smarter, stealthier one on the divorce board. He saw her weakness and led her down the garden path. I think his last post to her included some pretty specific questions regarding her sexual fantasies. It was sad, I don't think she's been back. You are a good man Lemon, no inappropriatness on your end. Not everyone is like you however and I don't think any of us would like to see KMEJ in another bad situation.

LIT~
I just read your thread. Not offended. Was expecting worse. I am just frustrated.

KMEJ,

What are you frustrated by?