Reading all this I realised I never flirted UNLESS I was interested in a relationship with someone. Otherwise it's like waving a bone in front of a dog and then saying "sorry, you can't have it!".

What is flirting to me? Very much what it says in the dictionary. Why? Because people don't behave like that towards same-sex friends. Unless they're bisexual or gay, of course. So this is not about giving an honest compliment to make someone feel good - it's trade, it's "I'm giving you something, I expect something back". I'm doing something sexy and I expect you to give me a compliment. I give you a compliment and I want you to give one back to me. Etc etc.

Another category is the ego-boosting remarks. I will distribute them freely to both women and men when it's appropriate.

I know I'm doing it right because I NEVER had someone misunderstand my signals. I wondered why other women (and OW in my case surely was one of them) would behave so strangely. I don't feel comfortable flirting with someone who isn't available, it's just not appropriate. In fact, when some married man is focusing too much attention on me, paying me too many compliments, I tend to focus on his partner, saying nice things about HER and/or I change the subject all together.

I think flirting with someone who is in a relationship is disrespectful and dangerous. It has nothing to do with love or respect, or even friendship, only with "gaining" attention and getting the kick of being "wanted".