I've been married for 8 months now and my H led me to believe that although a babe in Christ he was very willing to learn and to grow spiritually.

Now, although he goes to church with me most times (I'm waiting for the next bomb to drop and him to tell me he doesn't want to go anymore)he now says he doesn't believe the Bible is true.

He has his own definition of Christianity and he has no interest in studying the word of God.

I'm having a hard time reconciling his views. And I'm feeling quite deceived.

Thoughts??

Don't pressure him into going to church with you or remind him that he's gone back on a promise to you. Show him the love of Christ in your behavior. You've taken a vow with him and God is at work through you.

If he expressed a sincere belief in Jesus' atonement for his sins, then he could be undergoing intense struggles and doubts. For you to deride him at this point will do nothing but drive him away further. One of satan's biggest targets is the immature Christian. Be patient and don't see this as a betrayal. I think the real question is not that he has deceived you but he himself may be deceived. He needs you, your example and your prayers.

All of us are disappointed many times in our marriage and does't mean we were deceived. It is a time for growth, understanding and change. Marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ. We are protrayed as His bride. He is our example.

Instead of looking at this as a betrayal, see it as an opportunity for God to work in your marriage and your lives.

You can buy the book 'Mere Christianity' by C.S. Lewis, and ask that he read it. It is a short, quick read.

I know there are other books that state the case for Christianity to appeal to those who may be doubting; Josh McDowell's 'Evidence Demands a Verdict' is another one. Both of these would appeal to someone who appreciates intellect.

Pray. You could ask him to go with you to meet with the paster, maybe the one who performed your marriage ceramony.

I believe you should try to be patient and let God work: all is not lost. You may want to see if he would like to try other churches to find a better fit for him and you could POJA the choice.

I do understand how you'd feel duped by his claim to be a Christian before you married.

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 08:31 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been married for 8 months now and my H led me to believe that although a babe in Christ he was very willing to learn and to grow spiritually.

Now, although he goes to church with me most times (I'm waiting for the next bomb to drop and him to tell me he doesn't want to go anymore)he now says he doesn't believe the Bible is true.

He has his own definition of Christianity and he has no interest in studying the word of God.

I'm having a hard time reconciling his views. And I'm feeling quite deceived.

Thoughts??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AERM - There are far too many things about your situation that I don't understand to be able to offer any specific advice. However, I think that walking on eggs from your previous thread and jph and Trix had some very good things for you to consider.

If I may, from what little your posts have revealed about your marriage and your husband, I would offer the possibility that your husband's problem is "serving two masters." The one "master" is Jesus Christ. The other "master" is an addiction to gambling.

As with most addictions, including infidelity(btw, I've not read anything about what brought you to this site, but I assume it is not adultery), a wayward spouse will find all sorts of ways to "rationalize" and "justify" sinful behavior. This idea that he believes in Jesus Christ, but rejects the Scripture, is one such excuse. Let's put it this way, how do we KNOW who Jesus Christ is, what He did for us, who He claimed to be, what sin itself is, etc., if the Bible is rejected? But someone caught up in an addiction will say and do almost anything RATHER than confront and deal with the problem of sin in their life.

Yes, it is possible that your husband never had a saving faith. Only God knows for sure. But let's assume for now that he did have such a conversion experience and is caught up in the fog of sin.

He says that he believes in Jesus Christ. Okay, that's fine, but so do a lot of people who are not going to be in heaven. There are lots of people who "accept" Christ as a "prophet," a "good man," etc., but who reject Christ as their Lord and Savior. They reject Him as God the Son and refuse to surrender their lives to Him. That's really similiar in many ways to Satan and his fallen angels. They KNOW firsthand who Jesus Christ is, but they have refused to surrender PRIDE and choose to reject Him as their Lord and God.

So if your husband had a saving faith time where he truly accepted Christ as his Savior, then the addiction (which I am sure predates you by a long time) is deluding him. Your task, should you choose to accept the assignment, is to lovingly discuss with your husband what HE means by "he believes in Jesus Christ," "his own definition of Christianity (what exactly is his definition)," and how would he feel if YOU were unfaithful to your marriage to him.

The idea is to begin to understand the BASIS for his faith in Christ and how he reconciles that with rejecting the documents that provide a basis for knowing who Christ is. Understand that part of this is also the idea of the commands of God as revealed in Scripture. If the Word of God is to be rejected, not accepted as true and trustworthy, then why should any commands of God be followed?

You need the counsel of a trained Christian marriage counselor to help you with this. This is also an opportunity for you to truly understand why YOU believe in Christ and WHAT you believe. It is a time to really understand WHY the bible is accurate and trustworthy and can found "suitable for all instruction and training." It is time to understand what it truly means to have a "surrendered" life to Christ and what a "helpmeet" in marriage is all about.

Perhaps a "bible study" on the accuracy of Scripture would help, but I suspect that your husband will "reject" anything right now that he sees as "impinging" upon his right to sin and "do whatever he wants to do." Remember, God didn't REALLY mean what He said, did he?" That IS the great lie told by Satan for millenia, beginning in the Garden of Eden. That lie has not changed as Satan appeals to our "human nature" that is sinful, selfish, and at enmity with God.

If you'd like a link to trained Christian counselors I can provide you with one and you could search the site for counselors in your geographic area.

I would also suggest that you begin research, if you have not already done so, on addictions in general and gambling addictions in particular. I strongly suspect that there is going to be a crisis that will precipitate a choice for your husband. As with any addiction, to be "addiction free" means to NEVER have any contact with the source of the addiction for the rest of his life. NO "social gambling," no online gambling, no casino gambling, etc. "All it takes" to slide right back into an addiction is "just one more" time or "just this once."

Put your husband on your daily prayer list, if he is not already there.

God bless.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 12:33 AM: Message edited by: ForeverHers ]</small>

I know exactly how you feel. Before we married my husband and I did a compatability test provided to him by the Chaplain. I told him how important it was to me that our family be raised in the Church (mine wasn't continually). He agreed very much. After Desert Storm and his first affair I could see his faith wavering. Today, he doesn't believe at all and is an Atheist. It really hurts. I do feel deceived and dissapointed.

The replies you've received on your post have comforted me and helped me understand. I hope they do the same for you.

Mind if I add my 2 cents?

I've been married for 19 years and my husband is a Christian. In all this time, he never told me about all the stuff I had been missing from the Bible. A year ago, I felt prompted to read the Bible for myself and found the truth. I asked him why he had never told me....if he had loved me so much, then why not tell me that without Jesus in my life, that I'd go to hell? He had no answer.

Anyway, while I was studying and growing in my new-found faith, he was backsliding terribly and had an affair. I wanted him to be on the same page as me, per se, and constantly prayed for him. In the end, it took that, and the changes in me and my walk for him to come around. Leading by example, I guess?

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

I look back on all the pain and damage caused by his his affair and understand that God allowed this to happen because he was backsliding. Surely, satan deceived him because of his weak faith, but God always wins and gets the glory.

Today, my husband's faith is stronger and he is even willing to do a few Bible studies with me. If that was the only good thing that came from the affair, then it was well worth it to me.

I guess now my 2 cents. A couple of different ways to look at it and has even been touched upon here already, is that maybe your H did truly have a saving faith, made a profession of faith, etc. and now he is just caught up in an addiction. if that's the case, and only God knows if he was sincere, then you ARE equally yoked. i had quite a few concerns myself after dday. my H was not saved when were married but did make a profession of faith several years ago. now he hasn't really lived the life and neither did i for the most part. now he has gone to the opposite end of the spectrum and kind of just picks and choses what he believes from a bunch of relgions. bottom-line, he's a very confused person.

my best and whole hearted advice to you is to visit Dr. James Dobson's website family.org they have 100's of resources for every topic you can imagine and for every audience. they have lots of things on being unequally yoked and what you can do to lead your H. if you are able to you can even listen to the broadcasts of his radio show via the internet. another webiste you could go to a listen to is bottradionetwork.com which is a 24/7 radio network that is Christian programming which has many speakers and many topics on it. People like Dr. Charles Stanley, Dr. David Jeremiah, etc. The Bott radio stations are not available everywhere but you can go to the website and see if there is a call station near you or like i said you can listen to it via the internet.

i cannot stress enough how much this could change your life by listening to those programs. another book you could read is called "the power of a praying wife." i'm not sure who the author is but i've read excerpts of it on the prayer forum here and it is right-on target. hope this is helpful and prayers to you, RR

Hello Aerm,
I think it is normal for babes in Christ as well as for anyone else to bedoubtful of their fait from time to time... especially when we may have other difficulties in life that we may be facing. My question to you is, are you or your H facing any personal difficulties at this time.
I personally don't feel that you have been duped. Your H may have been sincere in his search for faith and Christ, and well, I tend to agree with him... som of the stories in the Bible are hard to believe because they are so inconceivable, unprovable... this is where faith comes in... Faith is a trust we have in something, at a gut leve, spirit3soul level... it is something that takes time and experience to develope. I think the worst thing you can do right now is to sling the bible at him or have apologetic conversations with him whereby you try to justify and prove the scriptures... sometimes these are things that take time.
Do you remember the story of Jonah? He just couldn't believe the purpose that God had set out for him... in short doubted God. Did God give up on Him? Nope! He did suffer some consequences as a result of his doubting... but even that had a purpose... His faith grew thru his experiences and consequences. My point is that we do doubt, God doesn't give up on us, he rather finds other creative ways of revealing his truth to us... Maybe, just Maybe... it's a matter of time for your H and maybe you should be standing still, praying, and waiting upon God to help him come around.

Peace,
Odyssey

Hi Arabesque,
thank you for your story, but I have to say something in response... I don't believe that God "allows" us to sin... He has however given us the will to choose between doing good or evil. God is a God of choice and he has chosen to give us free will trusting that we will do the right thing. When we do not (and I do agree with you) He is still there, ready ro recieve us back if we simply have faith in Him to help us... we are saved by grace thru faith (martin luther, reformed theologist).

Good day to everyone,
Peace,
Odyssey

"Can you be unequally yoked to a Christian?"

Yes, you can be unequally yoked to anyone you allow yourself to be "yoked" to.

If you have a need that your spouse embrace your faith to the same degree as you, this is no different than any other emotional need. He either fills it or he doesn't.

Similarly, he may be having a hard time reconciling your views.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>