Miss P, there is a dependency issue and you put it well. Nice post.

Hey AN, haven't talked to you since the trip. Check your mail, ok?

KMEJ, are you there? I was watching Dr. Phil this afternoon, I haven't seen that show in years. I forgot how absolutly direct and "cut to the chase" he is. I bet you feel like you've been getting a lot of "direct" and "cut to the chase" lately. We care for you KMEJ. People have lives, husbands, wives, children and jobs and take time out of their schedules to try to help, because they do care, can you try to keep that in mind?

KMEJ:

Wow, I just don't get this place sometimes. I am actually kind of scared to post for fear of having someone hunt me down and send me a computer virus (joke <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). So, how did it go with your husband? Did you address the issues that had been really bothering you earlier? I really think that a lot of the posters on here only want the best for you. Just remember that everyone here is a bit co-dependent so they see a huge need to help you get through a situation that you obviosuly need help in. It is frustarting for them (and me) to try and help you when you are clearly so torn about it. YOu have support to do what you need to do just remmeber that. Also remmeber that it is ultimately only you who can control "how you feel".

P.S. Tough loss in the Colts game last night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

On a side note, how are the little three tornadoes doing? What is up with the little one eating so mucy?

Um....lemonman....what did you say your email was again....and your IP #? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh...and GO COLTS!!

I keep it in mind.

I thought twice before I sent the call out to Lemonman, however I just wanted to get away from the earlier thread, and did not have anything else to say, so I did not use my best judgement.

I guess I still do not see what is so wrong with talking with Lemonman.

You are right there are a lot of ingredable people on this site. I appriciate the time and energy that they put in to try and help me. I am sorry that I have such a hard head.

I guess I like to sweep things under the rug so to speak. that is a HUGE problem of mine.

However the whole kid thing from this morning WILL be addressed. I have no problem quiting my day job to help my children. H just has to pick up the health insurence. I love my children more then anything.

The problem with today is when my mom has them she fills there head with things, it takes days to get them back to the happy listening children that I am use too. Granted they do not always listen and they have nominated me for the worst mother of the year award almost weekly for years now. My mom tells my son to call her if H does not get up, then insists on talking to him. She is making matters worse, she acts like H is a no good piece of cr@p, and has no problem telling my children so. H will shape up or he will be shipping out. We are going to have that talk. Hopefully I will still be up tonight at 2a.m. so we can have that talk. My children are very important to me, and I believe to him. I am just not sure he sees the consquences of his selfish behavor. We will address it.

hey lemonman-
yeah tough loss. rubing salt in wounds are you??? Ha ha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> how is your team doing this year???? Did you watch the game????

Conversation with H has only just begun. H is currently busy blameing my mother for it all at the moment. 2x4 coming down on him hopefully tonight, IF I can stay awake until he gets home. 2am is a little harsh when I get up at 5:30.

Little tornados are good. Beautiful day here today, played outside. Currently they are watching Srek2 before bed. Oldest one is really withdrawn tonight- upset that he got singled out by his teacher and counselor at school today (thanks mom) and won't talk to me about it.

Not sure what is up with the little man eating so much. He had two bowls of spagetti for dinner, plus cheese,an apple, milk, juice and a sucker, all since I have been home. Not sure where he puts it, no fat on the kid.. Wish I had that mataboism, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


How is your day going?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> I keep it in mind.

I guess I still do not see what is so wrong with talking with Lemonman.

Well, you just have to realize that people will just question your motives. I am kind of perplexed by some this this, as if you read all of my posts on here I am really the one on here who gives you the worst advice with respect on your marriage and hubby. I probably give you too many 2 X 4's. ...lol

However the whole kid thing from this morning WILL be addressed. I have no problem quiting my day job to help my children. H just has to pick up the health insurence. I love my children more then anything.

My mom tells my son to call her if H does not get up, then insists on talking to him. She is making matters worse, she acts like H is a no good piece of cr@p, and has no problem telling my children so. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well........lets just take some inventory so we are all on the same page. Your WAYWARS HUSBAND (the father of three children) in the last year has screwed the nanny MULTIPLE TIMES, been fored from a job, hit his wife and verbally abuses her, is a controlling man, doesn't really spend QUALITY time with his kids, and lets a 1 and 4 year old run UNSUPERVISED in a house while he sleeps. Is there anything that I am wrong about here? Please correct my errors. I know that the MAJORITY of people on this MB can rationalize all in name of "marriage building" the worst of behavior (ranging from being betrayed MULTIPLE times and lied to, and repeatedly humiliated and denegrated to being given a STD and exposed to AIDS to even having another child out of the marriage). Read the fine print it is all there. BUT, quite honestly I don't see where your mother shoudl be faulted for making that statement about your husband. HIs actions more than SCREAM THIS. Once again, this is not a 2 X 4, just calling it like I see it. I will admit that there is obviously more to this story, but in my mind, your Husband is just a .........you know, I am gonna not say anythign here. He is your husband and you love him and I should not insult him. Good luck with the man that your children will emulate. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> hey lemonman-
yeah tough loss. rubing salt in wounds are you??? Ha ha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> how is your team doing this year???? Did you watch the game????

Conversation with H has only just begun. H is currently busy blameing my mother for it all at the moment. 2x4 coming down on him hopefully tonight, IF I can stay awake until he gets home. 2am is a little harsh when I get up at 5:30.

Little tornados are good. Beautiful day here today, played outside. Currently they are watching Srek2 before bed. Oldest one is really withdrawn tonight- upset that he got singled out by his teacher and counselor at school today (thanks mom) and won't talk to me about it.

Not sure what is up with the little man eating so much. He had two bowls of spagetti for dinner, plus cheese,an apple, milk, juice and a sucker, all since I have been home. Not sure where he puts it, no fat on the kid.. Wish I had that mataboism, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


How is your day going? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My day is going well. I ran 6 miles today (at a 7 minute clip). It felt good. I am thinking of training for a triathalon. I just have to get the committment firm in my head that this is what I want to do.

My NFL team is the Eagles and they got their A$$ kicked this weekend by the Pittsburh Squealers. That was a great game last night. I stayed up to finish it, even though I had to be in the OR at 7 am this morning.

On a side note, I can understand why you want to talk to people on here (about everyday NON Marriage building stuff) and NOT just talk about all of the painful stuff in your life. I do get it. Talking about all of this $hit 24/7 can be draining. Just look at the "idiotville" thread ---> so appropiately named <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No there is nothing incorrect in your statement. Aside from the fact that I do not tell my family a majority of what goes on.

My mother still should not have called my sons teacher, she should not have jumped the gun like that.

You are right about one thing however. It is more a me and H and Mom. H and I are suppose to be a team. WE are a rather disfuntional team at the moment. How ever when I found out that she called my sons teacher, I called her and told her she crossed the line, I was angry and that she was to leave me and my family alone. Too harsh?

I called you out lemonman to talk about something other then my failed marriage and lousy parenting.

By the way little tornado is now eating pickles. really where does he put it??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> No there is nothing incorrect in your statement. Aside from the fact that I do not tell my family a majority of what goes on.

My mother still should not have called my sons teacher, she should not have jumped the gun like that.

You are right about one thing however. It is more a me and H and Mom. H and I are suppose to be a team. WE are a rather disfuntional team at the moment. How ever when I found out that she called my sons teacher, I called her and told her she crossed the line, I was angry and that she was to leave me and my family alone. Too harsh?

I called you out lemonman to talk about something other then my failed marriage and lousy parenting.

By the way little tornado is now eating pickles. really where does he put it?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have the cutest image of your little man <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Let me ask you a few questions about your story, if you don't mind.

Did the "public" ever find out about your WH affairs?, was he embarassed or humilaited? When he lost his job, wasn't this emasculating for him? Does he spend anytime with his sons WITHOUT you? I see that sometimes you qualify his behavior as "well, he is a good man and father". well what is IT that makes him a good father? I am just curious. If you could "go back in time" how would handle things differently?

now just think what we could do with a healthy Randy Moss and a defense <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Yeah it was a good game. A little heartbreaking at the end. It would help if our defense could stop someone!! IT was nice to come back from a 14-0 streak to going neck to neck to the end however.
I love football. it is such a break from reality. I have tickets in two weeks to a game, 50yard line vikings side lower level- close to the sideline. I can't wait to smell their sweat!!

WOW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> you ran that far at a 7 minute clip? I run, but I start to drop off at about 1.5 miles and go slower. However that is partly to do with my lung disorder. I love running outside, the fresh air, the pounding pavement, the rush of it. Wish I could do it more often, however not as effective with a screaming toddler in the stoller! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yes I did expose the A, on day 1. Told his mother, brother, sister, my family, her family (as she was supose to be my friend, I knew her family well, she is my youngest god-mother- on paper alone- he has a real one now). He lost his job because she was an employee of his. H blames me for it as I did not keep my mouth shut. even though he was told if he left her alone nothing would be done and he could keep his job, he took his week suspension to spend every minute with her. He got fired, she quit the same day, and they spent the summer together while I worked and took care of the kids. H still blames me for his losing his job, and so does his family.
H is good with the boys when he has the energy and time. He plays football with them, and basketball. Takes them fishing. Takes the two little ones to story time every week. Helps oldest with his homework. Plays nintendo with them. Keeps them on a regular schedule (better then I do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> they are still upstairs talking when they are put to bed at 8:30). He plays with their friends. He made it to all of his football games this year. Things along those lines.

I am not sure what I would do differently. I try not to think about what I can not change in the past, but what I can do better in the future.

Did I get to them all?

KMEJ:

I must say your WH does more with his kids than I thought. Perhaps it is good that you write it all down to see some good in him. Did he ever feel humiliated? WHat happen to your social network of freinds? What do people think of the guy? Did he ever express any remorse for his actions?

H never said if he was humiliated or not. Yes he does now show some remorse, however he does still say that he does not regret it, so he kind of contradicts himself.

What vision is it that you have of my littlest man? He is the sweetest stubborn wicked child I know and love. He has white (and I mean white) hair, bright blue eyes, a big sumo tummy (rock hard bloated look) a catchy laugh and a smile that lights up the darkest rooms. his hugs are accompanied by the light tapping of his hand on your back and he asks for a tiss (kiss) and goes ummmmmmahhh while giving it. Wakes up in the morning calling for momma, and still thinks I am the best thing since sliced cheese (and that is a lot coming from him!).

Middle son has the most endearing personality. Sweet as he is wicked. Knows how to play on his charm to get out of trouble- which he enjoys getting into and out of. Adores school. Plays with anyone. He too still thinks that I walk on water. He crawls into bed with me almost nightly just to snuggle. He has blond hair and blue eyes, adoreable giggle and the cutest little smile with a touch of naughty for good measure.

The oldest is quite the little man. To old for his years, too big for his britches. He is smart as a whip and excells at school. Responsable as the day is long. He is at the point where he second guesses everything that I say and do. He makes sure everyone is included in play both at home and at school. He leaves no one out and shows such compassion towards others it makes me cry with pride. Cares about me a lot, but I am off my pedistal. He has brown hair blue eyes a great laugh and the best corn on the cob smile around. He sholdered alot when his dad was gone, even though I tried to shelter him from it.

I am very proud to be able to call myself their mom.

Friends supported me mainly. They have all been doing really well in excepting him again.

mom just called. all holyer then now. I got mad, yelled at her and hung up. what kind of daughter am I. man what kind of a person am I? I don't stand up to my H, but I treat my mother like that.

SIGH...........

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> mom just called. all holyer then now. I got mad, yelled at her and hung up. what kind of daughter am I. man what kind of a person am I? I don't stand up to my H, but I treat my mother like that.

SIGH........... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is all part of the abusee mentality you take on (and don't realize). Instead of being happy that this came out so you could see what pain and hurt your 7 wear old son is in, you are more angry for "exposing" this and you now having to face your husband and deal with this. KMEJ, I suspect that your "talk" with husband will just be a token conversation and he will say what he has to to pacify you. History will repeat itself here. If I were you, I would realize that your mother is one of your few "true" allies for your children in this world , and someday your choice to continue exposing yor children to this dysfunction and WH will sour this. Just realize this. Eventually, even your mother even won't be in your corner. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

that is just it. I do not think she really is in my corner. She wants me away from my H so bad that she latches on to any piece of information that she can.

Did you read my other posts above that one as well?

LM..I agree completely. I think that Mom is in your corner, KMEJ..it is you who are not. Mom isn't about to tow his line though is she? His manipulations don't work on her, he doesn't know which strings to pull.

Hooray for your Mom..how brave of her to expose to your sons school. She must have known how angry you would be. She was concerned enough to do it anyway. I like this woman. Bet H doesn't though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: noodle ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> that is just it. I do not think she really is in my corner. She wants me away from my H so bad that she latches on to any piece of information that she can.

Did you read my other posts above that one as well? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KMEJ:

Good luck with the talk this am. Do you know the definition of insanity? The action of doing the same thing over and over again and EXPECTING different results. That is your life.....sorry to be so blunt. Goodnight, my friend...Prayers for you tonight. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I was about to log off when i saw your post.

Your insane friend is on her way to bed. Too tired to wait up. h will wake me when he gets home...

talk with you later, good night.