knewbetter- My husband Stanley always thought our marriage was the greatest, but it wasn't! Otherwise we would not be here, with this big problem of infidelity. For years I complained to him that I needed more attention , more romance, but he always dismissed me saying that he was perfectly h appy and there were no problems. He really never heard my pleas telling him what I needed.
Then along came OM, and he showered me with attention, telling me what I wanted to hear I would tell my husband of my talks with OM, but as they became more personal, I stopped telling him. Yes, he was not as desirable physically as my husband, he was below average, but his smooth talk convinced me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I never gave OM my husband's money to help him with his expenses. Thats a fantasy that he likes to believe. I would never give money thats not really mine to anyone!!
My wedding ring (diamond) is lost, and my husband thinks that I sold it so I could put all "that money" that I spend in the OM, back in the bank. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> As you can see my husband has a great imagination.
As of yet, our marriage in not normal. My husband acts strange if I am not happy 24-7 and showing him my love for him. He thinks that I am plotting something with the OM and that I will leave him. He thinks that I am still in contact with him, and I AM NOT!!! He disbeliefs almost everything I say. If I want him happy and normal, we have to have sex every night. But sometimes I dont wantto and he thinks I am acting like when I was having the affair.
I am the one responsible for my husband's happiness, he says. Its kind of a lot of pressure, but I am trying!
I like the attention that he gives me now,its a new him. He always wants my attention and my company. So, in that, the marriage is better ,because I like attention from my mate.
Now, he wants me to go to another forum and read what OMs and OWs have to say. Should I care about reading that? I dont think so. Since I dont have an OM anymore. But yet he loves to read what they say.
It makes me very sad that he loves to rub in my face so much the "loss of innoncence". That really hurts me inmensely. But there is nothing I can do to get that back. Although the "inoccence" lasted a lifetime. We were exclusive for 29 years! Not like other couples that they start having affairs so early in their marriages.
Sorry about my rambling, I guess I wanted to vent my thoughts ,my feelings.
From DD, I made a choice to stay in my marriage and have not regret my decision. I love my husband, I like being married to him.
But like Bob P with his wife ,he has not forgivven me 100% yet!
I DONT KNOW IF HE EVER WILL!!!

MYRTA

Myrta- It sounds to me like your husband might not be very sure of you right now. He might not even be sure of what he really wants to do, to continue or end this marriage.

Stanley- do you think that having an affair yourself will make you feel better?

I see love between you two, but I also see a lot of doubt, not a good combination.

I will give it six to eight months more and see where you stand.
If things dont improve, you might want to consider other alternatives.

So early, so early in recovery for the the both of you but some good things coming ahead. Stanley, Mryta's response was interesting wasn't it? Some could argue a rewrite but the thing that was interesting about her desire for romance is that she expressed it in her younger years but kept to herself in the later ones. Why would that be? Did she give up, accept the status quo? It's what I was talking about earlier, the marriage just IS as opposed to being nurtured in a way that meets each other's deepest needs.

You sound like you have been given Mryta a wonderful life Stanley, any woman would be grateful for a loving family man like you. The thing is that somehow that didn't translate fully over to Mryta, and her unfulfilled desire for romance with you became unspoken, and buried over time. What you perceived as romance may not be what Mryta wanted. The neat thing is that NOW is your time to find out. Time to change. Time to talk. Time to really listen, Stanley. (You too, Mryta, you're not off the hook <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Stanley, there is much more to a good marriage than a lack of betrayal in it. That is what this site promotes, ways of building a marriage into something special and fulfilling for both partners.

I *feel* Stanley whenever I read your posts that there is an emphasis on justice, of justice wronged, of justice never being served to the BS. Bottom line, there is no justice for anyone in an affair. How can I help you Stanley, move beyond the idea that things need to be equitable?

It appears you think they were equitable before A, your romanticsized (sp) version of the innocent marriage. Now that there has been a major flaw exposed in this view by Mryta, you are at a loss but seem to want to continue to cling to the old marriage. Your focus is on the innocence of it all but Mryta doesn't want this (can I speak for you, girl?) old marriage, it is the same marriage in which " For years I complained to him that I needed more attention , more romance, but he always dismissed me saying that he was perfectly h appy and there were no problems. He really never heard my pleas telling him what I needed."

Do you see the problem Stanley? By focusing on the false positive that you have lost, it causes you to become unable to move into a true positive which is rebuild your life and marriage with a wife who wants to be home with YOU, who attempts to please YOU the best she knows how and is TRYING. She's got her own issues on top of the marriage issues, it's a heavy burden and no fun to be the WS despite what some BSs say.

You don't want to go there Stanley no matter how much *equalizing* you want to happen but I'm hoping you understand that equity is not what you should be after. Pursue RECOVERY instead. Take some time and really think about how you could do this in a way that Mryta can *hear* you. Accusations about rings and pressure to have sex when her body language is telling you no aren't going to further this goal. Drop the ring thing, it it ever turns up you'll feel dumb for pursuing it to the 9th degree. When she is not up for sex than cuddle her instead, don't always make it about the full act. SF every night is a LOT and you need to give her room to be her real sexual and otherwise self.

Expecting her to be happy all the time is not realistic or healthy. Phony happy has a way of eating at a person, don't do this to your wife. You want to avoid what got you into this mess in the first place, thinking that you knew what your wife needed to be happy. Let HER tell you and you listen and vice versa. You guys need to get to know each other again and work this out with each other's needs in mind. There is no equalizing Stanley, sorry. KB

I would consider my marriage a success story.

Not particularly an MB success story......only cuz I did some things that are totally against MB..though encouraged by some VERY veteran posters...and did a "modified" Plan B....which I was told wasn't possible.....but hey...here I am....3 years into recovery.

I didn't do a very good Plan A.....because I could not keep from LB'ing..and couldn't keep my mouth shut about anything.....so I quit trying that.

My H was a cake man....couldn't decide what or who he wanted....and I...well....I was too dependant on him...and had no self esteem. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I fell into "mommy" mode and forgot that I was also a W.....and ignored my H...and his feelings for a really long time. I knew I was doing this....he made me aware of it....but never thought he would have an A.....who knew! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Anyway.....I took the MB concepts that I could work with...and used them for me....not for my marriage....cuz that wasn't working.

I grew up....he grew up.

Is it better now? YUP!

Not because of his A though.

Because we no longer use the "silent treatment".
Because we now know who "we" are.
Because we now know what we want.
Because we "want" it.

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

KNEWBETTER- The only thing that I am going to say to you is that your post touched me like no other before. You brought tears to my eyes, gosh, not only tears, I was crying like I haven't for a long time. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I really appreciate your words. Thank YOU.

MYRTA

Myrta, when I mentioned a cut and paste thing I keep for Knewbetter's posts it's a sort of joke between KB and I.

Every time she posted I would reply by saying "how did you get so smart and I wish I had thought of writing what you just did."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

KIWI-- I dont know what you are talking about. Knewbetter wrote a very touching post to my husband and I, and I was replying to that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
How are you?

MYRTA

Now I'm embarrassed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I posted to Knewbetter just above Stanley's post.

All I meant was I think KB is a very nice person, I've talked to her a lot on here, and I also thought the post she wrote to you and Stanley was very touching and very understanding.

Jen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

KIWI- No need to be embarrassed. LOL
A simple misunderstanding. I just saw that post above my husband's now.
Knewbetter hit it right on the nail!
Did you get my e-mail?

Take care!

Myrta

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What you perceived as romance may not be what Mryta wanted. The neat thing is that NOW is your time to find out. Time to change. Time to talk. Time to really listen, Stanley. (You too, Mryta, you're not off the hook )</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IS NOT SO MUCH ROMANCE, MYRTA WANTS ATTENTION! She likes intense attention, not the kind of attention a man gives his wife after 30 years. She enjoys a little more intensity than that, So, in that regard I have failed. I was always happy with what I received and did not go nuts if my ENs were not completely fulfilled.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I *feel* Stanley whenever I read your posts that there is an emphasis on justice, of justice wronged, of justice never being served to the BS. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I tend to judge things from my perspective. I have a hard time been unfaithful. I know I could do it, but my threshold is quite high. So from that side of the fence I get disappointed. I truly understand the desire to have intercourse with a new body. In have it too,

Psst-- let me tell you a secret------ you and Myrta have a lot in common. You both did it for the sex. I don’t get insulted with the idea of wanting the sex, because I have the same sensations. Whether I want sex with another woman or not has nothing to do with how well my ENs are met. I have the curiosity, but I have not done anything about it because my threshold is quite high.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you are at a loss but seem to want to continue to cling to the old marriage. Your focus is on the innocence of it all but Mryta doesn't want this (can I speak for you, girl?) old marriage, it is the same marriage in which " For years I complained to him that I needed more attention, more romance, but he always dismissed me saying that he was perfectly h apply and there were no problems. He really never heard my pleas telling him what I needed."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The purity of marriage has to do with my puritanical side coming out to dominate my views. However, in reality I am perfectly happy with Myrta as she is today and the so-called innocence is not that big a deal. I am more worried about losing her heart to someone else.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you see the problem Stanley? By focusing on the false positive that you have lost, it causes you to become unable to move into a true positive which is rebuild your life and marriage with a wife who wants to be home with YOU, who attempts to please YOU the best she knows how and is TRYING. She's got her own issues on top of the marriage issues, it's a heavy burden and no fun to be the WS despite what some BSs say.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree, I tend to lose it when I get too puritanical.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Accusations about rings and pressure to have sex when her body language is telling you no aren't going to further this goal. Drop the ring thing, it ever turns up you'll feel dumb for pursuing it to the 9th degree. When she is not up for sex than cuddle her instead, don't always make it about the full act. SF every night is a LOT and you need to give her room to be her real sexual and otherwise self.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It was not an accusation, but a comment I made once. I didn’t realize it bothered her that much.

As for the sex:

I will be honest---- since day one I immediately recognized that affection from my wife made me feel MUCH BETTER. NOTHING ELSE SEEMS TO WORK AS WELL! JL agrees with this concept.

I can't answer this question, but what I CAN say is that NOT ONE SINGLE married couple I know of who are actively trying to implement the rules of care and protection.

If the impact of an affair is survivable it seems to me that the spouses DO work on the marriage because they are forced to VALUE their marriage more after almost losing it.Does anyone know of a couple NOT impacted by an affair that takes meetings ENS and avoiding LBs

and myrta
But like Bob P with his wife ,he has not forgivven me 100% yet!

No i haven't forgiven Squid yet. I want to mean it when I do.

Also maybe I can help put Stanleys comments into perspective.

If a male criminal had visited upon some insult that hurt me in the same way my Squid did with her affair( if such a crime existed) I would have hunted him down like a dog and not stoppped until I felt his filthy heart stop beating in my squeezing fist in his chest. Only then would I have felt vindicated.

It was HARD not to destroy OM by further exposure AND physically but I ma doing well on that front through respect for his GFs request.I wanted to shout and scream and be highly disrespectful to Squid, but what good would that have done?

It is the fight or flight response of silverback blokes like me (and possibly Stanley too). The fact that I am not able to respond in kind to the hurt is very difficult for me, but it gets better with each passing week. We have ALL this RIGHTEOUS anger, but no outlet for it. The Gym works for me to a large extent but its a hard but not regularly discussed difficulty that is (perhaps) unique to a type of BS.

Yes my instinct CRIES OUT for justice, but what can possibly deliver this justice?

I actively work on releasing that need. "I win when I am sustainably happy" , that is my mantra.

If we get our marriage working great again, it will be the best 'justice'.


As for me I have always loved cuddling and kissing at least as much as SF. Squid was VERY frisky since not long after NC established but this week has become very affectionate too. THATS lovely ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm a great believer that kissing and cuddling are more intimate than sex.Hookers give sex but won't kiss, so I understand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bob:

It is hard not to act on that righteous feeling.

Ideally I would also like to hunt down the OM who BTW sees himself as an upright moral man.

The other tendency to fulfill this righteous streak is to get a divorce and to never ever talk or direct a word to the WW.

You and I know these two thoughts are lurking in the back of our minds, but in the end they serve no purpose. Fate has already started to take care of OM who with any luck from our part will either have a stroke or a heart attack in the next few months. I am almost certain of this, the OM is accident waiting to happen. He will soon become impotent and will not be able to perform even with Viagra.

As for my wife: I am not leaving her. That will solve nothing and will throw her into the hands of the OM who will destroy her as a woman. The worst thing that could happen to my wife would be to try to have a life with OM and I will do anything to prevent that. I love my wife and I will never do anything to put her in harms way.

So I guess the marriage will be better because SF will be in the forefront as well as many other ENs. We will forget the other sour stuff.

Stanley and Mryta, I think I mentioned once before that I am not familiar with your story, and I know that I really should go back and read it but I have the strangest feeling that I am going to find H and I in it. Maybe I'm totally wrong but I'm sort of afraid to look. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Very weird.

I was really encouraged this morning to read what you wrote Stanley, it sounds like you're thinking this through in maybe a less self centered way, and I don't mean self centered as in selfish but as in being able to look at the big picture in more of a *team* way. It's a HUGE shift to go from realizing that you are a BS and feeling that overwhelming need to be self protective, to being able to move beyond Self and reach out to the one who hurt you. It is difficult to suppress the survival instinct, isn't it?

Mryta, I'm glad I was able to articulate something for you. I hope that it gives both you and Stanley a foundation to build on. I think that for me, the horror of destroying my husband's understanding of me as a good woman, a good wife was the worst part of the whole mess. I even took a hit as far as being a good mother because my children are still in the home and while I didn't allow the OM and the children to cross paths, I risked their secure home life by my actions.

You both have really got me thinking about how a life, a marriage is carefully built together with good intentions on both parts, only to find that our intentions weren't good enough to keep the wolf at bay. My husband is like you Stanley, an absolutely great guy by any standards. He is wonderful provider, he's devoted to his family, doesn't even look at other women. He has always thought that I was *IT* for him. Even 20 odd years later he still desires me the same way he did when we first met. He did EVERYTHING he was *supposed* to.

I on the other hand, gave him a good life as well. I handled everything pertaining to our home life so that he was free to pursue his career goals. I supported and encouraged those goals. If there were events, I accompanied him to them. If it was entertainment that was necessary, I entertained. At one point we hosted anywhere from 20 to 40 people in our home several times a month.

We also have four children born two years apart and I've maintained my figure and looks. My family has homecooked meals every night blah, blah, blah you get the picture. So I did what I was *supposed* to do also. What went wrong?

H and I have gone over and over this and learning about the validity and importance of our own and each other's ENs was SIGNIFICANT. We must have been really emotionally dense people because I swear, we were pretty clueless! I guess we both just set our lives up in a way that looked right to us and neglected our emotional selves because everything else seemed to be in place. H's demanding career, and the raising of four children, and also active church partcipation took an enormous amount of energy and attention on both our parts. That focus on everything BUT the marriage itself meant we were essentially living in a house of cards.

It took the A to expose our weaknesses and while I would give anything for it not to have happened at all, we are both grateful for the place that we are at now. The team that we are today is very different than the "team" we were then. By being Radically Honest both with OURSELVES and each other about our emotional needs AND accepting them as they are without judgement we have become able to implement the rules of care and protection of each other where we could not before. It is something to strive for Stanley and Mryta.

I share my posts with my H when referring to him just to be sure that I am not speaking out of turn. I ran this by him and asked if it was accurate in his view. I got the heads up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> so there you have it....a sort of nutshell version of how we worked out forgiveness and recovery. I hope that you can see that the future is bright and true, complete recovery on the horizon if you are each willing to put aside the obvious and honestly apply yourselves to knowing and meeting each other's deepest needs. It can be done and I do believe YOU can do it, you NEED to do it, TOGETHER. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> KB

KNEWBETTER- I just love your understanding to our situation. When you post to us, you do it with such simpathy, you do it with knowledge but at the same time, you are not "in this high horse" thinking you know best!
Yes, I think your story and ours is very similar. My husband has always being a good husband,father, provider,etc,etc. I took care of everything in the house, have always dinner ready, still in good shape after five kids. Many think we have the most perfect marriage in the world! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> But yet, something,not tangible was lacking in the marriage.
I am sure my husband felt it too, but he is not a person to look outside of the marriage, like he had said here many times. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
But, I guess I was different and I looked in the wrong direction for what I was missing! And I am paying the price big time!!!
Hopefully things will continue to improve between us. Your post of last night was very insightful to both of us, and we really appreciate your time in writing to us.
Last night when we were in bed, he told me that he was not going to mention anymore the "lost innocence" of our marriage. Hopefully!
But today, he told me, that he felt really sorry for me, because I stood so low and had the affair! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Another "low blow" there,but.....
And he posted in one thread today, that his tatoo should be "I am a loser", because he says ,thats what he is. Another thing that I really did not appreciated. But ...when he sees me all sulky, he tells me, that he did not mean anything by saying that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
I cannot wait to be, where you are right now with your husband. It seems years away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Thank you Knewbetter, you really know what you are talking about. I appreciate all you said.

Take care.

MYRTA

KB:


Is marriage better after the affair?

I don’t know yet. I guess I still have resentment and unhappiness within me. Will those symptoms go away?

It is not that easy to swallow everything that an affair brings to the plate of a man. In essence an affair strips our manhood away, maybe that is why this is hard to swallow. However, a little over 5 months after D0day I am feeling pretty well with few macabre thoughts here and there. I mostly spend my day thinking about my wife and how much I love her. That is the only thing that keeps me sane. However, on some occasions the resentment shows its ugly face. For example they were looking for tattoo themes for Pepperband and it seems she likes The Beatles. I know John Lennon wrote pop songs about unfaithful girls and then came up with other tunes such as I’m a Loser and Nowhere Man. Within that context I picked the “I’m a Loser” tattoo. That is how one feels when the wife decides she needs another man to give her SF. Is there a better word? I guess Myrta does not want me to feel that way. But, I said it tongue in cheek. So Myrta said I don’t have to feel bad about the affair. Then I said, well I feel bad about you doing that. I guess what I tried to say to Myrta was that I feel bad for her because as you said I will likely recover quite well and in the end I did not do anything wrong. You had stated before that the wayward spouse suffers more because they were the ones doing the deed.
It is a no-win situation!

Anyway KB:

I have a few questions for you:

1. Were you a little naughty growing up? Did you know you could be a bad girl and have an affair? Or perhaps you were a goody-two shoes? Which one were you?

2. Did you stop on your own? Or were you discovered? What made you stop?

3. You said in an earlier post you did it for the sex. How did you know the sex was going to be good?

From Stanley:

I have a few questions for you:

1. Were you a little naughty growing up? Did you know you could be a bad girl and have an affair? Or perhaps you were a goody-two shoes? Which one were you?

I was a good girl. No drinking, drugs, smoking or sex as a teen. Good student, graduated early from high school.

2. Did you stop on your own? Or were you discovered? What made you stop?

We had three DDs, on the first H talked to OM and told him that he loved me and didn’t want further contact. OM reassured him it was not PA b/c “his plumbing didn’t work”. DD number two, H checked the mileage on the car and it didn’t match up to my alibi. DD three, H gets a phone call from a concerned party. Affair was 15 months long and ends b/c I finally told H everything.

Everything includes me having to wrestle a gun away from OM the first time I tried to end it, and the subsequent rape when I attempted again. I found out much later that the OM had stalked me for over two months before making initial contact. This OM is a very dangerous, violent man, not that you could tell from looking at him. A large factor in the relationship continuing as long as it did was because he made threats against my H, asked if he had life insurance (I said no) and also had the affair to hang over my head.

I felt I was in a no win situation, OM was “in love” and had me on a pedestal but I had to stay there in order to keep my H and myself, and maybe the kids safe. If I had to keep seeing him in order to be sure he wasn’t going to ambush my H and cut his penis off (which he said he would) then that is what I had to do. I didn’t feel I had any options at the time to end it. I reference www.drjoecarver.com quite a bit on this site and the OM scored 15 out of twenty points on Dr. Carvers list of the characteristics of an abuser.

The OM was not physically violent (except the rape) towards me but the threat to my family was always there. Not until I told H everything did I feel I could stand up to the OM. There is quite a bit more to this story but you get the idea. Scary, scary story. The weirdest thing is that after DD I was defending OM to everyone, yes think FOG but also Stockholm Syndrome considering what a trauma I had been through. Dr. Carver has an article on that also.

3. You said in an earlier post you did it for the sex. How did you know the sex was going to be good?

Well funny thing, he looks like “sex on feet” 6’3” 250 tan, blonde, buff and has a very sexy voice but the reality was that he was quite “routine” in the bedroom. I’m used to more adventuresome activity but he was too sexually anxious to be up to it. I think I made him sort of nervous actually, lol. My H really spoils me in this area, I must have been insane to think I could match that in the first place.

So that’s me Stanley, good girl gone temporarily bad but I’m okay now, we’re ok.

Mryta, thank you so much for your sweet, sweet post, I am feeling under the weather today and you made me smile. If I can be of help to either of you in any way, it would be a privilege. KB

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: knewbetter ]</small>

Minor threadjacking moment.

Knewbetter,

Though you might like to know that when I clicked on that joe carver link, it took me to some guy's resume. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Arrgh, I left the "dr" part out of the link!! Thanks for the heads up, TMCM..all better now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KNEWBETTER- Thanks again for your posts.
How long ago was your first,your last DD? The OM has not tried getting in touch with you again?
He really sounds like a crazy person. Where did you meet him?
Really good that you are so stable and happy now. Your husband sounds extremely understanding, you are very lucky indeed.
I am also very lucky to have my husband, I am so disgusted that I did not realize it before all this mess happened. But, like my grandmother used to say, from something bad, there is always something good. Spanish saying "no hay mal que por bien no venga". Could not translate it exactly! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Again thanks for your excellent input to our situation. You are great!

Take care

MYRTA

KB:

Ah yes, the hidden dangers of an affair. The 1st thing that crossed my mind after D-day was my personal safety. I knew nothing about the character of the OM and feared he could be plotting to kill me. Lets face it; if I was out of the way the OM would be all set. My wife thought I was crazy, but she knew the OM-- I didn’t. I certainly feared for my safety and wrote a document that is kept in my office and is to be opened if I have an accident. In that document the OM is named as the prime suspect. I believe my wife told the OM about this.

Initially Myrta thought OM was a man of integrity, however things are slowly coming out and it appears OM may not be an honorable man. Perhaps Myrta can tell you about the character of the OM. Everything I know is from what she tells me.

OM knows my daughters and has befriended my in-laws as well as my sisters in law. He presents himself as a nice friendly man who wants to help and please everybody. He even IMd one of my daughters and calls Myrta’s mom to check on her. I find this VERY CREEPY---------- and I feel that perhaps OM wants to out Myrta. After D-day he wanted Myrta to leave me and to marry him.

I don’t know much about this, but perhaps Myrta can tell you.

In any event I hope you realize how incredibly dangerous affairs can be. Heck, they can be deadly if one of the spouses catches HIV.

In any event I am confident Myrta finally has gone into permanent NC and hopefully OM will not contact my daughter or in-laws.

But, lets not forget that folks in affairs do wacky things and even commit murder------ it happens. I am glad you came out of your ordeal in one piece. Did you report the rape to the police?