That is the question.

My H bought me 50 yard line vikings bench lower level tickets for my birthday. I love football, very excited to go.

Get an e-mail about a week ago that my neice is being baptised. Did not put 2 and 2 together until today that they are on the same day and same time.

What do I do? Once and a life time seats given to me by H, or a one and only baptism for my neice??

I want to go to the game, would rather go to the game. However is it okay to go?

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

Yes it's OK. You are an adult...you can make wahtever choice you want.

But this neice is your sister's kid, right? That seems pretty important.

well since it's NOT the STEELERS...you go to the baptism...

I actually vote the game...
do you think your sibling would understand...

how much stress would it cause...

If my sister/s couldn't make a baptism....cause of such a 'important' investment/plan....

i'd be OK with it....

it's not like the baby will care if your are there or not...

ark

it is my brothers daughter, his third kid. We barely talk. I doubt they would miss me if we did not show up. I will still send a gift.

I LOVE FOOTBALL!! Have I mentioned that? I have been looking forward to this game, being so close to the action and actually being able to smell the sweat!!! I dress my kids in purple every game day. I am so into it. I really do not want to miss it.

Granted I have gone to 2 preseason games (not the same) and was on the visitors side. I have always wanted these kind of tickets, H went to great lengths to get these for me and was very proud of himself. It would hurt his feelings if I chose the baptism over the game. However- my family is another story <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

KMEJ,

There seems to be a lot of bad blood in your family. Your H hates your mom...and you apparently have significant issues with your brother and sister.

What's the root of all of this, if I might ask? And wouldn't a baptism be a good opportunity to begin mending some fences?

they all hate my H and I do not want to hear it.

There I said it.

AndrewA makes a good point for the baptism.

I know that I wasn't aware of how estranged/noncommunicative my siblings and I were til I was in the middle of marital trouble.

I realized that I needed to work on my intimacy skills in general and am reaching out to my sibs.

KEMJ

Go to the football game. Is your husband going with you? I sure hope so. I might have missed that part. If he is, then this is really a no brainer. This is an opportunity for you and your husband to share time together, in an environment that just simply associates itself to 'having fun together'.

From a faith/religious standpoint, if anyone in marital trouble were trying to make this decision... I believe God would much rather have you spend time with your husband than watch the baptism. Alot of it depends upon your faith...but, to me, the baptism is just a public profession of your faith. It is actually irrelevant in the stance of going to Heaven. However, you going to that game, as trivial as it may sound, could be a pivotal point in your marriage...who knows?

And, by the way, good for you. Stand up for your husband amongst your peers. I don't say blindly defend him, but, you can call them to the carpet, and say look...knock that crap talk off. That is my husband.

I can tell you this, if I bought my wife tickets like that..and she didn't go, because of a reason like you describe...well, it would make for an upset and very very unhappy husband. It would almost be a deal breaker...I know that for me, I know it sounds shallow...but to put alot of effort into a present like that, and have it 'tossed' aside, well...it would make matters not healthy.

It's ok to choose your marriage as the priority here, and don't fall victim to people telling you that you are just choosing a football game over a baptism. That is a very narrow minded way of looking at it, and you, well...unfotunately, have a much broader view of the big picture. Let them worry about their own kids and their spiritual lives, your plate is quite full as it is...besides, having some fun will be healthy for you, you need it.

Hang in there.

Yes H is going with me. We have been looking forward to this for months now. We rarely get out together (with out children). I would say maybe once a month, and that is being generous.

Thank you Rookev.

Yes my H would be very upset. He took me to a twins game on my actual birthday, he knows I am not much into baseball, nothing like football. He is however. He took me out shopping, minature golfing (I love this, he does not) and then we went out to dinner, and that is when he told me he was in the process of hunting down tickets for a football game. I was thrilled <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I can hardly wait to go with him.

I already sent an e-mail to my SIL that I was sorry but I will be unable to attend due to prior conflicting plans. Now I will sit and wait for the Sh*t to hit the fan. Oh and it will.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ok.

This is a great thread, it's so encouraging. I think you should/could show your husband it, maybe just leave it open on the desktop.

First of all, I see you choosing your husband over family. That has to be encouraging for him, and for you too!

Secondly, he bought the tickets for both of you. Time together on a date...very good.

Third. He took you to a baseball game with him. Although baseball doesn't turn your crank (how could it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) you went, and had a good time. More importantly, he was involving you in something that interests him. Show an interst in it also. Read a book or two...watch some games with him, dare I say maybe even Sports Center! Learn when to turn to him and ask if a squeeze play might be appropriate here, or if a sacrifice fly is the smart call as the coach... you don't have to go overboard, but, make it so he can have a conversation with you about baseball. You don't have to become one of the guys, but, it doesn't hurt if he can see you interested in the things that excite him.

Finally, the 'backlash'. Put it where it belongs, in the dumpster. I could get all up into the whole baptism conversation, but, it's pointless...you are 'more right' by going to the football game. Don't even think twice about it.

Again Thanks RookKev~
Actually you know a lot about baseball for someone who does not like it!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Last year when the Timberwolves were in the playoffs (basketball- incase you did not know) he bought play off game tickets- his buddies all wanted to go with him, I got to go instead, and I LOVED it. I was hooked, now I am right there next to him when a game is on and he is home. If he is not home, my kids get my attention, we will play P.I.G. outside or something.

You are right about going overboard. I found myself asking questions I knew answers for just to have him talk to me (playing dumb!) H did not like it, he would get annoyed b/c he knew I knew. So I stopped asking unless I really did not know.

Football is definately common ground for us, I know just as much as he does about it. I am super into it, as are our kids. Our 1 year old watches the games with great interest. When ever he sees the football thrown or caught he yells TouchDOWWWWWNNNN. Football season is typically the best season for our family because we spend Sundays together.

However Monday's game was too late for the kids, and would have been hard for then to watch them lose in the end... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am waiting for the backlash, know it will come. However I am okay with my decision. We could sell the tickets, but could not get them again this year. Our Marriage needs the time. We need the time.

Go to the football game and prioritize your marriage!

A few things to weigh:

You have planned this for months and it was a gift. They sent an E-mail a week in advance.

Your family and H do not get along and you said they would hardly miss you anyway. Your H would feel slighted if you skipped the game and you would not enjoy the baptism.

Every couple must make the decision to insulate their relationship and be willing to make unpopular decisions for the good of their relationship. (Gee, I need to get my H to read this!)

In this case, they made last minute plans and you had something long planned already.

I would deliver a very nice gift in advance and write something like this in the card: We are so sorry that we had already made plans months ago for this date but want to let you know that you and the baby are in our prayers. we look forward to spending some time together soon! Love, ...

This does not say where you will be or that the tickets were from your H. Both of these things will give the family something ugly to say about your H.

Have a great time at the game, Ladysing

Who are the Vikings playing?

Your husband wants time together with you. That's great! He appears to want it on his terms only. That's not great!

Go and have a great time and a really, really, really great birthday! But don't let this blind you to the very significant issues that you have in your marriage.

Thanks all of you. Now I do not feel so bad. I really want to go to the game!
I sent an e-mail similar to that Ladysing, and DID NOT say that the plans are a football game.

I am looking forward to this more then any of you know. My H is usually such a gem when it comes to being romantic and giving. He is just not the best in other areas. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I plan on going, showing H that he is important. That is one of his complaints that I put my family before him. If he only knew.

The Vikings are playing the Detroit Lions. Should be a good game.

I agree it is typically on my H's terms when he spends time with me.

Thanks AndrewA. My birthday was back in July, but he had been working on these tickets since before then. The games are always sold out so he had to go in search on a season ticket holder that would not mind giving up a game. He paid dearly for these tickets.... To me it is so worth it. A day with my h doing something that we both love.

Wait a minute...

I thought that one of hte problems here is that your husband ISN'T romantic or giving. Didn't he tell you to "F-Off" after the failed attempt to go out on a date?

I'm having a very hard time understanding this man.

On the one hand, he gives you "swirlies" and won't get up out of bed to feed his kid a bowl of Cherrios.

On the other hand, he's Don Juan...a paragon of romance and generosity.

yep that is the same man. I am Telling you he is so hard to understand. His moods fluctuates with the weather. He can be so giving and so careing and so romantic (so romantic in fact my BIL gets in trouble for not being the same), but then catch him on a bad day, week, month, not the case. He is exactly both things. That is why it is hard to walk away. He can poor on the charm, and also be a complete @$$hole.

Now do you kind of see why I am so confused?

KMEJ,

I don't mean to offend you, but...you are describing a sociopath.

KMEJ I've often wondered how H came out in the www.drjoecarver.com article about the characteristics of abusers in your own view. How many of the points do you observe he scored on that list?

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: knewbetter ]</small>

ANDREW! ROFLMAO!

I was thinking along the same lines. I think some meds may be in order!

Cymanca, can you write him a 'script please?