Great! I'm glad you are going to work on your PLAN A.


I'm real busy on the weekends.

Try working on focusing only on yourself and how you need to change. That is the mindset that you will need to develop.

Remember he has been captured by an alien. You probably won't convince him of much of anything right now.

Only YOUR BEHAVIOR is what matters and counts right now.

Dying here:

The thing you have going for you is the UNDENIABLE fact that this affair that your WH has will eventually die. They almost always do (99% of the time). You will GET YOUR WH back at least ONCE over the course of all of this. Even if it us by default (the OW leaves him). Read the posts here, this situation has been scripted to the "T". You will get the opportunity to "win" him back and gain his love and committment. You can "change" now so that he sees that you are a woman he does not want to leave. Once again, it may take months, years, BUT your WH WILL COME BACK. There are many many posters here who have tolerated/suffered continued betrayals, false recoveries, financial ruin, STD's, lies, family ostracization, unemployment, other Children, you name it all in the name of "saving the marriage". They have been successful in allowing their husands/wife's to come back and go into "recovery". This can happen. Remember that you will get the chance to win your husband back and show him that he should come back to you and leave the OW. It almost always happens. Good luck.

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:11 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dyinghere:
<strong> I will really keep at the forfront of my brain (whats left of it) that it is MY behaviour that counts so I am going for the oscar and act act act. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, dyinghere this is why I question Plan A "stategies". What are you doing with your real feelings? This kind of "acting" will eat you up inside if yo don't find an outlet and take a "break" from the charade. My support to you is not for "acting" but just to encourage you that your WH affair will die eventually, and you will be given a chance to win him back and he may give you another chance hopefully (if you still want it then).

I ofcourse offer you my wholehearted support in wahtever you do. Best wishes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

PLAN A is not ACTING. It's what you really need to do to become not only a better wife but a better person.

The MB system follows the notion that we helped enable the A to occur. Although we can't take responsibility for our spouses choice to treat us so horrible, we have to take responsibility for helping to create the environment for the A to occur.

Sure you have painful feelings. Don't deny your feelings. Share them with friends, family, your GOD. It's useless to share your feelings with your WH. Also, useless to act irrationally on those feelings.

PLAN A strategies definitely work! My marriage is happier than ever. I believe in PLAN A for life. It was MY PLAN to better myself and my marriage. We've been in RECOVERY for over a year. My FWH was in a longterm A. He felt he was in love with her and told me it was ALL OVER. I refused to give up. I used MB strategies.

<small>[ November 14, 2004, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:12 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Sounds like you are getting the idea. For me Plan A was an act at first. I couldn't believe anyone in their right mind would behave like that when their husband was carrying on an affair.

But gradually it becomes very real, as you change. Now I Plan A everyone, and it works wonders.

What also helped me is staying really busy. I doubled my efforts at my job (and got a nice promotion), rearranged the house, cleaned it sparkling, organized, did the yard, painted, did repairs, detailed the car, exercised, went out with friends, started a property management business, and did volunteer work.

All of the above helped me feel good about myself and let me think about something besides "them".

dyinghere -

I, like you, am dealing with implementing Plan A early in the stages of my WS's EA relationship.

The only advice I will offer at this point is to listen to the wise words you are getting, advice from Melody, Mimi, and the others will go far to help you maintain your sanity and perspective.

Your alien H will drive you crazy if you allow it, Plan A will keep you in reality and help you prepare for success.

Georgia

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:13 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 05:13 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

You mignt need to consult a lawyer about how to get rid of her at your job. I don't think you can continue to work there with her there. Does your H own the practice? Where I live you would be the part owner or how about suing her for ALIENATION OF AFFECTIONS. She's got to go!!!!!

I would recommend that you start a new thread IN CAPS,stating URGENT HELP NEEDED, OW IN OFFICE or something like that. You might get help from some of the MB Veterans. That's what I used to do to call out the troops.