Understandably, sounds like you have unresolved anger towards OW. And it sounds like your H is telling you things so that's a very positive step in recovery.

I would suggest a way to purge your anger is to write the OW a letter stating everything you feel, be as brutal and honest as necessary. Keep adding to it every time you feel the need. Then when you have reached a point when you no longer feel the intense anger, burn it.

One caveat, keep the letter in a safe place so your husband does not run across it, he may mis-understand and think you intend to send it.

Jo

<small>[ November 14, 2004, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Thanks for all the advice. I'm still considering it all. In the end I probably will not confront her, but it is surely something I like tossing around. If anything, I will send her a letter.

Mimi, I'm interested in your comment that I want to talk to her "for the wrong reasons". I'm really searching my soul and am wondering what the wrong reason is? How can talking to her be wrong if it helps me find closure? Also, I agree that not sending the NC letter is a mistake. I'm still working on that one with him. I think it is a good thing to do. I have followed the MB principles for the most part. I did Plan A before I knew what Plan A was. It was instinctive for me. I was into it for 4 1/2 months before I found this site.

Thanks again. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. This site has been a great help to H and me.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Resilient,

Yes, you are right. I do have unresolved anger towards OW. And the letter idea is a good one. And acutally I do have one that I've worked on for months. And H has read it. I guess it probably would be best to burn it. Thanks.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Weaver,

Thanks for your advice. I agree that confrontation might not be a good idea, considering that I am an emotional person. And I get my words all twisted up when I'm nervous or upset. As I said in the other poste, I agree that a letter is probably my best bet to get all those frustrations out.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good discussions on this topic here.

See also On contacting the OP

This is linked in my Guidelines thread (linked below in my sig line) and in Affair Exposure 101

I didn't re-read everything on that older thread, but I bet the conclusions are similar.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by naivegirl:
<strong> Weaver,

Thanks for your advice. I agree that confrontation might not be a good idea, considering that I am an emotional person. And I get my words all twisted up when I'm nervous or upset. As I said in the other poste, I agree that a letter is probably my best bet to get all those frustrations out.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NG thats a good point I didn't make. If I met OM , even now, I'd beat the cr@p out of him.

Not really conducive to recovery. I need to recognise my likely response to meeting OP as you have. Everyone should do the same, sensibly.

Bob,

I have never really posted to you but have read some of your posts. I'm so happy that you and your W are doing so much better.

I actually saw OW one day a couple of months ago. Caught her eye from across the lobby at H's office and gave her the very best "Go to H@#!" look I could muster. And boy did it feel good. So, that said, I think I would like to confront her and simply ask if she has anything to say to me. Of course, I'm also afraid for her to speak to me. I'm afraid I might break down in tears. And boy, I sure don't want to do that.

I guess in my heart, I just want her to say she is sorry (to my face) and ask for my forgiveness. If she can't do this, then I pray that I can just walk away from her. I have gotten several books from the library on forgiveness because I know that I need to forgive her as well as my H - for my own good as well as theirs. It is very hard. I truly don't believe her to be a bad person, just a lonely woman who seems to have given up on finding a good man (who is available). I wish I could find a man to introduce her to - problem is, I couldn't really recommend her now could I? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now, if she does say she is heartfully sorry, I pray I can be the better person and say nice things to her instead of the nasty feelings I have right now.

I know that this is probably not the best idea and like I said earlier I probably won't do it. But I might. And I know that I might get some 2x4s for even talking about it more, but it is how I feel. And I was right about everything else I have felt in my heart. Like reading the emails and asking all the details. Somehow I knew that for me those things would help. And they have. Without the knowledge that I have now, I don't think I could have come to the point I have. It is like I want a movie of the whole affair from start to finish. Then I will be satisfied that I left no stone unturned. I can face things as long as I know the truth.

I will never be the naive girl I once was (and sometimes I really miss her), but I'm still quite naive and have led a very sheltered life up to this point. I just have to be sure to not let myself be that naive again. H will not ever do this again with anyone else (Now I do believe that I must keep him away from her forever), that I know for sure. This was way too painful for all of us, including him.

Thanks for listening.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />