Hopeful -
You seem like you are doing well. You have to realize that there is a good life without your wife. I do think you will be back together, but plan like you won't.

When I first came here, I was a complete disaster. I couldn't eat or sleep or think. I went around like a zombie. It was the worst time in my life. But the folks here came through for me. They lifted me up and cared.

Now I have moved on with my life. I did a lot of things to get through the terrible part. I cleaned the house sparkling, reorganized, painted, exercised, and had lots of projects. I even started my own property management company.

I am now volunteering (after regular job) with the casualties from Fallujah. It has been a real revelation to me. None of the stuff that used to bother me does anymore.

I think some people realize what is important in life, and some don't. I feel blessed to be among those that do.

Hang in there. Stay strong.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> Believer and Pep, thanks for your support. She has left for the night and I don't know where she has gone. I can't help her now. She can only help herself. She is in a jam financially, I suppose because she was counting on OM to help her out. I know I am not gonna help her run her A. So I will just hang out here. My kids are coming home for Thanksgiving and it will be a festive occasion. I am made plans to cook for them. With their help we will have a happy holiday. I am sure of that. I bet she tries to show up. I am so tired of this. Believer, how did you do it for so long? You are truly an amazing person. Your husband is a fool. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">nc, please stick to your guns in your Plan B. I think she is starting to cave and if you give in too soon you may find yourself right back where you were 2 months ago. I would suspect that life is very uncomfortable for her about now, which means she will do everything to get a "nc fix" so she can carry on a while longer. Just don't let her come over for those fixes. Hold out for the brass ring! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hinc:

Is there any chance you could have TG dinner at one of your kids' houses instead of at home. So, if she just "shows up" there won't be anybody there?

Just a suggestion,
-ol' 2long

HINC,

Others have voiced what I felt, she came for Thanksgiving. She hoped you would cave and let her stay and get the fix from Thanksgiving. I am betting OM is having Thanksgiving with his family hence she is there. I truely cannot believe that she called OM in your presence told him it was all over and that she loved him and expected that you would be alright with this.

HINC, you are in love with the illusion of who your W might have been. The reality is you are married to a woman that doesn't think telling another man she loves them in the presence of her H is a problem. The reality is that this is her third affair, and that this one is going on what 6 years?

The reality is that the only way this affair ends is with a huge train wreck and you don't want to be on board for the wreck. Their might be something to work on IF she survives the wreck but I would not bet on it, and you cannot help her except by throwing her off the speeding train which would kill everything anyway.

HINC, until something very fundamental has change in this woman, she is NOT a woman worth yours or anyone elses time. I hate to be so negative, but frankly for a W to come home after being with OM, and then call him and tell him she loves him in front of her H, is really just too much in my book.

You are a stronger man than I, that much is clear, but make sure she is gone until she ends the relationship with OM AND she can talk with you without arguing. If that cannot happen then there are too many LB's for this to have a chance.

You now know you can survive without her. If her goal was to keep the door open in case the OM dumped her, she made a fatal mistake. She needed you dependent on her, feeling you would fail without her, you NEEDING her presence to define your life. She has failed as you are finding out that you are can lead a life without her and IF divorce is the final solution for this, I am guessing you will find that there are women out there that just might take an interest in you.

HINC, stick with plan B and especially during the holidays. The house is no longer hers by virtue of the separation agreement. She has no rights with respect to you or your HOME, it is not her HOME any longer and she needs to accept that. She chose to leave her HOME for another man. She chose to leave her family for another man. And with those choices comes some consequences...she does not have a HOME any longer.

Hang in there HINC.

God Bless,

JL

Ditto every word of JL's post

Pep