Danielle,

I'm very worried. This sounds awful. Your WH sounds like he's gone off the deep end. Has he ever been psychologically evaluated? I sense there is something wrong here or maybe he is having substance abuse issues. And this OW sounds even crazier. I'm very worried about you, Danielle and I'm glad that you had the Cop neighbor with you last night.

I know how hurt you are right now, but I think the best thing that you can do for yourself, your children AND your marriage right now, is go to a solid Plan B. Just like SHMI mentions above, I suspect that the relationship between your WH and his OW is doomed. All they do is talk about you and how YOU make THEIR lives miserable. Bull!!!

Tell your WH that if he wants out so bad, then HE can go file for a divorce. Why should you do it? Put it all in a good plan B letter and then go dark. Meet with an attorney ASAP and get your ducks in a row.

Danielle, I have a feeling that your hurt is preventing you to see how serious this situation is for you. Please, please take care of yourself.

Kati

Well I met with a lawyer today. Big step. It might seem small, but it took a lot of courage. He made me feel powerful to say the least. He wants to put in a petition for custody and support for the children and file a RO against OW. He said that we have a 3-ring circus on our hands and the OW needs to be careful before she jeopardizes her own divorce case. I have another meeting with him early next week to start the process for juvenile court. He even mentioned having it in the papers that my H would pay the cost! That would be nice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He also said that my H's command would be aware of the case and petition and that might make them realize the depth of this issue.

Kati, SHMI, you are both very correct. OW and my WH sit over at her house all hours of the day and night and talk about me, try to change my e-mail passwords, plot against me...etc. Everytime WH and I e-mail about money etc he forwards them to OW and they laugh together. I am the focus of their day. It is a bit sad that they don't have anything better to do, like take care of their kids. There was a week when I didn't call or e-mail him once. I wanted to see if he would make contact, and he didn't.....UNTIL the weekend when OW and WH got into a fight. I said "WHAT about now" and he said "nothing, not you" They are doomed... I think me being involved gives them fuel for their fire though, and helps them build their relationship. She is almost staying with him just so I can't...as like a power trip. She doesn't want to leave him, because she knows he will come home, and then SHE will have lost. She feels like she is WINNING the battle and she has got "my man" and it gives her joy to bring me pain. What she doesn't know is that the "man" she has is not the man I had, and I don't want this new guy! My WH has a rose tattoo with my name, our DS and DD name. OW crosses my name out every morning. Get a life.
Kati, my H is SUPPOSED to be on anti-depressants, but since he can't DRINK while he takes them, he has chosen to drink and stop his meds. Part of the problem right there....
I am going to start working on a Plan B letter. I know that this is what he WANTS though, so I am hesitant to do it. He would love it if I just left him alone and got out of his life...

Danielle

D,

He may think NC is what he wants..but as you have said..you are the fuel for their fire..remove the fuel and what happens?

Either they find an alternate source [and I wouldn't be too upset if heckling me was out of the question..even if it wasn't my first choice of response} or the fire burns out.

Yay for you! You got a lawyer..now usually I'd advise a softer touch..but I think your H needs agressive action to back him off..poor little alpha dog that he is trying to be.

Keep up the good work and definitely have it in the paper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Noodle

Dani,

Your steps are by no means small or inconsquential. You are doing quite well and I am proud of you.

When I realized that I was feeding the A by trying to save my M, I pulled back. The OW in my case was and still is a nut so I needed to do my part to give them less to talk about. Going to plan B was a lifesaver. It got to the point that the next tactic the OW did was to try and get the WS to feel I was threatening her safety. The OW claimed t/b a very private person, yet she send body part pictures of herself over the internet.

When the WS told me that the OW was afraid of me, I laughed.... all 4'10" of me. LOL!!! Then I told him she s/b scared. She needs to look over her shoulder..... you never know what a supposed 'desparate W' will do. I was accused of being desparate, not heroic. Later she tried to get on my good side and well....there was no good side for her to get on. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keep up the good work. You have gotten over a big hump and your personal recovery is in full swing.

take care,
L.