I never faked an orgasm. If my partner would have a problem with that, I simply said that I don't NEED to have an orgasm every time. Some men are like that, too - they enjoy the sex but don't always need the climax.

There was a time when many women never had an orgasm.. now they HAVE to have one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!

To all:

Janet pointed out the fact my wife was so cavalier about her answer should bring some concern. I don't think my wife is in a great mood today anyway due to her time of the month but after she wakes up from her nap, I will try and talk to her and find out what's bugging her.

Prior to her affair, I thought I knew her like a book and better than anyone else in this world. For the last 12 months, it has been quite a task to separate truths from her so many told lies. I wonder if there is anything else she needs to tell me or get out, like the possibility of a PA instead of her stated EA. I don't want to read more into it than is there but I will talk to her later and see if she will talk to me about it. Thanks again for your posts.

TooSoon

I agree with snowbelle and some of the other's here.I never faked one and never would.I would just tell my WH that it wasn't working and to go ahead himself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Of course that only happened maybe 3 times in 20 years that I can recall.

I have wondered though: do OW fake it and make it look so DRAMATIC in bed to keep the Married Man with them and involved?? Is that a trick they play? Hmmm.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong> I never faked one and never would.I would just tell my WH that it wasn't working and to go ahead himself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">lol! Believe me, that wouldn't work in my sitation. It ain't over until the fat lady sings around here! [I am not really fat, but you get the point! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] He would feel he was not "up to it" otherwise and would take it very personally. So, that is why in my case, it was just best to fake it and keep it to myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I view it sort of like my mother's gravy. It is just awful, but there would never be a reason to tell her this. That would be using honesty as a baseball bat with no purpose.

I tried to pin my wife down to a reason why she faked an orgasm and she said she was on the verge of an orgasm and she thought she could bring it on herself by acting like she was having one. She said that has worked for her in the past. Is this a possibility or is her reasoning less than credible or weak?

I asked her why she told me the way she did the next morning and she said I was acting cocky because I said I really enjoyed our sex the night before. I told her she really bursted my bubble with her comment and she then said she was only being truthful. Now she is accusing me of starting a fight because I am questioning her comments and reasoning. Unfortunately, she is not in the best of moods right now anyway and asking these questions to her now is fruitless.

Any woman input would be helpful. Thanks.

TooSoon

Mel,

It just goes to show how wonderful a wife I was. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I actually had some times where it was all about the WH, not me.I gave of myself to him so he could just think about having fun and I wanted to please him .I considered myself very fortunate when some women don't ever experience an O or have a hard time getting there.We rarely had a problem.Usually it was mental on my part.Sick kids,tired,etc.

Too Soon,

I have thought about why your WW would say what she did.First of all,it wasn't helpful or caring.She was,I think,trying to hurt you in a way.Maybe she feels that if you were feeling TOO good about sex in her eyes,since she is or may still be struggling with you and the thoughts of OM,she doesn't want you to forget that she isn't in the best place yet.Does that make sense?

In other words,I sometimes think that women want their mates to know that they are not happy or hurting and they express that by taking away YOUR happiness so you can feel down too,along with them.Of course,instead of making someone else feel poorly too,a person should be open about their feelings and not use subterfuge.I think this is HER issue.Well,that's my first thought anyway.Not sure if it flies.I will think more about it.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have thought about why your WW would say what she did.First of all,it wasn't helpful or caring.She was,I think,trying to hurt you in a way.Maybe she feels that if you were feeling TOO good about sex in her eyes,since she is or may still be struggling with you and the thoughts of OM,she doesn't want you to forget that she isn't in the best place yet.Does that make sense? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe she does struggle with the OM still. She has told me that she thinks of him a lot and that the affair didn't run its course, but it ended abrubtly cause no real closure to happen. She did fall in love with him so I guess this is part of withdrawal.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> In other words,I sometimes think that women want their mates to know that they are not happy or hurting and they express that by taking away YOUR happiness so you can feel down too,along with them.Of course,instead of making someone else feel poorly too,a person should be open about their feelings and not use subterfuge.I think this is HER issue.Well,that's my first thought anyway.Not sure if it flies.I will think more about it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Having no past reference to affairs, withdrawal, etc., I think there are lots of things going on within my wife's head. She has her bad days like we all do but I never no when one is related to withdrawal or if it just a normal bad day or two. There is no yelling or anything like that, just a very quiet wife who will only say a few things. I guess I will just let it pass and see if anything else slowly comes out. I asked her if she needed to share more information and she said no, I was over-reacting to a comment that didn't mean anything....she says.

TooSoon

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: TooSoonToBeComfortable ]</small>

Melody:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I view it sort of like my mother's gravy. It is just awful, but there would never be a reason to tell her this. That would be using honesty as a baseball bat with no purpose.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope my wife doesn't think that about me in bed?!?!

TooSoon

What does "fake" mean? If I am pretending to more enthusiasm than I actually feel -- is that "faking"? If we go out to dinner and I pretend more enthusiasm than I feel -- is that "faking," too? Then isn't "faking" part of life -- every time we try to please another? If my mate approaches me with sexual needs, but no emotional context -- do I refuse him? Or do I cooperate and try to get "into" it? If the latter, am I "faking"?

Men are competitive. I think what your wife said is very possible. The problem is, since this O stuff started twenty or thirty years ago, men have made it a big point of honor that the earth has to move each time you have sex. It is such a drag.

And now women feel they are deprived if the earth doesn't shake for them. It's no longer sharing something -- it's getting off on each other.

Can't people just enjoy sex -- and let what happens happen? Can't women just go along with sex to please their mates -- without it becoming a competitive sports event?

AM has it exactly right! Sex should be enjoyed, and not have to be earthshaking every time. Sheesh, WH used to have romantic sex, quick - get it over with sex, playful sex, angry sex, make up sex, just do it sex, and on and on.

I hate it how so many men's self-esteem is so tied up in their performance.

Not talking about you, too soon. I think the fact that your wife was truthful is a good sign.

From Suzet: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Every woman knows her body and best knows what works for her. So, instead of your W faking orgasms, she can help and guide you and give you ‘tips’ on how you can help her ‘get there’ more easily. Just remember, to get an orgasm is more a concern for men than for woman…and I think this is the reason why women sometimes fake orgasms. They don’t want to disappoint their H’s because they know how important an orgasm is for them. Usually, an orgasm is the most important and exiting part of sex for a man – men NEED to have an orgasm, that’s how God created them. But for woman it’s a bit different. It’s not ALWAYS necessary and important for a woman to get an orgasm EVERY TIME she has sex…. Sometimes a woman is satisfied enough with the ‘unity’ and ‘closeness’ between her and her H during sex. Sometimes a woman enjoys the special bond of intimacy and love during lovemaking MORE than the actual experience of orgasm. To put it in more simple terms: Usually, for men, the end of the road (climax) is the most important and most exiting part of sex. Usually, for women the WHOLE road and the WHOLE experience (foreplay and the build up towards the climax) are more important. I’ve explained this to my H before and he understands he must not be concerned if I don’t have an orgasm every time we have sex. If I do, it makes hubby very happy, but if I don’t, he knows there is always a next time! I think some men unnecessarily take it too personal if the W doesn’t get an orgasm every time they have sex and then they think it's their fault.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife told me this afternoon that her having an orgasm has nothing to do with me, it is within her only. If she is mentally there and I do the right stuff, it helps it along. She has to be right mentally for it to happen. She said I am blowing this way out of proportion anyway. I guess I am still suffering from the fact that I almost lost my FWW to another man.

I have been insecure ever since and this is more ongoing damage that was caused. I hope I can get my self security back in time, but in the mean time, I may remain overly sensitive. Affairs cause lots of damage for all involved.

TooSoon

believer:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> AM has it exactly right! Sex should be enjoyed, and not have to be earthshaking every time. Sheesh, WH used to have romantic sex, quick - get it over with sex, playful sex, angry sex, make up sex, just do it sex, and on and on.

I hate it how so many men's self-esteem is so tied up in their performance.

Not talking about you, too soon. I think the fact that your wife was truthful is a good sign.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought I was doing good sex. I was waiting for her to O before I did. Once I did, it would wear me out. It is not as easy at 53 as you may think. Maybe I am trying to please her too much and she is picking up on that and I am not succeeding in the mean time.

TooSoon

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong> Melody:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I view it sort of like my mother's gravy. It is just awful, but there would never be a reason to tell her this. That would be using honesty as a baseball bat with no purpose.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope my wife doesn't think that about me in bed?!?!

TooSoon </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BAD ANALOGY!!! Shame on me! Ok, let me put it another way. I usually LOVE my mother's gravy but when I have a head cold, I really do not like gravy. But there is no reason to tell my mother that her USUALLY wonderful gravy does not suit me the one time a year I have a cold.

Melody:

On the lighter note, I just read a cartoon on multiple orgasms and it goes like this:

"tony gave me an orgasm this morning and Frank gave me an orgasm this afternoon, and now you are giving me one now. This is what I call a multiple-orgasm day".

LOL

TooSoon

Good one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My FWW said she has not faked all her orgasms in the past, just some, so I am left to figure out which ones. Give me some more wine, I'll be fine in the morning!

TooSoon

Awww Mel, you are getting too diplomatic. I like the down and dirty Mel better.

TooSoon - Watch the wine. I do know that doesn't help. You might try something different - like romancing her without SF, a vibrator, ice cubes.

Believer, you must be reading my mind. I have been thinking about ordering her a vibrator, seriously. Any sugestions to which one?? This is not a setup Q. I want to know which one will rock her world!! I am not giving up without an "O", I mean fight!

TooSoon

Moi? Advice about a vibrator? Hmmm. Seems like multiple speeds might be nice. Is your wife fairly open to trying different things, or would she turn bright red?

Too soon - I just googled "best vibrators" and found out waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy more than I needed to know. Check it out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />