Make sure you do not LB, no matter what he says.

I'm the he <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
She is the alien. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So maybe I should draw up a schedule of responsibilites for between now and when I can talk to the Harley's?

greergan..
what you need to do is lay low and move slowly..
this woman is threatening to take your step children and child and move them far far away...

very bad indeed....

you need to move slowly through these waters standing stable and strong...

be wary of list and chores and duties that will look bizzarre in the eyes of court...if she attempt to remove the children from the state you are in to another....

they can twist things to make YOU look strange and or unreasonable...

do you have legal counsel you need to move towards blocking ther ability to take your child and than think about the stress and pain this can cause the step children...

uggghhh

ark

do you have legal counsel you need to move towards blocking ther ability to take your child and than think about the stress and pain this can cause the step children...

Gotya,

I have councel, but owe them money from the last round. Already filed and dismised D papers.

So limiting contact between now and converstation with SH is good idea?

Is your plan still for her to move into the basment?

I don't know if you read my post to you on Sat about acting "as if" divorced, but that also is no lovebusters. Communication polite but limited. NOT relationship talk.

I do think you should go to Plan B, with separate housing, but I hear you about the children and the finances.

I think it is ok to limit contact/conversation until you can talk with Steve Harley. Is that something you can do? You had posters on Saturday begging you not to text & call her because you already had given her the Plan B letter. You continued to leave her messages & talk to her.

What behaviors do you feel capable of limiting for yourself?

Can you co-exist with her in the same household without lovebusting until you can get professional help?

If she's coming back tonight, you really need to get a grip on yourself and the behavior that you exhibit.

And, have a plan that you think you can follow, no matter what she says.

Yep, I remember what you said about acting divorced. That has been ringing in my ears for several days.

That is pretty much how I acted last week before she left.

When she is not around I have such a hard time not txting or calling.

My idiotness keeps me thinking that this is the last time she will ignore my needs and that she will finally commit to herself, me and us.

If we are in the same place I can act divorced (go figure), but when she is gone I can't.

If when she gets home she is still unwilling to NCP then I will only discuss with her a schedule for the next couple of weeks in respsect to child welfare and then will not interact with her.

Can you co-exist with her in the same household without lovebusting until you can get professional help?

Only by acting divorced and having a child welfare schedule laid out.

I feel a little evil saying this but I would love to see her face when she calls my name to discipline a child and I don't answer.

Greer, I probably should say acting "as if" divorced isn't a long-term plan, but, it may fill in while you figure out how to make Plan B work with the kids.

And, at least for me, the image of how I wanted to act and speak was more clear. And I understood the boundaries I set, that I was a co-parent, but I wasn't acting at that time as my H's best friend/lover/companion/comforter.

My H always had a place to go live...he lived with a male friend/co-worker off & on for more than a year.

Gotchya,

I am going to see what happens when she gets home. She sounds pretty resigned to our marriage being over. But sounds a little upbeat at the same time. Strange.

Either way, I am finally going to call SH. Should have done that instead of getting inked.

What is a view of how co-parenting could work in house?

Is it a good idea to have a schedule?

damn joe

She is already lying about stuff and she is not even home yet.

About an hour away now. Any suggestions on co-parenting while "acting" divorced?

Greer, I think a schedule might work. Each parent responsible for the kids/dinner. Since you have one car, you won't necessarily want to send the other one out of the house, the parent with the kids should have the vehicle.

Is your house big enough or arranged that both of you can have your own "zones"?

I know we were not able to avoid interaction and well, I can't say a whole lot more without diving into negativity and I've already given you my opinion on the level of difficulty. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

How do you envision this situation working when you think about it?

The other thing...as much as you can, avoid making the kids uncomfortable or a witness to strife.

Tall order, I know.

greer---how is she supposed to respect no contact when you yourself cant????

we teach others how to treat us---your telling her it is ok...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nikko:
<strong> greer---how is she supposed to respect no contact when you yourself cant????

we teach others how to treat us---your telling her it is ok... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know nikko, I Know it is time to take the stand.

Hi GG,

just wanted to say you sound like you know what you need to do. I'm sure you can do it for your D's sake. She needs you to be strong.

Could she possibly stay with her parents for a while?

After tonight and this weekend I don't care where she stays.

My marriage is over as far as I am concerned.

My daughter will one day know that I did everything reasonable to keep our family under the same roof.

She will know that her father is a hero and that her mother was unwilling to have a hero as her husband.

I am taking my leave of MB and hope and pain for a while.

Thanks to all that have invested their energies in to my life.

Does this mean you are going to Plan B and lay low for a while?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Does this mean you are going to Plan B and lay low for a while? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That actually meant that I was going into plan i-dont-give-a... AKA plan smash-wedding-ring

I tell ya I think that got her attention.

As it turns out EL and FIL talked. EL confided her infatuation and gut feeling that nothing could ever happen with OM...FIL's answer "A women's intuition is usually correct".

We had a good, all be it short, very emotional conversation this afternoon.

It seems that EL's guilt pushes her further away from me. She is embarassed. She has no idea why I would still want to be with her. How can she just shuffle thoughts of OM aside...Can we really make it after all she has done to me...

Maybe it was the small thoughts book and the 45 years early 50th anny card I got for her yesterday?

I am sure it was not the fact that I stupidly started the 4 hour drive to track OM down, or the fact that I smashed my wedding ring.

I am going to ask her about a joing SH session tonight and see where things go.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greergan:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Does this mean you are going to Plan B and lay low for a while? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That actually meant that I was going into plan i-dont-give-a... AKA plan smash-wedding-ring

I tell ya I think that got her attention.
...
I am going to ask her about a joing SH session tonight and see where things go. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is one BIG reason to do Plan B before a divorce.
It removes you from everything and lets you settle into what you want.

After doing Plan B (properly), you can divorce much easier, simply because you no longer wish to be married to her.
Then if there are "second thoughts" by the ws, it won't matter to the Plan B'r.

Rush everything to get it over with because your mad/pissed/sad, etc. & you may not be doing what you "really" think you want or can handle.

Had you really been in "plan i-dont-give-a...", then you would not consider calling Steve.
I'm not trying to talk you out of it. In fact, exactly the opposite. I think you should do call Steve.

Now, when the wifey gets pissed off again in a few days (and she will), take a deep breath and don't do anything. Sit on it for a few days and cool off.

<small>[ March 22, 2005, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Sit on it for a few days and cool off.

I hear ya Chris. Thanks for sticking in here with me last couple of days.

I know I should sit on it, it has just gotten so hard. I should have been prepared instead of knee jerking. I was not now I have paid for it with the 1 object that means the most to me.

No more R discussions after today. She did open up for a little while but has retreated again. We are both doing the push, pull dance today.

I tried to be as dark as possible today, got accused of being the same ole sulker. Felt like it was LBing instead of what I intended.

I am sure this is a perspective, just have not felt the proper perspective yet but I know I will.

SH, must call.