Hi Jenny,

Good to hear back from you. Yes - I finally figured out I need to take control over what i can take control over -- and it did make me feel much better. I still have my moments, of course but I've been widening my support system and focusing on getting myself where i need to be.

Keeping him in the freezer!!! Who knows what his reation will be -- he'll have quite a surprise when he finally gets home tomorrow - house is clean, i've started packing and the listing papers from the realtor are on the table waiting for his signature... times are changing and this is the only way he'll jolt into reality - if at all - at this point, i'm highly doubting that though!

Keep praying for me! Those help immensely!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stillprocessing:
<strong>You say tough love is applicable to people with other problems other than addiction to OW... what type of problems? I think my WH fits in to that category -- he's got underlying issues that have caused this behavior (multiple affairs, etc..) had an alcoholic, abusive father growing up, has definite esteem/ego issues... is that the type of stuff you mean?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope, not "emotional bagages" however thosehas to be dealt with at the same time working on M (in recovery under IC/MC) or even before BS should take WS back!.

No plan A/B for Substance abuser WS. Tough love is the answer. I would add that BS should never take this type of WS back (e.g. working on M) unless they kick the habit.

I suggest you to stay in course w/ plan B, make sure you gave him the plan B letter and make sure it is "very dark". If he ever wants to work on M, make sure you have him work with IC close those issues as part of the ammends.

-rh-

Hi Still,

I'm praying, I'm praying. I was going to post one but it feels too personal to post ... Just know that you are being raised up in prayer!

I did find two things on-line that I wanted to share with you.

One is a prayer for discernment. Not sure your denomination, I'm guessing Christian. If you're not, I apologize for the assumption. If you are, this is one that you can pray, to help guide you in your decisions.

O Lord
I do not know what to ask you.
You alone know my real needs,
and you love me more
than I even know how to love.
Enable me to discern my true needs
which are hidden from me.
I ask for neither cross nor consolation;
I wait in patience for you.
My heart is open to you.
For your great mercy's sake,
come to me and help me.
Put your mark on me and heal me,
cast me down and raise me up.
Silently I adore your holy will
and your inscrutable ways.
I offer myself in sacrifice to you
and put all my trust in you.
I desire only to do your will.
Teach me how to pray
and pray in me, yourself.

--Vasily Drosdov Philaret, c. 1780 - 1867

The next one is a poem. There is a line in it that I want you to take to heart.

I have a mission...
I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
God has not created me for naught... Therefore I will trust him.
Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away.
God does nothing in vain.
He knows what he is about.
-- J. H. Newman

Okay, I want you to take more than one line to heart. But, specifically I wanted you to see the phrase "I can never be thrown away."

Hugs and prayers,
Jenny

Thank you Jenny - you got me all teared up!! I will be printing that post out and keeping it handy. Yes - rough roads ahead but I can only go onward and upward from here!