Ok, I just read you responses and wanted to clarify my situation a bit more. This will be my last post (for a while anyway, I'll touch on that in a moment).

My M took a turn for the absoulte worst on Sunday night/Monday morning. I reached the end of my rope and can no longer take it. Each time my WW breaks the NC it breeds more and more anger inside of me. I decided that if she can't put OM out of our lives for good, then I can't be married to her. I cannot go on living the way we have been as it is just too hurtful and stressful. I decided to file for D (signed papers yesterday) to start the process rolling. I still want to save my M, but I feel my WW doesn't want to. If she will put OM out of our lives and commit to me I will call off the divorce, but only if she can kep NC and start being an open book with me. If she told me today she was going to do just that I will still let the wheels of justice roll toward ending this M until I see that she is truly commited to me and our family. That will take months, not just days or weeks.

To answer some of your questions:
You're right, D is costly and most likely more costly than me finding an apartment to live in for a while, but for me mentally/emotionally I felt I couldn't do a plan B since I feel it would only feed the A. I would go absolutley crazy wondering if OM is at MY house, in MY bed, with MY wife and MY kids in the house. I just knew that I could no longer live the way we have been living.

I just don't see an in home plan B working.

Me posting on this board is a major LB for her and I am giving this up, in the meantime to not LB.

Things have been cordial (for the most part) around here. We are still hugging/kissing and sleeping in the same bed. We still plan on going to MC. Next appointment is this coming Mon. We then have appts scheduled weekly for the next 4 weeks.

I know that the holidays are going to be brutal on me. I have cried more in the last 4 days than I have my entire life. I can be fine one moment and the next racing to the bedroom so my kids don't see me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Everytime I think of my first Christmas and New Years without my wife it just about kills me. Our first New Years together as a married couple was spent unpacking boxes in our new apartment. We were literally starting our lives together as the new year rolled in. Who'd a thought that 10 New Years later we (most likely) won't even be spending it together.

I still love my wife and cling to a hope we can straighten this out, but unlike this time last week were I was 95% sure we would fix this, I am now about 5% chance we can overcome everything.

I hope that clears up some of the questions you all had. Again, thanks for the support over the past months, but I will no longer be posting as long as I feel my wife and I have some chance at reconciliation as I do not want to love bust if I can avoid it.

MIsn'tF
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

MIF,

You will find (in your own time) that the things you fear the most are gonna happen whether you D, move to plan B or not. Your W is gonna find another items for you to give up until you are a broken man because that is what WS' do. Part of their anatomy (alienlike and all).

So you decide how much you will allow her WS attitude to control your decisions. You can allow the W side of her to influence you but if you let the WS also control you, you are not giving her any reason to stop.

Will plan B push her to the OM? Probably. But no more than it already is. There in lies a unbased fear that the WS' plays on the BS. You think it w/b worse. In reality plan B gives a relief for most like you'd never know until you try it. It allows time for the BS to heal as he/she should. It also allows the WS to cease to exist and the W to come back home.

IMHO, person's in your position need MB more than ever. Most WS will tell the BS not to post here. We are supportive of M's and anti A's. What do you expect them to say?

Mine tried to make me feel guilty about posting here. With the OW, he accused me of not spending time with out son (while he was running around with an OW noose around his neck and his pants kept falling down all over town - they went to motel6's).

I let him know that MB was my personal support. he was welcome to visit but leave me alone. If he choose NOT to support us, then I needed to get support from a valuable source and MB was it for me. I had other support avenues and used them also. He shut up after that.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> MIF,

You will find (in your own time) that the things you fear the most are gonna happen whether you D, move to plan B or not. Your W is gonna find another items for you to give up until you are a broken man because that is what WS' do. Part of their anatomy (alienlike and all).

So you decide how much you will allow her WS attitude to control your decisions. You can allow the W side of her to influence you but if you let the WS also control you, you are not giving her any reason to stop.

Will plan B push her to the OM? Probably. But no more than it already is. There in lies a unbased fear that the WS' plays on the BS. You think it w/b worse. In reality plan B gives a relief for most like you'd never know until you try it. It allows time for the BS to heal as he/she should. It also allows the WS to cease to exist and the W to come back home.

IMHO, person's in your position need MB more than ever. Most WS will tell the BS not to post here. We are supportive of M's and anti A's. What do you expect them to say?

Mine tried to make me feel guilty about posting here. With the OW, he accused me of not spending time with out son (while he was running around with an OW noose around his neck and his pants kept falling down all over town - they went to motel6's).

I let him know that MB was my personal support. he was welcome to visit but leave me alone. If he choose NOT to support us, then I needed to get support from a valuable source and MB was it for me. I had other support avenues and used them also. He shut up after that.

JMHO,
L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">UYYY Veyyyy....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

THis is so sad a situation. I agree with the above poster. MIF, you do whatever you gotta do, but realize that you are now pretty mcuh "fogged" also. Orchid is so right. What will be the next thing you give up to not "LB"? I feel sorry for you, I really do. I know that you are reading this. I am doing a big ****sigh***** now b/c I fear for your sanity. WHy would you give up all of this support? YOur WW is going to do whatever she is going to do....NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO. I think you are a great guy. YOU are full of integrity and a good man. DOn't let your WAYWARD WIFE Destroy what sembalnce of self esteem and dignity you have left.

I am wishing the best for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me posting on this board is a major LB for her and I am giving this up, in the meantime to not LB.

You're kidding, right?

She continues her affair and you NC the MarriageBuilding board so she doesn't get upset???

Okkkkkkkkkkkk


Things have been cordial (for the most part) around here.

Cordial is nice ... but cordial is less important than honest and respectful REAL communication ....when there is a freakin' elephant in the room , you don't play nice and step over the poop! IMHO.

We are still hugging/kissing and sleeping in the same bed. We still plan on going to MC. Next appointment is this coming Mon. We then have appts scheduled weekly for the next 4 weeks.

Meanwhile, you've filed for a divorce??? You are a master at giving your WW mixed messages !

I would have a difficult time deciphering your intent if I were your W.

Pep

You do not want to LB your WW so you are not going to post on MB anymore, but you are going to file for divorce and this is not going to be an LB for your WW, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> You do not want to LB your WW so you are not going to post on MB anymore, but you are going to file for divorce and this is not going to be an LB for your WW, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS "Fog" at it's finest !