This is an email I got this morning. I guess by me not responding to him it is driving him crazy! What do you think??? He is assuming that I am just sitting around doing nothing and waiting for him. HA....boy will he be shocked!


As with all of my emails, this is written in a constructive effort. Please do not read this on an angry ton. It is not written that way nor were any of my other past emails to you.

please communicate and open up with me at least thru email. You're drowning in all of your worries and the days keep passing yet nothing changes and will never change if you continue this way. Life doesnt have to be this way. You are choosing it to be so. I told you over and over again that I want to help you get back on your feet someway, somehow. You say you dont care to have my help so I guess maybe I should start truly beleiving that you dont. You continue to hate, take everything for granted and ignore my efforts to help. You've put up a huge block and see nothing but negative. It seems that you have even accepted and settled for life to be this way...at least for the time being. It is a shame because you will attract nothing but negative back to you. Instead, try to keep your chin up, your mind clear of all the negative chatter and all the negative core beliefs youve have and created and make positive changes to create positive things. This doesnt seem to make since to you yet. Please try to open your mind up and change your perspectives...not for me but for you. I do not want you to live a bitter life. You will choose to do that. You're the one that chooses to carry such animosity in your heart. I do understand that you feel cheated in life but it is not the end of the world. You have a whole life ahead.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told you over and over again that I want to help you get back on your feet someway, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, tell him he can do this by ensuring that you and your son are able to remain in the house you own and by ensuring that you have utilities to use and a car to drive. That would be a good start!

LL

Hi Tree,

I'd let him squirm; it's working. I'd resend the Plan B letter, along with a comment such as LL suggested. No comments about how you are NOT pining away... let him worry. Then go super-dark.... just my $0.02... Please take care - Dru

Tree its time to pay someone to have him killed for his own good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My suggestion ? Send him a letter through an intermediary :

" I am building a life with what you have left me with. I will hate, like and do what I think is in the best interests of our son and myself.

Your failing to continue to support us financially while you pursue your affair is causing us great difficulty as you must be aware.Restoring such will be more useful to my demeanour and our life than your exhorations that I shoud cheer up.

It appears my lack of jollity upsets you. Thats your choice.

By the way if you intend to f'k off and die in a hole full of sh1t any time soon, please let me know when the tickets go on sale"

...well, everything but the last bit , however satisfying that would be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

All blessings Tree. I don;t say this often to people on these boards but your STBXH is a self absorbed [censored] of the highest order and I honestly think you may JUST be better off without him, specially now you are getting strong.

{{{{{tree}}}}}}

As much fun as it might be to respond as Dru and Bob suggest, just ignore it. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. Do not deny him the opportunity to remain ignorant for as long as he needs for the most enlightenment comes from the darkest hole.

Wo, he's pretty sure of himself, he's living in a fantasy where you are miserable and he is 'happy'. I guess he's got to believe you are miserable so his miserable, shameful existence will seem happy to him in comparison.

Yep, he will be surprised.

I say, no response. If you respnd it will just ignite the emails...you'll get more...and he will know what gets to you.

He is playing a silly game, remove yourself. Think not a second thought of his email...print it off (with all the others, to bring to court), forward to your lawyer if you want, then delete it. You can block his email with a nice form letter that reads something like, "I am no longer receiveing email form this email address, anything sent should be forwarded to .....(then give your lawyer's email addy)."

Just an idea...

Tree, I'm amused, horrified, and perplexed by your H. His mind must be a peculiar thing to inhabit.

Let's see, you are guilty of

drowing in all of your worries,
continuing to hate,
taking everything for granted,
putting up a huge block,
seeing nothing but negative,
carrying animosity in your heart.

And he is guilty of...

nothing.

Fantastic. It's amusing, but a little too creepy to be funny.

"Here, let me punch you." <punch>
"Hey, stop being so negative and bitter." <punch punch>.
"Why are you so hostile toward me?" <punch>
"You're only hurting yourself with all that hatred." <punch punch punch>

Ignore him. He seems to think you're giving him a snotty silent treatment. He's mental, Tree.

GC

In the Plan B letter you told him you want to save the marriage.
You also told him no communication.
If you now communicate with him, why should he believe you want to save the marriage?

Don't respond.

Thanks for the responses.
I am not going to respond. I will wait to see what my lawyer says on Tuesday. After that I will send him an email stating that any further communincation can go through my lawyer.

Bob Pure and graycloud, I love you comments...made me laugh!!!
He is definitely full of himself. I think he wants to control me and is losing it because he can't. Now, he is left with the OW to fullfil his EN and maybe she's not doing that. Hehehehe! I don't want him back so he might as well get used to what he has created!

Thanks for the responses.
I am not going to respond. I will wait to see what my lawyer says on Tuesday. After that I will send him an email stating that any further communincation can go through my lawyer.

Bob Pure and graycloud, I love you comments...made me laugh!!!
He is definitely full of himself. I think he wants to control me and is losing it because he can't. Now, he is left with the OW to fullfil his EN and maybe she's not doing that. Hehehehe! I don't want him back so he might as well get used to what he has created!

Tree,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As much fun as it might be to respond as Dru and Bob suggest, just ignore it. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. Do not deny him the opportunity to remain ignorant for as long as he needs for the most enlightenment comes from the darkest hole </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ditto!!


THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON WE BS's have is silence.

EVERY communication with the WS takes away some of your strength and gives it right back to the WS.

I saw a post the other day that literally blew me away in regards to the simple logic it espoused.I paraphrase "If the BS can not stay with the no contact principle with the WS, HOW can you expect the WS not to contact the OP".


Hopefully someone can chime in and remind me what poster I am quoting. Excellent advice.

Cymanica....
That quote is so true!!!!! I refuse to respond to my WH....I need to make myself happy and by communicating with him I can not do that. I know I want my marriage to be over so I can move on but when I have talked to him in the past it has only brought me more pain. I WILL not allow him to bring me anymore pain. I'm in control of MY life now...not him!

I know I want my marriage to be over so I can move on
So this means you are not in PLan B?
You are simply divorcing him with no input/contact with him?

I thought resending the plan B letter was an 'MB Board Approved' response to contact.... did that change? I DIDNT say all those fun things Bob suggested (although they are really funny)...

NO CONTACT WITH HIM.

I agree and agree and agree.

HE IS LOOKING FOR VALIDATION, A RELEASE OF HIS GUILT. i.e. he's trying to help but YOUR bitterness won't let him.

One extra step...make sure when you're in public, you put on your happy face.

We don't want him to think your bitter, this just feeds his own cause. We want him to think you're prepared to move on if you have to, and have accepted and embraced that idea.

I know the only reason you're speaking to the lawyers is to secure the future of you and your son...that's great...but don't contact him. Can you block his email address ?

That would be excellent.

Tree, I have to say I got a good laugh out of your H's pathetic e-mail. He has become such a spiritual guy since his A, hasn't he? Let's see, "You are choosing" for life to be the way it is. HMMMM, did you choose for him to leave you and your son and have an A?

"I've told you over and over again that I want to help you get on your feet someway, somehow." Does not paying your bills help to get you back on your feet?

OH, I love this part. After he goes on and on about everything wrong you're doing he says, "It is a shame because you will attract nothing but negative back to you. Instead, try to keep your chin us, your mind clear of negative chatter and all the negative core beliefs youve have created and make positive changes to create positive things. This doesnt seem to make since to you yet." Oh wise one, alias Tree's WS, please enlighten us all! Maybe he can have a workshop entitled, "How to find joy and peace as quickly as possible after an A." or "After the A: The gift that keeps on giving." or "How to realize your gratefullness to your exWS for showing you a different path to that wonderful life ahead."

Then he goes on to tell you about all the ways YOU can "open your mind up and change your perspectives." How you can choose not to live with animosity.

What is so hysterical about his e-mail is that everything he is writing is very truthful. He obviously is either in therapy or reading a lot of self-help books. The only thing he is seriously missing here is that he is applying all of this good stuff to you, when it should be directed at him. You Tree, are dealing with reality. YOU have made the choice to (1) try to save your M, (2) deal with the pain of your M ending, and (3) move on with your life. He is somewhere in La La land. Mr. La La is in total denial. "La-La, La-La, La, I had an A. I'm so happy. I'm following my heart. No one will get hurt because I'm so happy and enlightened. We'll all choose to move on and have happy, happy lives. La-La, La-La, La."

What he doesn't at all get is that if positive attracts positive, then he will be in for such a karmic surprise. He is forgetting that all of the negativity that HE CHOSE will come back to him in more ways than he can even imagine. While you (the supposed negative one) will have lived your life positively with love and integrity. You will have honestly dealt with your pain and loss, and will have been there for your son. Mr. La La, when the in-love chemicals in his brain aren't flowing anymore, will have to look at his not very positive little self. He'll get to look at the sleezy OW in the light of reality. Then maybe you can send him back this e-mail so he will know how to think positive, happy thoughts, and keep his chin up.

Wow, his e-mail was maybe one of the best examples of fogbabble I've heard in a long time. The man does need to learn how to use spellcheck. Tree, thanks for sharing this e-mail. It showed me once again just how screwed up people who have As are. CV

the letter is very funny...
very funny..

basically it is screaming...

;please treereich appear to happy and accepting of my foul behavior so that I feel good about myself again...."

wonder how those few seconds between twilight and sleep are for him these days...
probably not so peaceful...

chris's question is a good one though...

ark

TR,

I will give a different viewpoint, so please just consider it and do what is best for your sitch.

IMHO, since he is also talking financial, then that piece s/b addressed. You have no idea if this letter w/b submitted to his lawyer as an attempt to prove you are unfit to have custody. Take the stance that he w/b speaking with a forked tongue and try to manipulate the system as well. Don't assume any benefit on his part until he shows by his word and action that he truly has his family's interest at heart.

Take a look at his e-mail:
As with all of my emails, this is written in a constructive effort. Please do not read this on an angry ton. It is not written that way nor were any of my other past emails to you.

Orchid: Don't respond to this part.

please communicate and open up with me at least thru email. You're drowning in all of your worries and the days keep passing yet nothing changes and will never change if you continue this way. Life doesnt have to be this way. You are choosing it to be so..

Orchid: Do not respond to his assumptions.

I told you over and over again that I want to help you get back on your feet someway, somehow.

Orchid: Respond to this piece via your lawyer.

Suggestion: Dear Lawyer,
I received a note from my estranged husband. Putting all the snide assumptions and innuendos aside, he is now claiming he told his family that he wants to help us get back on our feet. Not sure why we should have ever been off of our feet but I guess by not paying the utilities bills or communicating with his family in a confrontational and agressive manner does have the tendancy to knock the wind out of a young family.

Based on that and other items that I am finding out (most of the time on my own and without his help), I am requesting that you submit a response to let him know that if he truly wishes to help his family back on their feet after knocking them off their feet, to please outline the financial and supportive piece in writing to your office. This will provide the written documentation needed to hopefully put some stability into his statements. It is quite difficult to make plans to move forward with our future if he keeps saying one thing and doing another.

Thank you for your assistance in this delicate matter.

Sincerely,
TR

You say you dont care to have my help so I guess maybe I should start truly beleiving that you dont. You continue to hate, take everything for granted and ignore my efforts to help. You've put up a huge block and see nothing but negative. It seems that you have even accepted and settled for life to be this way...at least for the time being. It is a shame because you will attract nothing but negative back to you. Instead, try to keep your chin up, your mind clear of all the negative chatter and all the negative core beliefs youve have and created and make positive changes to create positive things. This doesnt seem to make since to you yet.

Orchid: Do not respond to this. Your continued plan B stance with lawyer communication will deflect his attempts to make you look bad. What you s/b reading into this letter is when he speaks of negative of you when you know you are not being this way, you need to remove your name or reference and insert his. In the twisted fog way, he is attempting to put his blame and guilt on you. If you allow him to do so, he will continue this waltz all the way up and past the D (emperor's new clothes syndrome).

On the other hand, for the items he is right on the $$ on, you take it to heart.....don't give him the pleasure yet of telling him he is right, your non-response will make him wonder if you got it. Then you make those changes. See inbetween the fog, the H of yours does show up and does tell the truth. Take that piece and even if it hurts, use it to make yourself better and stronger.

That is what I did. In time, I played those words back for the by then Xws and he admitted where his mouth and fingers screwed up and when he spoke the truth. It took a while though.

Please try to open your mind up and change your perspectives...not for me but for you. I do not want you to live a bitter life. You will choose to do that.

Orchid: Here is an example.....for you to keep an open mind is a good thing. Notice he covers himself for YOU to keep an open mind, NOT him. Subtle? A WS dectective can see it right away. LOL!!! He says he does not want you to live a bitter life, but he does not wish you to live a better life. This is a sign that he is still wanting to bring you hurt and pain.....maybe not intentionally from an H standpoint but when the WS in him takes over, that is what he can and will do. He is choosing to reveal himself here.

He is right about your choice. You are making choices and will continue to do so. Then again.....so is he.


You're the one that chooses to carry such animosity in your heart. I do understand that you feel cheated in life but it is not the end of the world. You have a whole life ahead.

Orchid: As a WS, he is carrying the animosity and knows he cheated you and your family. It is not the end of his A world....not yet. The fantasy is that he thinks he is making it that he has his whole life ahead. He couldn't be farther from the truth. The day is coming and it is soon when his A world will crash around him....... The WS will attempt to flee but when his H side comes out he c/b quite angry.

It is sad to see a man with a twisted face fighting an inner demon that can't be linked to drugs or some abstract chemical imbalance but the effect is just as strong.

Yet this is the path that befalls all WS. Where their next steps take them is part we can't predict. But we can prepare for it. Prepare for the worst and protect yourself and your family.

Remember to love your H but not the WS.

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Yes, you are right.....I am divorcing him. I've had enough and am ready to move on. I tired hard to fight for my marriage and he wasn't willing and now I'm done!
I have not spoken to him in 2 months. I don't plan to until I get things together with my lawyer. I have nothing left to say to him. Every time I talk to him it's all my fault and I should just heal and get over it. I don't need to hear anymore of his crap. I'm done!!!! I just want to move on and make a life for me and my son. He chose to lie and leave for the OW...now he can have it!

I'm done!!!!
Then you don't really need to be in Plan B.

And four months of your time is all your 15 year marriage (and your child) is worth?