Thanks everyone for your posts and for making me see a few different perspectives. I know right from wrong but got stuck again and yet I know the only way out is to go no contact. I will consider all ideas over the weekend and given all the support here I know I will gain more strength to do the right thing for everyone involved.. in his life and in mine.
Thanks,
Lmh

Tell your husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your original question is:

"How do I end my addiction to this guy?"

The answer is

Tell your husband !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pep

wow, this hits close to home.

I think my WW had some # of minor EA via IMs and phone before the "real EA/PA....

As I read the last couple of posts it dawns on me that IMs and chat rooms are "gateway drugs" that lead to the affair/"hard-core drugs".

I do have a question for former IM/chat room junkies...are the reasons to justify these types of electronic relationships 100% due to marital unhappiness or is there some level of personal unhappiness that the spouse/marriage could never fill?

Is there excitment missing from your life that due to circumstance can not be taken care of so a "secret" life is started to satisfy the need for excitment?

I know with out a doubt that I own 50% of the unhappiness of my marriage. I am just trying to understand in what issues my 50% can be found. My wife has a very hard time communicating and letting to much out in the open, so I have had a very hard time hearing/understanding her EN in the past. Part of that is certianly my fault for not paying attention even though my ears were hearing something while the other part is that she simply would never admit her EN to me in a staight forward manner.

I am asking because it is still hard for her to be radically open and honest...I am trying to reject the pieces of blame/guilt that I carry that are not mine...if I can shed the crap that I do not own but have taken then maybe I can become more secure earlier in our recovery/rebuilding.

Make any sense?

Thanks to those of you who were able to add an idea or a thought and esp those who gave me a little support and tried to understand. I know this is wrong and I plan to do something about it..I am very sorry for those of you who have been hurt by a cheating spouse.
The main thing is I love my husband and know I can do better. This is my last post..thanks again for all responses.

Lmh

lmh, why your last post??? i hope you re-consider.

geergan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As I read the last couple of posts it dawns on me that IMs and chat rooms are "gateway drugs" that lead to the affair/"hard-core drugs".

I do have a question for former IM/chat room junkies...are the reasons to justify these types of electronic relationships 100% due to marital unhappiness or is there some level of personal unhappiness that the spouse/marriage could never fill?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">first of all yes, just chatting is gateway drugs which can lead to hard-core. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

to answer your question, as one who has been there. the only honest answer i can give you is, personal issues resulted in me being so drawn in.

yes, the marriage was in bad shape but i cannot blame my tendency to get so addicted to that stuff on the marriage, just as i cannot blame the marriage for my decision to cheat. (i wish i could!!! it would be easier to swallow right now) of course the good news for me is, i am finally facing those issues.

HOW a person reacts to a bad marriage is due to that person, not the bad marriage.

really getting that point is key to personal recovery. as JL likes to say, very simple but not easy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning-T2M:

really getting that point is key to personal recovery. as JL likes to say, very simple but not easy. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Every day you make the decision that ~for today~ you choose to keep yourself aboveboard.

Pep