Thanks Kati for the exercise ball idea. I will look into one of those. Or put that on my Christmas list. I still haven't done much shopping yet. I haven't felt in the Christmas mood this year.

I have been sorta depressed today. Just feel BLAH. Probably has a lot to do with my hormones still. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a long time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I long so much for my husband to wrap his arms around me. I want to be held by him so much. But he still sleeps on the couch and pretty much only hugs me when HE wants to. If I try he pushes me away or says stop. I guess this is normal.

Today has been one of those days. Nothing seems to be going right.

I feel like just giving up hope and throwing in the towel. I just don't see my WH ending ALL contact with OW. He seems to care about me more lately. Seems to be doing the little things again that he knows makes me happy. He calls this trying but I don't see trying when there is still someone else in the background.

Sometimes I see so much change in my husband then the next day or so things are back to the same ole thing. Maybe it's just me tonight. When he was on the way home I called his cell. We got into R talk. I asked him if he is was sure he didn't want to try. He said he was sure. That he thinks us separating will be for the best for everyone. I don't see how he can say that but that is how he feels.

I asked him why he wanted to be single again so bad. He said because in our marriage he feels trapped. That it's not going anywhere and he just isn't happy. The only reason he feels trapped is the fact that he cannot do what he wants with OW and be ok with it in his head. I don't think there is really anything I can do to make things different for him. His friend keeps telling me how wonderful I am. That he can't believe my husband would be willing to just leave me when I didn't do anything and I treat him good.

I don't understand a lot of things. But I do know I saw good changes in my husband. Even though he would deny it till he is blue in the face. Sometimes I think he pulls back because he really isn't sure what he wants to do and doesn't want to give me false hope. He doesn't want me to have any hope at all actually. Maybe until he is sure of what he really wants.

I have been doing really wll with the whole situation. Hardly any LB's, trying to meet some EN and most importantly trying to work on ME.

SML,

I havent read this whole post so if I ask something that has been addressed I am sorry.


" The only reason he feels trapped is the fact that he cannot do what he wants with OW and be ok with it in his head. "

Is this what he has said? Are you 100% sure he wasn feeling this before the A started?

" But I do know I saw good changes in my husband. Even though he would deny it till he is blue in the face."

Of course he will. He is saying he wants a D. He is still in a fog.

" Sometimes I think he pulls back because he really isn't sure what he wants to do and doesn't want to give me false hope. He doesn't want me to have any hope at all actually. Maybe until he is sure of what he really wants. "

Would you rather he lie to you at this point in time? Atleast he isnt trying to have both. He truly is confused right now. And now to justify his actions he has to keep his focus on the bad aspects of the mariage.

You say you have seen positive changes. Are they something you could focus on?

I can honestly tell you that the best thing for the recovery of my W and I was living apart.