Hey mister! What has been going on this weekend with you? I hope I didn't freak you out with my last post. Those are the things I learned from my experience. Everyone has a different definition of what M means to them ~ none is right or wrong.

Many people think my idea of M is silly. My notion of loving someone with expectation of nothing in return some view as unrealistic, not sustainable over long periods of time. And they may very well be right.

I hope my post didn't make you feel poorly in any way.

Spidey

Freak me out? No way, Spidey. I thought "them's were powerful wurds!" and started to post a couple times, more than anything just to tell you that, and of course say "thanks."

And you didn't make me feel poorly in any way -- I did a good enough job doing that to myself this weekend... You made me feel better, just knowing someone cared <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I've been pondering, processing, planning... analyzing, reading... and sulking.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Many people think my idea of M is silly. My notion of loving someone with expectation of nothing in return some view as unrealistic, not sustainable over long periods of time. And they may very well be right.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree it's possible to love someone from whom you get nothing in return. Lots of cases here on MB, obviously.
But I don't think that's a conscious choice. Other than "special circumstances" -- such as recovering from an A -- do you really EXPECT nothing in return, over an extended period of time? That's not healthy, is it?

Timely subject, because part of my thought process this weekend continued to be: over the course of our M, what did I "get" from my WW in return for all the love I gave her (or at least FELT like I was giving her -- apparently it wasn't enough, so...)??

That question, in a roundabout way, takes me to "internalizing the rejection," which I'll get to shortly.... after I get some work done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway...

In "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" (Susan Anderson), she describes five stages:

Shattering
Withdrawal
Internalizing the Rejection (ie. it's my fault this happened)
Rage
Lifting

I admit I have not read the entire book (think I made it halfway thru the "Internalizing the Rejection" part), but she says that these stages can be experienced in different sequences, they often overlap, and it's not uncommon to "revisit" one or more stages on the way to true healing.

Not sure what my point was going to be... guess it's that Plan B is making it difficult for me to get past the "Internalizing" part -- I still spend too much time trying to figure out what/when/how I should've/could've/would've-had-I-known done things differently, so none of this would've happened.


On another note...lots of triggers (for both of us) coming up, and I don't know in which direction they'll push her.
Valentine's Day is a big one -- a couple of cards clearly NOT intended for me were the first piece of tangible evidence I found.
The out-of-town 3-day company event that was the setting for the first PA "episode" last February --- is again coming up within the next 2 or 3 weeks (not sure when, exactly).
Then there's the March vacation week in Florida. Wish I knew what week it was...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I definately think that your wife's pride and ego is what keeps her from coming back.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If that's true, is Plan B still the best approach? Another question, just so I'm prepared IF it happens: IF she calls, I should ask if she's ended contact with OM, and when she says "No," I say goodbye and hang up -- correct?

tqt, I am so sorry you are doing the internalizing blame thingie. Although I have never read that book, I agree with the steps and the concept of them coming in no particular order, overlapping, and revisiting. I have actually been doing a fair amount of all of that stuff lately, myself. Which just shows you how true it really is. It gets easier, and the lows aren't as low, but . . . infidelity just SUCKS!

Triggers triggers. If I could honestly remember any of last January, I might be having triggers, myself. BUT, it was before I found anti-D's, anti-A's, and my IC. So it is just a blur of pure pain and confusion and horribleness. December was rough for me, as that is when they began their PA, so I understand where you are at, to some extent.

In 5 days I will have been here at MB for 1 year. I found this place on February 4. Amazing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I still spend too much time trying to figure out what/when/how I should've/could've/would've-had-I-known done things differently, so none of this would've happened. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been doing this myself lately. I don't know if it is worse or better to know the OP. Being that OW was the person I considered to be my best friend, I often wonder what kind of horrible person I must be to be betrayed by H and her, at the same time. How is it that my friendship, my person, didn't deserve any respect or caring?

I know that the A really didn't have anything to do with me, though. It feels personal, but I rarely entered into either of their minds, in all reality. And that is how it is with your WW, IMO. The whole thing really doesn't have a whole lot to do with you.

tqt, yes, I do think Plan B is what could bring your WW around. Because, she has to find the motivation within herself to seek out help and resolution of her own issues. It is my very humble opinion, that the best way to enable a WS to do this is to give them a taste of the ~ You don't know what you've got until it is gone ~ scenario.

Plan B allows this to happen, while still leaving the door to the M open.

About her contacting you . . . you have kinda broken your own Plan B recently, wanting to ask her about Plan D. Therefore, if she contacts you, I would tell her that you are interested in talking to her if she is calling to 1)begin the process of reconcilliation, or 2)if she has more information/thoughts on Plan D.

Perhaps just reiterate to her that you are ending contact because it hurts you. You contacted her regarding D because you wanted to know. As she still seems undecided, you are going back to your NC Plan B, and ask her to respect your wishes.

This is how my FWH finally realized what was happening to what was left of our M. The positive memories flooded back to him, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to explore our R to see if we could make it work. He started getting motivated.

If you WW is allowed to get her EN's met by you, even just a little taste here and there, it prolongs to point where she can miss you and begin to change her thinking.

Does that make sense to you? Plan B is what you need right now, IMO.

Spidey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tqt, I am so sorry you are doing the internalizing blame thingie.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I LOVE it when you put it in such eloquent, sophisticated terms. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have actually been doing a fair amount of all of that stuff lately, myself. Which just shows you how true it really is. It gets easier, and the lows aren't as low, but . . . infidelity just SUCKS!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Spidey... in all seriousness... in your relentless efforts (and success!) in helping so many other people, do you sometimes forget to ask for the help YOU need here on MB? PLEASE remember that you can do both, ok??


(interrupted by a phone call from my sister, who is soooo supportive, and soooo much wishes my WW would drop off the face of the earth)


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In 5 days I will have been here at MB for 1 year. I found this place on February 4. Amazing. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So... are you ok with where you are, a year later, all things considered -- and knowing as much as you do about the recovery process?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't know if it is worse or better to know the OP. Being that OW was the person I considered to be my best friend, I often wonder what kind of horrible person I must be to be betrayed by H and her, at the same time. How is it that my friendship, my person, didn't deserve any respect or caring? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would <guess> that it works a little bit in both ways. Definitely harder for the obvious reasons -- she was your friend... the double whammy of two betrayals. I'm shaking my head as I try to find the right words... my god, that must be so horrific....
Maybe in some convoluted way, a bit "easier" because you know who you're dealing with(?) There are fewer unknowns(?)

Hmmm... I do know that even though I've met the OM several times -- even had a few beers with the SOB a couple times --- for the life of me I CANNOT picture his face since this happened. VERY strange... but I'm thankful for that.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tqt, yes, I do think Plan B is what could bring your WW around. Because, she has to find the motivation within herself to seek out help and resolution of her own issues. It is my very humble opinion, that the best way to enable a WS to do this is to give them a taste of the ~ You don't know what you've got until it is gone ~ scenario.

Plan B allows this to happen, while still leaving the door to the M open. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I understand what you mean, but... there are things bothering me... perhaps just the "Plan B Blues," but maybe more than that. I need to think about it, after some sleep --- keyword is "some."

Thank you Spidey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe in some convoluted way, a bit "easier" because you know who you're dealing with(?) There are fewer unknowns(?) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right. The betrayal felt more personal, more intense (and still does some days), but I did know who/what I was dealing with better. I had much more power with my exposure, and I knew who she really DIDn't want me to tell. Thanks for saying that to me. I really helps.

I actually use these boards a little different than others. Because of the 8 months of MC, my H and I learned how to communicate effectively. Sometimes we have a few false-starts first, but we get there eventually. I kind-of use MB as a guage as to where I am at, and if something is bothering me that needs to be talked about.

After so many years of letting things go, my H and I can both bottle stuff up for a while that bothers us, before we realize it. Then when it comes out, it can be a little ugly. But we are both committed to the process, to our M, and that makes it all possible.

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I have been struggling lately, so I have put out calls to all my friends, and they have all rallied to me. My issues are with the OW right now, not so much H. I actually haven't had issues with her in several months, so I'm doing pretty good. Usually H takes the brundt of their combined actions, simply because he is here, she is not, and I often try and get him to "guess" at why she did things. I guess not often, but occassionally.

I am interested to hear your thoughts on your Plan B concerns. I see it so clearly from my POV, and yet I know you are capable and intelligent, and pretty darn stable. So I do believe you have good reasons for the way you are thinking, and I am interested in hearing them.

I hope you got some sleep last night, and some work done yesterday. I look forward to reading your "thorough" and interesting response!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Spidey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But we are both committed to the process, to our M, and that makes it all possible.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ahhh... The "C" word. Commitment.
Ya know, as far as I'm concerned, if there's genuine commitment on both sides, ANYthing and EVERYthing is possible.

I always thought that's what marriage was supposed to be... but something that --- OOOPS! --- was missing from MY marriage.
I think one's childhood/family experience can have a lot to do with things. Children raised in a "disposable marriage" environment (my WW, for example) -- shouldn't they understand the concept better than anyone else? But...I know it works the other way around.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you so much for thinking of me. I have been struggling lately</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Spidey, please don't EVER be afraid to say to me, or anyone else here --- "I just need some time away from this stuff, so I can concentrate on me for a while." Please, please, please?!?! YOU come first... if you neglect yourself, you reach a point where you're no help to anyone, right?!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am interested to hear your thoughts on your Plan B concerns</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could maintain the same thoughts long enough to write 'em down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I'm all over the map, I guess.

Let me give it some more thought, before I start rambling aimlessly.
(I'll still aimlessly ramble, but that's beside the point.)

Please don't worry about me. I am the poster child for "if you don't take care of yourself, nobody else will." I'm not perfect, but I really do ask for help when I need it.

What I learned from my mother is that marriages are disposable. And when I chose my H, I chose him because I thought he was "safe." He was just so smitten with me, thought I was the greatest thing ever. He and I had the same views (I thought) on loyalty, love, respect, M, commitment, trust, etc. All the biggies.

And he will say, when I get all down about A stuff, "I was all of that for 15 years, and for a short period of time I lost my way and felt a different way ~ are you going to hold that against me for the rest of my life?"

Well, I will remember it for the rest of MY life. I don't think I "hold" it against him, but the entire experience has been incorporated into my overall impression of him, his character, his beliefs. I'm not just going to forget his actions, or cancel them out of my overall experience, just because he is sorry now. Everyone has natural consequences for their actions. Of course, I have been struggling lately, so I am definately seeing everything on the not-so-shiny side.

My H asked me several times to marry him before I said yes. I wanted to be certain it is what I wanted, what I could live with for the rest of my life. I only wanted to be married once. Because of how strong MY views were in that direction, the separation/impending D he kept talking about, was very hard on me. I literally almost flipped to the other side of sanity one night. It was pretty scary.

My H really traumatized me with his actions. And I am still healing from that. While his A was dying its natural death, I thought that was the hardest work I'd ever done, on myself. This relationship work is WAAAAY harder, IMO. That is why I see now how important Plan B can be to saving the M in the long-term. First, it ends the cake-eating, which your WW is very good at. She plays on all the things you know about her, to get you to take care of her and shelter her a bit from her actions.

Second, it gives you time to focus inward, rally the troops, catch your breath, get your head on straight. So you can be ready to move on by yourself, or into the hard work of recovery.

Have you been keeping up with your workouts? Try not to let her actions dictate too much what you do from day to day. IMO, you need a project to focus on and keep busy. Even if you don't want to commit to remodeling the bathroom, perhaps you could clean out the garage? Start researching online a place you might like to purchase, where you might want to move? For me, I kept busy with cleaning and reorganizing. Also shopping and buying smaller clothes for the smaller me when I lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks. THAT was scary, too. Almost passing out in the bookstore with my arms full of A books, books on how to save your M, how to win back your H. How embarassing that would have been! *sigh*

Maybe you could begin hosting a weekly poker party for a group of your friends? Everyone could leave the lid up and not get in trouble! That's fun for boys, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I'm just teasing you.

Spidey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Almost passing out in the bookstore with my arms full of A books, books on how to save your M, how to win back your H. How embarassing that would have been!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That reminds me of all my trips to the bookstore... there I am at the counter buying some book with a title like "So Your Wife Tells You She Hates Your Guts and She's Boinking Another Man" and the guy behind the counter says "Thank you sir, and have a GREAT day!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Or the OTHER bookstore, where I swear it was the SAME girl who, over several months time, sold me all these books, in this order...

"The Idiot's Guide to Harmless Emotional Affairs"
"Full-Blown Sordid Physical Affairs for Dummies"
"Oh [censored]!: When Your Wife Wants to Leave"
"Oops! How to Win Your Wife Back"
"Oh Well! How to Divorce With Style & Finesse"
"How to Find the Perfect New Woman In 10 Minutes or Less"

and EVERY time, the nice girl behind the counter said "Thank you sir, and have a GREAT day!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you been keeping up with your workouts? Try not to let her actions dictate too much what you do from day to day. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Darn right I've been keeping up with my workouts! And you're saying to not let The Blonde at the gym have too much of an impact on what I do there? Gotcha!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even if you don't want to commit to remodeling the bathroom, perhaps you could clean out the garage?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gee, Spidey, you're LOADS of fun. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> When I'm done with the garage, can I do the windows and then clean out the gutters? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I really do have PLENTY to do. Between work and workouts, there isn't a WHOLE bunch of time, and my projects/to-do list will keep me going for a couple months or so. I'm also researching investment property, scheming on a new business idea, trying to decide if I want to get back into the boating thing (will be tough without WW, emotionally-speaking)... signed up for a rock climbing course... and in about 8 weeks I won't have time to do a damn thing except cut grass... ugh.

At this point I'm leaning towards staying where I am -- from what I've seen on the market around here, it makes financial sense to NOT sell the house and move. So maybe --- JUST maybe --- the bathroom project stays on the list.

I have NO problem with the home improvement stuff (even cleaning the garage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), in fact I love doing it. What I'm struggling with is that none of these home improvement projects seem to make much sense anymore. As much as I've always loved doing it, I think a big part of it was that I was doing it for HER, in a way. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

That's the problem --- learning to be single, after so many years. THAT wasn't on my to-do list...

Infidelity Sucks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Gee, Spidey, you're LOADS of fun. When I'm done with the garage, can I do the windows and then clean out the gutters? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You made me burst out laughing when I read this! My dog (old, deaf, and blind) looked around in alarm, wondering if someone had snuck in on us. I DID also suggest a weekly POKER game!!! That's fun. With all the toilet lids in the house up, remember? Sheesh.

Oh, I'm still chuckling. Wow. Rock climbing. Make sure they hook you up into that fall equipment properly. That's all we'd need, is to try long-distance to get you online in your hospital room, so you can continue your MB addiction (with the rest of us).

Yep, still smiling, I sure am.

I know what you mean about the bookstore thing. One night I went with a friend, and the clerk was trying to be a BIT too "interested" in my book selection ~ might have been the night I bought "Torn Assunder." She asked me what it was about, and I said something like, "It was recommended to me to read on a Marriage Building site that I am a member of, to help me understand why my WH left me and his kids for my x-best friend."

Needless to say, I think I gave her too much information. She mumbled something about how I should try and have a nice evening. Sometimes, I just liked to see how people reacted. My girlfriend I went out with asked me at the beginning of March to stop telling everyone. She gave me 2 full months to get it out of my system. I was AMAZED at how many people had similar stories, though. And by me just laying it all out there, so many people (literally, more often than not) told me their stories.

I swear every single teacher at my kids' old school was cheated on! It's a silent epidemic, because so much shame is involved. Especially BS shame. WTH? Why should WE feel bad and shamed by our PARTNER'S poor choices? I'll tell you why I still feel that; because part of myself still blames myself for HIS actions. That is definately something I am going to start thinking about more often.

It was HIS choice to have an A. We could have done MC, he could have done IC, he could have just NOT HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!! But, he didn't choose any of those.

Signing off now, still giggling. You crack me up!

Spidey

Important question:

Being in Plan B, of sorts... should I still feel like I'm in limbo?

And if I do, and I should not... what did I do wrong... what AM I doing wrong?

I feel like I should be moving on... starting my 2nd life... healing... forgetting about her... but at the same time, I don't feel like I can without a Plan D in the works.

What am I not getting?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I swear every single teacher at my kids' old school was cheated on! It's a silent epidemic, because so much shame is involved. Especially BS shame.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My logical mind says... there's gotta be a LOT of people in pain out there. It DOES seem like an epidemic.

And I too feel like I walk around with the declaration "My Wife Left Me For Another Man" plastered all over my body.

I don't think I want to know how long I'll be wearing that outfit.

tqt, I think you are in a very natural place right now. Not where you WANT to be, but nothing too out of the ordinary. I really think you just need to give yourself more . . . time.

You don't HAVE to move on without her right now, you don't HAVE to decide about Plan D right now ~ that is what Plan B is all about!

I wore the "My H left me for my x-best friend" suit for quite a while. In a hurtful way. Then, it got to the point that I saw the silliness of it all. HE left ME for HER??? WTH?! What was this man thinking? Who was this man I thought I knew so well?

And then my brain wrapped around the thought that if this was his "new" self, I was better off on my own. And I was happy to be on my own at that point, unless he made major changes.

I hope someone else comes along soon to help you. I don't think I am doing such a great job. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Do keep posting. Perhaps start a new topic that says "All MB Vets, I Need Help ASAP Please!" or something to that effect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Spidey

tqt..Weird, I was just going to ask you if you had read Susan Anderson's book. I am at the Internalizing Chapter as well.

It makes so much sense about the brain chemistry and how abandonment gets the same things going that initial attraction/illicit love affairs do. The strong desire to be with someone who plays hard to get, except our WS's really don't want to be with us (at least at this point in time), so what do we do? We keep hanging on and persuing.

I also think those horses in your dreams where more in line of how many mares/babes are just waiting to take you for the ride of your life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think I am turning the corner. My WH comes and goes, sometimes on his own, sometimes at my encouragement. Sometimes we have a good time, sometimes he sits around and feels sorry for himself. Most of the time when he isn't around I feel at peace finally. I will give him his space and time, but the minute I see a potential relationship for me arise, I will not NOT persue it because he needs time to figure out where his feelings for me went. I have decided that I am a great catch for someone, and if my WH doesn't want/love me someone else sure will. And I don't worry about the past 17 years of my life. I have a job I enjoy, two great kids, family and friends that love me. Nothing would be any different if those 17 years ended up a wash.

Can you hang out on PLAN D because your WW's pride won't let her move on it? I am giving my WH one more month, and then I am filing. I am sure he will say "do whatever you want" and try to make me feel guilty, but I will tell him that he gave me no choice and that I deserve to have love in my life, he is the one that chose not to give it to me. Don't let her emotional difficulties and refusal to address them drag you down to that same hell hole. All we can do is say " I love you, I am worried, I think you need some help" and then get on with our life. We can not be Codependent to our spouses mental illnesses. My WH has been looking like hell the last few times I have seen him. Not showering daily like he used too, still thin as ever. Has had a sinus infection for 6 weeks that he won't go to the Dr for, is constantly forgetting things.
This is DEPRESSION to the max and I can't do anything about it if he doesn't get help, He does see an IC but she is a Psychlogist, not a Psychiatrist and I am not sure if she is capable of diagnosing a more serious disorder.

I know how you feel about triggers. V Day, my H's Bday is the 11th and the spring vacation thing. I asked my H what his plans were and whether he wanted to be with me and the girls. He dragged his feet for 4 weeks on that one, and each week the airfares went up. Finally I said I need to know because if you do not want to go then I am making my own plans. Finally he said to book the flights and that we could have a good time as a family regardless of what was happening between the two of us. HMMMM...

He still refuses to wear his wedding ring.

Are we f(&^*%$ up in the head or what!!!! Feels good knowing there are others out there just like me.

Spidey...

Exhibit A:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tqt, I think you are in a very natural place right now. Not where you WANT to be, but nothing too out of the ordinary.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exhibit B:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think I am doing such a great job.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How did you get from point A to point B? It's illogical...
But I do understand if you need a breather -- anyone in their right mind would.

I just wrote a big long pathetic rant... and deleted it. I'm tired of whining -- not good for my reputation, either.

So, Plan B continues.

For now...

Hi Homer,

Yep... "Journey from Abandonment..."
Just one of many books that I'll be able to proudly display on my bookshelves for many years to come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also think those horses in your dreams where more in line of how many mares/babes are just waiting to take you for the ride of your life </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I DO like your dream analysis. But... where was the blonde horse?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have decided that I am a great catch for someone, and if my WH doesn't want/love me someone else sure will. And I don't worry about the past 17 years of my life. I have a job I enjoy, two great kids, family and friends that love me. Nothing would be any different if those 17 years ended up a wash.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like a healthy thought process to me -- it really does. I say congratulations to you for getting there. I have moments when I feel the same way, but then the old "I can't believe I've wasted 24 years of my life" and "How did I let this happen?" feelings take over. Not all the time, but certainly enough.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are we f(&^*%$ up in the head or what!!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would have to say... you betcha!
And remember: when they come to take us away, if there's only one padded cell left, I called it first.

Hell...I don't want a padded cell. My heads been bruised and bleeding for several months now, why ruin the fun!!

My D's are getting on too! My WH emailed me to tell me I should be putting the 12yo to bed early and getting her vitamins because she has a busy week ahead of her. My D asks "Why does Dad have anything to say about what I do since he doesn't live with us anymore?" I couldn't agree more, he still treats me like an incompetent Mom, but doesn't stick around when the going gets tough.
My DD12 was just diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, hmmmmm wonder why.


You sure one of those horses wasn't a Palomino?

I had a dream about Brad Pitt, seems I had been blessed with some power that allowed men who had sex with me the ability to see their future, death and all. Guess what Brad Pitt wanted? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Guess what Brad Pitt wanted?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmmm... a REALLY good lawyer?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How did you get from point A to point B? It's illogical... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Illogical, illschmogical! Are you my H's twin, or WHAT??? Good grief. There is no LOGIC when dealing with women, you silly boy. YOU know that much, I'm pretty sure.

Whining? Ruined reputation? No way!

I do feel you are in a natural place. I just don't feel I have any way to comfort you, and that makes me sad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I don't need a break from you, but perhaps you need a break from me.

Glad to see you here again, Homer! I think you are in a good place, as well. It is so weird you talk about your WH not showering. HINY's H, when he was wayward, did the same thing! He was unshowered, unshaven, looked like crap all the time. My FWH looked bad, but he kept up his personal hygene, thank heavens.

I know what you mean so well about seeing the depression in them, and not being able to do anything. It is so strange to me, how this person that would normally be SEEKING out your assistance, their S, is now acting like you are the one trying to destroy them.

I always took my H's and my bond for granted, I guess. When it disappeared for that time, I realized what a tenuous thread that trust and devotion can be. In some ways, it can be so strong and indestructable (as I view my H's and mine NOW), and in other ways it is a delicate balance of trust and honor and commitment, and TRUTH.

I think that is why A's are so destructive, because almost always that "thread" is severed completely, and must be rebuilt, re-woven. And until that is done, you become two individuals deciding if you want to choose back in.

Anyway, I am rambling. I wish I could wave my magic wand (well, first I wish I HAD a magic wand), and make everyone's pain go away. Even if for just one day, so you could remember what it was like.

On a brighter, totally OT note, everyone who has come to see my newly painted rooms has LOVED them. All the orange-naysayers in my life, have had to admit that I pulled it off. One small victory for Spidey! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Guess what Brad Pitt wanted? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*GASP*

YOU had dream sex with BRAD??? How exciting. Kinda like cheating, but without the extreme pain, fog, going insane, becoming a different person, wounding your M, and generally becoming invaded by an alien species!!! I think you've tapped into something, dear.

Spidey