BW,

Concentrate, and Listen to the words that people are speaking here. The panic and the pain and the confusion that you are feeling... it's horrific, it's Pure Hell... but the first (and only!) step out of it is to:

Stop, Catch your breath, and Listen.

It's darn near impossible for anyone to help you unless you do that.

If I'm understanding your situation at ALL, you are FAR from losing your marriage!

These are things I am interested in finding out, too! I have read a lot about all of them, and I suprised myself last weekend with one of them.

First, sleep. Other than when my H is involved in an A, I am a very regular sleeper. Like, you can set your watch by me, and I would be more accurate (hey, your battery could die, then where would you be? Watching my sleep patterns!). Rarely do I get 6 hours or less of sleep. My norm is a solid 8 hours. Sometimes 9! But I can do 6 or 7 for a day or two.

Next, food. First off, let me tell you that I have been struggling with emotional eating lately. Even when I feel full, I will eat more food! I am eating GOOD food, but it still makes my tummy hurt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I'm still not sure why this is going on, but I am journaling and talking about it to figure it out. I know the answer is right under my NOSE, I just must not be ready to see it yet.

ANYway, nuff bout my freaky self. Since I KNOW my body has LOTS and LOTS of CALORIES to call upon this week, I'm not too worried. But, I do try and eat good things, drink plenty of water the day before, and NOT drink any alcohol. Since reading a nutrition book for active people, I have added more carbs into my diet. I still refuse to eat white bread, but I will have whole wheat crackers, bread, and good grains (bulgur, couscous, whole wheat pasta, brown rice) ~ and even a potato now and then! I now realize I have to give my body those carbs, so it can load my liver and muscles up with glucosamine, so my legs have fuel on the longer runs. I also like to eat breakfast and drink coffee and water before a run, so I have been making sure to get up extra early so my body has time to accomodate all this activity.

Lastly, jitters and adrenaline. This is the one that really surprised me last week. I had read of this happening, but really didn't understand the big deal. I thought, "What's the big deal? You run all the time, nothing new or exciting there, so what's the big deal running with more people?"

And this wasn't even race day! This was just my first training! Yet, I couldn't sleep the night before, and I was VERY nervous. I think that is why it was so hard for me, because even though I tried to stay on my pace, I think I went faster than I normally do, throughout the whole (3 mile) run. So, my goal for today is to go SLOW. Do my OWN thing. Which is going to take time to master. Here at home, I run the same route, with music. That keeps my pace, song length, landmarks, etc. I just have to learn how to do it on unfamiliar courses. Because I won't know intimately the route for a race I may be in. I have to do it internally.

Guess what I saw last night? A runner/tracker thingie that has GPS in it! It straps on the wrist, and records (via SATELITE!) my time, distance, speed, maps out my course ~ plus does heartrate and estimates calories and fat burned. Comes with a CD that enables downloading of that information to the PC at home. It can store up to 2 years of training information! I want it BADLY.

H said maybe for Christmas. I might be able to get it sooner, but I have to pay for DS's college trip this summer! *sigh* We decided to send him on a direct flight from here to Denver. Then, the school will gather him and take him to the college. Then the entire family is going on a mini-vacation to go pick him up ~ they also have a family day on the last day, so we can meet his counselors and instructors and get feedback. They even have a show they put on that night.

So, today, I am running 4 miles. I am doing something I have never done before. Oh, yeah, I did get my run in yesterday. I did 28 minutes (according to my psuedo-schedule that I have made up, my goal was to go less than 30 minutes, so I made goal).


Maybe this was her way of saying ILYBINILWY. She may think that after 24 years of M, she should just feel like you are her very close friend. I mean, let's keep in mind her kinda strange sense of how everything ELSE works . . . love, M, friendship, giving/taking, entitlement, etc. She is not the authority I would listen to in a quest to understand M and love, that's for sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


You know, I don't know. I doubt SHE even knows, tqt. I think she purposefully doesn't think about ANY of this too much, because none of it makes sense. She probably can't even justify it away to herself ~ let alone anyone else besides OB (cause he has a vested interest in rationalizing/justifying it, too, because of his own actions with his own family).

I remember when my burning questions were ~ Why? How? I asked those to myself 1000's of times a day. Round and round in circles my brain went. I would feel I was getting somewhere "new" with a thought, then *bam* ended up back where I started.

And even when H came home and I could question him endlessly about Why? and How?, he rarely had any answers for me. I don't think it is possible to apply logical thinking to feelings. Basically, for a long time now, your WWW has allowed herself to be carried along the current of her FEELINGS. She probably doesn't understand that these feelings change and shift all the time. She probably doesn't understand why what she thought was such a great idea a year ago (OB), now doesn't seem like such a good idea at all. It takes a VERY strong and brave person to come forward after that and say, "I screwed up. I don't know what I want. I am determined to figure it out for myself, though."

Your WWW (IMO) will just sit on her lump of tangles and confused feelings, and let her life play out like that. To be honest, I am GLAD she has stayed away from you all this time. Because you would have taken her back if she had asked you to, and I think she would have not been able to let either you or OB go. Then the whole thing would be going on under your nose, and that is WAAAAAY painful.

I can tell you that after time passed, I have been able to let go of the Why? and the How? It is now just "It was." I know this place was hard for me to find, because I am a truth seeker! But, I have come to realize that it just happened, for a multitude of reasons. I was able to recover my M, but I really believe that if I hadn't, I would still be close to where I am right now in my personal recovery. I really feel I turned that crucial corner with myself, about myself, before my H came back home.

Even though part of me felt desperate to have him come home (mostly the Mother part of me, to secure the intact home for my kids that has always been my #1 goal), I really stuck by my boundaries of NC. In the very beginning, my H still wanted to be OW/FBF's friend ("If I am no longer her friend, then she will have lost BOTH her best friends" I remember how fitting I thought that was, because neither of them seemed to care when I lost both MY best friends, but I digress). He was adamant. And I was adamant that the three of us couldn't all fit into our M. We tabled those discussions for MC. Anyway, I see here over and over the eagerness for the BS to get the WS home, "At all costs." And then I see it almost destroy them. It is so painful to watch, and read about.

Well, I'm off to get ready for the training. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I'll be back to tell you how my very farthest run EVER goes!

Spidey

Waiting SOMEwhat patiently... for a Run Report! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Spidey, how'd it go?????????????????

Well, sit back and let me tell you!

It went FABulously! I am sooo impressed with myself, the training schedule, myself, the training schedule! My leg for holding up on me!

OK, so, today I did 4 miles. The most I have ever done (that I know of, H and I are going to take his new GPS-thingie and really measure my usual run route by the house). I started out nice and slow, because yesterday I ran VERY slow (I think 12+ minute miles) ~ I didn't want to overdo it. Plus, remember last week? My 3 miles that were very HARD.

Anyway, I talked to my coach about where I should turn around, and today I also wasn't anxious like I was last week. I was SHOCKED when I got to the turn around point ~ I was doing 11+ minute miles, and I still had PLENTY in the gas tank (probably thanks to the vast quantity of food I have eaten this past week! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />).

I really feel I could have gone the full 5 miles with the rest of my group, but my leg is a bit tender, and I don't want to be sidelined by injury (again). I put my ego away, and did what I feel is best for me in the long run (pun intended!).

I finished barely winded. I was going to really stride-out near the end (but not too close to the end, because I didn't want to DIE, and I'm not too familiar with the course), but before I knew it, I was at the end! Very cool.

I cannot believe the difference. From that nutrition book, I learned that fruit makes many runners have burning stomachs, or feel nausia. I was having those symptoms about two months ago, and wasn't sure why. Now, on running days, I don't have a banana on my cereal, and my tummy is just fine. I think my extra piece of banana bread last night before bed must have helped me today, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I credit the training schedule, too. Just enough running to keep the glycogen supply up in my muscles, but not enough to fatigue. Brilliant!

So, I am very enthusiastic to begin my Week 4 of marathon training on Monday. Let's see, according to my schedule, I will be doing somewhere between 24 and 30 minutes. I am averaging my times from last week, with the times my group is scheduled for this week, and it definately worked doing it this way last week (IMO) ~ so I'm not changing!

I am so happy!!!

So, how has your Saturday been? Is it time for me to order in the band, for the party? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Spidey

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (how DO you spell that, anyway?!)

YEA-AH!!!!



And ain't THAT cool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


I'm grinning ear-to-ear... sorry for all these stupid smiley-face thingees, but... but... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Awesome, Ms. Slayer.

Beautiful!

Ok... let's calm down (for a second).

Do NOT give ANYone that banana bread recipe... got it??


EXCELLENT decision, IMHO.

Hmmm.... Christmas IS a long way off... I'm sorta thinking, the ummm... GPS wristwatch... maybe should be kicked up a notch... like a Memorial Day present? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Damn right it is! Spidey, WTH have you been DOING all day?!

edited to say:
Nice job, Spidey :-)
Gummy Bears on the house, for everyone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

THANK YOU, for all the wonderfully nice things you say to me. I am really excited to share all this exercise training stuff with you.


Um, er, slacking, mostly. I didn't want to do any work/chores today, so H and I bummed around all day, while the kids were at a birhtday party/sleepover. We went to several stores, the local farmers market, got the car washed, went to H's office to retrieve his sunglasses ~ basically anything to avoid doing a chore.

OK, so, what kind of band do we want? Classic rock, soft rock, pop, a mix from the 60's 70's 80's? PLEASE don't tell me country, because I think it is against my religion to support that type of music. Although, I do luv ya, so, I would if it was important to you, but, I hope it isn't . . . anxiously awaiting your reply . . .

Spidey

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> that was funny, Spidey!

NO country, please and thank you... that stuff'll kill ya!

No surprise, I guess, that WWW started listening to country music a few years back... don't ask me where THAT came from...

Back when I was in Spy Mode, most of my, ummm... "good" information came from her car... her cell phone conversations on the way to work, lunchtime, after work, etc...
So almost every day, week after week after week... I had to "collect the evidence" of course... and painstakingly LISTEN to every minute of it (hmmm... I don't really feel guilty about that now, which I guess is good).
ANYway... she almost ALWAYS had the radio cranking this country music station...
do you have ANY idea of how many @^#&*! HOURS of COUNTRY MUSIC I had to ENDURE while reviewing the evidence?!?!? It got to the point where her conversations were the easiest part to listen to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

More later... getting lots done this weekend - nothing exciting, unless you call Marriage Dismantling exciting, of course....

Anyone need a copy of "Growing Love In a Christian Marriage: The Official Marriage Manual of the United Methodist Church?" All the questionnaires, etc. are already filled out, which just adds to its charm!

Well, at least there was that, I guess. OW/FBF dedicated a Garth Brooks song to my H, a love song from the movie Hope Floats. My H and I have always shared many of the same music preferences ~ including NOT liking country. Needless to say, when I found his CD of that song, I shattered it into tiny tiny pieces all over our floor, next to his backpack, when he moved himself out. At the time, he said, "That was real mature!" NOW, he thanks me for destroying the country that had crept into his life!

Marriage Dismantling? Does this mean you are doing more Separation paperwork? More looking through old stuff and splitting it all up? Ugh, fun fun fun. It would be better for you to clean the gutters and the garage, and remodeling the bathroom! Just kidding. It is good you are getting it done, just painful.


NO! Don't give that gem away! We will need it for our book . . . Think ahead, tqt, use your "vision!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Spidey

Very cool! I never tried that before! Hmmm.... there's approx 60-70 country CD's still sitting here, sorta taking up space... if I get the urge, I'll ask you for some pointers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Interesting (or not) how just a few minutes ago, I was thinking that the next time I speak with WWW, I want to tell her that she's GREAT at the demolition part, but really sucks when it comes time to clean up the mess....

Ya know... I guess it meant all-of-the-above. This continues to be, and appears that it will be for quite a while, a huge, massive THING...
I'm generally a very organized person, a good planner, etc... but admittedly, this is overwhelming some (most?) of the time. All I'm trying to do, really, is find a way to end Life #1, and start Life #2. The logistics of it all is something I never put much thought into, of course, until I reached that point (when was that?) where I came to grips with the fact that our M was not going to be saved.

Emotionally, I'm getting there, which I'm sure you recognize (the fact that I'm sure you recognize it, even without saying too much about it lately, is pretty cool in itself... Thanks for that:)).

I'm still all over the map, as far as my feelings for WWW are concerned -- and if I LET myself, I'm still very capable of falling back down into that terrible, miserable hole. As I'm sure you know, at first (and second, and third...) there's both a need and a desire - in some strange way -- to sink down and be swallowed up by all that pain and regret and ALL of it...
But as the days go by... not only do I care less and less about going there, but when I do let myself, it's less and less painful.

She's becoming more and more of a stranger to me... my 25 years with her are becoming more and more of a blur... sorta like a story I read once, but the details are fading, and making sense of it all is becoming harder and harder to do.

Who WAS that person?

I've always regretted not finding this place sooner, but I tend (recently) to think that if I did, the "WWW" moniker would've shown up many months sooner, and I would've been convinced to extract myself from The Mess a lot sooner. So, showing up sooner may well have NOT saved my M, but it may have saved me from so many months of Hell. Wow... if you think WWW has been Wacky since I "got here" -- I really wish (in a way) you could've "seen" what she was like in the ... nine... months before I showed up.

Anyway... yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm rambling... IF I have a point, it's that unfortunately, I think I've been wounded, and I'm trying to assess the damage... at the same time, I'm trying to deal with shutting things down here, at home (which doesn't feel like a "home" anymore), and trying to begin Chapter 2.

Sorry to ramble... I know full well that this is selfish, self-absorbed, self-serving drivel. Good finger exercise, though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Yikes Spidey! I was only kidding! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
In my own eloquent way, I was trying to say "Ya done good! Take the rest of the day off!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey.. almost forgot -- how 'bout recuperating THIS week, vs last week (from the run)?
Any difference that you've noticed?

And self-absorbed me keeps forgetting to ask... when is your son's journey to Denver??

tqt....how are you? It sounds as if you are really moving forward into a healthier place. I can hear it! I understand what you mean about showing up to this place sooner. My WH continues to say "its not about me cheating" All I can think is "thanks so much for validating the pain you caused by pursueing this fantasy of yours!!...because according to you this isn't the issue and maybe none of this really happened...it is just a figment of both of our imaginations...just like the divorce papers will be..."

I honestly believe that if he would have just admitted he was unhappy and wanted out...I could be more than half way to recovery by now. They have no clue how bringing in the OP shatters us. They betrayed us and then don't want to face the fact of what they did. What a joke. I know that if OW wasn't "an issue" it wouldn't hurt so much. The trust and respect would still be intact. We could talk without the lying and deceit coming up....we could work out the child support and custody without me wondering if the DD's will ever meet HER. I could go to our cabin without dwelling on whether he had brought her there. I could sleep at night not obsessing over another woman that my husband chose over me. (even though she really has no driving interest in him)

Bottom line regardless of all that crap I just spewed is that I am so proud of you that you are where you are at right now. You have been on a long and painful journey and I truely believe you have turned the corner. Do me a favor and drop little crumbs along the way because I may need them.

Homer... thanks for asking. Yep, I'm moving forward, slowly but surely. It's still always right there in the forefront of my mind -- all of it, from the days leading up to D-Day and through the last 15 months... but I've gotten better and better at NOT letting myself dwell on it. I guess over time the mind trains itself to do what it has to do...

Oh, and... it sorta helps to have some really cool people guide you in the right direction... wouldn't ya say, Ms. Slayer?

At this stage of the game, I often think that the worst part is having this big huge VOID in my life -- that 25-year chunk of time -- is still very unpleasant to think about (what WERE the best memories, are now the most painful), and it all seems a farce to me.

Of course, everyone always says "Well, eventually you'll be able to look back and think of all the good things... blah blah blah..."
I don't buy it, yet. Maybe someday I will. Those 25 years were based on a partnership, a commitment... for me, anyway, it seems possible to retroactively change the meaning of something that happened two decades ago.

Bottom line, I guess, is that I feel kinda ripped off. I'm chuckling as I write that... so... I guess that means I'm moving forward.

Whoa! Make no mistake, it ALL SUCKS!!! In FACT, I've decided I'm NEVER doing this again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


I don't think it was crap, Homer... it all made sense to me!

I'd be happy to <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hmmm...
first, a few quick scenes from last weekend's episode.

The UN-loveable email from WWW, consisting of:

1) going for the jugular on Settlement Agreement issues
2) the following, which I managed to find on Page 986:



Haven't heard from her since... until 5 minutes ago.

She called... to ask me if I still wanted XYZ service on the (our/my) house...

Yikes! May need to add another "W" to the pile... Weally Wacky Wayward Wife.

I said "No thanks" and then... I didn't actually hang up on her, but I just sorta said "ok" and hung up the phone... it was weird. I feel kind of bad about it, but it was like a completely involuntary thing... (?!?)

One other thing, before I conjure up the nerve to hit the gym... where WAY-too-many-WAY-too-attractive-young-women seem to be congregating these days...

As I said, I spent more time over the weekend TRYING to go through stuff in the house. Stumbled upon 22++ years of pictures... photo albums... wedding album... marriage license....
I decided that SHE could (should) be the one to decide what to do with all of it... so I piled it all into two boxes, and handed two decades of memories over the counter to the lady at the post office. WWWW should get them today.

Not sure why (or if) I care at this point, but was that a weird thing to do?

tqt....no not weird. Appropriate considering the circumstance. My IC asked me 2 months ago what it would take for me to get thru this nightmare. I said to never ever have to see my WH's face again for as long as I live.
IC said that wasn't likely to happen since we had children.

Honestly that is the only way I will get over this.
No contact of any kind ever ever ever again. So right now I just try to make it thru any time we are together as best I can. He stayed at the house again after DD's piano recitals.
No goodnight, no pat on the popo, nothing. Am I crazy to think this is going to turn around? Noticed he has deleted all of his recents cell calls.

Tqt...if your WWW woke up tomorrow, called you, apologized and said she wanted to come home. Would you want her?

Guess that's the same feeling I have. I dread the day that I run into her somewhere... probably a restaurant, or the grocery store. We work within 1.5 miles of each other, so it's bound to happen.


pat on the popo?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I have to assume you don't mean the volcano in Mexico... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


ummm...
Homer, I'm not trying to be funny here, but.. Your WH doesn't appear to be responding to the current treatment.

Are you figuring out that, other than a well-placed bolt of lightning, or some other form of divine intervention, it comes down to one of two things... your WH gets some help on his own to exorcise the demons, or you completely change the dynamics of the whole thing... as in... Plan B?

Remember your Sig line, Homer... please??


I'd want who I THOUGHT she was before all this happened... I'd want back some "normalcy" in my life... and a partner, a friend, and someone to love (remember those?!?)
But that's a decision that, most of the time now, I'm thankful I won't have to make.

Ok, Spidey... you made me say it... I sufficiently miss you now.
You didn't go running and intentionally get lost, just to get that GPS thing sooner... did you?

I don't think so. I think it was a really really COOL thing to do, personally. Why let her get off scott-free from the memories? I wouldn't be surpised, though, if she opened it, saw the contents, and taped it up and shipped it back to you. She is such a reactionary (DJ?).

I just got done reading a novel ~ I have become addicted to Miriam Keys novels. Anyway, I finished Sushi for Beginners, and as in her other novel I read, there was infidelity. Says a lot, actually, for the place I am in now, that I can read these books! Used to be, any bit of it, and my stomach would churn. ANYway . . . in this latest one, this WW with 2 young kids and a handsome devoted H began having a torrid sexual A with her best friend's boyfriend (eerie!). And at the end, after she'd lost her H, and her BF, the BF asked her WHY she chose HER BF to have this A with, after the WW professed the A could have been with anyone (this WW had always gotten by on her looks, so she really could have had any man, not her BF's plain-looking boyfriend). And the WW said, "I was so selfish, that I believed because I was feeling so miserable, I deserved anything I wanted."

The more of this lady's books I read, the more I am convinced she has been the OW, the BW, and the WW! She seems to have all 3 perspectives down pat.

I just thought that was interesting. From a woman who got by on her looks, who seemingly (to the rest of the world) had "everything," and she said, "Maybe everything wasn't enough." And admitted that her actual thought process was that because SHE was so unhappy, SHE deserved whatever SHE wanted, regardless of how it affected ANYone else around her.

I also have another thread out there ~ today is the 14 year anniversary of my wedding day. I am soooo glad to be out of year 13, I can't even tell you. Today, at lunch, H and I toasted our plastic take-out cups ~ first to us, and to having a MUCH better year than the last one. Last year we were together the whole year, as H came home April 1, BUT, it was 8 months of grueling MC and tears and healing and lots of ugly stuff. It is much calmer and saner and productive now.

Also, I think I am going to get back on my Anti-D. The more I learn about anxiety and depression, the more I realize I think I medicate myself with alcohol. When I went on Lexapro during the separation, I didn't drink hardly at all ~ unless out with my girlfriend. I think I have anxiety. Anyway, I got an appointment for tomorrow with my doc, so we'll see what she says. I got off them for one reason only, really ~ SF. Sorry if this embarasses you, tqt, but I am sharing my thoughts here. It is harder on Lexapro to, well, arrive at the destination, if you know what I mean. When H and I first got together, that was very important for me, I felt important for our recovery. Now, though, things have slowed back down again. Not in a bad way, but just normal ~ quality over quantity. I don't really have that reason anymore, so why not go back on something that seemed to work so well for me?

What do you think about that?

And finally, I didn't run today. So, I am behind a run. I plan on doing my long run tomorrow for the week, 38 minutes, then probably not running again until Saturday. I think in this early time, it is OK to be short some time. I will not make a habit of it. I just could not put down said book this morning, then when I finished it, I was late for my day! *sigh* Like I said, I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow.

Hang in there, everyone.

Spidey

In the words of the Great Slayer of Spiders: Heck no!

Sharing thoughts is the whole idea. And, it's good for me to be exposed to some of that SF topic once in a while, so I don't completely forget what it's all about <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Not sure why......... but that reminds me...
something I'm very proud of: I've convinced the management at the gym to require all females to wear a name tag, including age, marital status, and, if NOT married, their boyfriend's general temperament and bicep size <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Anyway... ya know, I sensed something was up... and I was worrying about you a little bit.
Hope things went well with your appointment today... yes?

I think there must be something in the air, because in rummaging around here on the boards the last few days, I've noticed quite a few people's spirits are down -- or so it seems. And, I too am beginning to wonder how much of my brainpower (willpower?) is going towards keeping some sort of low-grade depression at bay.

Of COURSE it's ok! Don't ya just love how easy it is to feel guilty (or whatever that feeling is) when you "miss" a run or a workout? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Remember that it's over the long haul that counts!
How did the run go today?

This really is insightful ... and it may be worthy of it's own thread for discussion.

WoW

very interesting

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I had that pulled out and quoted in my post, but decided to remove it because I'm tired of whining about my WWW/STBXWW!

And this (essentially the same thing) jumped out at me and hit WAY too close to home...


I find myself wondering about the difference between entitlement and plain-old selfishness.
Regardless, the overwhelming theme is Narcissism... agree?

My appointment went great today. However, the 45 minutes leading up to my appointment was AWEFUL! My aunt called, and my mother's nursing home is trying to get her evicted (again). We had to fight them about this 5 years ago, and now it seems it is on again. Thank GOD I got my meds today, had the plan to get the meds, or I might have just layed down and cried.

The problem is that she is only 54 years old, and she has dimentia, and she remembers the strangest things at the most inopportune times. Nobody wants her. It is so sad. I hope we don't have to have a hearing again ~ THAT was stressful.

But back to my appointment. The doctor agreed with me, and I am now back on my old meds. And I am happy about it. Very relieved. I think my mom had/has Obsessive/Compulsive disorder ~ the stuff held over in her now is what causes these eviction notices, I think. OCD is a type of anxiety. It could take up to 2 weeks for the meds to work for me, so she also gave me some anti-anxiety medication.


It was great! But it is getting HOT. Definately better start acclimating myself now. Good grief. I started at 8:40 am, and was frying! I'm going to have to start carrying my own water now. I did 39 minutes, very slow pace, but I "gotter done!"

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and support. Chat at you later.

Spidey