Perhaps this is why we shouldn't start these things, ending them ain't so easy. Hey I'm lonely and hurt too and pray that I can stay out of those fields of Grey you've found youself in. Even we BS's have needs. It sucks that waiting for healing and apprpriate relationships is the only way to truly be blessed.

It isn't easy Met. If it were, MB wouldn't have 40K members. Keep trying, dude, keep trying...

<small>[ December 10, 2004, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
I haven't told him because he told me if he caught her cheating, he'd kill her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So... instead of telling him ... you continue to put her life in danger by continuing the adultery??
Yeah, right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

So howz about this ??:

Whose life has to be in danger for YOU to stop this A? It appears her life isn't important enough to stop him or you from creating more trouble.

If you weren't in this sooo deep, what would you think about your sitch?

L.

Pep:

I'm trying very hard not to hate the rat-bas***rd who destroyed my family, so I can relate to your anger. But you know, My W's OM lost his family the same way and has no qualms in doing likewise. I see a man here who is trying to get off of that slippery slope. He doesn't deserve a medal, but maybe some encouragement will save a family (and an errant child of God).

Choose to be the better man Met.

Thanks D! Orchid, I'd tell me to jump ship and not look back. Maybe let the H it's my fault and let the anger flow my way.

Originally posted by dleightonc

I'm trying very hard not to hate the rat-bas***rd who destroyed my family, so I can relate to your anger.

??? I am not angry... I don't understand what anger are you refering to?

He doesn't deserve a medal, but maybe some encouragement will save a family (and an errant child of God).

What he said (about OW's husband willing to kill her) is very illogical, and seems particularly UNlikely to be factual. I doubt this is valid. I think it is made up.

If it IS valid... then continuing the affair under the nose of a violent man seems .... what's the best word???? ... ummmm ...... like walking naked covered with honey into s bear's den.... somethin' like that!

Pep

Pep, you don't know Jamaicans. Raised by one and married to one. Violent jealosy is a cultural legacy.

Pep:

Sorry. Misread the sarcasm. Met. I'm in Miami and also was married into a Jamaican family. The double standard still exists-with impunity. Seen it myself. Stay away!! Folks can get hurt.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Thanks D! Orchid, I'd tell me to jump ship and not look back. Maybe let the H it's my fault and let the anger flow my way. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

Do you believe what you are writing? Step back and think. Anger flowing your way is gonna fix what? The OW? You? Her H? Hm..... come on, I think you are a smarter man than that.

Here's some food for thought while you are reconsidering.....

1. The A is not healthy for either family
2. The A is stressful and c/b life threatening, dangerous at best.
3. The A is not productive in a safe and healthy manner.
4. The A is addicting and drives the players insane.
5. The A can kill. The survivors' lives will never be the same.

Now you can't control the OW nor her H but you can control Your part. The question again is: What is it gonna take for you to control your part?

Now take a few deep cleansing breathes and try again. ok?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Thanks D! Orchid, I'd tell me to jump ship and not look back. Maybe let the H it's my fault and let the anger flow my way. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

Do you believe what you are writing? Step back and think. Anger flowing your way is gonna fix what? The OW? You? Her H? Hm..... come on, I think you are a smarter man than that.

Here's some food for thought while you are reconsidering.....

1. The A is not healthy for either family
2. The A is stressful and c/b life threatening, dangerous at best.
3. The A is not productive in a safe and healthy manner.
4. The A is addicting and drives the players insane.
5. The A can kill. The survivors' lives will never be the same.

Now you can't control the OW nor her H but you can control Your part. The question again is: What is it gonna take for you to control your part?

Now take a few deep cleansing breathes and try again. ok?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Thanks D! Orchid, I'd tell me to jump ship and not look back. Maybe let the H it's my fault and let the anger flow my way. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

Do you believe what you are writing? Step back and think. Anger flowing your way is gonna fix what? The OW? You? Her H? Hm..... come on, I think you are a smarter man than that.

Here's some food for thought while you are reconsidering.....

1. The A is not healthy for either family
2. The A is stressful and c/b life threatening, dangerous at best.
3. The A is not productive in a safe and healthy manner.
4. The A is addicting and drives the players insane.
5. The A can kill. The survivors' lives will never be the same.

Now you can't control the OW nor her H but you can control Your part. The question again is: What is it gonna take for you to control your part?

Now take a few deep cleansing breathes and try again. ok?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Thanks D! Orchid, I'd tell me to jump ship and not look back. Maybe let the H it's my fault and let the anger flow my way. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

Do you believe what you are writing? Step back and think. Anger flowing your way is gonna fix what? The OW? You? Her H? Hm..... come on, I think you are a smarter man than that.

Here's some food for thought while you are reconsidering.....

1. The A is not healthy for either family
2. The A is stressful and c/b life threatening, dangerous at best.
3. The A is not productive in a safe and healthy manner.
4. The A is addicting and drives the players insane.
5. The A can kill. The survivors' lives will never be the same.

Now you can't control the OW nor her H but you can control Your part. The question again is: What is it gonna take for you to control your part?

Now take a few deep cleansing breathes and try again. ok?

L.

Orchid:

You're wise and clear and sure. Put that way, there really isn't a choice is it. I, ME, MY, dosent apply here. There're kids to think about.

Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
Pep, you don't know Jamaicans.

Well, I know some Jamaicans... but, you're entirely correct, I don't know Jamaican culture.

Raised by one and married to one. Violent jealosy is a cultural legacy.

Then it makes more sense to avoid a jealous violent Jamaican husband, and not sleep with his wife....does it not?

Pep

<small>[ December 10, 2004, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Orchid:

You're wise and clear and sure. Put that way, there really isn't a choice is it. I, ME, MY, dosent apply here. There're kids to think about. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

I am not 'wise'. I just have an outside focus that you seemed to have lost (for a bit). Even if there were no kids, it still sounds off balance.

Now that you state there are kids involved, it just makes it more complicated. Lives, even if it is only 1 life, it is one too many to be suffering needlessly.

So when you say 'there isn't a choice', this time I must disagree. There is a choice. Each one has a choice. In regards to making or creating the recipe for violence, do you plan to stir the pot or keep adding the ingredients?

L.

I'm taking my spoon ot of the pot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Meta:

I'm not familiar with the whole "troll" concept either, so don't feel like a red-headed step child. Even if you were a "troll" it's a moot point really, I take everything everyone says at face value...so in short I believe your story, and will continue to do so until such time as it is proven to be untrue.

As far as the "death threat" thing.....I can imagine a husband saying that, doesn't mean he'd do it....but you know the man better than I do. I am not from Jamaica, but I have red hair and the temper to match it.....and I have uttered those words before....I know I have a temper....so I try to avoid situations that get me upset to that point, and as unhealthy as it is generally turn it on myself.

I can relate to the suicidal thing too.....If I didn't think it would hurt innocent people I would've driven my car into oncoming traffic at one point in all this...I simply just didn't care.

Now....knowing how you felt when this happened to you....knowing the crushing pain, the weight you carried around day and night over the infidelity of your wife.....How can you possibly let this woman "talk" you into seeing her again? It doesn't make you a snake or a reptile....it makes you weak.....and you need to be stronger than that. You can't go around letting life just happen to you like this...it's not good for you, or anyone else around you. You're in control of this, take the wheel, make the right decision.....the guilt you're feeling is because God has given you a conscience, stop stuffing your fist in the mouth of that little voice in your head that is screaming bloody murder about how wrong this is.


Pray Meta........Pray

-Caren

Caren:

I know the pain and that's why I need to stop this train from running. This experience has made me wonder: do other OM's in my situation ever have their guilt get the better of them? Is it b/c I know better or that I know the H? Can't tell anymore. Which ever it is my guilt gene is screaming to loudly to ignore. (these 2x4's might be helping some as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

p.s. Thanks for taking me at word.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> I'm taking my spoon ot of the pot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, that's a start in the right direction but once you remove the spoon, now what will you do with it?

L.

I'll continue to work on me and growing past void and pain that I'm feeling. Past my need fo another, whther it's my ex or OW, to fill my emptiness,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> I'll continue to work on me and growing past void and pain that I'm feeling. Past my need fo another, whther it's my ex or OW, to fill my emptiness, </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

It sounds like you feel you need t/b a martyr for yourself of sorts. Is that how you feel?

U shouldn't you know. As for needing another....well our make up leans more to being interactive creatures instead of hermit like. Given that as a general rule, to deny yourself w/b hazardous to yourself and others.

Where is the balance between needing/wanting vs being greedy? Well in the fog that line is crossed over many times. Yet in reality it is not that hard to see.

Commitment requires honesty. Honesty requires trust, trust begets loyalty. Loyalty shows faithfulness.

This stuff runs deep. Deeper than any A or fantasy feeling. It runs deep enough that when the beauty of our youth passes, the love carries us into our years of wisdom to love as one book puts it, 'love the wife of your youth'.

On the other hand, rottenness of character can make the most beautiful into the most hideous of creatures. It can leave them as lost wandering souls whose appetite is never settled. Having and always wanting more.

Remember the saying: "Beauty is only skin deep but rotteness goes straight to the bones."

Each of us have an inner and outer beauty. The inner beauty is the one that lasts. Lasting relationships are built from it and we should never run away from something that beautiful.

When I asked if you were going to stir the pot, I meant in pursuing the A. To continue down that path is not a beautiful thing. It never was.

JMHO,
L.