No I'm not going to pursue it. So much has gotten out of control in my life. This is one thing I can control.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> No I'm not going to pursue it. So much has gotten out of control in my life. This is one thing I can control. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

This means no pursuing the A right? If so, then it is a good start. There will always be a road before you, the path/direction is what you choose (ie: your control/decisions followed up with actions).

So if you take this direction and end the A, then the supposed threat from the OW's H to the OW or anyone else (including himself), is null? At least it s/b for you. See if he is still a threat to her and you remove yourself from the pix, it is no longer your issue. She will have to deal with it because that's her H. She would have to deal with it anyway. With you or any WS out of the picture, it makes it easier for her to deal with. Which is what she should have done in the 1st place.

This makes me wonder how much of this threat is real vs coerced vs made up. Many a WS wife will make up stories or exaggerate stuff to make their foggy case. That is how they learn to get what they want and in time they do that to most of the people around them. Then those people become victims to a much greater evil mind.

Pulling yourself out of the drama is the best thing you can do for yourself, your family and even yep even the OW.

Now what to do with you? Let us know when you are ready to discuss your personal recovery.

take care,
L.

Yaeh, my ex made me out to be psychotic at the height of the A's exposure. The H did make that statement, though, He's told me that a couple of times through the years and wonders what kept me from "wreaking" mu ex when I found out. "rightous anger" he calls it.

I think since she's expressed a need for him to adress her EN's, he's adjusted some of that rhetoric. But still, it's not my concern--I understand.

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: Metamorpheus ]</small>

I'm reminded by all of this that R's shouldn't be based on fear, respond primarily to lonliness, or be driven soley on desire. Not enough fuel in those engines.

Exactly. I wish my WxW got that. She thinks that desire and chemistry will carry the day. What will happen, then when the tank runs dry? Could the OM go as far as many here at MB have?

Your OW may be foggy, but perhaps she's not as far gone as you think. she may be a cake-eater or simply someone who was looking for a diversion. Take advantage of her fence sitting and let her fall back to her H.

Things WILL change when the fog runs out. As for me, the fact that I could get in an A while I knew bwtter scares me. It makes me wonder how it is for those who "believe the hype" the fog creates for them. And it makes me wonder how bad will their letdown be? Mine feels pretty hard as is...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Yaeh, my ex made me out to be psychotic at the height of the A's exposure. The H did make that statement, though, He's told me that a couple of times through the years and wonders what kept me from "wreaking" mu ex when I found out. "rightous anger" he calls it.

I think since she's expressed a need for him to adress her EN's, he's adjusted some of that rhetoric. But still, it's not my concern--I understand. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Meta,

Can you please clarify if your 1st sentence in the above quoted post is from you or someone else (like OW)? I read it earlier but couldn't clearly ID the players. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks,
L.

It's quoted from me. My ex got vindictive for a while after her A got exposed. Like I said earlier, she even tried to convince the OW to leave her husband for me and resented the fact tha I hadn't entered into an A with her.

I guess she'd love how the worm has turned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> It's quoted from me. My ex got vindictive for a while after her A got exposed. Like I said earlier, she even tried to convince the OW to leave her husband for me and resented the fact tha I hadn't entered into an A with her.

I guess she'd love how the worm has turned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meta,

Ok, see if I got this right. The above quote is from you about your XW wanting to hook you up with an OW so that her A c/b justified. You even have a comment from OW's H tied in there somehow? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Well that adds a spin to the web of deceit. Gets pretty complicated this soap opera stuff, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Maybe too many bubbles being forced into your mouth and it leaves a bad after taste.

Ok but your XW is now out of the pix? Your OW c/b on her way out of your pix? OH's H is not the major threat he was a few days ago?

So where are you now? Just trying to get my bearings on your sitch here........it's been kinda a wild ride even for a reader! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

L.

Orchid, you got it right. It was a wild ride! right now, My ex is happy in the fog w her OM (though she calls me a 'coward' for not 'taking what I want'), my OW has is working on her M and so far has honored NC (4 days & Counting). Her H seems to have come down from some of his posturing lately. (Remember I saw thm both EVERY DAY at work until 2 weeks ago).

So I guess 4 out of 5 of the players are happy. I'll work on my self and wait for mine.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong> Orchid, you got it right. It was a wild ride! right now, My ex is happy in the fog w her OM (though she calls me a 'coward' for not 'taking what I want'), my OW has is working on her M and so far has honored NC (4 days & Counting). Her H seems to have come down from some of his posturing lately. (Remember I saw thm both EVERY DAY at work until 2 weeks ago).

So I guess 4 out of 5 of the players are happy. I'll work on my self and wait for mine. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any active A participants are not happy. Just fogged up. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your happiness lies within yourself. Not just a saying mind you, the real thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So now we can focus on you. Up for some suggestions?

L.

Yes I am. My IC tells me, "no R's for at least 2 years." Wow. But maybe she's right; see where lonliness has gotten me so far.

I need to refocus away from ex, away from OW, away from distractions to mt own issues.

Ok. This is where we probably should call in JL. He is great at helping people get a plan. There are others whose insight w/b helpful. If it is alright, I can ask that he come over and take a look, ok?

I will await your response.

BTW, I think you should change your post heading. You are not an OM anymore.....maybe XOM? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Sure call in JL. I'm open to any and all suggestions.

Okay I didn't read the whole thread but if I have this right.

Meta, you have a WW that is currently in an A with OM. You have since fallen into an A with a MW. Your MW, now wants to reconcile with her H, meanwhile you WW is still seeing her OM.... right or wrong?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> Okay I didn't read the whole thread but if I have this right.

Meta, you have a WW that is currently in an A with OM. You have since fallen into an A with a MW. Your MW, now wants to reconcile with her H, meanwhile you WW is still seeing her OM.... right or wrong? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Native,

Just a suggestion but this one is best if you read the thread. It is a tangled web more than most. When Meta posted before he had a lot of anger....now he is willing to work on him. The others in his sitch have their own issues. He seems to have gotten to a point of now accepting or at least hearing some of our logic.

Let's see what we can do to help, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks,
L.

Native00 wrote: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Okay I didn't read the whole thread but if I have this right.

Meta, you have a WW that is currently in an A with OM. You have since fallen into an A with a MW. Your MW, now wants to reconcile with her H, meanwhile you WW is still seeing her OM.... right or wrong?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Native:

You got it right, except my WW is now my ex. She therefore sees her A as a legit R. The MW never really fell out with her H; she was what the MB's here have called a cake eater. I think that she's finally sees the folly of that behavior. I have. In Stereo. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ December 14, 2004, 11:55 PM: Message edited by: Metamorpheus ]</small>

Looking at my own thread really makes me see what a tangled web I wove. Still NC with OW, still praying, still working on me...

Hey Meta,

Been gone for a day. Yes this is definately a tangled web. However it seems a lot less complicated as of recent. Unfortunately it looks like the choices have all been made for you as far as the Other People are concerned. Basically to me anyway, what you have here is a self-preservation sitch. You need to make sure that YOUR okay, that YOU will be a moral man, YOU will be able to form healthy relationships from now on. These are all choices that you have to make for yourself and none other. With the exception of maybe a future partner that may come your way.

Which way will you choose?
Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Metamorpheus:
<strong>.... still working on me... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How ? do you have plan ?. Do you have a set goals for the next 2 years ?, 5 years ? . How do you acomplish that ?.

Make changes based on your goal & plan.

-rh-