Mr. return to sender LOL
When Wh e-mails me it gets thrown back in his face. He hasn't tried in a few days, I think he got the point. OR if he has, I don't know about it...lol.

So....is that message good for the intermedary to re-write and send?

I am so worried about the whole 'kids visiting' thing. I don't know how to go about that.

Danielle

Danisgirl,

Do you have access to lawyers or legal advice on base? It seems like your H's "command" is not helping you much. Financial support for you and your kids is pretty important.

I grew up an Air Force dependant. I never needed a lawyer, but I remember babysitting for one, so I know the AF has them. I'm guessing the Navy does, too?! I just don't know if they're available to dependants for personal use. It's just a thought.

God bless,

Rose

<small>[ January 15, 2005, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

Rose,
Thank you very much for the reply. I did contact the Navy Jag office, which was very unhelpful as well. My next step is the chaplin. I did place a call to his office, but he is out to sea with the ship, so he won't be in until the 20th.
Thanks!!
Danielle

Again, Dani, others may differ with me -- but I think it's the role of the mediator to be very businesslike and clean. It is not her job to become enmeshed in emotional issues and help promote your side in disputes. She should help you in expressing some of these issues neutrally.

Something like, "Dani would be happy to establish regular visiting hours," for example -- without introducing subjects of blame and how he should have behaved in the past, and how the children are hurt, etc.

The point in Plan B is to keep things clean -- to make future reconciliation possible. If she becomes a weapon in your arsenal, however subtly, WH will resist her intervention and you lose a conduit to get practical information. The point of Plan B is to put these issues to rest -- to "give up" on sorting him out. It's to "bring the war home" and let him fight out these issues within himself -- not with you.

Fortunately, my mediator did exactly that -- he knew which of my emotional stuff not to transmit on, and only presented practical issues in a neutral and friendly way.

A.M.
Thank you for that post.
I just called her and read your post, and explained that I sent her that and it was full of emotion and if she could just pick out my 'emotion' and keep the facts short and simple..

She said OK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

THank you for the advice.
Danielle

I have been cleaning out the house (since I am moving within the next few months) and I came across a letter that WH wrote me while he was on a 6 months deployment. One quote from it states
"I just wanted you to know that I'm very proud of the great job your doing. After all running a household is a job for two. I will come home as soon as I can and make that happen. Always know that you are always in my thoughts and I love youw ith all of my heart. Be safe and strong in these last few months. Your husband"

Where did HE go? That was when we had ONE child and I was just a SAHM. Now we have two children, I am going to school full time, working part time and I guess that makes running a household a job for ONE?!?!

Things like this remind me...that HE is not the HUSBAND that I married...

Danielle

Hello ! A you can see, Im a lurker , someday i will sit down and tell my story. Its pretty much like everyone else's , "I dont think I love you anymore , fog , babble , fog, babble ... blah blah blah" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Im a military spouse also , and
its now been 18 months since my husband told me about his EA, almost PA, with another Air Force member . < insert nasty thoughts about *her* here >

I just want to tell you things get better, with or without your spouse , you will be a better person in the end of this, capable of so much more than you ever thought, and you will know that if it dont work out, you tried . You will someday be able to look into your childrens eyes and tell them you tried , for them , your husband, and yourself . Is your husband going to be able to say that ? Be proud of yourself .
Learn from all of this, and take care of you and your kids .

Lol , ok , the point of this message is to let you know that in IMHO your husbands command arent doing thier job about your husband providing support to you and your children . From my experiences , it is frowned upon when a member doesnt provide for thier wife and children .
So I did some digging around and found
Navy Family Support
MILPERSMAN 1754-030

For some reason the links arent working for me .
But search for " MILPERSMAN " and you will find a ton of info about what he should be paying you and your rights as a navy spouse , and your husbands commanders job pertaining to his with holding support .

Also , consider contacting your congressman and having other family members contact thiers on your behalf . Congressional complaints are acted upon quickly and follow your husbands chain of command . ( Just from the top <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). When I was active duty , it was a big " Dog and Pony " show when a congressional came down . And the reasons some people complain are not half as valid as your problem .

Anyway , I hope some of this information helps . Good luck to you !! and Stay Strong .