</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm LOL at the Beauty and the Beast comment! BTW, I saw a pic of Myrta, and she IS a beauty!! You're one lucky guy!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CC:

The chances of this OM to have a GF like my wife outside of an extra-marital relationship are near zero. The only reason he got my wife is because affairs bring mismatched people together. In affairs looks are not important. What really matters is availability and the motivation to fill ENs. When Myrta was single in high school and OM was a young man there was no chance in hell these two would ever get together. Affairs also cause WWs to overlook important character flaws since these flaws themselves are needed to fuel the affair.

I am lucky to have my wife. I am afraid if this affair had lasted longer she would have been too far-gone to return to the marriage. As it is I still think she is only halfway here. She is still in serious withdrawal, even though she always denies it, however, I can tell she is.


In any event I will keep waiting and see what happens!

STAN-LEY----- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Why do you say I am halfway there? And that I am in "serious withdrawal"?????
This is unreal!!!!! Those words, those statements, really pissed me off!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I AM NOT IN WITHDRAWAL ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MYRTA

OK Stanley & Myrta,

You two kids kiss and make up!

BTW, is OM still trying to make friends with Myrta's family? How did you resolve that problem? Or, is it still a problem?

Stanley,

Sounds like you're not having such a good start to your day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Why do you think that Myrta is still in withdrawal? Doesn't she seem much more like herself lately? Doesn't she seem happier with you and with your family? If she were still in "serious withdrawal", she wouldn't be able to fake it this well. Sounds like she's carrying on with her duties and responsibilities and that she's reasonably happy. I don't see withdrawal there.

As far as your comment about affairs bringing mismatched people together... that's not fair to assume or lump a whole category of people together like that. After all, how would you explain many men hooking up with decent looking women? There are all different types of people cheating--some may be more suited physically, and some may not. I don't think that's key in finding out the reason why they cheat.

Your comment though about the flaws being needed to fuel the affair, might hold some water. I used my FOW's flaws to justify a lot. I convinced myself that I was trying to fill in what she was missing in her life b/c of her self-imposed flaws. So, I think that it does hold some merit.

Try not to waste so much time figuring out this stuff. You have Myrta right in front of you, willing to work on the M. Try to enjoy that for now!

CC

CC:

The syndrome of odd couples are not that uncommon among folks having affair.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">


ROMANTIC INFIDELITY

Surely the craziest and most destructive form of
Infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in
love.

You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful
(wonderful people don't screw around with married
people) but when you are going through a crisis in
your own life, can't continuing living your life, and
aren't quite ready for suicide yet.

An affair with someone grossly inappropriate--someone
decades younger or older, someone dependent or
dominating, someone with problems even bigger than
your own--is so crazily stimulating that it's like a
drug that can lift you out of your depression and
enable you to feel things again. Of course, between
moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed,
increasingly alone and alienated in your fife, and
increasingly hooked on the affair partner.

Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in
distress, people without a life but with a lot of
problems, people with bad reality testing and little
concern with understanding reality better. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked Cerri about this (she is a coach) and she said that in her experience mismatches are common among folks having affairs.

When the affair partner is elected quite often one is not thinking about marriage or even having children with that person. The only thing that matters is the felling of romantic ENs in a vacuun. Romantic ENs in a vacuum are easy because all the stressors of life are removed. In the internet there are no mismatches------ everyone looks the same.

Stanley,

Wow! That was certainly interesting. While I got involved in my FOW's life before we were intimate, most of that quote is true. Her problems seemed bigger than mine and it was SO stimulating to me. Guess it kept my mind occupied. We also developed a definite co-dependency, but I guess that's typical too.

I'm trying to see if my FOW would agree with that quote as well. I had a life and had a few problems, but maybe she saw me as someone who needed to be saved too.

In any case, yes, we were opposite in many ways, such as appearance and demeanor. We thought alike in many ways too. So much so, that we joked around about "sharing a brain" when we were first friends.

You said that romantic EN's in a vacuum are easy because there are "no stressors". I disagree. There were many stressors in my relationship with my FOW, especially because we were best friends. We tried to help each other with our real life problems, day to day. Living with lies also, is very, very stressful. The A (in my case, anyway!) was not all romance and getting needs met. Far from it!

BTW, I hope you change your mind about Myrta still being in withdrawal. She sounds like she's made enormous progress, imo. Hope you're having a good day! TTYL.

CC

CC:

Affairs are conducted outside of reality.

Myrta’s OM was an emotional wreck when they became friends over the Internet. He was in bad shape because as a result of his infidelities his marriage was finally ending and his kids didn’t think much of him. This was hurtful because OM saw himself as a great dad.

It was Myrta who helped him cope with all the pain and shame associated with the break-up of the marriage and the scorn of the children.

Then on D-day OM wanted Myrta to leave her marriage. Do you see the hypocrisy? Here is a man devastated by the pain inflicted on his children as a result of infidelity and now is pushing/manipulating Myrta into doing the very same thing that caused him pain.

And so Myrta held his hand through all of this and OM assumed the role of uplifting the self-esteem of Myrta. That is the genesis of the relationship!

In terms of fighting: I always thought that there were no fights in affairs, but apparently I was wrong. They would fight all the time about one forgetting to call the other or whether one was neglecting the relationship. Myrta always said she was doing the best because at last she was still married and OM was not. That is sort of funky!

Otherwise, I don’t believe they had any stressors!

What I said about withdrawal was a joke. I know quite well Myrta is doing great!

STAN-LEY--You like to exagerate, dont you?? I never said the OM was such a wreck!!! He had one infidelity in his marriage and had been separated for along time. Only his oldest kid was a bit hurt, and they would have heated words once in a while. Yes , I did give him some support while I was him, but by no means I was his personal counselor!!

Thats good that you clarify that you were just joking,about me still being in withdrawal, but I DID NOT LIKE THAT JOKE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

What are stressors???

MYRTA

Stanley,

I *do* believe that many affairs stem out of emotional support. There's a connection there. But you were right in saying that many things are freaky about that support. It's unexplainable, abd believe me, when you're in the thick of it, sometimes it still doesn't make sense to you!!

I supported my FOW in her trials and tribulations (not that they were so bad!) and then in turn she tried to help me. All this while we were getting more and more dependant on each other. Then one person usually looks for monogamy or more of a commitment and that's what adds stressors to the relationship. It's all very weird. Weird to even be discussing it now when at the time it all seemed pretty clear!

Glad you were only joking about Myrta's withdrawal! Phew! Now remember that she didn't like that joke, so you don't repeat it down the line!

Hope you 2 are havin' a good nite! We're preparing to bury our 13 year old Iguana. She's VERY much near death right now. Have to break it to our kids tonight. Wish me luck!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

CC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I *do* believe that many affairs stem out of emotional support. There's a connection there. But you were right in saying that many things are freaky about that support. It's unexplainable, abd believe me, when you're in the thick of it, sometimes it still doesn't make sense to you!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe Myrta can expand on this. I guess I misunderstood her and thought OM was distraught over the damage to his children as a result of his infidelity (I thought there was more than one because this was the 2nd breakup of the marriage).

I don't know if Myrta told you how our last cat died. I had to take a Xanax to get through it that night and I NEVER take anything!

Stanley,

No, Myrta didn't tell me about your last cat dying. Guess it was pretty traumatic?? Our iguana did die last night, and H had to go bury her late last night. Sad. The kids were crying, and even H was very teary-eyed. Our dog and the other pets (3 chinchillas & 2 kittens) were all very aware of what happened. It was touching.

We're all doing a little better today, although H and I haven't had the chance to dismantle the iguana's cage yet. Sigh. We DID do some Christmas shopping together and then went out to a nice romantic dinner alone. That was nice!!!

CC

ButtercupCC--I hope you are doing better today, after the death of your iguana. Deaths of pets can be really traumatic indeed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yes, our last cat died about 4 years ago, and it was a horrible experience. It was my oldest daughter's cat. They all suffer a lot with his death. We still remember him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am glad you had a romantic dinner with your husband tonight. Thats really good. Hopefully you did not go for italian <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , but for some other food. LOL

Take care...

MYRTA

Hey Myrta!

Yes, we're all doing better today, thanks! My son took the day off from school (he feigned having a bad headache this morning, but we suspected that he was just very sad!), and things are more back to normal now. My H and I just got rid of the iguana's massive cage, and cleaned up that room. Sad how some things change, but, such is life, right? Now we have more room, at least, but every time I go in there, I'll be reminded that she's gone for good. I'm not too good with change!

YES, H and I did go out for Italian! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> We even had some wine with dinner. It was nice. We might have another "date" (shopping!) tomorrow, and maybe even go out for a nice, Christmasy lunch together. He's clearing his schedule to do that, and I'm glad! We have SO many things coming up in the next 8 days that it'll be nice to go out alone!

Hope you had a good day too. Thanks for your support. It was a rough 24 hours, but we're adjusting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

CC

P.S. Do you think that FaithfullyHoping minds that I hijacked her hijack thread? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />