Lemonman.....

What, in your opinion, would I deserve a 2x4 for?

WH has not, in any way, stopped contact with OW. The voice mail I heard this morning WAS new. It sounded in no way like a one-sided thing.

He has contacted her much, which he admitted with a great deal of dragging on my part.

How much do you think I should "take" before I do actually die? I have had the flu, a cold, and my second herpes outbreak (thank you OW) in the past month. And to top it all off, my ruptured ear drum is not yet healed.

All of these things (except the ear) are stress related. Besides which, I am smoking way too much. I have not smoked in 30 years!

I know you do not follow MB pricinples totally, but when do you think a person should say "HEY! I just can't take this anymore!"

I love my H with all my heart. This person, WH, is not even remotely related to the man I knew.

I care enough for my H to want him to be happy. If not with me, then I still want him to be happy.

I have told him that. My marriage committment DOES mean a lot to me. I have not backed off on my vows in any way. Nor do I intend to.

I realize the part I have played in this mess. But I will play no more. He must decide. He must choose. He's made his bed......

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> Lemonman.....

What, in your opinion, would I deserve a 2x4 for?

WH has not, in any way, stopped contact with OW. The voice mail I heard this morning WAS new. It sounded in no way like a one-sided thing.

He has contacted her much, which he admitted with a great deal of dragging on my part.

How much do you think I should "take" before I do actually die? I have had the flu, a cold, and my second herpes outbreak (thank you OW) in the past month. And to top it all off, my ruptured ear drum is not yet healed.

All of these things (except the ear) are stress related. Besides which, I am smoking way too much. I have not smoked in 30 years!

I know you do not follow MB pricinples totally, but when do you think a person should say "HEY! I just can't take this anymore!"

I love my H with all my heart. This person, WH, is not even remotely related to the man I knew.

I care enough for my H to want him to be happy. If not with me, then I still want him to be happy.

I have told him that. My marriage committment DOES mean a lot to me. I have not backed off on my vows in any way. Nor do I intend to.

I realize the part I have played in this mess. But I will play no more. He must decide. He must choose. He's made his bed......

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OH boy......I am sorry that you totally misinterpreted my post. MY 2 X 4 would realy be for YOUR PAST decisions. I just truly question WHY you thought the outcome for this situation would be any different THIS TIME. I don't want to be a roaring A-hole here, so I realize that you don't need a 2 X 4 from me saying "I told you so". That is not cool. I APPLAUD your decision here, but I think it isw PAST DUE. NOw, of course only you know when the time is "right" to Plan B or whatever. Once again, these are my opinions, so take them how you want. I am of course sorry for your pain, but am truly happy you are DOING THIS FOR YOURSELF HERE....Yes, and perhaps for your marriage also. I just hope and pray you don't waver. You should be ready for an emotional onslaught from your husband of the liks you have not seen before. God, I wish you luck. I really do.

LM

Lemonman was quoting someone else in his post and being sarcastic about it being good advice or support. I happen to agree with him that at this point, you need to walk.

Lemonman meant, by the 2X4 not being big enough fo you, (and I apologize to Lemonman if i get it a bit wrong), is that you've KNOWN all this for so long and just now you are finally getting it. Its time to take care of yourself and stop worrying about 'saving' this 'marriage' but finally SAVING YOURSELF.

I am thinking he doesn't believe you will follow through. I could be wrong.

And one more thing--- you are STILL playing his game by allowing HIM TO CHOOSE YOU OR HER.

I'm praying you choose yourself and walk away.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mojodiva:
<strong> Lemonman was quoting someone else in his post and being sarcastic about it being good advice or support. I happen to agree with him that at this point, you need to walk.

Lemonman meant, by the 2X4 not being big enough fo you, (and I apologize to Lemonman if i get it a bit wrong), is that you've KNOWN all this for so long and just now you are finally getting it. Its time to take care of yourself and stop worrying about 'saving' this 'marriage' but finally SAVING YOURSELF.

I am thinking he doesn't believe you will follow through. I could be wrong.

And one more thing--- you are STILL playing his game by allowing HIM TO CHOOSE YOU OR HER.

I'm praying you choose yourself and walk away. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOu are "all over it" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . You know me better than myself. Once again, I wish to God I was better with the "written" word. Isn't it odd, that people here can I express how I feel better than I can? Interesting, I must say.

LM

Lemonman.....

My sincere apologies for misunderstanding you. After I posted, and re-read you post, I thought OMG, I think he's being sarcastic.

But I guess I'm just too tired to "get it".

If that's what you meant, go ahead....2x4 me!

I know I have put this off too long. Far too long. I have waffled quite a bit. I'm all for pancakes now.

Sorry I'm so touchy about this. I'm all on the defensive. Which is too bad.....sarcasm is my favorite form of humor. (I'm normally quite a fan of yours, by the way)

Apologies.....k

Also....mojodiva....

I just made my own decision. I walked away.

I'm done. I'm done. Someone stick a fork in me! I'M DONE!

WH has to choose his own life. No more "fix-its" from me.

And, actually, in some strange way, he no longer has to make a choice. I just made it. For me.

You people are the BEST. Keep me on my toes, please!

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> Lemonman.....

My sincere apologies for misunderstanding you. After I posted, and re-read you post, I thought OMG, I think he's being sarcastic.

But I guess I'm just too tired to "get it".

If that's what you meant, go ahead....2x4 me!

I know I have put this off too long. Far too long. I have waffled quite a bit. I'm all for pancakes now.

Sorry I'm so touchy about this. I'm all on the defensive. Which is too bad.....sarcasm is my favorite form of humor. (I'm normally quite a fan of yours, by the way)

Apologies.....k </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">K:

PLease don't waste an ounce of energy apologizing to me. You are going through a terrible time and I can in some way understand how you feel. The despair of it all is sickening, I KNOW...WE ALL KNOW. Hold your head high here, AND LOVE YOURSELF FIRST HERE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Straightening things out is never a waste of energy.

I don't know any other way to thank you all for your support.....except to say THANK YOU.

I will check in tomorrow....I have to go to sleep now. This has been harder than I thought it would be. But I still stand....on my own...but standing firm. (No, I'm not going to sleep standing up!)

My deepest gratitude for your support in a very troubled time of my life.

K

Good Nite k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

Good Morning!

Yes, I'm still standing firm. I think I slept well, though not long.

I was awakened by a dream I was having of WH. Don't remember it now. Don't want to.

Have not heard another word from WH. Good. I'm tired of listening to my phone ring.

I'm going to try and do some Christmas shopping today. Don't really feel like it tho.

I'll check in later. Got to go find some coffee.

K

good morning K,

i hope you have a great day. i just said a prayer for you.

I hope you will take good care of yourself and quit smoking again.

The boss doesn't get involved in employees' personal lives, huh? Well, that'll be interesting when the sexual harassment suits begin.

K, I'd suggest that you document everything you know about the relationship between your husband and his affair partner. When that relationship turns sour, it's likely that there will be recriminations and yuckiness. If the boss and the HR department are formally aware of the relationship, it places a greater degree of liability on them if (when) it is no longer a happy relationship.

One of these days I'm going to write a long discussion of sexual harassment in the workplace and how workplace relationships can create havoc for corporations. It's been on my to-do list for something like four months, so don't hold your breath, but if I ever do write it, I'll send you a link.

K, I just want you to know how extremely proud of you I am. I know that you have been fighting looking at the truth. That's why I wrote to you yesterday that maybe OW's stupid message is a blessing in disguise. It gave you the proof that you needed to bring you out of denial. Then you came here, what I like to call command central, and went into action mode. You rock girl! I don't have one doubt that you are doing the right thing for YOU!

You know I never had to Plan B because my H did drop the "B" pretty quickly. It did take him one month of broken contact by phone to get it right. However, even while he was in NC and during that awful withdrawal, I several times said to him, "You know, this isn't just about YOU choosing me. I'm going to have to decide if I want to choose you." So yes, you have made the decision to finally choose Plan B. If your H at some point really appears to get his SH** together, then you will have the opportunity to choose (1) if you even want to try to get your M back and (2) what he will need to do for YOU to let him back.

I am reading the book "The Five Love Languages" and this morning I read something in it that made me think of you. "No person should ever be a doormat. We may allow ourselves to be used, but we are in fact creatures of emotion, thoughts, and desires. And we have the ability to make decisions and take action. Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love. It is, in fact, an action of treason. You are allowing him or her to develop inhumane habits. Love says, "I love you too much to let you treat me this way. It is not good for you or me."

Concerning the OW witch's interception of your e-mail to the boss. I think this is a perfect opportunity to screw the BI***. First of all I'm sure the boss would not like her doing that. Second, I think whoever called you was probably a phony because why would she tell the boss she intercepted his e-mail? I wonder if you could call the boss and ask him if he called you yesterday. If he says no, well then let him know everything. That his secretary is not only screwing one of his employees, she's keeping messages from him, and getting someone to impersonate him. If he says he did call you, well then just stop the conversation there.

Keep strong, and don't forget to check in with MB command central. CV

The boss doesn't get involved in employees' personal lives, huh? Well, that'll be interesting when the sexual harassment suits begin.

K, I'd suggest that you document everything you know about the relationship between your husband and his affair partner. When that relationship turns sour, it's likely that there will be recriminations and yuckiness. If the boss and the HR department are formally aware of the relationship, it places a greater degree of liability on them if (when) it is no longer a happy relationship.

One of these days I'm going to write a long discussion of sexual harassment in the workplace and how workplace relationships can create havoc for corporations. It's been on my to-do list for something like four months, so don't hold your breath, but if I ever do write it, I'll send you a link.

I don't know.....the call I received yesterday may have been the boss. (If it was, he really IS some sort of wishy-washy politician wanna-be!)

I also called his home # and left a message. I have gotten no answer to this.

At least, the seed is planted there. I know there are several of OW's "friends" that work there. They came in and ripped WH a "new one" when he first broke up with OW. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER! SHE'S HYSTERICAL! SHE DIDN'T EVEN COME IN TO WORK TODAY!"

So, more people there know about this, and sounds like they approve. What a bunch of FREAKIN' SLIME BALLS!

But, I am being strong. I don't feel good, but I don't feel bad either. My DD said "Be strong Mom!" when she left for work. I've got to say, I really DO have great kids, and great friends.

I'm going shopping now, then home.

So what do I do if WH shows up at the house....or I accidentally run into him here in town? (He is probably moved in with OW who lives not more than a mile from DD).

I'll check in when I get home....

Thanks, and GOOD MORNING ALL!

K

hi k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

K:

YOU DONE GOOD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You've taken an action to help yourself and your situation.......instead of letting Fear continue to force you into indecision and inaction.

As always, stepping OUT of our comfort zone is most Uncomfortable.....however, NOTHING was going to change for the better, Until YOU made a decision to act.

I applaud you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> for embracing your own courage and doing what you need to do for your own healing as well as self protection.
Not to mention sanity.

YOU Have Taken Back your Own Personal Power!
Be PROUD of that!!

(WE ARE)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Take heart that you've come such a long way:

Your Growing and learning (ya know, stretching your mental and emotional bounds) / forming meaningful boundaries, ect,......so happy you've begun to graduate to that next level in this "process".

Keep it up.
None of this is "easy"....however we believe YOU CAN DO THIS!

Good news is....I think your actually ready to "believe" that you can TOO! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Just for fun, pick up "Revenge of A Middle Aged Woman"--no reference to anyone's age--it is just kind of fun to read and think about kicking the H to the curb and his finally seeing what a mess he has made while you walk into a fantastic new life!

Long time lurker, first time poster.
(Boy, "lurker" sounds creepy doesn't it?!)


K,
As usual you are getting some excellent advice here. I just wanted to add my voice in cheering you on.

1. Be STRONG, STRONG, STRONG!!! So strong you can feel it in your back, shoulders, and those nice firm abs you're building up in yoga! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

2. Keep up your faith and have hope.

3. Take care of yourself!

4. Always remember how many people love you and are praying for you!

Now...stand up, flex all those muscles, be strong, and kick butt!!!