Right now, the only thing worth fighting for is a stable home for your children.

YOU have NO RIGHT to be a weenie here ... if your weenieness makes their lives unstable.

Pep

PS ... I don't give a sh*t about OW or WH here.

ZERO concern....

ONLY your children matter.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Whistles75:
<strong>

Hon, its that simple. And whatever he tells you about the meds is a load of crap. They do work, however that's the problem with BP....they like the mania. My husband put it to me once "When I am manic, I feel I am at my best...and most creative". Most BP have a difficult time staying on meds because of that. They love the highs...and when it's gone they miss it. Heck, at first I even missed the mania.

Get yourself and your kids outta there. ASAP. I know this isn't MB principals, however if your husband is BP and not taking meds...he is no where near ready to begin working on a marriage. Nor would you make a bit of difference in any plan.

When the spouse whose cheating has bipolar, it puts a whole new meaning to the term "fogman".

God Bless,

Rachel </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My husband IS taking his meds, they just don't seem to be helping. In the past he has been on: Prozac, Paxil, Trazadone, Effexor, Welbutrin. He is currently on Zoloft, Lithium, and Elavil. This is one reason I sometimes believe he has been misdiagnosed. Also, he does not have mania, only depression. I have never seen him Manic. He has more of an obsessive compulsive disorder if you ask me.


If you ever need to talk let me know and I'll give you my email...

Thank you, I will take you up on this. Like I said most people I know are tired of hearing about it and don't want understand what I am going through.

Suzanne

Su

A quick thought I forgot to mention.

Stress and traumatic situations trigger BP in older adults. Its like a lightswitch that just turns on one day. There are different types of BP, however my husband is this kind...late onset triggered by lay off, and new baby.

BTW - If he does not have mania, how is he BP?

Rachel

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Whistles75 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> PS ... I don't give a sh*t about OW or WH here.

ZERO concern....

ONLY your children matter.

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks Pep! I don't give a sh*t about OW either, but I do still care about WH. I agree though that my children matter. My biggest fear is for my 5 year old. Last year when I spent the six weeks in Montana, she cried every day and night for her daddy. Even now, I mentioned going to MT for a visit and she immediately wanted to know if Baba was coming. I said I didn't think so and she became hysterical. I feel like there is no good solution. After his initial leaving last year, and the nasty things he said to my older daughter, he has tried very hard to be here for the kids. He says that is the only reason he is here. Unfortunately he doesn't see that just his physical presence is not what they/I need. He needs to be here emotionally as well. With the youngest, he doesn't feel judged and he is more loving with her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Whistles75:
<strong> Su
BTW - If he does not have mania, how is he BP?

Rachel </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is why I question the diagnosis. He was diagnosed in 1997 while he was displaying extremely erratic behavior (flying back and forth between Syria and America six times in 6 months) This is the only manic-seeming thing he has ever done.

So then I wonder what effect meds for BP would do to someone who isn't truly BP. He has NEVER responded favorably to this medication. Even the back and forth trips stopped only when the OW's family in Syria stopped it because they could see that WH was self-destructing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SuSutimes2:

So then I wonder what effect meds for BP would do to someone who isn't truly BP. He has NEVER responded favorably to this medication. Even the back and forth trips stopped only when the OW's family in Syria stopped it because they could see that WH was self-destructing. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bumping, sorry. Could one of you medical-type people shed some light on this? Or anyone experienced in such a situation. Rachel, thank you so much for your responses. Lemonman, I know you are a surgeon, not THAT kind of doctor but do you have any ideas?

Thank you all for your responses.

sorry double post.

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: SuSutimes2 ]</small>

Sorry to bump again, but does anyone here know what kind of effect meds for bipolar would do to someone who is not bipolar?

To all who have responded thank you for your insight and advice. I am trying to get the nerve to just leave for Montana today when my 5 year old gets home from school. I just dread her response. Besides I know for a fact that OW took from 12/22-01/07 off from work. For what I'm not sure, I know she is not going on vacation. I think she is having breast implants done. I can't believe the lengths this woman will go to just to try to keep my husband on the hook.

She sold her house so she could move closer to our home. She had custody of her niece, age 10 and nephew, age 14 (because her sister wasn't a fit mother--she was running around with too many men GAG) She gave custody to her neighbors because when she started her relationship with my WH, the kids were in her way. (She has no children of her own). She also gave away her 9 year old dog that she had owned since it was 6 weeks old because my husband didn't like dogs. This woman is pathetic. She sits in parking lots waiting for the "love of her life." I alternately hate and feel sorry for her.

Venting, I don't know why I have so much more anger for OW than I do for WH. I think it's because I have been able to talk to him and talk things out. OW is nasty and condescending. She has been going around telling people that I have psychological problems. Well, duh,--depression, PTSD, but I wonder where those came from? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> If she thought I was so psychologically unsound, why didn't she, as such a good friend, point me toward a good psychiatrist during the 12 years we were friends? She just thinks it's abnormal to cry. Her reasoning is that if I truly loved my husband, I should just let him go be happy. That's what she did when her husband left her for another woman. Of course, she had my WH in the wings, so she was happy to see the back end of her husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How do you deal with all the anger? I know people on here will probably tell me to stop letting OW have so much power over my life. But, I don't know how to let it stop bothering me so much. Every word that comes from my WH's mouth comes straight from OW. He is like a puppet in her hands. But he has days when he absolutely hates her too. I have been trying not to pressure WH, but he feels all the pent up anger in me and wants to avoid it. Again, does anyone have any thoughts on handling anger. I have to say the thoughts I was having last night were a little frightening. I have a key to her apartment (it was in my WH pocket) so the temptation to do something to her was very strong. But then, reason returns and I think of my sweet little kids and wonder how I could even consider doing something that would jeopardize my relationship with them. My children are so precious to me. That's why this has been even more difficult. I feel like OW and WH are cutting them into little pieces in front of me. OW has been such a huge part of my children's lives. She was "Aunt Tracy". She was there when they were born. She is in all our family videos. We took vacations together. We were always doing stuff together with my kids. She was closer to me than my sister was. I think that is why the betrayal is so much more pronounced from her. An adult my children trusted has stabbed them too. And her words about this? "Oh, if you just act normal, they'll get over it, they'll adjust." I want to scream, "They are not TV sets, they do not have knobs, you do not adjust them!!!!!!!"

Anger, Anger, Anger!!!!! What do I do? I was seeing an IC for awhile, now I can't afford it. People on MB have been immensely helpful, but I know it is no substitute for C.

bump, anybody, anybody??????

Su,

In reading your posts I am getting a little worried for you. I know first hand the pain that your going through. I know the rage and anger you have ready to explode. This is all very expected considering the situation your in. However,...

IT'S time to take a serious time-out. What I mean is....

IT'S time to let go and save yourself from anymore more pain.

Take a few minutes today in a quiet room, shut your eyes, and takes some deep breaths. Imagine yourself letting go emotionally from your husband and this woman. I don't expect you to forget how you feel...infact what I want you to do is use it for something else.

Take all that anger, sadness, and pain and instead of allowing it to rule your life and keep you in a bad situation....

Use IT!

To motivate you and provide the fierce determination you need to free yourself and start a new life for you and your children.

I see inner strength in you, I see you want to have peace in your life....

However, ...you cannot achieve that as long as you continue to have needs of your husband and OW.

Let go...I know its hard....but for your kids do it.

--- As far as the meds go, I really don't know. I have never heard of any adverse effects if your not Bipolar, however, I really think you should stop focusing on your WH altogether.

Let him and OW shrivel up and self-destruct. You can only control YOU.

I hope you take this post in the light its meant. I really do understand what your going through, but its time to save yourself from those who are cold, selfish, and have abandoned you.


Rachel

Hi Rachel,

Thank you so much for your reply. For some reason when I read it, I just started crying uncontrollably. There are so many emotions I am feeling right now and I really don't know how to handle them all. I know all the things you say are true and good advice. Why I have so much trouble believing and doing, I have no idea. I feel like checking MYSELF into a mental hospital for a thorough evaluation. I really feel like I am close to a breakdown. I have no real coherent consistent thoughts. Or at least it seems that way to me.

((((Suzanne)))

Please, please take some time today to get your thoughts together and emotions calm.

Go for a walk, light some candles and play a little music, take a bubble bath....

I think a lot of us reach the point of overwhelming emotion and think we can't endure this another day.

You can get through this, and you will!

I believe we all have journey to take in life

......and this is part of yours.

Don't let it keep you from seeing the rest of your journey.

These people have chipped away at your self identity, and self esteem for too long.

You are too special to let them do this to you anymore. I can tell through your posts what a gentle soul you have..... your children need that, and deserve everything you can show them.

Your doing the right thing just by thinking of a plan for yourself and your daughter.

Keep going with it, and take time for yourself.

Keep posting,

God bless,
Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. It is something I really need right now. My family is very supportive of me but they too are frustrated by my inability to make any decisions. This makes me feel very cut off from everyone. I think that is what finally compelled me to post here.

Your kindness is sooooo appreciated right now. My WH has been coming home every night and is not mean, but just acts as if I am not here. Being treated like you are nobody is the most painful thing, yet why can't I leave? Beause when he feels I am headed out the door, he throws me a couple of crumbs. I can't believe my self-esteem has eroded to such a low that I feel so immobilized.

My brother tries to help, but the way he phrases things makes me feel even worse. Example: "You are like a little dog that hasn't been beaten enough." That's a real uplifting picture.

I keep asking myself why I believe my WH is worth the pain. But, again, I see just enough of him to hang in there. I waffle back and forth so much I am driving myself and everyone around me crazy. Yet it is so scary to get off the Merry-go-round. I feel like I am stepping off of a cliff. Trading the known (painful as it is) for the unknown (maybe more pain?????)

Rachel, again, thank you for your understanding and supportive response.

Bumping because I don't know how to make a link to make this accessible from a new topic. Sorry, can someone tell me how to do that?