Michael,

I knew you were out there; I'm glad you didn't go completely dark on us.

Update:

ww is now on day 36 of No Contact and telling me that her feelings for me are starting to change for the better.

I wish I could say my anger is under more control when it comes to the Om but it is not. Yesterday I spent three hours at the range and went through almost a thousand rounds of ammo. With my 9mm I can hit the bull at almost 70 yrds. I have a couple buddies that are narc's on the local police force and they took me to the police range and we went through there new room clearing range, it was wild. I cleared the house in 3 1/2 minutes, brings back those day's when I was happy doing what I loved. I spent a few hours at a buddies house having a few beers ( I Don't Drink ) and we talked about ww's A and I got pissed and put my fist through his garage wall, My buddy then told me a secret ( His wife cheated on him two yrs ago ) he told me that he respects my standing by ww because thats what he did. He told me the reason he did not want to get involved was because it brought back to many bad memories for him and his fww. I was shocked, He told me that his fww had an A because he was always gone at night and that she had no one to talk with. My buddy is lead on his B team for narcotics and works a lot of late hours.

WW has been trying to help me deal with all of this anger and she even told me she understands that it will take me time to trust her again. She told me that she still has feelings for OM but they are starting to wither. She asked me to please not bring up OM as much, I told her it's hard because of the hate I feel for him, WW told me that she understands and that she is just as much to blame and that she was sorry for doing this to me.

WEAVER:

I hope you don't stop visiting my thread because I do value your thought's, I'm sorry for being such a jerk you caught me on a very bad day and I took it out on a friend instead of taking a deep breath. I'm sorry. I hope we can still be friends?


To all of you that posted on here, I'm also sorry for the way I have been acting lately. I wish I could say I understood what I am going through but even I am having trouble dealing with these feelings of ANGER at FOM <---- is this ok

I also am sorry for using the lords name in vain.

I do pray that he forgives me for being so foolish.

I pray that God helps me through this and helps me and Cindy get through this with a strong love and a strong Marriage, AMEN

Last night me and ww spent some time together before bed and she asked me how I was doing, First time in months since I have been asked that. I told her how I was feeling and that I just don't understand why she did what she did, ww looked at me and told me that she does not fully understand why either and that when she does she will tell me. All she can say is that she is truly sorry and that one day she hopes I will forgive her.

She also told me it was my standing by her side that helped her get to day 36 if I had not been there for her she said she fears she would have made a huge mistake.

ww also told me that she knows it would never have worked out between her and OM and that she still has her days where she wonders but that those thoughts are always followed by her seeing me standing by her side.

She say's she still does not love me but that her feelings are changing for the better.

Well I will keep all of you updated.

I will work on the ANGER

Sounds like things are improving. The anger is perfectly normal. We just want to keep you safe.

God bless you, Michael and Cindy. You are making progress every day. It even sounds like you may be getting a handle on your anger. Michael I finally felt safe to share with my H last night something that helped lead to the A. I know it didn't feel good for him to know that FOM met an important need for me, but I felt it important for him to know that need is still going unmet. Will it change? That is up to him at this point. I will never cheat on him again either way but I hope and pray he will understand me a little better. Hang in there Michael and keep posting.

FaITHFULL FOLLOWER:


I wish my ww would tell me what led her to her A, all she ever say's was she fell out of love with me and the A just happened and that she was not looking for it.


She won't even tell me what needs I can fill of her's and like you tell me what one's I am not meeting and how I can.

Today she came home in a pretty nasty mood, all because I called her at work to check up on her.. She told me last week she understood these things so why now get upset.

Thank you Michael! I was a little worried that you were mad at me. You know I think I was having a bit of "a day" too. Normally things wouldn't bother me which did on Sunday.

You sound so much better today, and I know a lot of your MB friends are breathing a sigh of relief for that.

Yep, anger is a very real, and powerful emotion! Got to watch that one. Remember the song "Hey Joe" by Hendrix? Well I almost posted that on the cheatin songs thread and then thought better of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The whole lot of us are way too emotional and volatile to be listening to that song. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

All the best to you and your wife!

Michael, It may take quite a while for your W to feel comfortable talking about or even examining what led to her A. I would be her shame and guilt are eating her up. Hang in there, it is a bumpy ride.

UPDATE:

WW is on day 36 and seems to be doing ok. WW say's she only has fleeting moments of OM. Tonight she came home in somewhat of a bad mood and when I tried to talk with her she got really pissed off and upset.

So I have a feeling tonight will be a rough one for us. wish me luck

Please, anyone...Help me...Save me.....

Not having a very good night


Please

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mschluter:
<strong> Please, anyone...Help me...Save me.....

Not having a very good night


Please </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PLease expand. What is going on?

Michael,

what is up? Can you tell us? We care.

I'll be up a bit more, Michael. Please check in.

GC

^^giving this one a bump^^ Michael, check in PLEASE

Michael

What's up. We are thinking of you, and pulling for you. Give us a update, please?

SD

Michael? are you out there? check in please

^^bump^^

another bump up

bumping again. Michael check in please!

UPDATE: 01-01-2005


WW is now on day 40 of No Contact.


WW and I had a huge fight a couple day's ago, She came home very upset from work and when I tried to find out what was going on she gave me everything she had and the kitchen sink. I have never felt so much hurt and pain in my entire life.


I left the house and went out to my BIL's cottage an hour away and decided that I just could not do this anymore. I called everyone I could think of and told them what they meant to me.

I called ww and we talked for a little bit about everything. She asked me where I was and when I told her she got really mad at me.

We hung up and I wrote my last note to my kids.


I tried taking my life that night, My WW called my BIL who showed up and called the paramedics. I spent two day's in the hospital and now feel better, they have me on stronger AD's and something to help me sleep better. I will now be seeing an IC two x's a week.

WW stayed by my side the whole time, cried a lot and told me she never realized just how much hurt i was feeling.

She thought I could handle all that she was throwing at me, IC told WW that she needs to decide what she wants and to stop using me as a target and more like a husband. WW cried a lot and hugged me a lot.

WW told me that just the thought of never seeing and holding me again scared her beyond words.

I'm sorry I had so many of you worried but I left my note and then left to do what I needed to do. I feel better. Not sure what more I can say.

I need to find something in me to keep going otherwise this anger and hurt are going to kill me.

I advice anyone out there, Don't do what I did. It did not help matters and I know it was not the right answer, and thank God I have an IC that cares and wants to really help me save my M, and she even tore into ww a little, told her that she is lucky to have a Husband that is so willing to stand by her side, a husband that loves her even when things are down and bad.

Also told ww that she needs to start talking to me and not just when she is upset.

I hope all of you had a nice new year

Me and WW are actually starting to talk now....

Day 41 begins today, lets see where this takes us.