</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> If you all think I'm stupid....so be it. But, I will let you know that I am not. I am not wishy-washy. I have not let down my boundaries. This is my stand.

So, beat me up, don't talk to me, or you can support me.

Your choice.

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Noone said you are stupid, I think you are putting words into mouths here. I gave you an opinion on what I think might happen now that you have chosen this course (i.e taking him back in your house so soon). You do whatever you feel you need to do. I am concerned you would see my not so enthusiastic view of your course as "not supporting" hence why I said I should not post to your thread. I think you are being way to defensive here. Do what you want girl, it is your life. Congrtaulations on winning your husband back. I am sure that he will give you the chance to show him the "new you" and will not stray to the OW now. I am happy for you, I really am.

Lemonman.....

I fully realize what you are saying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And, to let you know, I value everyone's opinion here (yes, even yours). I know I would have been overcome by this mess without all of you. But, because of you all, I found myself. I have learned to stand. (Something I have never done before).

Please see that I don't consider this "winning" my H back. He fully knows he is "winning" me back.

My boundaries are staying in place. I don't feel these are "familiar waters". In truth, these waters are calm, with no undercurrents or riptides. No tsunamis (no levity intended to those thousands who recently lost lives and homes in a REAL tsunami).

Actually, I feel that I am the WINNER here. I have finally WON myself back.

With much to prove and to show, WH knows what the real work to be done is, and he demonstrates FULL willingness to do so.

I think that my personal "turning the corner" is my victory. And, I think that my finding that in myself has caused me to STAND.

I do not know your story, Lemonman. So, I do not understand a lot of where you are coming from.

Impart some knowlege.....so that I can know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BTW.....

I didn't intend to come off as defensive. My intent was to show off my new strength!

Isn't it pretty? Doesn't it shine? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I knew that many would think .... "too soon". It's the same all over again....she let down.

I think the whole thing makes me sound like a new found B!tch. On the contrary.....I'm the same old B with new found strength! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Not really....no one has ever considered me that!

Lemonman.....you say as you see....and you are not afraid to do it! It's one of the reasons people post here.....the very wide range of opinions....makes us think!

K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hi k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


My intent was to show off my new strength!

Isn't it pretty? Doesn't it shine?


YES it does!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know, initially I had the same concern as Lemonman that it was too soon to know if his willingness would turn into real actions. I'm not worried about it, though, because you have your newfound strength to do whatever you need to do. I really think that the more strength we have the bigger risks we can take, and less strength makes us take small risks if any at all.

You'll be fine, I'm sure--no matter what your H does <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care k

Hi Lovingb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks.....I do still need some support!

My new found strength is here to stay. This is a risk, no doubt. But, I feel the risk is all on WH.

I'm willing to do the work it takes. But, as in the book "Who Moved My Cheese?", I am ready to go down new roads to find it (the cheese). If I find stinky WH cheese, down a different road for me. If it's sweet H cheese, Great!

But I do not find turmoil or fear in my life now. I am ready to move on if need be. I have never been in this place personally before.

Everyone said, "I only see you writing about WH's actions, etc. Where is your personal growth?"

It starts in personal strength and the strength of your boundaries, and grows from there. Both things I learned here from you wonderful people. I took them to heart. They are now part of me.

I don't feel like WH can hurt me anymore. The damage is done, and in the past. He knows I will not go thru it again.

I now begin my journey. Alone or with H (not WH). I see risks both ways, and joy at the end of each path.

I can stand tall now. And on my own, if need be.

I STAND.

K

k,

you're going the right direction and I'm so happy that "you" are now feeling comfortable with it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I hope you're going to stay in contact with SH because he will guide you through this.

I haven't gotten many words for you k, but as I have said before: "YOU" have it in yourself and you are a strong woman. It was just important for you to find that out.
32 years "cannot" be whipped away and your husband knows that too.

I really hope that "he" gets it now because your marriage can become "what you both" dream for, it's just a matter of 100% from "both sides".

Stay on track!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (your husband needs "this additude" more than you realize)

hugs
bb
bb

Hi bb... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope your Christmas was wonderful.

I am staying on track, and do plan on keeping in touch with SH.

I am taking WH's word "Whatever it takes". I'm in it for that. If he is not, then.....

I feel great. My resolve does not waver. I want a happy life with H, but know I can also be happy on my own.

Someone said to get the song "I Will Survive". I also have another one..."I've Got A New Attitude".

BOTH fit me!

Hugs to you..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

Good stuff K! I am proud of you and I think you are doing well.

SH can help you and WH with a Plan to keep NO contact and work toward a good marriage. He helps a lot, especially when the old temptations and self talk come up for WH again and again.

Only you know the sincerity and genuineness of your H's new attitude and only you can work with him to make it all a reality.

Stay the course, you are awesome.

Thanks, Anne.....

I am staying the course, and am on track!

Right now, things are kind of sad around here. A very dear friend is near death. They don't give her more than a couple of hours.

She is actually the mother of one of my best friends. But have also been very close to her thru the years.

Pray for her family.

K

k,
I must admit, my Xmas was so beautiful. I actually feel a little "guilty" for this when I see how many of you are going through so much pain. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I remember what Xmas was like 4 years ago and I feel "overwhelmed". It was the sadest Xmas I have ever experienced and now this. It's "unexplainable" for me and I can't even express what this means to me deep inside. I feel so much "thankfullness" and "pride" that I stuck through and now to see the outcome of "our marriage".

I remeber one time right after dd when I phoned my mother in Canada saying that I was going to "imigrate back to Canada". I told her what had happened without many details.

I just remember what she told me: BB try your best and you might get the "Best husband" ever when this is over.

I never had a good relationship with my mother but boy was she right!

I have the "best man" I could imagine.........

k, I'm going to tell you the same thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Stick through with this and you too might have the pleasure to experience the "best man" ever.

You are so strong right now and he's going to "love you even more" once he too is on track again.

You have all reasons to feel prowd of yourself............ ( I have tears in my eyes tight now) just thinking of the pain you have gone through and for how long and yet you are still not giving up.
You have "grown" so much throughout this terrible time of your life where others would maybe "fall apart".

This alone speaks so much for you!!!!! No OW will ever come close to you, remember that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your actions are now matching your words. This comes over so powerfull. I really like that.

What you now need is a "BIG" dash of humor and that will surely do the job, for sure.

Don't let yourself be dragged down, ever again.

I can't imagine where your husband would be, without you and "he knows that!" If this wasn't true he'd be gone, long ago!!!

I wish you the best for the coming year and I'm more than sure that you are going to make it.

hugs & strength
bb

BTW: it was me that told you to use the song: "I will survive" for your answering machine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 01:15 PM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</small>

K, I am glad you have gotten something out of the book "Who Moved My Cheese?" It is a good little book, isn't it? I thought you might be at a good place to read it.

K, I understand Lemmonman's concern. I do believe you are one strong lady. I also believe you have been through hell, and you haven't been out of hell for that long. Sometimes we can be dragged back into a place in a very subtle(sp?)way. I guess a part of me would have preferred you not have your H move back in with you until his proving himself was well along. However, I'm not an expert on this, and it is your life. I hope you don't put up with one ounce of BULL****! Keep talking to SH, and I would have IC for your H be a mandate also, with a pro-M IC. If your H is really in NC I think you will feel it, because he seemed like he was a crappy lier while in contact.

BB, just a side comment. It is really nice to hear from someone 4 yrs. past d-day who is happy she stayed with the M. I am not at that point yet, or the point that I believe I can really put this A behind me. I hope I can feel the way you do one day. By the way, I also told K to get the song "I will Survive." Great minds think alike! CV

Hi CV.....

Well, this morning brings good news.

WH and I were talking on the phone this morning. I decided to call him to let him know that (long story short) I had not yet seen his Plan for working on our M.

He told me that we would sit down Thursday night when he gets home and talk about OUR plan. He's got band practice tonight, so tonight is out.

I said that would work for me. Of course, MY plan for Thursday night is to bring out LB, and HN/HN and the workbook for them, and suggest we use them in our plan.

Then, out of the blue, WH tells me he has gotten the name of a good IC, and is calling him to make an appointment. He said he doesn't know how it will work, but that he needs to talk to someone about all of his inner "stuff", help him figure some things out.

GREAT!!!! GOOD!!!!! WH really does need some help with his depression, and other issues. I know that I can't help him with that. I told WH that a good IC will help him figure out his feelings, and then help him find good ways of dealing with them.

So, today, I'm glad my stronger, more assertive self is in the picture. Before, I would not have called to talk about this to WH; I would have kept silent.

Just another day to take out my new found strength, and polish it up. It IS pretty, and it fits me so well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, to motivate my self to go to work.....

K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hi k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hey K,

A suggestion I'm picking up from your posts...

Stop trying to *save* him. I am a helper, and got caught in the trap of trying to help my H get to a better place (at least a better place in MY eyes). It tends to mother them.

Why call and find out about the plan?

Why bring the books out before you hear HIS plan?

Why make suggestions about things HE can work on IC?

Very DJ of you...I should know...I am the QUEEN of DJ's.

Suggestion? Read the LB book about DJ's.

Hi Lovingb..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Still....

You are right.....I need to back off in this.

I'm not trying to mother him....I guess I think I'm more trying to be his friend. Definitely not trying to DJ.

But, I guess I am. Thanks for you view on this.

WH did just call me and said he called the IC for an appointment. This was all his idea. He really does need to do this for himself.

When we make a plan, do you have any suggestions on what I should bring up? He knows what my boundaries are, and he knows what SH told him before.

I guess I need to hear what his plan is before I can say anything from my side.

Thanks, K

7

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: *blondblossom* ]</small>

hi k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hi k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />