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It reads like this:
I just want to tell you that I miss you so very much and I realize how much I
love you and I don't think I could ever be happy with you gone from my life.
What I said the other day about how I feel about you was from my heart. I know
that I have put you through so much heartache and I wish I could take it all
back. I do know what I want and I believe after this last episode I can focus
on what I need to do. I am so lost and very alone and this is no way to live.
I will never ask anything of you and I will never tell you things that I will do
to win your heart, but I would like to work out a plan and share it with you on
how, I will try, to make our marriage work. I guess like you always said it
needs to be by action not words. Please forgive me for all my wrong doings and
yes I feel very repentful. If you are not interested in this, I will understand
and I want you to remember that you have always been at the top of my list even
though it didn't seem like it at the time.
I am sorry this has happened during Christmas. I t seems I always do things to
hurt everyone that is close to me. I will try to buy something for everyone and
drop it off with DD. I don't have much money but I don't feel right not
being able to be around without doing something. I'll probably go for a long
drive down the coast and spend that day and night in a motel somewhere until
it's over. I want to let you know that you have been the best person through
this whole thing and you have shown strength that not to many people possess.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?
K
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ummm..
do you hear what I hear????????????
blah blah blahhhhh...blah blah blah........
ARK
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More like a buzz or a drone.......
No response to him from me.
BTW, I was going to ask for advice on conditions, proof, and just what I should ask and look for to enter into negotiations with WH.
He can spend Christmas alone. It will do him a world of good.
Especially since I found out earlier (last week) that WH was in contact with OW for all of but two weeks after he moved home.
Addiction? BIG TIME!!!!
K
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dup post.
<small>[ December 20, 2004, 03:41 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>
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Well I don't hear....blah... I hear that he will come up with a plan.... So I would ask for him to come up with that plan so you can see it. Reiterate his 'actions vs words' committed statement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Now as for him driving down any coast and staying in any motel, tell him that's a big trigger for you.....just say something like. "Hmm.... you said you didn't have much $$ but was going to spend something on the coast in a motel. Can you please tell me how that works with your plan to restore my trust in you?" IMHO, I think it is time to acknowledge what he wrote. Yes there still are pieces of fog babble but also some truth or else he is one smooth talker and time will help reveal the truth. So what are you going to do? L.
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K,
I thought you went into Plan B? Do you have to read his emails? Why don't you make it a little easier on yourself and block his email addy?
When he has established NC with OW, and is meeting your conditions of Plan B he'll find a way to reach you.
I would block his emails and really go dark, so dark you read nothing from him.
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Orchid....
Let me think on this. If I do respond, I will post here first, so I can get your opinions.
K
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I don't know, if I remember correctly last time she went dark he did the same thing almost right away, just like this time.
Am I confused K, is that how it went last time?
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I just want to tell you that I miss you so very much
big whoop-de-doo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
and I realize how much I love you and I don't think I could ever be happy with you gone from my life.
What I said the other day about how I feel about you was from my heart.
The "I don't think" part is waffling... he did NOT say "I KNOW I could never be happy without you".
I am so lost and very alone and this is no way to live.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> boo-hoo
I will never ask anything of you and I will never tell you things that I will do
to win your heart, but I would like to work out a plan and share it with you on
how, I will try, to make our marriage work.
Well... where is this "plan"??? Let's take a look at it!!!
I guess like you always said it
needs to be by action not words. Please forgive me for all my wrong doings and
yes I feel very repentful.
Big old whoop-de-doo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
If you are not interested in this, I will understand
This is really crap here... the creame de la crap.
and I want you to remember that you have always been at the top of my list even
though it didn't seem like it at the time.
*sniff*sniff* .... smells like crap....
I am sorry this has happened during Christmas. I t seems I always do things to
hurt everyone that is close to me.
Oh, poor him .... the old sympathy play... what's next? Possibly the tried and true --->"I don't want to live if you don't take me back!!!" .... hmmmmmm?
I will try to buy something for everyone and
drop it off with DD. I don't have much money but I don't feel right not
being able to be around without doing something.
Fa-la-la-la la.....
I'll probably go for a long
drive down the coast and spend that day and night in a motel somewhere until
it's over.
Ok... tears all around.... poor guy *sniff* ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
I want to let you know that you have been the best person through
this whole thing and you have shown strength that not to many people possess.
Translation:
If I lick you and compliment you ... will you pretend I did not do the mean nasty things I did?
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?
Have some fun... He's not even close to being ready.
Pep
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yeah... well I still hear blah blah blah... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> based on the fact that you have been asking for no contact...all along...which he just conveniently disregarded... blah blah based on the issue that no where in this email does he discuss his plans for no contact with the OW... I just want to tell you that I miss you so very much and I realize how much I love you and I don't think I could ever be happy with you gone from my life. yet last week he was willing to engage in contacting actions that made him pretty happy What I said the other day about how I feel about you was from my heart. I know that I have put you through so much heartache and I wish I could take it all back. I do know what I want and I believe after this last episode I can focus on what I need to do. oh do the voice mail message was just an episode.... I am so lost and very alone and this is no way to live. yet last week he was willing to live in your home ...sleep in a bed beside you and keep in contact with the OP I will never ask anything of you unrealistic promise...ofcours married people ask things of one another...that is definitely a blah blah statement and I will never tell you things that I will do to win your heart, but I would like to work out a plan and share it with you on how, fine work out a plan..put your money where where his mouth... I will try, to make our marriage work. I guess like you always said it needs to be by action not words. Please forgive me for all my wrong doings and yes I feel very repentful. If you are not interested in this, I will understand and I want you to remember that you have always been at the top of my list even though it didn't seem like it at the time. BALONEY.... I am sorry this has happened during Christmas. I t seems I always do things to hurt everyone that is close to me. TRANSLATE TO..I'M SORRY I GOT CAUGHT AT X-MAS...NO GIFTS FOR ME.... I will try to buy something for everyone and drop it off with DD. I don't have much money but I don't feel right not being able to be around without doing something. I'll probably go for a long drive down the coast and spend that day and night in a motel somewhere until it's over. I want to let you know that you have been the best person through this whole thing and you have shown strength that not to many people possess. BLAH BLAH BLAH... ARK
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I'm with Pep - I have a whole box of letters just like this.
My guess is that he and OW will be spending Christmas together, and he is letting you know not to expect much.
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I have two questions ~ are you in plan B or not?
did you set up an intermediary to handle communication between you and H to prevent the kind of emotional blah blah blah (to borrow a very good quote) that you are getting now?
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> I'm with Pep - I have a whole box of letters just like this.
My guess is that he and OW will be spending Christmas together, and he is letting you know not to expect much. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and I'm with Believer.... her second paragraph is probably very (sadly) accurate
Pep
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Hi k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
This is the reason you will not get Plan B advice from me--I got sucked in after reading his email LOL. The only concerns I had was his trip when he didn't have very much money to buy presents and why he has to wait until after Christmas to come up with a recovery plan. I thought he wanted to make sure that you got HIM a Christmas present and that he was going away with OW over Christmas but was putting a Poor Pitiful Me spin on it to throw you offtrack. My "advice" would have been to ask him if you could both go to OW's and he could read the email to you while the OW looked on.
And it would have been VERY BAD ADVICE!! LOL
k, you have excellent and very knowledgeable people advising you. They have developed excellent bull**** detectors. They know how to translate fogese. And they care about YOU k! Doesn't that feel wonderful??!!
Take care
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Double post -- I would rather it had been a double scoop sundae <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ December 20, 2004, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: LovingBoundaries ]</small>
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Yep, that's my take on this too Believer. He is making plans with OW to spend Christmas with her, and he is trying to use this time to make you feel sorry for him too...
He is hedging his bet...that IN CASE things don't work out with youi, he can have OW to fall back on, or the other way around.
I would stay dark, no more reading of the emails, OK? Plan B is to protct yourself and the love you still have. You can't do that if you are still listening to babble...
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My "advice" would have been to ask him if you could both go to OW's and he could read the email to you while the OW looked on.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I donno... I sort-a like this! Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Quick! Someone document this -- LovingBoundaries had a good idea!! But do it quick before others point out the holes in it! There's always holes, ya know. But, in my defense, one of my greatest skills is coming up with ideas that don't work -- ideas that others can plug the holes and turn it into something useable <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .
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K,
Seems like Ark, Believer, Pep and others recall your sitch better than me.
Did your H pull this stunt before? If yes, to this degree or what makes this one different if there is a difference?
I don't want to disect his e-mail since it already has been done but ultimately you will have to decide whether you respond/how or not.
I know this is a hard time for you with all this confusing fog babble intermixed with what w/b some real truth.
Just answer it as best you can. More options are in your favor than his.
Your sitch looks similar to what I heard. No matter what I did, the fog still hung over our M for a long time. Recovery is probably harder than where you are at now but which path you take s/b your choice.
L.
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Yes, right now, I'm takin this all in. I'm still gonna think on this. Judging by the past, I'm more inclined to think blah, blah, blah....
He gets all wound up about this, makes what HE thinks are sincere promises, and then when he can finally come around, he backslides.
HE JUST SENT ME A DOZEN RED ROSES WITH A CARD "HERE'S A START....LOVE, WH"
If I were a sap for roses, that would REALLY get me. However, I think they are pretty much a waste of money.
I'd rather have the truth.
K
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