native, I feel for you man. I went through the same thing as you emotionally. I was hurt by my WW's continued contact with OM. Each time she broke NC I got a little less hurt and a little more upset. The last time I was so pissed I filed for D. (Not recommended here at MB, since I never did a plan B)

I think it's normal to be angry, just don't do anything out of anger that may ruin a chance at reconciliation, if that's what you are still hoping for.

Good luck

MIF
How am I doin'?

Thanks Redhat and MIF,

I plan on finishing my Plan A until Dec. 31, reading my scriptures and praying for God to move on my behalf.

Once WW decides to move out I will help her, I've already told her I'd help her move.

How/Why do I expose her A to her work? She does have a GF that works there that sometimes goes out to clubs, but really I don't understand how that would help as the OM doesn't work there. I could see doing this if the OM was at the work.

Red your right in that I do think that I'm in the anger mode now, although I don't think it's gone to the LB mode yet. I could be wrong though, it is best that I go to Plan B though. I actually don't want an adulterous woman in my bed!

MIF, thanks for the encouragement, it's nice to know that I'm normal. I consider myself and easygoing, calm guy, but recently I've been getting angry. Inside I've always wondered why I wasn't angry, guess I just wasn't far enough along in my sitch.

I've always prided myself in being calm and not making rash decisions, guess I'm putting myself to the test now.

So how/why expose to her work? Any thoughts guys?

I don't see why exposing this at her place of employment is going to help you. I could be wrong, however. If, like you said the affair was with someone she worked with then that is different, but it's not. I think you would succeed in pissing her off.

MIF

MIF, I think I agree here with you. I'm hoping that Red will come back and post a reply soon!! I think the only thing this will do is push her farther away.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> MIF, I think I agree here with you. I'm hoping that Red will come back and post a reply soon!! I think the only thing this will do is push her farther away. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The purpose of exposing is to put the heat on her A ... if it doesn't help the cause you might choose to let it go. Take the secrecy of A out of all social circles that she is in. Don't let it go just b/c WS would get pissed. Yes, it would test her A to be a R with OM.

Affair Exposure

-rh-

<small>[ December 26, 2004, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Okay Red, I see your point it is a circle that she is in. So how do I go about exposing the A to people I don't even know very well? How do I come of without being the bad guy/stalker, as I'm sure her coworkers will probably side with her just out of knowing her better.

Do you know that one only one time LB that MB prescribe is Exposing A. So it doesn't matter what she think of you in this matter.

One softer approach, I would find her best freind and talk to her as a distressed and concerned H ... btw, bring prove. One idea I got from one MBer, I would write a plan A letter (it is a plan B letter w/o telling of NC) and email it to her and cc: her whole department ... an oopsh email.

Even her co-worker knows about the A, you would clear up any possible lies that she put about you.

-rh-

Native,

WW: I really need to get me and the kids out of the house but I can't afford an appt.

Now how is it that she gets to take the kids?

Have you exposed to all? Even her step father?

You still don't have to make it easy for her. Its like fighting for her in a way, I think.

If there is some hope, then throw as many obstacles as you can in her way.

k

Native,

Have you contacted an attorney at all? Most will give you a free 1/2 hour consultation. You need to know your state laws, especially about the kids. She can not keep you from seeing the kids. You need to establish a very comprehensive plan of seeing them. If you don't they can use the precedent of how much custody you can have if a legal separation occurs based on how much time you have been seeing them since she moved out.

I really am sorry that she feels that sleeping around and going from one guy to another is going to make her happy. This tells me that she really has no love for herself. Was she very promiscuous before you married? Sometimes women equate SF to love, or at least they hope that the OM will love them if they have SF with them... wake up call to all the women out there....doesn't happen, never will.

So I think you need to call a lawyer. I am not saying to rush into a divorce. Just be educated for future purposes. And she doesn't need to know you even called. Take care of those babies!

Redhat:One softer approach, I would find her best freind and talk to her as a distressed and concerned H ... btw, bring prove. One idea I got from one MBer, I would write a plan A letter (it is a plan B letter w/o telling of NC) and email it to her and cc: her whole department ... an oopsh email.

That would be a good idea but I don't know the email list for her dept. Besides she'd see right through that. And since it seems as if she already hates me anyway I will probably expose to a few people at her work.

Krusht:Now how is it that she gets to take the kids?

Hi Krusht, well we have opposite work schedules so by the time I get home from work she usually has time to get the kids ready and she goes to her GF's place. She just started doing this last week. I'm going to try and put a stop to it this week though.

Have you exposed to all? Even her step father?

I've exposed to most people that have influence over her except her coworkers and step father. I will most likely remedy that this week though.

You still don't have to make it easy for her. Its like fighting for her in a way, I think.

I agree that is how I see it, but we all know how the WS will take it. No matter though.

Waiting:Have you contacted an attorney at all? Most will give you a free 1/2 hour consultation. You need to know your state laws, especially about the kids. She can not keep you from seeing the kids. You need to establish a very comprehensive plan of seeing them. If you don't they can use the precedent of how much custody you can have if a legal separation occurs based on how much time you have been seeing them since she moved out.

Hi Waiting, I have emailed an attorney and will be setting up a consult. this week probably. I'm well aware of the precedent aspect in all this, which is why I want to put a stop to her taking the kids. I actually think this works in favor for me because I work a schedule that is half the front of the week. So I'm with the kids more.

I really am sorry that she feels that sleeping around and going from one guy to another is going to make her happy. This tells me that she really has no love for herself. Was she very promiscuous before you married? Sometimes women equate SF to love, or at least they hope that the OM will love them if they have SF with them... wake up call to all the women out there....doesn't happen, never will.

I see now that she's always had a self-esteem issue. She got a breast aug. during our first few years together and has always been into her appearance. She was a good church girl/virgin when we married, in a way I feel guilty for corrupting her.

This thing that she's doing now is a maturity issue for her, not an EN issue. She wants to see what the single life is, because she feels she missed out on it (the last is my conjecture). Is it right, heck no. But I can't control her if she wants out. I'm basically throwing out all the stops now but she's already given up and wants out I guess.

Native

Native,

but we all know how the WS will take it. No matter though.

I'm basically throwing out all the stops now but she's already given up and wants out I guess.

I think this is the right attitude. Right now throw as many wrenches into her moving out gear box as you can. Fight for the kids, as in attorneys and court orders if need be.

Maybe just a threatening letter to her on an attorney's letterhead may cause her to pop her head up out of the fog for a minute and think long and hard about her choices.

Again, it has only been a little over 2 months since Dday, plus the holidays amp up the emotions to a fever pitch. You should not do anything drastic except fight for the kids and plan A for the month of January. And try to keep her at home.

Can you talk to her step father, man to man, about the sitch? Put a stop payment on the check?

I know most apartment complexes and property managers now run credit checks on prospective renters. Maybe she has crappy credit..or no credit.

I know it helps with the roller coaster if you can be more pro-active instead of just reacting.

k

Hi Krusht,

I should clarify that I've been pulling out all the stops by getting her to snap out of her fog. Ie, getting her MIL to email her, church friends talking to her, doing my plan A.

However I have been asking her nicely when she's planning on moving out. I've told her that the person that she is right now I just can't live with either. I've been doing this so that she knows that I'm not needy and clingy and that I can and will be a better person with out her. She knows I've been talking to an attorney (just emailing between you and me... shhh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Once she does move out which I'm assuming will happen soon as in Jan. I will be going dark in Plan B. If she decides to stay then great but i don't see that happening.

I thing FIL already gave her the money and probably won't take it back now. He did tell me that he won't do it again, hope I can trust him. I forgot about the credit thing, maybe why that's why she hasn't been packing the rest of her stuff.

Yes I want to be more proactive, but I'm also moving into my anger stage. Now that I know that she's been with two seperate men, I'm starting to get disgusted by her. I don't want her in my bed. I can't even fantasize about her anymore (sorry but I haven't had sex/affection in 4 months, definately a record).

I don't know if I could take WW back now, unless she snapped out of it and became totally disgusted with herself/actions and remorseful towards me.

Just the way I feel.

native.

hi native,

How are ya today?

Just checking in

MIF

Native,

Once she does move out which I'm assuming will happen soon as in Jan. I will be going dark in Plan B.

Sounds like the plan.
k

Hey MIF thanks for the check in,

Well I'm in the heat of battle I guess. Since I've been back in the church I've been praying to God for my WW soul. I know there is a spiritual battle going on in her/for her right now. And since I have been having these anger things pop up I've been picturing myself back in the Marine Corps fighting. I'm outnumber, outgunned, taking heavy casualties, and I just lost my radioman my only means of comm.

So all in all a lost cause, but as they say in the corps, Semper Fidelis, always faithful. I have a plan and I will stick to that plan. I have to find a way to channel this anger. I'm trying to stay faithful to God and I know he's helping me through this.

And yes, WW is still lobbing mortars at me every night she stays with OM#2. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I'm wondering when she'll drop this guy and move to the next.

I have the guys # and am thinking about having someone call saying that there from the CDC and that WW put him down as a contact and that he should go down right away to the nearest lab and have himself checked out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Krusht, thanks for the vote of confidence. I just wish I could find somebody on this board that had a similiar sitch to mine! Anybody know any, maturity, single life stories on this board??

Thanks, Native.

Hang in there buddy.

Good things come to those who wait. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


why am I so impatient then?

MIF

Good things will come I agree, it's just whether our WW's are here to enjoy it or not right partner?

Well I guess we're impatient because like you said we are in pain. I don't know anyone normal that likes pain, we try to get rid of it asap.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have the guys # and am thinking about having someone call saying that there from the CDC and that WW put him down as a contact and that he should go down right away to the nearest lab and have himself checked out. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do that as soon as possible. Make him a target. He obviously knows she is still married. BUT...who knows what she has told him. It seems logical that she has told him all the negative & non of the positive. Of course she is going to paint a bad picture of you...she has too, to keep the OM.
Scare him some. Talk to him...but dont get anger with him. He will tell her everything you said. I came really close to confronting the OM. I wanted to get hostile, but that would have only hurt me more. Use reason & extreme judgment. Record any conversations you can. I know..I know...they cant be used in court. But at least you can let other people hear what is going on in your purposely silent dilema.

Yeah I think I will call him. I'll probably also send a copy of her CDC letter. I just came up with the letter thing right now.

Native.

Well I just had a face to face with the Step Father, I exposed everything. Told him that if he wanted to help me save my M that he could put a stop payment on WW check that she got from him for her 1st months rent. He said he would. I exposed everything and he said I was very convincing, I said I don't have to be when the choice is morally right. I also told him that he's only hearing my side of the story, and that I encourage him to talk to WW to get her side. That could only help me in exposing though.

So now I'm waiting for WW to blow up at me, I'm wondering when she's going to come after me.

I'm wondering if this was the right thing to do.

I'm wondering if this will only push her farther away.

I'm wondering if this really did anything, b/c she is still having the A even while living in the house.

I do know that this has stopped her from taking the kids to an appt. so that is good.

I don't know how to get over the fact that I want her out because I'm angry and disgusted by the WW (Not the W) I don't want WW sleeping in my bed. So then why did I stop her from moving out?

What did I just do?