Thanks legato,

you are right, she won't be able to stay mad forever. Does anyone think I am taking the right aproach to get back in the house?

Don't ask permission... just show up and move back in... do you have a key?

You may not necessarily sleep in the same bed with her... but YOU sleep in the master bedroom! If that makes her uncomfortable, let HER sleep on the couch.

Has she brought OM into your bed?

Expect her to be angry. You're stepping on her affair fun.


Pep

My only criticism would be that you asked her if it was alright for you to come home for the holidays. It would be better if you would merely inform her that you are coming home permanently. It sounds like she has 'allowed' you to come home temporarily and your hoping that will end up permanent. True?

Pepperband,

Yes I do have a key, and no, she has not brought her OM to our/my bed.

Should I put any thought to her rants about our seperation is about our past, not her A?

I am sure it has a large part to play, she says no. It is all about the way we interacted before, that is why we are seperated.

Just take a day off work while she is at work and move in. Make sure you have a copy of the deed to your house in case she calls the cops. She may make up something saying your dangerous or something...so talk to a lawyer first. do it before the holidays--tommorrow!!! Time to be proactive and not reactive!!(Ain't working )

Good point, and thank you.

What about the crap about our past? Just ignore smile and move on? Keep on my plan A?

Sorry about this I am a little scared about the outcome.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I do have a key, and no, she has not brought her OM to our/my bed.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good. Then sleep in your own bed. If she doesn't like it... she moves to another sleeping arrangement.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Should I put any thought to her rants about our seperation is about our past, not her A?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to her rants. Nod your head and say "I hear you. Let's start today fixing things between us." She's giving you a snow job. Her A is NOW the problem.

Stand up for yourself. Be a man.

pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
I am a little scared about the outcome. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">... and so what?

Are you willing to fight for your marriage... or are you going to bystand politely?

Pep

Want to know a secret?

Women think strong decisive men are attractive !

Pep

Thanks pepperband,

I was a very strong man, she told me that many times. You are right, I am not acting that way now....

Sir, she may be wanting and waiting for you to fight for her ! She may interpret your pasivity as not loving her enough to fight for her !

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pepperband,
she said to me about six months ago that "why shouldn't you chase me am i not worth it"

She is worth it to me, I am just unable to get rid of her OM. I do belive she understands he is a sh*t and no good for her, yet I want to be carefull as she told me I was very controlling in our past.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>I am just unable to get rid of her OM.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nor can you.

Re-read Rule #2 in the link below.

Shift your focus away from separating them and towards your Plan A and your family. Forget about OM as much as you can. You have no control over him (once exposure is accomplished) and all the control over yourself. He is merely a symptom of the real disease. Her useful idiot. Treat the disease, not the symptom.

Understand?

And, Pep is right - a strong, decisive man is attractive to women. That's why she likes me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> OK, that's why she likes Mr. Pep.

<small>[ December 23, 2004, 07:10 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
And, Pep is right - a strong, decisive man is attractive</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why WAT ... I am surprised at this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

".....to women!"

Well, maybe to some men, too.

OK, Alan, here's what you can say to your wife:

"I intend to move back home for the good of our family."

Then just do it.

In the extreme, she may attempt to keep you out, but she cannot in the end. If she does something crazy like change the locks, you will have to get an attorney involved. DO NOT bust down the door, call the cops, or anything else that inserts a lot of "energy" into the situation. You are in the driver's seat here and THERE IS NOTHING SHE CAN DO to prevent you from coming home. Be cool, calm, but persistent. She may delay it a bit, but she cannot stop it.

Do not make any decisions when you're emotional. Think with your head, not your feelings.

OK?

WAT

Thanks to all for the advice.

She told me today that it is time fir a Divorce. She no longer loves me...Bla..Bla..Bla...

She told me I can come home, she has a place to go anyway. It seems like this is dead...

Nothing is dead if I dont want it to be right?

Even if she goes I can still work my Plan A and do my best. The hard thing is she means the world to me. I have never loved like I love this woman.

She may be my WW <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> however, I still love her. I have tried to hate her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I have even tried to dislike her but to no avail.

So I get back into my house and off goes the WW. I am positive she can not move in with her OM as her has way to many GF on the go and is off to Hawaii with one on sunday.
Plan A here we come again?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Nothing is dead if I dont want it to be right? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly! Now you're getting it. You continue to Plan A and make improvements in yourself whether they notice or not while they continue doing whatever they're doing. When she runs out of gas and looks around to figure out what happened and how did she get here, what does she see? None other than you; but not the same you - a new YOU. Because you've been busy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Even if she goes I can still work my Plan A and do my best </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you can but it's more difficult when you're separated. Don't be concerned about what she says. They all say all kinds of things and most times it comes to nothing.

On the other hand, part of your job is to make it very difficult for the affair to continue. Many times they can't take it and move out so that they can continue the affair more easily. You have to be mentally prepared for that. If she decides to move out, let her go.

My wife left and was gone for a year. She continued contact until the EA ran its course. I Plan A'd continually while she was gone except that sometimes I went dark, as in, I just didn't answer the phone when she called because I just didn't want to listen to anymore fog babble. It kind of drove her crazy when she didn't know where I was and realized that if she needed me she might not be able to get in touch with me.

I have to leave work now. I'll check back tomorrow.

Legato, Pepperband,

you guys are great, so much help.

I am back in the house and spent Christmas with my girls, the WW was there as well and it was great.

I tried so hard not to LB, I think I did this morning, she called as she is broke and needs some help, I did offer the help, yet I said something that set her off? I dont know what it is, but she did apologize to me after and told me she was sorry for getting mad?

I dont understand at all, maybe I am LBing all over the place, I dont think so. The thing is I am home, she is gone and I still love her. Her OM is off to Hawaii on tuesday with his OW, I hope that wakes her up a bit. He can do no wrong in her eyes.

As I am starting to understand it will take a lot more time than I ever thought this would.

Thanks for the help and support.