How do you guy's handle the time when you know you're WW is with her OM?

This is my worst area, as I LB all the time here? Does anyone have advice on this, I am trying sooooo hard to win, any advice would BE GREAT.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>I am back in the house and spent Christmas with my girls, the WW was there as well and it was great.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Terrific job, Alan.

Now don't be too helpful to her. It will be hard to figure out where to draw the line, but for sure don't give her everything she wants.

A good test is to ask yourself this question with each request she makes: "Will doing this for her help my marriage or my family?" The answers are not always easy in Plan A as you frequently have to take one step backwards in order to take two steps forward. Boundaries have to be set, however. She needs to feel some consequences of her decisions.

Bottom line, ask here when you're not sure what to do and you'll get help from unemotional heads.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong> How do you guy's handle the time when you know you're WW is with her OM?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think of her as a drug addict getting a fix.

Think of her as your WW, not your wife. The WW was abducted by aliens and had her brains scrambled.

And finally > MBWs. Moose brain worms. Makes the mooses do stupid stuff. She could have picked some up somewhere.

WAT

Well I guess I'm not as good as pretending as it still kills me, although I think I've done a pretty good job of looking to my WW as I've detached from her.

My WW went with OM on Christmas day!!! Yes it killed me, I can't pretend that away, but I don't let her see that.

So I guess I'm really no help here, sorry about that.

As far as how to handle it when she's with OM, just do the best you can. I assume she knows how you feel about it so not much point in reminding her. Just find something to do for yourself, exercise or something that you enjoy to take your mind off of it.

If she doesn't know that it hurts you deeply for her to continue this contact, make sure that she does know. Don't LB, but sure she knows that it hurts.

Worthatry,

My emotional up heaval when she is out or I think she is out with her OM drives me crazy. This is when I LB the most and I dont control myself very well. Any thoughts on dealing with this, how do you stop the thoughts?

Thanks everyone, I think I did LB this morning, not sure? Wont kill myself over this and I am working hard on not thinking about her and her OM. The lack of sleep is the real killer when I think she is out.

Legato, she is very aware that her time with him hurts me, I have told her it is the greatest pain I have ever felt. Don;t know if that was right to say or not.

She did tell me christmas day that she felt closer to me than she had in a long time, I hope that is a good sign, I think I have just expected to much to soon.

alank,

Now that I think of it, most of the time when I'm not engaging my mind (and then sometimes even when I am) all I think about is my WW/WW and two OM. So I guess what I'm saying is try and do something that makes you concentrate. I like going to the gym but even there I can set my brain on autopilot. One thing I do like to do that seems to work is read my bible on strength and peace, or pray before bed. Or just read the newspaper and engage my mind.

So if you know she's out do something with your mind. Maybe that's not health (repressing?) but it seems to help me get through this garbage.

Native.

Wow, it has taken some time however I think I am on the right path. I have been very quick to think things were getting better when I shouls be giving my WW time.

Native00, thank you I will take that advice, my mind starts to go and it is hard to stop thinking.

One more question, how detramental is it to still use my love words for my WW.

Should I still use

Dear
Pumkin
Beautiful
Hon?

Or am I sending mixed signels?

Hey,

why does my WW call me her best friend?, why does she need me so much?

She is starting to call me for every little thing. I am not giving in, I am keeping my boundries as best I can. Question, is this progress, or her having her cake and eating it as well?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong> Worthatry,

My emotional up heaval when she is out or I think she is out with her OM drives me crazy. This is when I LB the most and I dont control myself very well. Any thoughts on dealing with this, how do you stop the thoughts? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Alan, that's exactly what I was doing. I thought that every spare minute my WW had she was spending it with/talking to her OM. It drove me insane to the point when I would catch her I went into a rage and LB all over the place. If I am awake, I am thinking about my M and pending D. It kills me.

Good luck to ya

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong> Hey,

why does my WW call me her best friend?, why does she need me so much?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Re-read Rule #1.

One of the hardest things for a male BS is trying to stop being so analytical. We want to understand why things are the way they are. We want to make sense of it. When we can't we get frustrated and angry.

Try hard to decide that you can't make sense of it. You cannot reason with a drunk.

WAT

<small>[ December 27, 2004, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>You cannot reason with a drunk.

WAT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unless you too are drunk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If I go and have my own A, perhaps my WW and I can wallow in our fog together? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

As they say, when in Rome do as the WW?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong> If I go and have my own A, perhaps my WW and I can wallow in our fog together? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

As they say, when in Rome do as the WW? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Let the fog roll in!

Drunk to Drunk...

Fog to Fog...

Or in my case, Plan A the heck out of her and pray for the best.

One day at a time, and work on me first...

Well how about a thought here,

My WW's OM is leaving for Hawaii tuesday with his OW, he has had many. I am sure my WW will see him tonight, I am at work till 9:00pm and I know he has a x-mass gift for her. He can push every button she has. In her eyes he can do no wrong, just like this trip, it's ok he goes with her, then it's I feel so used by him. She flip flops all the time. Fog I guess?

Any way, she called me 10 mins ago and asked me to see a movie with her on wed night? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wait, am I just filler to her <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Am I just keeping her busy while he is away? I want to go as I love being with her and it would be a great time to Plan A her more. Should I go?

Should I not? She has many times I swear the fog is lifting, she is talking about how close she feels to me at times, she has told me that her OM had an A on his XW. He even got some poor woman pregnant last x-mass while he was with another woman.

Her OM is the king of the A and can write a book on how to cheat. Do you think she cares about this stuff, she is the one that has told me about all his sh*t.. Any thoughts, I want to go to the movie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Well talk about a lot of fog and no LB's..

My WW just called me, what I thought would be a nice conversation turned out to be her ranting about everything I have done in our past, this also includes this X-Mass.

Well I listened to her rant,I said alot of I understand's and so on. When she was finished she said sorry and I will talk to you later.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I don't understand her.....Yet I love her soo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think my WW is NUTS.

Her fog is so thick it could choke a city!!!

She just called to say she loves me, and btw, she just did her X-Mass exchange with her OM.

Nuts I say.

Still love her, though at times I don't know why.

Well alank, believe 10% of WW words and 90% of her actions. It is a mystery and how love can take so much of a beating. I've been thinking to myself lately on how to compare a WS pain (the pain that caused the A, if there was any) to the pain that the BS feels. I don't really think there is a comparison but I'm sure I'm biased.

We just love our WS thats it, we just do.

Native.