papermom-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, of course you don't have a good feeling about it. It is a mean and sick thing to say at your expense.

As for its validity, please believe Cherished's post. Never once in my life have I heard another woman express a preference of one man over another because of penis size. It's ridiculous, and if it's her true feeling, it doesn't say much for her as a person. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with you and everyone else on this. It truly isn't the penis size situation, for I could care less about that(other than what it says about my WW as a person). OM is lacking in so many other ways that is is ridiculous. Its that if my WW truly did say it (I haven't heard it from her yet, just SIL and FIL), then she has been lying to me about more than I ever thought she was.

As far as a plan to be away from her...its not really possible. We have to work together to put out the presents we each got for the kids, and to set everything up for the morning. It will be an awkward situation for me, but I'm sure WW will act like everything is perfectly ok. If the weather is bad, she might not be able to make it here, but that would just postpone the inevitable.

Dimmu

Dimmu,

For what it's worth, my XWW [first W] was a serial cheater and I went through the same hellish feelings you have been going through. When I made the choice to forgive my XWW, it was not due to any kind of epiphany that allowed me to let go of the anger and bitterness, no it started as a conscious choice that dragged my Taker kicking and screaming bloody murder. Eventually, my Taker realized that it was in my long term best interests to do so and finally allowed me to have the peace of mind that I had long sought. Just like implementing Plan A/Plan B is counterintuitive, so is the choice to forgive.

TMCM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by papermom-

Never once in my life have I heard another woman express a preference of one man over another because of penis size. It's ridiculous, and if it's her true feeling, it doesn't say much for her as a person.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dimmu,

Papermon is right. My present W was once married to a male version of my XWW and according to my W, had an above average appendage that he knew how to use it to give her great orgasms, but she said they paled in comparison with the pain, emptyness, and hopelesness she experienced afterwards because of his overall treatment of her and his serial infidelity. She said that she regrets not having met me earlier [before she and I found our respective XWS] but she is still very happy that we now have each other to share the rest of our lives as H and W.

Dimmu I am one very lucky man and I don't doubt that one day you also will become a very lucky man to either your reformed W or to another woman who can appreciate a decent, kind and loving man to share her life with, count on it.

TMCM

TMCM-

I'm sorry I didn't reply to the last two posts last night. I'm posting this after a weary day, then hopefully I will be able to fall asleep, without thinking about the whole mess...

My WW is here, asleep with the children. I was doing so good all day...friendly conversations, being enthusiastic about the children's xmas, cooking a turkey dinner...

But that was earlier, when talking to her over the phone. She went to FIL's place first, and called me from there. She asked me to bring the children there, to get the gifts that he and his GF bought for them. When I got there, I was able to keep my composure, but I could feel it welling up inside. It is awkward to be there when WW is there, because I have cried in front of everyone there, more than once.

We then went came home, and the four of us had dinner together. My family has always opened one gift on xmas eve, so I gave a gift to each of my kids. I put on a holiday dvd, and sent the kids to bed afterwards. I was able to stay cool this during all of this.

After the kids went to bed, WW and I started dealing with all the presents, like last minute wrapping and all of that. I had decided when I got up this morning, to be as indifferent as possible. But...I also decided that no matter what, I was going to ask if OM gave her money to buy a gift from him. She got annoyed by the question, but I stood firm. Because if he did, it was going into the garbage. After rolling her eyes and all of that, she claimed that he didn't, and that he didn't give her anymore money than he usually does.

The next thing that happened set in motion, a complete collapse of my composure. My WW said that she had spoken to SIL about what SIL said to me. Apparently (if I am to believe my WW), SIL called WW to apologize for saying those things, knowing that I would see my WW. She claims that SIL apologized for making WW seem like a whore.

After she said that, I started with the questions, but I tried my best to avoid DJ. A couple slipped out, I had called her a liar and a hypocrite and some point. Other than that, I was civil, yet emotional. So we're wrapping and labeling presents, and having this talk that pretty much encompassed everything involving the sitch, and the ones that led up to it.

Since I feel like I am drowning in a maelstrom of half-truths and lies, I don't know who or what to believe. WW then tells me a story about SIL. I won't go into details, but SIL did something insulting and derogatory towards my WW. I may make an attempt to vrify the story, but I found myself believing my WW. And she kept sticking with her stories about how many times OM had SF before he went to jail, amongst other things.

I ended up keeping her up to like 1:30 or so. I found things out, like OM asks her how I'm doing. I was a bit sarcastic with that one and said something like "Yeah, how is Dimmu handling the fact I took his W away? Is he taking it really good?" She responds with "I opened the door for him, Dimmu. I then reply with "Yes WW, but he walked through it! You are both equally responsible!" Some may call that a DJ, but I call it fact.

I wish I could have kept my composure. The kids were in bed when all of this was going on, so that is good. I feel like a weak and pathetic man at the moment, and so I am determinded to make the morning as awesome for the kids as I can. I'll ignore WW if I have to. The kids are going to get to open thier presents, I'll cook all of us some sausage, eggs, and toast, and I'll make coffee for WW. I failed at Plan A, but I am truly better off without her.

As far as the custody sitch, she swears she won't try to take the kids away. She still wants to take the kids with her to PA for visits, but I insisted on NY. She said that she would only do that if she could visit them at FIL's, which I agreed to if we made it legal. I said that she could write a letter stating this, and that we could sign it and get it notarised, and then I could take it to court, and it would be all set up. So we'll see what happens before she leaves tomorrow, for I plan on bringing it up shortly before then.

Also, the older SIL having an A is reaping what she has sown, according to WW. She doesn't like her OM, but made all of these promises to him, and feels like she must stay with him, so thats why she is on 3 different meds. She is miserable. I guess she drinks everyday, on top of those three pills. I think that my WW has avoided the partying, since observing this in her older sister.

I left out some of the things that were discussed, but I must go to bed. I think I am tired enough to fall fast asleep. Have a Happy Holiday everyone!

Dimmu

Hey Dimmu,

You are sounding pretty good to me, far from "weak and pathetic"! In fact you are sounding the best you have from what I am reading here this a.m.

I just want to comment on a couple of things. First regarding the convo you had with WW about OM said, SIL said, etc - avoid the drama, and don't get caught up in it. You are dealing with people who are doped up, drugged out, (legal, illegal who cares)and who are infidels, so I would just avoid all drama convos period. It just upsets you to get caught up in their soap opera life style.

The second thing is a statement your WW made, and I know you are taking steps to gain custody NEVER believe this - As far as the custody sitch, she swears she won't try to take the kids away. - you have no idea what the future holds for WW, or who influences her down the road. NEVER, EVER believe this, even if your WW means it with all her heart right now, it could and probably will change as her life and mental states change.

weaver

<small>[ December 25, 2004, 05:51 AM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>