</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by knewbetter:
<strong> TA, just to clarify for those new to you, I would like to point out that the "affair" you keep refering to amounts to nothing more than your wife telling you she had a crush on an completely unaware man. She apparently told you this in the hope that it would end the marriage. Unless I missed something, you STILL have made no effort to confirm or deny anything further and it's three months down the road.

Until you have some concrete proof that your wife is in an affair whether EA or PA, you are misleading people into thinking that you are a BS like them. I can see how it would seem to be a more acceptable option for you that she has wandered (makes HER the bad guy) as opposed to just being plain tired of you and your ways but bottom line: You have NO information or evidence that she has wandered PERIOD, nor have you sought any.

MB terminology is specific and until you confirm otherwise, you and your wife don't fit the BS/WS labels, sorry. MB concepts are wonderful preventatives for affairs and restorative for ailing marriages whether they have been touched by affairs or not. Identifiying yourself as a victim of an affair is not in alignment with the facts you have previously posted TA, but if you are a married man, your marriage can benefit from application of the concepts.

You say you have made changes yet your posts have remained the same. Dwelling on the physical side of life whether it be material possessions or your wife's appearance, has obviously gotten you nowhere either in a marriage or on this board.

You haven't fulfilled your wife's ENs, okaaay. Question is what are you going to do about it? Don't tell me you don't know what they are because she won't tell you, if you've really been married 28 years, I would hope you'd have a slight clue. Look at the list, look at the ones you KNOW you've contributed the LEAST to and start there.

You say you want her in your life, you are going to have to make some big internal changes. You will have to admit to faults and flaws so that you can change them. Women HATE it when men try to convince everyone around them that they're better than they really are. Wives hate that in particular because they know the TRUTH. What am I saying??? NO ONE likes that, man or woman. It's a personality thing TA and something you seriously need to consider working on. Conciet and self absorption are ugly things to nurture and certainly tiring to live with for a spouse. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">An EA is an EA even if the OP doesn't know. SH said a Fantasy EA "can be just as damaging" as a real EA. My wife and I have gone thru the same emotions regardless of whether the OP knows or not. My wife talked of Suicide, I've talked of Suicide, emotional rollercoaster, losing 52lbs in ten weeks, can't work, etc... Please don't tell me it's not an EA. SH said it is, my body & soul know it is also.

I was told by SH and my IC "NOT" to Spy on her, it could seriously harm the situation. Only if I suspect or get some type of proof without spying should I pursue. I have no proof whatsoever she is in a real EA. SH said for now I need to stick to Plan A and provide a Safety First zone. This is exactly what I have done. SH talked to her for one hour, maybe she told him the real truth, who knows. SH could not talk about the conversation he had with her, all he told me was that I had to work on myself hard, be patient, do Plan A, and provide a Safety First Zone, period.

I have never said my wife was the problem for the affair. I've admitted it here, to SH, and to my wife. I created the "environment" but ultimately she is the one who had the affair. Everyone here says WS are all Liars anyways, correct? I believe the people on this board more than I believe my wife (at least for now).

I am NOT dwelling on the Physical side of life at all. I've posted here before the tons of changes I've made. My wife told me and my IC I have made many changes.

My post have changed considerably. Have people forgotten how much I cursed and the ignorant statements I made in the past. I would think I am 99% more civil today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I will take your last statement to heart.

Thank You.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ForeverHers:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is it that when you see an Ugly guy with a beautiful wife people always say "what the hell has he got?" He either has a Big **** or a Big Wallet. I've never once heard anyone say "he must have a nice personality." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TA - "Attractive Spouse" Emotional Need aside, you don't seem to understand, or accept, that Emotional Needs are different for other people than YOUR particular ranking of you EN's.

Sorry to burst your bubble but for almost ALL women, and for a lot of men, the EMOTIONAL side of an affair outweighs the physical side by a thousand miles.

TA, I hear precious little about a faith in Jesus Christ in any of your postings, so I not at all surprised to hear what I do hear in your postings.

TA, you present yourself, through your postings, as extremely materialisitic and that "things" are most important to you. You seem to equate "things," money, job, beatiful arm candy (Can anyone say...Hugh Hefner), financial provision for your wife AS the "soul" of you who are. TA, there may come a day when you realize that all of those things are not sustaining of a healthy relationship. Sure, they may be important as a "piece" of "who you are," but they are shallow and unfulling to anything other than a "surface" relationship, a "what I can get out of it" sort of relationship.

The "difference," if you will, is the difference between the biblical ideal of "knowing" your spouse versus "to lie with." If you don't understand that difference.....that is the source of much unhappiness and marital difficulty.

Personality differences also enter the picture, and you don't "listen." You have your mind made up that "your way" is the only way and "to heck with everyone else." Yours tends to be a "High D" personality and many folks, particuarly those of other personality types, find the "D" persoanility to be rude, loud, and self-absorbed. Now while that might work "in the pit," it is NOT how people relate to people on a personal level.

Until you are willing to look Christ square in the eye and tell him that YOU didn't need any saving, you are dodging the question of personal responsibility and a willingness to make positive changes in YOUR personal STANDARDS and BOUNDARIES.

IF you truly believe that you are "above" the need for God's forgiveness, then there is little that I or anyone on the system need contribute further.

IF you don't believe you are "better than God," then, are you willing to listen to what HE has to say to you and to OBEY Him regardless of what you "think or feel" because HE is sovereign, not you?

For me, I'll await your answer to determine whether or not to invest any more time that could be spent helping someone else in need(there are plenty of them in case you hadn't noticed). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree the Emotional side is obviously more important than the physical side, Beauty fades. I wouldn't have been with my wife for 28 years if it was just looks. Wouldn't I have had many affairs myself if all I wanted was sex and looks? I want my wife because of who she is Inside, not out.

I have a strong belief in God or I couldn't have gotten thru this. I had a gun in my hand on Sept 28th for 3 hours trying to decide if I should commit suicide or not. I prayed to God like I never have before, the pain was unbelievable. I pray daily, I go to church every Sunday, I have since bought a Bible for the first time in my life, and I try and be a better person daily. It takes time folks, I've been this way for 45 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I said it before and I'll say it again, I told my wife I am selling ALL my TOYS come spring. No more material items for me. "Things" used to be important to me before this affair, now they mean nothing.

You are also correct when you say I don't listen and I do things my way. I am trying to change, my wife has said she has seen changes. I ask for her opinion now, I respect what she says and I realize she has to be involved in any decision making process.

I know I need help, that is why I (not my wife) am dealing with SH and a IC to deal with my issues of being Controlling, Badgering, and not treating my wife as an equal.

Of course I want Gods forgiveness, I also pray to God daily to help my wife get thru her pain and sadness. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Change does not come easy, but my wife knows I am changing for the better. It is going to take me some time before I make all the changes she wants to see, a lot longer than I initially thought.

I appreciate your input. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: TA ]</small>

TummyTuck,
With all due respect, and I can understand where you are coming from but this statement...says it all...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is on the same emotional rollercoaster that everyone else is on. His moods are constantly changing and that is evident in his posts. I know from my experience, I can start the day feeling one way and 30 minutes later it's all changed. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TA is NOT, on the same emotional rollercoaster, his W was never a WW, she had a CRUSH on another man. Feelings were never spoken. She never revealed anything LIKE that. I think, and this is merely my opinion, the "crush" she had on someone is totally unrelated to the problems in her marriage.

To put TA, on the same emotional rollercoaster as any other truly BS, would minimize what YOU have actually gone through, dealt with, suffer through.

This again is merely my opinion, but I highly doubt that anyone, professional or not, qualifies a CRUSH as an EA. TA's W never even spoke of emotional attachment to this person... not once ! She simply said if she weren't married, she knows he'd ask her out. PERIOD.

CRUSHES, in mid-late 40's can be highly attributed to the fact that EVERY WOMAN REACHES HER SEXUAL PEAK in their 40's. It's scientific fact...the libido for a woman reaches it's peak @ 40...while a man reaches his peak @ 19.

One more time for anyone that truly doesn't understand...TA's wife was NEVER in an EA. She never spoke of any emotional attachment... EVER....simply said..if she weren't M...this guy would ask her out.

These posts aren't healthy...they stir up too many problems on the boards, and I'm going back to not reading them. It's MY choice not to get into this drama..and I hope everyone heeds my advice, if they also feel their blood pressure rising.

If you'll take a closer look, you'll see VERY few seasoned MBers offering up a lot of advice. There's very little to offer, and even less that's taken. What is the point really ?

Awesome posts Liny and FH.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TA:

Maybe I am conceited, I never said I was perfect. We all have flaws, alcohol, drugs, cheaters, addictions, whatever.


I know beauty fades, I can get a hot chick anytime I want, period. If I wanted a hotter woman than my wife then I could have my pick of many, sorry to be so frank. My wife may one day look like my Mother in-law. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I still want her in my life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess that you are conceited...proof is in that second paragraph.

You might still "want" her in your life...but in what capacity...a "wife"?

What are you going to do when people start looking at the two of you together...like you are looking at others that might be "mismatched"?

Hey...how did a simple question about asking about a note attached to a gift, reach this strutting stage?

committed

TA...This is an observation not criticism.
Did you ever think maybe your wife does not feel comfortable being on a pedestal that you have created for her. It must be very difficult to maintain that look of "perfection" that you have come to know and love. Ever think maybe she just wants to relax and be a warm and unfettered woman, because personally I would look at your expectations as chains around my soul if I were your wife. My WH is very attractive and I tell him that I think he is sexy. But he has heard that all his life. He comes from a family with money and never was without. His family had a name and image to uphold no matter what. And what that created was a man miserable in his own skin. In our marriage he could never, ever admit when he was wrong because that would destroy the image of perfection. He is not able to share any emotions with me or close friends because that would show weakness. He has a difficult time relating to my family of blue collar, non-college graduates. He has put himself on a pedestal (much like youself) and he is getting very tired and very lonely because others see has as aloof and self-centered. I think the best thing you could ever do for yourself and your wife is to pack your bags and head over to Africa and work at a children's clinic for a week or two. No makeup, no hair dryers, no blingbling. Learn to live without and learn to love even the sickest and poorest people. It might restore something you seem to have lost along the way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by betrayedinjersey:
<strong> TummyTuck,
With all due respect, and I can understand where you are coming from but this statement...says it all...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is on the same emotional rollercoaster that everyone else is on. His moods are constantly changing and that is evident in his posts. I know from my experience, I can start the day feeling one way and 30 minutes later it's all changed. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TA is NOT, on the same emotional rollercoaster, his W was never a WW, she had a CRUSH on another man. Feelings were never spoken. She never revealed anything LIKE that. I think, and this is merely my opinion, the "crush" she had on someone is totally unrelated to the problems in her marriage.

To put TA, on the same emotional rollercoaster as any other truly BS, would minimize what YOU have actually gone through, dealt with, suffer through.

This again is merely my opinion, but I highly doubt that anyone, professional or not, qualifies a CRUSH as an EA. TA's W never even spoke of emotional attachment to this person... not once ! She simply said if she weren't married, she knows he'd ask her out. PERIOD.

CRUSHES, in mid-late 40's can be highly attributed to the fact that EVERY WOMAN REACHES HER SEXUAL PEAK in their 40's. It's scientific fact...the libido for a woman reaches it's peak @ 40...while a man reaches his peak @ 19.

One more time for anyone that truly doesn't understand...TA's wife was NEVER in an EA. She never spoke of any emotional attachment... EVER....simply said..if she weren't M...this guy would ask her out.

These posts aren't healthy...they stir up too many problems on the boards, and I'm going back to not reading them. It's MY choice not to get into this drama..and I hope everyone heeds my advice, if they also feel their blood pressure rising.

If you'll take a closer look, you'll see VERY few seasoned MBers offering up a lot of advice. There's very little to offer, and even less that's taken. What is the point really ? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With all due respect, SH does NOT agree with you.

My wife told me "she likes this OM (he's the Nicest guy in the World), he likes her, she wants to be with him and have sex with him ASAP and she wants me to leave our home ASAP." Sounds like more than a crush to me. I know nothing about OM, maybe he works with her on a daily basis and she is temped daily. Maybe they are in a PA how would I know, I haven't had sex with her since July. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Everyone here incl Dr H says all WS are Liars, who am I to believe?

I agree with you on one item, I believe my wife is at her Sexual peak, except not with me. That is why I brought up the fact that my wife had those 50 rapid fire orgasms the last time we had sex in July. SH confirmed these rapid fire orgasms with me, some women can have a 100. I called my wifes GYN and she said my wife can have a Perimenopause test done, that her Hormones are most likely all over the place. Then my wife can be put on some medication. My wife admitted to me that she may be in premenopause but she refuses to see her doctor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WaitingWithoutHope:
<strong> TA...This is an observation not criticism.
Did you ever think maybe your wife does not feel comfortable being on a pedestal that you have created for her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I have considered this and I think it has been a mistake. Not just because she thinks she needs to keep up her appearance but because it makes me feel Inferior, which I do. I have always thought that my wife was a better person than me, in a way I have been jealous of everything she has accomplished.

*********edited by JustUss*******

1- disrepectful
2 Irrelevant

Comment or question,,,email JustUss2@aol.com

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AndrewA:
<strong> ***previously edited ********</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">****reply not necessary,,,edited JustUss**********


Why don't you ask SH yourself? Did you NOT see the "Sticky" at the top of the Recovery forum? They posted that because they do not want people questioning what counselors say, every couple is different. SH said he will not post here because if would not be appropriate. Call and schedule a session, it's only $185 an hour. Ask him any question you want.

Have a nice day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Then TA you have the answer. Perhaps spending time working on TA's jealousy, need to feel all powerful through the appearance of his wife, self-esteem issues by reading and getting counseling rather then spending time posting to MB might be beneficial. If you read the posts and have talked to SH then you know that working on ones self is crucial to recovery.
Admit to your wife your insecurities, come down off of your high horse, let her be her own woman not yours. Ask her what she wants. You mentioned not meeting her EN's. Enlighten me...what does she say are her EN's and have you even starting addressing them? Your issues here should be about how to make your marriage work, not how boodilicious your wife is and how many zeros are in your paycheck.

Tell me just what you want to have happen with your wife?

******edited by JustUss*********

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I really didn't think my questions were going to get answered, but I do have one more for you to ignore:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know I need help, that is why I (not my wife) am dealing with SH and a IC to deal with my issues of being Controlling, Badgering, and not treating my wife as an equal.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are you expecting to get from posting on these boards? In other words, what is your goal here?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AndrewA:
<strong> TA,

****edited*****. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was told NOT to respond to you, but I guess my Type A personality is getting the best of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I have answered every question anyone has asked except your stupid Piano recital questions. Why else would I be asking for help?

I have been very honest in anwering questions, brutally honest. Not just here but with my IC and SH. I need to be honest or my marriage has no chance of succeeding.

I "Deleted" my post because I was very emotional and I said things that were not appropriate. I've apologized a dozen times to everyone here and to the moderators.

I'm not sure what people expect from me, I thought my post in the last few weeks have been very civil.

I started this thread because I wanted to know what I should say to my wife when I gave her this jewelry. I did not start it to talk about money or how beautiful my wife is. I don't want to talk anymore about my assets or my wifes looks except how I can save this marriage. However, if you read this thread you can see where others keep bringing up my past theads from 2 months ago when I was very emotional.

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I ask (and will probably be ignored for the third (and last time)):
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have answered every question anyone has asked except your stupid Piano recital questions. Why else would I be asking for help?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is it that you expect to get from this site? What are your goals? (Besides my other questions--this, really, is the most important.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WaitingWithoutHope:
<strong>If you read the posts and have talked to SH then you know that working on ones self is crucial to recovery.

Admit to your wife your insecurities, come down off of your high horse, let her be her own woman not yours. Ask her what she wants. You mentioned not meeting her EN's. Enlighten me...what does she say are her EN's and have you even starting addressing them? Your issues here should be about how to make your marriage work, not how boodilicious your wife is and how many zeros are in your paycheck.

Tell me just what you want to have happen with your wife? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have admitted all my insecurities to my wife, she had a very surprised look on her face when I told her. She then started to open up more about her feelings.

I completed the ENQ and gave it to her. She read it and gave me a letter back saying "this is what everyone wants in their marriage, you're just figuring this out now?" SH asked her to complete the ENQ but we agreed NOT to discuss this until after the holidays, we'll see what happens.

I'm spending most of my time and efforts on me, I realize I created the majority of the problems (75%) but she refuses to accept any responsibility.

I want both of us to fall in love with each other again and be honest with each other in our feelings.

My wife is a Conflict Avoider, she tries to make everyone happy except herself. If she can't make someone happy then she tries to "FIX" things. She told me she has been trying to FIX me for 10 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It amazes me that people think they can fix someone else without any help from a counselor, priest, or without even telling me we had problems in our marriage.

Financially we were set, she seemed happy, sex was great, we have 2 great kids, and life seemed perfect. Then she expoded with all this rage that had built up after 10 years. This is how Conflict Avoiders act when they feel trapped and can't FIX something and it goes beyond their control.

Dr H said my wife is the one who is at fault, not me. Dr H said my wife was being Dishonest with her feelings by not telling me her thoughts, same as lying. Dr H said my wife should be nuturing our marriage NOT trying to fix me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LINY:
<strong> I ask (and will probably be ignored for the third (and last time)):
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have answered every question anyone has asked except your stupid Piano recital questions. Why else would I be asking for help?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is it that you expect to get from this site? What are your goals? (Besides my other questions--this, really, is the most important.) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry LINY, your first post was so long I didn't know how to answer without taking up 2 pages.

I want to know what I can do to save my marriage?

How to get my wife to open up?

I know what my issues are and I'm dealing with those thru my IC, reading books, praying and my faith in God.

I need this site to help me get thru the tough times when I'm ready to throw in the towel (like right now).

I'm so damned impatient and I've always gotten everything I wanted in life, I can't recall not getting what I wanted. I have worked very, very hard and taken many risks to get what I wanted also. It was not handed to me.

I know this is going to be a long journey and not something I can fix in a few weeks. It will most likely take 1-2 years before I can get her full support (if I can last that long). <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I feel like I'm gaining some ground with her but it seems like forever to get a little bit of feedback.

Several weeks ago my wife said to me via cellphone "I'm so sorry for all the mean things I've said to you over the last 3 months, I don't know why I said them to you. How can you Trust me after what I've done to you?"

I'd like to know what she means by this "TRUST" issue, I thought the OM didn't know her true feelings? Why is she feeling so guilty and talking of Suicide if she wasn't involved in a true affair?

She also said I could not go to her familys Christmas party last month, then last week she said I could go and I did.

She also said I could stay in our home for as long as I want and she will not file for Divorce.

Why would I want to stay in our home when she doesn't love me and we are not Intimate? What kind of life would that be for the both of us? I am not going to stay in a Loveless and Sexless marriage.

***edited by JustUss****

Reminder..this IS a marriage SUPPORT board!!
******************************************

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want to know what I can do to save my marriage?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is one I do not know thru all of your posts: Have you and her filled out the EN questionair? If not, has she told you what they are?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How to get my wife to open up?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the part--the underlying theme, you just don't get. YOU CAN NOT "GET" YOUR WIFE TO DO ANYTHING. And this is where you come off sounding possesive, suffocating, and extremely arrogant. Bluntly, "get" yourself right.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I need this site to help me get thru the tough times when I'm ready to throw in the towel (like right now).</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Half of the time, this is *NOT* how you are coming across and being perceived by many--just looking at the responses. This *IS* a great site to receive support. NOT FOR FLAUNTING or BRAGGING or however you want to put it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know this is going to be a long journey and not something I can fix in a few weeks. It will most likely take 1-2 years before I can get her full support (if I can last that long). <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do you make presumptions? And can *YOU* describe what you mean by "this?"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Several weeks ago my wife said to me via cellphone "I'm so sorry for all the mean things I've said to you over the last 3 months, I don't know why I said them to you. How can you Trust me after what I've done to you?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A few things, just my observations, my opinions:
1) You are in complete denial of what really took place;
2) Your wife lied to you in telling you that it was a crush. (Personally, I have *never* heard of such a thing, the way you describe it);
3) You are not telling your full sit;
4) *You* are a complete liar and need psychological help in wanting attention and have used this site as your medium;
5) A little of all of the above.

I really don't know. Not my place to know. It's your business.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'd like to know what she means by this "TRUST" issue, I thought the OM didn't know her true feelings? Why is she feeling so guilty and talking of Suicide if she wasn't involved in a true affair?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good question. Only she can answer this for you, unless you have other facts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She also said I could not go to her familys Christmas party last month, then last week she said I could go and I did.

She also said I could stay in our home for as long as I want and she will not file for Divorce.

Why would I want to stay in our home when she doesn't love me and we are not Intimate? What kind of life would that be for the both of us? I am not going to stay in a Loveless and Sexless marriage.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, but these are all tell-tale signs that more than a "crush" ocurred. Waffling, indecison, no sex, no intimacy. But, this has been observed before.

I am done. Best wishes to you.

PS--NOTHING justifies an A--neither does suicide.

time to break away from the boards..... but there is a lot of truth to the fact this IS a marriage support board,*******edited******** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ December 29, 2004, 12:49 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>