</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SleeplessInSF:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> Dalson,

There is no real sane reason for a TOW board but in this day and age of the need to share.....grief and misery seems to be what some want....so the TOW board(s) were created.

TOW - The Other Woman. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think it would be appropriate for a WS (such as myself) to go there and let them know why most WS's had/have them around? *evil grin* </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. You certainly could try but it wouldn't get far. Remember they have justified everything to themselves and are now on a mission to spread it to others. There are a few who actually by into that psycho babble kind of talk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They feel totally justified in their actions. For those who aren't quite convinced, they stay as OPs because of the addicting power it holds over them.

Power corrupts. Talk about the 'control issue'. In reality it is the WS and OP who are all about control when it s/b the BS and family who s/b in control.

Ohhhh boy..... can already feel those flames a come in'. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Kayla,
Thanks for the email. Your ideas will be very helpful to get my mind on other things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I realize now that things are not so wonderful as OW posts about on that board. What does she have to be proud of? She has to look herself in the mirror and think about what she is doing everyday. I can still hold my head up high and enjoy my life. Even though it hurts that my husband is doing this. I remind myself that I have a lovely newborn daughter, a hyper four year old and a sweet stepson who I have become more close to and more proud of since all of the mess has happened.

With the goals I have set I will be one busy lady. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> No more time to play her little games. I still have great hope in my situation. I live with him and see the changes in him. Some good some bad... She only hears what HE tells her. And if she chooses to believe everything is the truth.. She will wakeup and see one day she was wrong.

Lately I have been neglecting everything. Kinda in that down slump. I let the laundry pile up, bottles sit and forgot to wash them, all the things we got for Christmas sit around in boxes, the baby's clothes lay all around. Arghhhh I am a mess.

Today though I got so much done. And it felt good. Also I realized when I was busy I wasn't thinking about you know who.

Things are not going good in that area for her. I am just sitting back trying to relax and trying to stick to my word of changing me. It's hard to break old habits though.

I hate nagging, being clingy and insecure. All of this happening brought this on full force. Now it's time I do something about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 29, 2004, 03:04 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong>
I hate nagging, being clingy and insecure. All of this happening brought this on full force. Now it's time I do something about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good for you. In the end depsite what happens with your Wayward Husband you still have your children. Noone can ever take them from you and as bad as things get for you, you still have what many poeople would kill to have. Perspective SML...perspective.

LM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong> When asked if my husband will leave me... Here is her response...

I believe too that if I left today and never spoke to him, he would eventually leave whether I was in the picture or not. He married for the wrong reasons it seems as well and no one seems happy.


This makes me so angry... She only hears one side of the story.. HIS... Also I wonder did she ever think about the fact that he may have been happy before she stuck her big nose in the picture.

. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With all due respect, Your statement about your WH being happy before she stuck her big nose in the pciture is faulty reasoning. The OW should once again bear NO RESPONSIBILITY for your husband cheating. Not now, not ever. He is a grown man, he MADE the decision, her sticking "her big nose" in had NOTHING to do with MAKING him do anything. Even if you believe the concept of fog , the "FOG" doesn't make one cheat INITIALLY. I understand your pain and devestation over this, but I think it would be helpful if you realized your faulty reasoning here. IMO you can't possibly heal from this if you still believe that anyone but your WH had anything to do with him actually "being" unfaithful. The focus you have should completely remove the OW from any of this. If it isn't this OW, it will be another one in the future.

Goodluck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


LM

LM,
I agree with you that the fault is totally on my WH. But I also think that it takes two to have a A. She feels she has no blame in this. She could have backed away a long time ago. She makes the statement that even if she didn't come along he would have left.

She is just trying to make herself feel ok for what THEY are doing. My question to her is if she is so sure that we will be divorced whether he is with her or not... Then why doesn't she just back off and see?

I understand she has no commitment to me.. No vows ...NOTHING... My husband does. But I am sure if my husband left me for her... She would not want to share him with anyone or have her future husband cheat on her. So she should show some respect for another person and their marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong> LM,
I agree with you that the fault is totally on my WH. But I also think that it takes two to have a A. She feels she has no blame in this. She could have backed away a long time ago. She makes the statement that even if she didn't come along he would have left.

She is just trying to make herself feel ok for what THEY are doing. My question to her is if she is so sure that we will be divorced whether he is with her or not... Then why doesn't she just back off and see?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Once again, this has nothing to do with her. Why should she "back off and see". She doesn't give a rats a$$ about you or your marriage. I belive that she bears NO BLAME in this affair WITH RESPETCS to your marriage. While it does take two people to have the affair, only one of them was married to you. OW/OM will say alot of things to justify their actions, but it really doesn't matter what they say or feel. It is still your WH who allows her to play any role in this affair.

I do believe she is correct in that if she left your WH, he would just find another woman. Untill you realize that this is all about your WAYWARD HUSBANDS actions and decisions, you will struggle with this. You are spending too much of your energy focused in the wrong place. I feel very sorry for you in that you are struggling so much with this. I wish there was something that we could do here, but sadly (pun intended), only you can help yourslef. Please don't put any faith or hope that the OW will help you by backing off and "just seeing". No chance there.

Best wishes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

I agree the OW board is very disgusting. How can those women be proud of what they are doing? I was talking to my husband last night while we were hanging out. I told him I can't believe some of the topics there. He said I don't care they are morons.

I had to laugh since the OW is one of the big morons posting there.

We actually had a pretty good night last night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It's a rollercoaster from day to day. But soon I won't be riding it anymore.

I posted to you on your other thread.

I can put this very simply for you. I have 18 year old and 22 year old CHILDREN.

Young folks this age still do not have well-developed brains. LEMONMAN also being in the medical field like me probably can speak to this.

STOP EVEN THINKING ABOUT LISTENING TO THE RATIONALE OR LOGIC OF THIS OTHER WOMAN. She is not on your level. She is a mere child with no life experience. Just by virtue of her age she is self-focused and narcissistic. Now add in the fact that she is foggy, having an A.

MAINTAIN YOUR SELF-RESPECT. I have learned that that is one of the most important things that I did in dealing with a much younger OW. She did not have a clue about having a mature relationship. My FWH was trying to hold on to me because I offered stability. She offered FUN but along with that was her EMOTIONAL DRAMA.