Ok stop. You wrote *I* about 10 times in two sentences there. You are getting ready to vent and LB all over the place. You would not believe how well it works if you disengage yourself from the situation. You no longer take things so personally. You are dealing with a sick person here. You can't take everything she throws at you in your current state of mind. You do need to be able to laugh at these things...and it is possible.

Here, let me tell you. I actually had to be really aware of myself when I actually almost busted out laughing at some of the fog my WW was throwing at me. Sometimes, I let my guard down and those shots got through and really hurt. That happens. But this can be done. Listen to Orchid, MM, and WAT. They are giving you good advice.

If you want her back, what good does it do to get into an all out war with her. Under that reasoning, the Arabs and the Israelies should be boinking every night they have fought for so long. It doesn't work that way.

Orchid, WAT, Mortarman

My WW called me 10 mins ago to say sorry for the way she had spoke to me today.

She then told me if I was unable to get her a Lincoln Navigator or an Aviator she would be fine with whatever she got to replace her Lincoln LS. Needs to have service work.

Don't know if this means anything, but she sounded happy on the phone.

I hate the confussion.

How much should I pull back?

Need some advice.

Thanks to all

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>What does she want.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has NO IDEA what she wants - at least for longer than any one minute!

Alan, are you on meds for depression? If not, please see a doc about it.

Hey look, Man. You are in control here. but you're allowing her to be in control. By "control" I mean your understanding and plan for dealing with your crisis.

You have orders of magnitude more understanding about what's going on in her psyche than she does. You know all about the life cycle of an affair and fog and babble and reverse babble and affair addiction and aliens! She knows NONE of this! You are in control. She just doesn't know it. Quit trying to change the situation or change her - you can't do it. All you can do is exercise your knowledge control and sit back and watch while avoiding LBs. This thing is gonna end. To hasten its end, do not interfere with it.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>she would be fine with whatever she got to replace her Lincoln LS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're not buying anything, are you?

Her apology was probably appropriate, but don't place too much meaning on it. She could call you back in 5 minutes with a different attitude. At best, this is validation for the way you treated her.

Keep doing what you're doing.

WAT

No I am not buying her anything.

I am GSM at a large Ford/Lincoln store so my WW has always had a nice car, when she comes in for service I give her something as nice to drive.

Not buying anything for her right now.

I have seen a Doctor about meds, yet I have not tried taking any yet. I am afraid I will be a prozac dad. I want to live in the real world, med's scare me abit.

<small>[ January 04, 2005, 02:49 PM: Message edited by: alank ]</small>

WAT was right on!! If you do a good Plan A, and not LB...then after she acts like an alien, she will come back with an apology...or acting nice. But for awhile, it will only be temporary.

It isnt called the rollercoaster for nothing!! She will vascillate all over the place. But you dont have to! Just as WAT said, you have a plan. You have the WS Playbook. You have support here that can help you decifer babble. She has NONE of this. Thus, YOU are in control. But you are allowing her to continue controlling you.

Seriously, you need to make this a game in your mind. A serious game, but a game nonetheless. You should be betting with yourself on which Mrs. Alank will show up next...the alien or the one you love. When the alien shows up, figure out what is true in all of that babble (and there is some truth in babble), and ignore the rest. When the real Mrs. Alank shows up, then you listen to what she says and give her everythign you have to fulfill her ENs.

If your wife was addicted to drugs, would you take anything seriously that she says when she is stoned? Or would you wait until she sobers up? Dr. Harley calls this stuff an addiction, and it really is. So, treat it as such. And until she stops "using" and goes thru withdrawal, you will continue to be on the rollercoaster ride with her. Unless you do as so many families do when they have drug addicts or alcholics in the house. They try to help them (Plan A)...and if that doesnt work, they kick them out (Plan B).

Look, it is okay to come here and vent. But walk away sticking to your plan. Because you didnt vent on her, because you treated her so well the last time you were together, you got to get a little glimpse of your wife today in her apology. That means there is still hope.

She is a mess. She needs you to be strong for her, to do the right things...because she doesnt have the ability too. She is lost, she is scared...and she doesnt know what she is doing. You do, though.

So, lead.

In His arms.

<small>[ January 04, 2005, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Mortarman, WAT

Thanks to you and all the help. I know this day will end and wednesday will be better. I have a strong plan A, I will stick with it, I do love my W and my DD's.

I want my family back.

You're help gives me strength to deal with this..

Alank,

Ok, I cannot stand this. A WW calls and says </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She then told me if I was unable to get her a Lincoln Navigator or an Aviator </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you see the humor in this? Yup, she needs a "naviagtor" and probably a space craft not just an "aviator" to get her back from the HOME PLANET. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

She is indeed one lost soul Alank, and she is telling you that in this request. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So what's it going to be? Do you think she needs guidance more than she needs uplifting? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> OR does she need...

You fill in the blanks.

Alank, there is humor in this mess, you just need to stand back and realize it.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

I guess I need to learn to sit back and laugh. It is hard...

This has been a hard year, and today has been bad.

Thanks for the help...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong> JL,

I guess I need to learn to sit back and laugh. It is hard...

This has been a hard year, and today has been bad.

Thanks for the help... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey I found something funny. This year is not hard, it just started. And perhaps I should give her a K car to drive! That would make me laugh.

So give her a focus, there is a message in that, right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Make it a stick shift too.

That's almost as funny as when this guy called up Click and Clack (NPR's Car Talk Hosts) and wanted them to recommend his next car.

When they finally asked what he did for a living, and he admitted to being a proctologist, they could then recommend the perfect car.

The Ford Probe

TB

At least she didn't ask for an Escape <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Javasanscontour

Good point about the escape. Thanks for helping me see the laugh factor in this..

P.S.

I think she was PROBED at one time....
Alien Abduction..

I think my day is starting to settle down a bit.

Thanks for all the help and letting me vent.

I went as far as taking my ring off, but have since put it back on. Looking for a relaxing night, perhaps a movie.

Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

alank
gsm huh, i was in the car bus for 6 yrs, ironically i got out so i could spend more time with family (ww and kids)
loved the bus, alot of hours though,
i got a suggestion, taurus wagon, the ugliest car ford ever made

Reading your posts (yes, she is nuts!) and the replies, reminds me of some very good advice I got when my ex WW was telling me all sorts of nonsense and being totally insensitive to me.

"When you ge mad, they win"

So, I learned to stay calm and put another victory notch on the bed post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

dalson,

I do agree, the Taurus Wagon was not a nice looking car. As for the hours, they are not great however we are closed on sundays and we close early Fri and Sat.

My WW was a dealer kid so she was well aware of what I did for a living when we got M.

She sells real estate so her hours are worse than mine, that is also how she found her OM. They worked in the same office.

As for ugly cars, remember the Pacer, Gremlin or how about the Pinto...The list goes on and on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i am also in plan a
let me put it to you a little different that only you can understand,
i used to be a closer b4 going into f&i, i loved it i got all the adrenelin rush and didnt have to take ups. anyway the point im getting to is how ive came to handle this and believe me im wound tight (thrown keys at ucm, cussed out gm, taken other salesmen out back for skatin) but never lost my cool with a cust, i have began looking at my wife as a customer and you know as well as i there is noone better at reverse babble than a good car salesman. do a checkup from the neckup, and gut her. she is your wife, not the one married, but still your wife. there is a he11uva lot more at stake here than just a voucher. treat her like you would someone who was buying a car.
the time i threw the keys at the ucm, i had customers in my office, i walked into the tower. shut the door, threw the keys, went into a complete outage, walked back to my office where cust was with a smile on my face.
when she pi$$es you off walk away dont say anything.
youve probably heard this a million times but i have use it religously with ww SHUT UP, DONT SAY A WORD, THE 1ST ONE TO SPEAK LOSES.
HOPE THIS HELPS

dalson,

Good point! I had never thought of it that way. Perhaps I should treat her as a fresh up!

She has told me mant times I treated her as one of the sales guys, perhaps a change is in order.

From Og Mandino " I am the greatest salesman in the world"


Perhaps I should work this way with the WW.

Still give her a Pinto dont ya think.

i swear by it i started doing it this way and havent so much as raised my voice at her in over a month, and the best part is i feel good about it, i can justify it to myself,which is hard. you know how all good salesmen are EGOMANIACS who hate losing, im sure that is how you are viewing it, it was me, everytime she would say something bam i nailed back. EGO