My electric got shut off today for non payment. I borrowed 80 bucks off my parents (I get paid tommorrow and had planned on paying it) and paid it, well in the meantime my youngest had been trying to call home(I wasn't home) and of course the answering machine wouldn't pick up because the electric was off, so she called her Dad...he called my cell phone and said I needed to take a snack to school for her (she had an after school function and I'd forgotten) so I took it over there. Later after I'd pay the bill, I called him to tell him that the electric was back on, and ask him if he was planning on picking up our DD Saturday after work like he usually does. He said "I dunno....we'll see" I said "Okay" well I just picked our daughter up at school, I had just walked in the door and the cell phone rang again. I answered it and it was my WH, he said "Did you say your electric is back on?" I said "Yeah" He said "Okay I'll call you on the home phone" (All my stupid phones are cordless...so no electric, no phone) He called on my land line and our daughter answered the phone with a "Hi Daddy!" He told her he was going to pick her up Saturday and take her to do something" She said "Oh, Okay!! Do you want to talk to Mom?" he must have said yes because she handed me the phone. He said "I told her I'd pick her up Saturday" I said "Okay" Then I said "You want to come over and watch that new movie Troy afterwards?" He said "Troy?" I said "Yeah it's that new Brad Pitt movie" He said "You know the chronicles of Riddick is out on pay per view" I said "Oh, no...is it?" I said "We can watch that then if you want." He said "Okay, I'll take her and do something, then I'll come over" (I secretly wish I could go with them, but my luck he's going over to his mothers...don't wanna go there just now).

So Yippee, if he comes over for a movie that usually means he'll spend the night, which means he'll hold me while we sleep....I can hardly wait!!!!!!! Oh, I was looking at the EN list, and I know he won't fill out any questionnaire at this stage of the game, but I think I can make an educated guess as to what his are, I also tried to list them in order of importance to him:

1)Sexual Fulfillment
2)Physical Attractiveness
3)Domestic Support
4)Financial Support
5)...Not sure on this one either affection or admiration.

Mine would be:

1)Affection
2)Admiration
3)Conversation
4)Physical Attractiveness
5)Sexual Fulfillment

Hey, at least I have sex in the top 5 right?! Actually that only recently would have been added to my EN's...it wasn't that important to me before, but it's something about my age....I'm gonna be 37, I guess I'm hitting my "peak". LOL

So anyway, That's what's going on so far today.

Today is the only day that I haven't been all dolled up when he's come over. I don't just let him come over and I'm sitting there looking gross with my hair sticking up and fuzz on my teeth...LMAO, I always hurry and shower and put on make up and dress 'hormonally' LOL, before he comes over. I'm not saying I wear lingerie or anything....just like the other day, I had on cute aeropostle flair leg sweats and the red camisole. He's crazy for the underwear too, I think I'll go out and buy some new ones....he always seems impressed by new underwear for some reason...he'll say "When did you get those?" I wish I could afford to go to Victoria's secret...oh well, it'll have to be from Wal-Mart...lol.

-Caren

we (men) dont care where they came from.
ive seen some pretty cool stuff from w-mart

LOL, funny story about Wal-Mart lingerie, I bought some on Christmas Eve, but the store was closing in 5 minutes and the employees were not shy about letting me know this, so I was running around like an idiot trying to remember the few things I needed, and I grabbed this camisole and little lace boy cut undies in my regular size (Not remembering that I lost 20 lbs) and left the store.....When I got home and tried them on...I was like "Oh darn it! They're way too big" They were literally almost falling off....underwear is supposed to be sorta snug....LOL, so when I go to Wal-Mart this time I'm gonna have to check things out better.

-Caren

LOL, funny story about Wal-Mart lingerie, I bought some on Christmas Eve, but the store was closing in 5 minutes and the employees were not shy about letting me know this, so I was running around like an idiot trying to remember the few things I needed, and I grabbed this camisole and little lace boy cut undies in my regular size (Not remembering that I lost 20 lbs) and left the store.....When I got home and tried them on...I was like "Oh darn it! They're way too big" They were literally almost falling off....underwear is supposed to be sorta snug....LOL, so when I go to Wal-Mart this time I'm gonna have to check things out better.

-Caren

I just thought of something...If my WH is having an affair....why does he agree to come over and see me? I wonder what he does.....does he tell her??? Is he gonna tell her that he was spending time with his daughter and then turn his cell phone off while he's here??? I bet that's what he does. I know when he's "Out running around" (Which is the only explanation I ever get) his cell suddenly gets horrible reception....so bad he doesn't even hear it ring......I guess you do get bad reception when you turn it off. Hmmmmm wonder how long she's gonna be 'down' with the lame excuses??

Just a thought

-Caren

Ah HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, my husband called me when he got home from work....apparently someone called on his home phone and his cell phone and he doesn't recognize the number, so he calls to ask me if I know anybody at blah blah company that would be calling his home and his cell phone. I'm like "Ummm I've never given anyone your cell phone number.....I've never even given anyone your home phone number." So I look it up on the internet for him, I reverse phone numbered it, and it's a company.....but the company name could be an individuals name, I said "Ummm where was this lawyer you saw?" He said "What?" I said you said you saw a lawyer.....where was he/she located?" He said "I haven't seen a lawyer" I said "Oh...you told me you did" (liar liar pants on fire), then he said, "Oh well don't worry about it, it's probably just one of my friends." I said "okay".

About 15 minutes ago he called back, my daughter had the phone up in the bathroom, she was getting ready to get in the shower.....next thing I know I have a naked 10 year old standing beside me handing me the phone...I started laughing and answered. It's my WH again I said "Sheesh, she's butt naked" He said "I know she was getting ready to get into the shower." (So he must have told her to bring me the phone...I'm sure she protested, she's usually quite modest). He's apparently been feverishly working on who this could be that called him, he said "There's a blah blah company in the phone book....are you sure it's not something for you?" Again I stated "Hon, I told you, I have NEVER given anyone your cell or home phone number" So he's still working it out while he's on the phone with me and then he said "Ohhh maybe it was my daughter" (From previous relationship, she's 16) I said "Well look up the address of where she works" I said "Wait, I'll look it up" So I look it up and lo and behold, that's what it is, his daughter calling him.....and it was a big hairy deal that he had to spend an hour and a 1/2 researching.....PARANOID MUCH?!!!!


-Caren

More Fun And Games

*sigh* I'm so stressed out this morning I feel like my neck muscles are going to snap my spine. Ugh!!

Okay, so 8:30 am, phone rings, it's my WH asking me if it's okay for him to come over and take a shower. I tell him I am getting ready to take the 13 year old to school, but that I should be back in about 15 minutes, he says okay. Well my 13 year old is extremely slow in the morning so it took a little longer than I'd expected to get her going, so I called him back and said "You can go ahead and come over, I'll just leave the door unlocked" He said "Okay" I said "I'm going to get some McDonalds...do you want anything?" He said "No" So I left, and I passed him on his way to my house (well sort of, I could see his car, but we couldn't see each other). Anyway, I dropped her off and got my McDonalds and went home. He was in the shower when I came in the door, so I sat down and watched TV and ate my breakfast. He came downstairs and said "So...where did you stay last night?" I said "What?!" He said "Where did you stay last night?" I said "Here....where else would I be?" (My 19 year old was asleep in my bed because her gerbil was being noisy) He said "Oh really, well why is DD19 in your bed?" I said "She said her gerbil was being too loud" He said "C'mon Caren, she never sleeps in your bed" I'm like "Well, she is now" Then I said "You know I wouldn't be anywhere else...."
So he walks away and continues getting ready.

Then the phone rings, it's my DD13's school, I pick the phone up and it's my DD, she said her teacher wanted to talk to me. Apparently there is a phone in the classroom because I had to sit there and wait until he was done talking to the class. He tells me my daugther is doing very poorly in school, not doing any of her homework etc., and he wants her to stay after school today and work on some of her missing assignments....I agreed and got off of the phone.

My WH says "Who was that?" I said "DD13's teacher" I told him what was going on and he starts telling me what I need to do. "You need to ground her" (she's already grounded from the phone, computer, friends and her Christmas present...the cell phone I bought her). Then he starts getting really irritated and says "You need to do....no nevermind" I said "What? I could use your help...what do I need to do??" He said "NO! You always overrode my decisions about the girls when we were together, you always thought I was being too hard on them" I said "I know I did, that was a mistake, but I'm not really very good at this discipline stuff" He said "That's because you never HAD any discipline, I DID" I said "I know, you're right, I don't know what else to do for her" He said "You need to go to that school Monday morning and go into all her classes and talk to the teachers and do it right in front of her and all her friends and embarrass her @ss" I said "Okay, I'll do that Monday" So he then gets his coat on and says "Okay, I'm leaving, thanks" I said "Have a good day".

Now my DD13 is not his child biologically, but we've been together since she was 8 months old. So I called her father after my WH left, and let him know what was going on and he said he'd talk to her.

Then about a 1/2 hour ago, the phone rings, it's my WH again, this time from work. He says "How hard is it to wipe everything off a hard drive and put it back on" I said "It's not hard....why, what's up?" he said "Hang on" and handed the phone to his co-worker. So I talked with him about his computer....It's SOOOO old, he needs to bite the bullet and buy a new one, he can have a great computer built for like 5 or 6 hundred dollars....but he keeps wanting to put band-aids on this dinosaur, so anyway, I talked to him for a few about it and he wasn't hearing anything I said, he just kept telling me he needed more RAM....yeah more RAM will fix the fact that the processor is a thousand years old and I don't have a big enough hard drive. The processor can't even support XP, it's running 98 still, and XP is a couple years old.

So, I ended up calling him back and telling him that I had talked to DD13's dad and told him that his friend needed to get a new computer. His wife sells things on e-bay as a career, and if your livelihood is depending on something....maybe you oughta invest a little money into it.

Oh well....such is life

Caren

Caren,

Plan A is going extremely well!! He is even openly getting jealous, as well as spending a lot more time with you. Just keep it up. How you handled the situation with your daughter's school was great. He tried to turn it into an argument. You defused the situation...and in the end, he felt like he contributed. Which it appears that was one of the things he had with you that he didnt like...that you overrode him. So, you dint do that today. You listened and allowed him to give his opinion. And since he did, he probably feels even better about you.

I would venture to guess that interaction deposited more love units in his bank than the sex did!! The number one need of a man is respect. All of Harley's emotional needs for a guy are predicated on respect. We need our wives respect us, whether that be in bed, in our jobs...or as Dads.

Great job!

In His arms.

Mortar:

I'm glad you're around, I was kinda shaken up after this morning. When he walked out of here he was sort of mad, and I felt like I was showing him I hadn't changed, at least in the child-rearing area...but you always seem to be able to sort through all this. I feel a lot better about it now.

I was wondering if I should ask him what he's doing tonight. He already plans on coming over and watching a movie with me tommorrow night, I don't know if tonight would be over-kill or not. I think he rather enjoys telling me no.....and he also likes to tell me (He used to say this constantly) "Caren, we can't have sex anymore...." I would say "We can't? Why's that?" He would say "Because I feel like I'm leading you on...", he doesn't only say it about sex, he'll pull that out for a lot of things...he says it about not saying he loves me too.....apparently if he tells me he loves me that would be leading me on.

I also wonder if I should be telling him I love him. He visably bristles to hear me say it, and he KNOWS that I love him, I don't know if he thinks I'm trying to guilt trip him when I tell him I love him or not. That's not what it is, I don't tell him that so I can hear it back (I usually don't anyway these days). I'm sure he thinks I'm doing it so he'll tell me he loves me too. I'm not saying it wouldn't be really nice to hear, but I don't expect it from him. I'll probably pass out when he finally does say it.

-Caren

The rule here Caren is to do what you feel. If you feel like you want to tell him "I love you," then do so. Then go back to what you are doing. But if you sit there and say it...and then wait for a response, this would not be good.

As is with everything you do during Plan A, do it and do not expect any response...positive or negative. That way, you wont be hurt if the response goes bad...and you wont be led on if the response goes good.

I wouldnt invite him over tonight out of the blue. Why? Because he is already reaching out to you and spending a lot of time with you. He is doing it. If you approach him, it may scare him because it will be you trying to dominate him (in his foggy mind). Instead, if he calls and asks "what are you doing?", you just tell him that you are staying in and having a bowl of popcorn and a movie. If he perks up and asks what movie, then that's when you tell him which one...and ask if he has seen it yet. If he says "no," then you tell him there is enough popcorn for two here.

Do you see hoe this "game" is played? If you try to pull him back, he will run. If you "play" coy and leave the door open...then you hae already seen what he has done.

Look, if you go thru that scenario and he says "naw, I have something to do tonight..." then you tell him to be careful and you will see him later. And then you have that night with the popcorn. Believe me, he will be back on the phone with you later. I would bet on it. He wants to be there, he wants to be with you. Even when he cant admit that to himself. You have to let him find his way home.

Just like in the Bible. The Prodical Son came home. But did the father go chasing him? Nope. The father waited at the house, scanning the horizon for his son's hopeful return. He didnt go hunt him down and try to convince him to come home. The son had to find his own way home.


Stay with your plan. Keep doing what you have been doing. He is cracking.
In His arms.

Sheesh I hope so. I'm going to win the academy award for this performance I'm giving.

I can't help but wonder what's going on with the OW though. He's certainly not spending very much time with her. He was home last night, I know this because he called me 40 times. Hmmm maybe their fighting....now that would be such a shame.

-Caren

Oh, you can bet things arent well with OW right now. That is why he is spending so much time with you. Buttttttttt......

Be prepared. She may rear her ugly head and pull him back in. That is why this Plan A stuff is building love units. Because when he goes back (if he goes back), he wont be the same. And she will notice. And he will notice. He will be "grumpy man" around her...and he wont know why. We do...because he misses Caren.

And this, my dear, will be precisely the time you go to Plan B and go dark. And the poor boy will be without showers, without the "fun" after the showers...and without YOU completely.

Oh, the hell that will be raised with the OW. As WAT, JL and others have eluded to...the game is on and it is funny!! And if you could be a bug on the wall when you go to Plan B, and look at their relationship...you will literally laugh your butt off. Because they will both look pathetic. You would be looking at her going "jeesh...you dont know my husband do you? That kind of behavior isnt going to make him want you." And so on.

Caren, he is hooked. To you mostly, he just cant admit it yet. The OW situation may be almost over. Or it may rear its ugly head. But in either case, he is on his way down. And he is missing you more and more.

Keep it up, stand back...and let it keep playing itself out. Bring a bag of popcorn and be ready to laugh. You may thing this is a tragedy. But I have begun to see it as a tragic comedy.

In His arms.

Hi, Caren. Good job with the exception of one teensy thing. WHen you asked his advise, then he gave it to you. IMHO, the fact that you called DDs natural F for advise was not a good thing. Your WH told you that you always override his decisions. And you did it again by not doing what you had agreed to do. THat is go to the school on MOnday with DD and talk to her teachers. If Dd has been with you and WH since she was 8mo old, WH is every right to have a say. ANd since he brought it out in the open, I feel that you broke an implied promise to WH to do what you agreed to do.

JMHO (and I struggle with that, too).

**Note: The way he reacted to my daughter being in my bed......I can't believe that his mind jumped from seeing her in my bed to thinking that I'd spent the night elsewhere, anyway, I seriously think in his mind that I am out messing around on him, and he wants to catch me doing it so he can have an excuse to be with the OW.....like me spending the night with someone else would be the very last straw and he would tell me he never wants to talk to me again......Well guess what, he's not getting out of this that easy. A) I don't want another man I'm married and B) I refuse to give him any feasible reason to be done with me and be blameless in it.

-Caren

Fighting Alone:

My WH actually told me in there somewhere that I needed to tell her Dad, because she didn't want her Dad to know. I fully plan on doing what we spoke of on Monday (My daughter is going to KILL me...lol), but I definitely see where you're coming from, it would have been better to handle the situation the way my WH wants it handled so I can show him that his opinion matters to me and that I am done overriding his decisions.

-Caren

Hey Caren. I soooo know where you are coming from. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I either make all the decisions or wait on WH to do something. Which normaly is not a PLAN it is a reaction, so I tend to override what he says. BAD ME! Justified or not, I finally get that it is not a good thing to do. I am your WH had said to talk to DDs father. THat makes your talking to him not a DJ.

You know, the thing that I am finding hard to deal with is the negotiation part. I mean, if you really think that WH's advice sucks, and you feel it needs to be a different solution, how can you agree to a mutually agreeable decison. POJA, etc. That is the hard part, IMHO.

Yeah, that's gonna be a problem I can see it already. There are some things he's going to advise that I'm not going to agree with, don't know how I'll handle that....I actually wouldn't be going to the school Monday if it were up to me, I'm going to look like an @ss, but...it's all in the name of saving my M, so I guess I'll do it. I need to speak to her teachers anyway.

He called and talked to my DD10 after school, didn't ask to talk to me, Oh well...If he doesn't ask to talk to me I generally just don't talk to him, because if I do he asks me "What's up?" like I have to have a reason to speak to him unless spoken to. This is all really hard for me, because through the entire 12 years we've been together, I have always told him where I was and how to reach me, and I've known the same about him. We talked to each other a million times a day, he would call me or I would call him. It's evident by my cell phone records (The cell used to be his until he spent 14 hours helping the OW move and refused to answer it), you can see the sent and received calls to my house and my other cell phone several times a day....to now, his number rarely shows up.

Ya know, I'd love to know when this all started. I mean I know when he started acting weird and all that, but I don't know when all this actually started. He told me that the OW told him that if he helped her move he could store his hot rod in her garage for the winter, I had no problem with that at the time, but things steadily declined after he helped her move...I couldn't believe he was gone all that time and never even called me, and then when he did get home, he didn't drive, he had her supposed boyfriend drop him off in the u-haul...he left his car, his keys and his sunglasses at her house. I drove him over to get his stuff the next day....he wanted to just walk to work, and I'm like "Oh I really don't think so" I wanted to see where her house was.

I hate her so much AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Okay Caren...breathe....breathe.


-Caren

Ha ha....my WH is out tonight, it's raining and his car leaks, I hope he's cold and wet.

I dunno where he goes when he says "Out"...probably just over to the skanks house, oh well her days are numbered.

-Caren

Last night about 1:30 AM I text messaged my WH's cell phone, I just put in the beginning lyrics of "our song". It's a song by Tim McGraw called "Wouldn't want it any other way"....so the exact message was: Without me, maybe you'd find somebody else, a little wiser, with a lot more wealth. Remember this? - Caren

So this morning at 8 am my cell phone rings, it's my WH first thing he said is "What's this on my cell phone?" I said "What?" He said "I came downstairs this morning and I had a text message, what does it mean?" I said "Oh, it's just lyrics, from that Tim McGraw song" He said "Oh, okay....I wasn't sure, I didn't know if you were talking suicidal again" I said "Nope...just lyrics". So he hangs up and I went back to sleep.

Then about 9:30 am he calls me back and says "Oh were you sleeping?" I said "Yeah" he said "Oh I'm sorry" I said "It's okay". Then he said "Hey is it okay if I bring laundry over there tonight?" I said "Sure" He said "You have enough laundry soap?" I said "Yep". He said "Yeah, I fell back asleep after I talked to you, I just woke up." (He has to be at work at 10 am) I said "Oh...no shower for you then..." He said "Nope" Then he said "....Okay well that's all I wanted" I said "Okay talk to ya later" and we hung up.

Tonight he's coming over for dinner and a movie (and apparently so I can do his laundry), which means he'll most likely spend the night YIPPEEE!! I think he misses me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

My WH came and picked our daughter up about 6:15 last night, and I assume took her to his mother's I didn't ask. He then came over to my house and I made dinner (subs and potato skins) and we watched a movie. Everything went pretty well, nothing earth shaking happened. We went to bed about 12:30 (he spent the night) and we had SF, it was nice, but of course in the morning I can tell that he feels guilty, I try not to talk to him too much, I don't want to hear him say those words again. He always tells me that we can't have SF anymore, because he feels he's leading me on....I can't hear that again, I really can't.

He brought his cell phone last night, but it was turned off. The stupid keypad lock was on, so I couldn't even see if anyone called him. I'm never gonna be able to crack back into that thing. I even removed the battery hoping maybe it would reset the phone...but no dice. I feel like running over it with my car.

I wish I had enough $$ to get the voice activated recorder to put on his phone line. I really need to get some concrete evidence of what's going on.

*sigh*

-Caren