alank, I'll pray for ya too. I hope your WW sees through the fog soon.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kyellow4:
<strong> For the WS, it is a choice to love the BS, and when you are feeling all giddy with the OP, which whom it comes so natural, you then confuse the "real" love, the love of choice, for being "not in love with" because the fantasy love, the love of euphoria is stronger at the time.

Therefore, NC is important, break the bond, so the mind can clear and then the mind can chose to love the person they are married too. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the truth that so many BS understand, but waste our breath trying to explain to the WS. This explanation is often responded with the "soulmates", "its like we've known each other forever", "true love" argument.

I don't think that people truly "choose" who they fall in love with, what I believe is that they create values and beliefs which ALLOW for love to develop. We fall in love with the reflection of self that we see in the other person; how close they are to what we are and what we want. Once in a relationship we can shut off others who meet these criteria by our beliefs in the value of commitment and loyalty. I can't believe that in a world of 6 billion people, that I couldn't be perfectly in love with thousands of like individuals, were I able to meet and interact with them for a period of time. In the case of many affairs, I think that the WS deconstructs their values for commitment and loyalty, when they meet another person that fullfils their desires. They have to rationalize their actions and feelings so they deconstruct their relationship with their spouse and the past and the magnitude of past words and events.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nvtro:
<strong>This is the truth that so many BS understand, but waste our breath trying to explain to the WS. This explanation is often responded with the "soulmates", "its like we've known each other forever", "true love" argument.

I don't think that people truly "choose" who they fall in love with, what I believe is that they create values and beliefs which ALLOW for love to develop. We fall in love with the reflection of self that we see in the other person; how close they are to what we are and what we want. Once in a relationship we can shut off others who meet these criteria by our beliefs in the value of commitment and loyalty. I can't believe that in a world of 6 billion people, that I couldn't be perfectly in love with thousands of like individuals, were I able to meet and interact with them for a period of time. In the case of many affairs, I think that the WS deconstructs their values for commitment and loyalty, when they meet another person that fullfils their desires. They have to rationalize their actions and feelings so they deconstruct their relationship with their spouse and the past and the magnitude of past words and events. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would agree we don't truly choose who we "fall in love with" but choose who we love. The "falling in love" feeling that our WS are feeling, happens, but that feeling will eventually wear off and then it will be a choice if our WS's decide to love their OP and vice versa. My WW and I had that "in love" feeling when we met. I never felt anything like it and proposed to her after just 3 months of dating. That feeling eventually faded and it will with her OM. The sad thing is she doesn't realize this and our family will be torn apart by that point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by need-an-ear:
<strong> Hi,

I like the venting. It's almost like you're doing it for me. How long is this expected to last? Does it depend on how long it went on and if PA was involved? I'd like to believe that my WW's fog will lift quickly because a) she didn't know this person at all except through e-mail and b)no physical contact and c) they only talked for 2 months or so. Am I naive to hope? For those venting about the fog, I sympathize. I can't imagine staying the course if the fog lasted for months and months.

So heartfelt wishes that the wind will come up and blow the fog away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure how long the fog lasts. I guess as long as the WS is willing to let it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ January 10, 2005, 01:58 AM: Message edited by: Am I any better than her? ]</small>