alan,

The pulling and the pushing; it's just part of the dance, the rollercoaster ride. I think you're getting better at it cause you know it's going to happen now.

Here's the good part; if and when you go to Plan B, all of those good times that you had together during Plan A come back to them. They remember that you are a good guy and that you had fun together. That's why you want to do everything that you can now to deposit into her love bank and avoid love busters. When you go to Plan B then they start having withdrawl symptoms from YOU. They miss you; they want to talk to you; they want to cuddle. They miss everything that they had that was good. That's their dose of reality. And they start wondering how in the hell they got here and how can they get back to where they now know that they need to be.

Are you getting any counseling?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong> TA,

I have had some of the same thoughts. It would be easy for me to find someone new. I am a good looking guy with a good job, I think I am nice and fun to be with. I have become very aware of what a relationship needs to thrive.

I have seen so many women that apear to be nice and loving and they would probebly be fun on a date.

However I love my WW to death, I love my kids to death and I want my family together again.

The problem right now is that I am starting not to like my WW. She has become mean and hurtfull, I understand why it happens, yet I don't like it.

I want my W back, although I am afraid if she comes back it may be to late. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly how I feel. I make all the damn Deposits and she Withdraws from me even further. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is exactly how I feel. I make all the damn Deposits and she Withdraws from me even further </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry guys, but that's Plan A. I know it sucks but I don't any way around it.

Let me ask you this; do you feel like, "if I survive this I can survive anything"?

Legato,

We have had one session with our Priest beyond that we have had none.

She is still in the I don't know stage and I was givin advice that untill nc happens and she is ready to work on this MC could give her the amo she needs to walk away from this.

As a good MC would agree with NC and starting fresh and working on us.

As for good times, I don't think she will be able to get her OM to do half of the stuff I do for her. I think sometimes she needs to understand this on her own.

Yes, if I make it through I can make it through anything.

I want to start liking my W again. Right now she is starting to grate on my nerves. I want to throttle her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Question, If/when we start recovery, will I like her again?

I still love her, yet the like factor is going away.

I think in your situation you have a strong hand as long as you stay in the house. You can continue Plan A. It's hard to do Plan A when you're separated. It doesn't sound to me like she is ready to go anywhere. That's why she's trying to get you to go.

The bad part is that you have to be in contact with the WW but the good part is that you get to spend time with your W. Know what I mean?

I do understand what you are saying, and no she is not ready to go, it would be much easier if I left.

I want to go to MC, I want to be with my family, yet she does not want the same right now.

When we are together she has fun with me.

We spent last night in front of the fireplace drinking wine and playing monopoly. We had a good time.

Now she wants it to be done.

Alien abduction is back. Normaly she would have called me today to yell, she changed it up a bit, no yelling, just asking me to leave.

Hang in there, buddy. It's going to be ok.

You ever read Orchid's advice to people about reverse babble where when WS talk nonsense you turn the babble back on them? It's totally funny.
I was just reading this one and cracking up:

babble

Is there anyone where you live that you can talk to about all of this stuff, preferably male?

I have read Orchid's stuff it is great.

I do have some friends to talk to, beyond that not realy.

Anyone I have spoken with has told me I am being stupid. Pack my stuff and run like h*ll.

She is not worth it. Not the stuff I want to hear.

Any good books I can pass on to my WW to help open her eyes?

Avoid the friends that tell you to run. It's easy for them to say that when they don't have to live it. If there is someone that can coach you, encourage you and challenge you, that would be good.

I don't think WW aliens know how to read so no help there.

I read a couple of books that helped me that I can recommend to you but these are not for your wife, they are for you. "The Passion Paradox" is great in helping to understand why someone doesn't find you attractive and how to change it.

I read a bunch of Venus/Mars stuff that helped me learn to just listen and stop trying to fix the wife's problems.

All of the MB stuff is great. "His Needs, Her Needs", "Surviving An Affair", "Love Busters", etc.

If your wife asks you about any books you might mention "His Needs, Her Needs" but you have to be very cautious about suggesting any books to WWs; they sometimes take it as trying to fix them or educate them.

I am avoding all the people that tell me to run.

My WW is not. She is being advised from her friends about what to do, no real advice from her OM.

The big issue is her best friend had an A about two years ago. She then proceded to ask her H to leave and he did. My WW's best friend is as happy as a pig in sh*t. She is not with her OM, yet she does have a new man and life has never been better. Same sitch as us, two small kids live on the same block and so on. Before my WW's friends A, my wife had a hate on for anyone that did such a thing. My how times have changed. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

That is the person my WW talks to about life and our problems. Not the best person to get advice from.

Here's an idea. She said that she thinks that you're spending too much time together. Be pro-active and make plans without her. Be unavailable - the min-Plan B. When she freaks out (if) just calmly remind her that she said that you were spending too much time together and so you made plans to do some things on your own.

That is a good idea.

Time on my own, time for her to wonder what I am doing for a change.

Little story, about three months ago I did go out on my own with a friend. He was having work issues so we went for beer's.

I did not take my cell phone with me and was gone maybe three or four hours. I had 59 missed calls on my phone from my WW. She was having a bad day in her words and her OM would not answer her calls when she needed him.

Yet if I call her when she is out she thinks I am checking up on her...odd don't you think?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That is the person my WW talks to about life and our problems. Not the best person to get advice from.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That sucks but there's not much you can do about it. Hopefully friend will crash and burn eventually. See, husband leaves, enables wife. Don't fall into that trap.

I suspect that she's not as happy as she makes out.

Your W does not approve of this behavior; that is good. When friend crashes it will be a good lesson for your WW.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yet if I call her when she is out she thinks I am checking up on her...odd don't you think? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not in BizarroWorld where WWs lives. Bizarro people have no translatable word for "fair". It is a quaint Planet Earth concept that they find odd.

I hear what you are saying.

I don't want to leave, yet I am afraid of LBing all over the place. I have done well so far, yet my feelings are getting run over.

I think you're idea of doing a few things on my own is a good one. Thanks.

If you feel like you're going to boil over just leave. Just say "You know what? I'm getting angry and I don't want to take it out on you so I'm going to go for a walk."

Good call on going for a walk.

I just want to like her again as my W.

I am afraid I wont get those feelings back.

She has pushed so much I have been considering Plan B. I have filled her love bank as much as I can at this point.

it has been a year, I want it to end.

How long have you been in Plan A?

Dr H said the longest a Plan A should be is about 6 months, this is if you do a good Plan A.

Maybe file for Divorce, this should get her attention. You can delay proceedings as long as you want, some go on for years.

I think you're being used as a doormat and she is cake eating. At some point you have to resort to another plan.

Have you talked to Steve Harley? I call him every two weeks to stay on track.