u angr me! 1st of all, u ceem lik a HIGHSCHOOLER sending TEXT MESSAGES with this ****** way of spelling. Knock it off!

I think you are a troll, frankly.

If you are not a troll, and you are what you say you are, the reason you need to tell your wife is because she *deserves* to know that she is married to a lying, cheating little boy who plays high school games.

Oh, and there is no apostrophe in "Trojans," ****EDIT*****

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

OMG! I know that this is a serious thread and a serious site, but this has GOT to be one of the funniest things that I've ever read here.

Sadly, I think Sad Tiger is dead on with this...

Kati

PS. USCTrojans, how old ARE you???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sad Tiger:
<strong> u angr me! 1st of all, u ceem lik a HIGHSCHOOLER sending TEXT MESSAGES with this ****** way of spelling. Knock it off!

I think you are a troll, frankly.

If you are not a troll, and you are what you say you are, the reason you need to tell your wife is because she *deserves* to know that she is married to a lying, cheating little boy who plays high school games.

Oh, and there is no apostrophe in "Trojans,"*****EDIT*******. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 06:39 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

well i certainly enjoy all the witty name calling. sad tiger. u have certainly shown ur maturity. I prefer responses from men only. A woman can not speak from a male POV... I appreciate all of ur comments. belive it or not it has helped .

I suppose you think you have insulted me by insinuating that I am a woman. Once again, you demonstrate *your* immaturity and misogynistic attitude.

I *am* a man. You are a little boy.

Grow up. Be a man. Tell your wife what you did. If you are serious about saving your marriage, we will be here for you.

USC,

This is not a male/female issue. I gave you a serious, thoughtful response based on my training to be a certified marriage coach. I tried to be objective and non-judgemental in a true exploration about why honesty is vitally important in these instances. My org. specializes in helping people overcome infidelity in marriage and is in complete agreement with Dr. Harley and this site about how to recover from infidelity:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Most unfaithful spouses know that their affair is one of the most heartless acts they could ever inflict on their spouse. So one of their reasons to be dishonest is to protect their spouse from emotional pain. "Why add insult to injury," they reason. "What I did was wrong, but why put my spouse through needless pain by revealing this thoughtless act?" As is the case with bank robbers and murderers, unfaithful spouses don't think they will ever be discovered, and so they don't expect their unfaithfulness to hurt their spouse.

But I am one of the very few that advocate the revelation of affairs at all costs, even when the wayward spouse has no feelings of guilt or depression to overcome. I believe that honesty is so essential to the success of marriage, that hiding past infidelity makes a marriage dishonest, preventing emotional closeness and intimacy.

It isn't honesty that causes the pain, it's the affair. Honesty is simply revealing truth to the victim. Those who advocate dishonesty regarding infidelity assume that the truth will cause such irreparable harm, that it's in the best interest of a victimized spouse to go through life with the illusion of fidelity.

It's patronizing to think that a spouse cannot bear to hear the truth. Anyone who assumes that their spouse cannot handle truth is being incredibly disrespectful, manipulative and in the final analysis, dangerous. How little you must think of your spouse when you try to protect him or her from the truth.

It's not only patronizing, but it's also false to assume that your spouse cannot bear to hear the truth. Illusions do not make us happy, they cause us to wander through life, bumping into barriers that are invisible to us because of the illusion that is created. Truth, on the other hand, reveals those barriers, and sheds light on them so that we can see well enough to overcome them. The unsuspecting spouse of an unfaithful husband or wife wonders why their marriage is not more fulfilling and more intimate. Knowledge of an affair would make it clear why all efforts have failed.

After revealing an affair, your spouse will no longer trust you. But lack of trust does not ruin a marriage, it's the lack of care and protection that ruins marriages. Your spouse should not trust you, and the sooner your spouse realizes it, the better.

The Policy of Radical Honesty is one of two rules you must follow to protect your spouse from your self-centered behavior, which includes affairs. The other rule is the Policy of Joint Agreement (never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse). If you were to be completely honest with you spouse, and you were to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement, an affair would be impossible, unless for some reason your spouse wanted you to have one.

If you knew that your affair would be discovered -- that right after having sex with your co-worker, your spouse were to find out about it -- you would probably not go through with it. And if you were honest enough with your spouse so that YOU would be the one to tell him or her what you did, your honesty would be a huge reason to avoid any affair. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You didn't respond to my earnest effort to help you...so perhaps you really are only here to create drama afterall. *sigh*

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I prefer responses from men only. A woman can not speak from a male POV... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, I'm on my way off your thread...2 last thoughts:

1) how sure are you that your wife is not swinging with this couple, or been invited to?

2) believing women can't comprehend or speak to the POV of a man or vice versa is ignorant.

Good luck and c u.

ok, i am a female, going to still post. i am also a female that cheated on her husband. when i came here i was the same way, why tell my husband?? it will just hurt him. i was very lucky, many awesome people posted to me, made me think, made me face myself (some of those same people have posted to you). i got some harsh posts too, but there seems to be more here for you. at first i though maybe it is because you are a man, which is not fair. but then maybe it is more because of your responses so far.

the question is, what is it that you want help with?

the help i found occured because i decided to look honestly at myself and in time (after being at MB for 4 months) i found myself able to be partially honest with my H, this past Oct, i became 100% honest. i will not say i was a terrible spouse before my honesty (i accept many if not most BSs would perhaps want to debate that, i have no desire to debate that).

however, only now am i able to be an excellent spouse.

sounds like you had a ONS. i did a lot worse than that!!!

tell us more about your marriage currently and about your hopes for the future. do you desire how to improve your marriage? is that why you are here? have you read much of the articles here? have you read about ENs?

i welcome you to MB and i hope you find the help you are seeking here.

with help like urs...who needs it. what exactly did u say that was helpful?? do the world a favor. u want 2 help..plant a tree. u dont like the way i spell..dont read it. I slept 1/2 way thru hs..so i am lacking ur gift of "correctly spelled" speech. i manage. my marriage is fine. i keep my wife very happy. gifts.trips,caring father. oh and im around 24/7. i give attention. 1 huge mistake doesnt make me a terrible person. no one here is ever gonna convince me of that. certainly not u Tiger. I could care less if u r a man or a woman. if u feel u have to scream it out aloud. go right ahead. i believe u.


me(44)
w (34)
3 D's
1 partridge in a pear tree

I liked your post Starfish, just in case I ever feel like trying to educate my ex again. In fact I really liked it.

RAQ

What does that mean? I'm a girl, so no advice from me. (not that I have any anyway) But I can't stand it when I don't know what the initials stands for.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by USCTrojan's:
<strong> with help like urs...who needs it. what exactly did u say that was helpful?? do the world a favor. u want 2 help..plant a tree. u dont like the way i spell..dont read it. I slept 1/2 way thru hs..so i am lacking ur gift of "correctly spelled" speech. i manage. my marriage is fine. i keep my wife very happy. gifts.trips,caring father. oh and im around 24/7. i give attention. 1 huge mistake doesnt make me a terrible person. no one here is ever gonna convince me of that. certainly not u Tiger. I could care less if u r a man or a woman. if u feel u have to scream it out aloud. go right ahead. i believe u.


me(44)
w (34)
3 D's
1 partridge in a pear tree </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FWIW, since women cannot grasp the male POV in your admitted opinion, I suggest you date other male script kiddies you find on IM.

I'm sure they will get your POV.

Out,

TB

its tough responding 2 every1. i need 2 pace myself. glad to rec'v comments. time 2 shovel some mud...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I prefer responses from men only. A woman can not speak from a male POV... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">u want male POV ok u got it in my male POV u r tarnishing us males' image trojan boy ok? c u

** with help like urs...who needs it. what exactly did u say that was helpful??

u didnt ask 4 help... ur here 2 create drama

** do the world a favor. u want 2 help..plant a tree.

do ur w a favr.. tell her u cheated

** u dont like the way i spell..dont read it.

u dont spell... u mangl

** I slept 1/2 way thru hs..

obviously

** so i am lacking ur gift of "correctly spelled" speech.

u dont say

** i manage.

yeah, ok

** my marriage is fine.

so why r u here?

** i keep my wife very happy. gifts.trips,caring father. oh and im around 24/7.

so when did u cheet? (if u r arund 24/7)

** i give attention.

2 urself for sure

** 1 huge mistake doesnt make me a terrible person. no one here is ever gonna convince me of that. certainly not u Tiger.

I nevr said u r a terrible person. i said u r an illiterate, mysogynistic, philanderer. (get a dictionary)

** I could care less if u r a man or a woman. if u feel u have to scream it out aloud. go right ahead. i believe u.

im not screaming. m3 thinx u protest 2 much

thanks 4 the help Java. u r really good.

I could care less if u r a man or a woman.
Then why did you write, "I prefer responses from men only. "?

Your marriage is fantastic, so what are you seeking help with?

Ok, I've tried to help. I guess since I'm a woman I'm not worthy. HA!!!
Are you my WH??? You sound about as stupid as he does. I'm out too!!!!!

DBL post

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: TreeReich ]</small>

Tiger. ur the best. thanks.

Chris...i was ref 2 Tigr.. Im gonna exit. some of u r more defensive than i ever could be. i wonder y that is? I came here looking for help with regards to how i feel. not my marriage. i have rev'd some resonable advice and I thank those that gave it. for the name callers and know it alls. i give u..well. u have already been thru enuff. i give u my sympathy..

You don't have to leave. I won't pick on you anymore.

Lots of people here can give you good advice, if you want it.

Good luck to you.

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: Sad Tiger ]</small>