Hi Dyinghere.
My sitch is very similar to yours: I am 46 WH 48, 3DDs 17,17 and 16. Exposure is a very powerful tool. I exposed to my family and a few friends during plan A but couldn´t tell my DDs as they were studying at that time. As soon as they finished their exams I went into plan B with WH (reluctantly) explaining our separation and the fact that "he had made a mistake with another woman" but I told my DDs the truth as I told MIL shortly thereafter. All of them were able to manage the situation much better than I thought they would. I think we inderestimate people. Kids are specially strong. At this age they seem to be surer of what they think and want than we adults are. I really admire them.

I think exposure was the one thing WH couldn´t believe I would do, and although I think he must have been angry he never mentioned it to me or said anything about it. I also exposed to his work colleagues.

I have been in plan B for 3 weeks now and although it is hard, it is better than being constantly reminded that the A continues. Maybe the A isn´t as "healthy" anymore but I don´t know, I am very dark in spite of the fact that he has constant contact with DDs.
It is getting easier, although I know it is too soon. Ijust think of all the things we will do when he comes to his senses and less and less about the A. That is a relief!
Staying dark is hard and I long for him, but living with a WH is much worse and terrible for your self esteem. I take it day by day. I pray and hope that Wh becomes DH again, but if he doesn´t I know I will come out a stronger and better person. There is a lot of accumulated experience on this website. It has convinced me.
Good luck!

I continued to long for my WH just like you. That's what happens to those of us who have had longterm marriages.

I had to admit to myself that, while he was involved in the A, I really did not have his heart. I may have had him in body but it really wasn't him. My real H had been captured by an alien. The OW had his mind and soul.

I convinced myself that the only way that he would really return would be through PLAN B. It proved to be true. He is REALLY at home with me now. I have his heart, mind, body and soul again.

SEE PLAN B as your only solution. YOU WANT YOUR H back. He is not himself now. He is a person that you are sharing with someone else.

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:49 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

The OW will LB and start making demands because she thinks she has won.

TIME AND PATIENCE.

Do all the things now that your WH did not like for you to do.

Enjoy spending time to yourself for a change. Think of it as a much needed vacation.

I know that none of this may help. Before I could figure out how to live without him, he was back. I'm no soothsayer but I think this will happen for you. He's too attached to you. Plus, he doesn't think that you will hold onto PLAN B. Prove him wrong. If he is anything like my FWH was, he thinks you will be sitting around waiting for him to finish having his fun.

What I did to shake things up was to put my house on the martket and it sold the first day. I gave the illusion of moving on. Well, I didn't want to live in the house anymore but I was continuing to long for him.....

It's hard but it's your only choice.....