TY Orchid,

I am the opposite of 'chilled' right now, I actually refused to talk to WH last night, I was just too worn out, I couldn't take anymore....he talked to DD10, before she went to sleep....and she WANTS me to talk to him too everynight....she said "Mommy, do you want to talk to Daddy?" I said "No honey, I'm going to sleep".

I know better than to talk to him when I'm in the state I was in yesterday. Group was ROUGH yesterday, and I was emotionally drained. Everytime I talked the counselor stopped me and said "Caren you're having euphoric recollections of your anger/aggression again" And she's right, I am an intimidating person, and I like it.....is that right? No, it's not, but it's been me for so long.....I don't know what to do about it, guess that's why I'm there...LOL

It seems strange to me that a person of my small size could intimidate anyone....but I do, I have never had a girl (in high school) take me up on a fight, they back right down....I must look/act like I belong in a mental ward. I am not scared of anyone.....except possibly myself.

SO, I'm trying to chill Orchid, and I really do appreciate all of you bringing me back to earth when I go on a rampage.....thankfully the rampages are mainly contained on this site, if I write it, I usually won't do it (At least that's been my experience so far). Because in writing it, I have time to think about it, process it, and decide that I am being irrational.

Thanks again.....love ya babe!!!!

-Caren

My WH moved, so I've been going over everyday checking the stupid mail for my W2's, well last night when I went.....he has apparently not taken the cat with him, and she had gotten out and was wandering around in the snow crying....I was so pissed. I picked her up, put her in my car and brought her home, and then called him and told him that I had her, and asked why he'd left her. He said he didn't have a crate to bring her in (And she's totally psycho in a car), so I said I have a crate, I'll bring her to your work tommorrow. I also told him that he'll need to take DD10 tommorrow night, as it's my b-day and I have plans. I know she's not gonna stay all night, so he'll either be bringing her back here or he'll have to devulge his secret living quarters and have me come get her.

I Text messaged WH this morning to say:"Good Morning Sunshine" He tm back "Good Morning" I tmed "how did you sleep?" He texted back "Like a rock" I said "I had a cat screaming for her Daddy all night long." Then I texted "I'll bring her to the shop sometime this afternoon"

I am going to make him some blueberry muffins and take them to him when I take the cat, and I am also going to tell him "WH, I just wanted you to know that I've always been proud of you, proud to have you as my husband, and proud of the man you were, I just wanted you to know that."

That's all....we'll see how that goes....just being nice, bringing him his cat and muffins and not expecting anything in return.

-Caren

Okay....operation blueberry muffin underway LMAO

I called him at work to tell him his cat seemed affection starved, but he wasn't there....so his co-worker told him I called, DIDN'T ask him to, was just gonna call later.

He calls on my cell "What's up? Jim said you called" I said "Nothing.....I was just going to call you later. Oh wait...I know what I wanted, I was just gonna tell you how affection starved the cat is, she must really miss you, and also that I'll be bringing her to the shop in the next hour and a 1/2 or so" He seems audibly irritated by me (I say audibly...cuz I haven't laid eyeballs on him) He said "Caren, I don't have a carrier or anything." I said "I told you I have one, and I have to bring her, my kitten can't use the litter box, because it's in the basement, where Baby (the cat's name) is and she's poopin on the floor" He said "Okay" I'm like "Okay, see ya in a bit" and hung up.

I think they DID get the letter I sent to her employer and he is just not telling me......he won't be able to hold that in for long....LOL, So I'll just be my usual (as of late) cheerful self when I take him his cat. (She is actually "our" cat, but is so attached to him, and weird about everyone else that I couldn't take her from him...plus she'd beat the crap out of my kitten...LOL)

There have been a few other things I've done that he has delayed telling me, but these were things he wasn't 100% sure was me.....(i.e. the text messages) but I made it perfectly clear who sent this letter.......Mrs. Caren X WH. With my address and telephone number on it....shoulda included my e-mail.

I was thinking of calling her parents, but I dunno....I think I should have struck while the iron was hot there....I should most likely leave it alone now, I mean the woman is 33, although, if someone called my mother and told her I was having an affair with someone's husband she'd be LIVID and give me the equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition, as would I if someone told me one of my daughters did such a thing...(I have a 19 year old....she's almost 20, and I would throttle her if I found out she was doing something like this....I don't care HOW old she was....that man would NEVER be welcome in my home or in my family....so she'd have that to contend with).

So anyway, I think I should leave well enough alone for now, and do operation underwear delivery after Plan B letter.

I was sorta hoping I can still somehow entice him into SF on my B-day since he'll have my daughter....and accidentally dial her number so she can hear...LMAO

-Caren

Caren....I haven't posted since the beginning on your threads but I am reading them.
You are making my head spin!
You really need to stop trying to control things right now and take the focus to your own daily activities (not related to winning him back). You are going to be a wreck whenever things don't go the way you have planned.
Try to refocus to Caren and Caren spending quality time doing things just for Caren.
Please.
You have done some good stuff with plan A but it seems that you are the 'giver' (MB concepts....reread them please) and your 'taker' is just going to go nuts whenever the 'giver' isn't being appreciated!

Caren,

I agree with Pickle.... you gotta stop your manipulation tactics. ok? Even the gentle fun ones.

Stop being nice to the WS, be cordial, not lovey dovey sweet nice..... you are still in plan A but step back and think.... if you are being lovey dovey nice when he is a wicked WS, why should he change? What challenge to change are you showing him? You are giving him the candy and the candy shop. As is. But you are worth more than that.

Muffins.... nice touch.....cat carrier....nice touch..... convo w/'good morning sunshine'....too sweet.

Keep your convo short and concise. I understand the desire to need to control. You sound like a giver type person...... almost is a requirement. In the fog however, that is often used against the BS. Now in a good plan A, you will learn how and when to be manipulative and when not to. You still need to have control of your life but not necessarily as much in a WS. He will survive.... his way. You can't control that but there are ways of poking through the fog and sometimes you actually hit a target and moments of clarity hit the WS. Be patient. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. I understand how you feel more than you may realize.

Talk about intimidating..... I am only 4'10" on a good day. LOL!!! Yet, I do have a personality that can go head to head and in some cases have gone that way with people..... sex, creed, color, status, position....as needed. I respect the position but say what I need to say. I have learned to choose when and how I say things. Learning to back off and identify someone without the power of reason was a bit harder but sometimes that teaches a better lesson.

Size has nothing t/d with it. Your personality does. My point is that you need to stop being manipulating..... your H will use that against you.

take care,
L.

I would agree with Orchid,

And I'd take it a step further.

Caren, you are uniformly trading long term gain for short term gratification . Learn to discern the difference between an asset and a liability..then use your newfound knowledge to your advantage.

For example?

Finding concrete evidence that H is having an A?

Asset.

Tipping your hand by revealing this to him?

Liability. Now his guard is up. He will be sneakier and harder to nail down.

Exposure?

ASSET!!!

Dialogue about exposure with WH?

Liability. Why ever would you believe that you owe him an explanation?

Educate yourself and start to play the game by your rules..if you try to play by tolerating WS logic [oxymoron] you will lose every time..it's designed that way. You do not need to win every battle..frankly you ought to pass on most battles that they try to engage you in. Concentrate on winning the war. You are going to have to step back from the day to day drama and just take responsibility for your own addiction to it and to WH.

You have the balls..now engage the mind..and I really think that the result will be a force of nature both awesome to behold and brutal to cross.

Best of luck [I want tickets to the show if you make it to that level <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ]

Noodle

Noodle

Well, just went and took the muffins and the cat. I sat down for a sec and smoked a cigarette (He wasn't there when I got there, was next door that the chinese restaurant getting his lunch) he came in, loved on the cat for a while, and then he talked to me for a while, mostly about the cat.

Then he noticed the container with the muffins in it, and said "What's that?" I said "Oh, I brought you some blueberry muffins" Then I said "Okay, I have to go, but I wanted to tell you something. I have always been proud of you, I've always been proud of you as my husband and always been proud of the man you were, I don't think I ever told you that." He said "Why are you telling me now?" I said "Just because I don't think I've ever said it." Then I asked him if he would have the $25.00 per week that he gives me in child support this week, and he said "Nope, I'm broke....you've got money" (He knows I just got paid, but I missed days so it was only like 131.00) I said "Well I still need the child support money, but I'll just talk to you about that later.

As I was typing this he just called me and said "What do you need the money to go drinking? I thought you didn't do that anymore"

I said "No, I'm going out to dinner for my birthday, I'm not going drinking"

He said "Well make sure HE pays the bill don't go dutch"

I said "Actually I'm going with Casey, and she's paying, as it is my birthday"

He said "Oh..." I said "I don't know what I'll do after that"

He said "Well you just got paid why do you need the 25 dollars?"

I said "My check was only 131 I don't start getting my short term disability until next pay"

He said "Oh but you paid your cell phone bill?" (It was shut off for about a week)

I said "Yes, I figured I may need that"

Then he said "Well I don't know what I'm going to do with Brooklyn, I told her I'm not taking her to my new house until everything is moved in"

I said "Would you rather watch her here?"

He said "No" (very quietly)

I said "I'm sorry? I didn't hear you"

He said "No, I don't want to watch her there."

I said "Well where will you take her then?"

He said "How late are you going to be out?"

I said "No idea"

He said "I guess I'll take her to the old house" (The one with NO water, that is a pig stye....yeah good plan.

I said "You'd rather take her there than to your new place where there is water?"

He said "Well then she'll know where I live, and I can't have you stalking me"

I said "I'm not going to stalk you, I have no reason to, I know what's going on now, why on earth would I stalk you?"

He said "I dunno"

I said "Besides, do you really think she's going to remember how to get there?"

He just laughed.

Then he said "Caren, I want you to know something, I didn't leave you for her, I didn't start seeing her until a few months after you moved."

I said "You didn't start 'seeing' her until then, or you didn't have sex with her until then?"

He said "I'm not talking about sex, I just wanted you to know that I didn't leave you for her, is that clear?"

I said "Yes, that is crystal clear" (Being nice the whole time)

He said "Okay"

This part I should have restrained myself on, but I couldn't do it.

I said "So did Shannon get my letter yet?"

He said "What letter?"

I said "I sent her a letter, well a copy of a letter"

He said "What do you mean? Where did the other copy go?"

I said "Well she must not have received it, or I would have already heard from you."

He said "What did you do?!"

I said "I sent her a copy of a letter"

He said "NO Caren, where did the original letter go?"

I said "Well, when she gets it I'm sure you'll be the first to know"

He kept asking where the original went, and I said, "I'm actually surprised she hasn't received it yet"

He said "Okay Caren"

I said "Okay, you have a great day" and hung up.

So I'm sure Shannon is FLYING home to get her mail.

He's gonna be p.o.ed royal, and ya know what, don't care.

I have decided that I will NOT try the SF thing with him, I'm better than that. I'll just keep the house clean, be civil to him, do little things like the muffins here and there and that's about it. Only a few more weeks until tax time.....so, I'll be going dark then.

BTW...YEAH, I'll just bet he didn't leave me for her, what a f*cking crock, he soooooo had something going on with her LONG before I left, it may have just been EA, but it was definitely something.

-Caren

Caren can you refresh my memory on the reason you moved out? Link is fine. KB

I moved out before I knew ANYTHING about MB, or I never would have done it. He told me he didn't want to be married anymore, he loved me but was not in love with me, and that to me was a slap in the face.(He was also spending MAD time helping the OW, he was helping her move so he could park his hotrod in her garage for the winter, as we had no garage...the alarms were going off MAJOR...but he kept telling me no no, we're just friends) Also the house we lived in was owned by his boss, and we had never had a lease....the rent was just taken out of his check. I also didn't think I could be there with all of the memories......I was wrong to move out, but there is no moving back, the house is being forclosed on because his boss apparently was not applying the money to the mortgage.

He has now moved to an undisclosed location (Not in with the OW, somewhere else, and for some reason doesn't want me to know where it is until the 1st of February...it's odd...I don't know what the signifigance of that date is.

I DO care where he lives, as I think I'll need that info for the Child support enforcement bureau, and I WILL need to know where he's taking my child, and where he has my $1200 championship bloodline boxer (My landlord doesn't allow dogs...and the yard isn't fenced). We have 2 boxers, but the younger of the two is co-owned by me and the breeder, so I do have to know where that dog is, they have the option to stud/show him whenever they like.

Is it a LB to file for child support?? He's sure acting like it is...he's steamed.

-Caren