Al, so what happened when she came to your work place? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

FF

I have had a bad day, it was like a crappy movie unfolded in front of me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I said all the wrong things just to try and get her out of my place of work.

I finaly said, if you want a D, fine I will file for you, please leave me alone...

I am an idiot <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

OK, take a deep breath, relax. It's ok, we've all done it and - hey you know what - the earth is still spinning and the sky is not falling.

Now that it's over just start over with Plan B. Yes?

Yes

back to Plan B <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Alan,

You're pretty quiet. How are things?

Things have been bad for the last two days.

My WW has shown at work, had a fit, she is mad as h**l.

Right now I feel at the lowest I have been. I have not had much to say lately, I feel very lost. I am trying Plan B, I am not good at it right now.

My WW showed up at the house last night, the kids saw her and cried for mom. I let her in, she saw the kids for a bit, she put them to bed then we sat around and talked for about 4 hours.

She is still deep in her fog, yet the light shines through a bit. She told me last night she know's what she did was wrong and that God will punish her for it. She say's she see's the pain she is causing, yet my actions in our past have wounded her so deep she does not know if she can trust me?

She told me her OM has nothing to do with our problems right now, we would be her no matter what.

I am the reason we are here, she has no responsability for it. She says one thing then changes her mind.

I listened to her did not LB at all, got drunk and spent the night with her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I feel like crap right now. She left today to go back to her OM. I am a stupid man at times.

I have hot bottom. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Man oh man. Really tough when the kids don't understand what Plan B is. They just want their mom.

I'm not going to give you any advice unless you're asking. You probably just need to process and regroup at this point.

Alan, Alan, Alan.

You're your own worst enemy. You have to decide to do Plan B or not. So far, you're not.

Did you not understand what we told you about her and her behavior before?

Why are you still taking things she says to heart?

What more do we have to say?

You have got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get a grip.

Yes this is hard. We know that. Been there, done that.

If we can do it, you can.

You NEED Plan B. So get out that Plan B letter and write a new note on it to her saying that you need to fully stick to your plan and you cannot associate with her any further until she's ready to rebuild your family - no matter whose fault it is that you're where you are.

Got it?

WAT

legato,
I am looking for advice and yes Wat I know I am an idiot right now.

When she showed up last night and the kids were crying for her I left my better judgement behind and did some real stupid stuff.

The thing now is I am so mad at myself right now. She is so lost right now, as am I.

I know full well what to do, I have my Plan B letter and I know what I want. Problem is she melts my heart. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I know I am giving her what she wants right now, Him and me. I am tryibg to re group and start over and I know I will.

Slap me as much as you want, I need it right now.. I miss my W. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Just do it, Man.

Plan B with kids is dern near impossible.

Next time she comes over like that to see the kids, excuse yourself. Leave the house, go to another room, whatever. DO NOT fill any ENs!!! Plan A is over.

I believe you will eventually get a chance to recover your marriage. Gigolo OM will dump her as soon as she pressures him for more attention. This will happen sooner if she gets NOTHING from you. hence Plan B.

OK?

You are NOT an idiot. Get off the pity party and pull yourself up, OK?

WAT

Alan,

I completely and empahtically agree with WAT. You need to do a real Plan B right now. Your W is still a WW at this point. You need to start taking care of yourself and your kids right now. Think about them and you and not your WW. I can't remember how your Plan A went, but the fact that your WW is still a WW and that your in Plan B, I can only assume that your Plan A didn't work. So give the Plan B a chance, the real Plan B. No Contact from you. My WW has been moved out since the beginning of Jan. I have since changed the locks and she pretty much stays out of the house. She still comes over and visits the kids as I won't allow them over to her appt. And she calls to say goodnight to the kids. So I wouldn't call my plan a real Plan B but thats my problem.

It sounds like you need to make a decision on Plan B, I hope you choose to help yourself and not believe the garbage your WW is spewing.

My 2 cents,
Native

WAT,

I will do it.....

the first three day's of Plan B have been a loss, but I am starting over...

My kids are going to my mother's house for the weekend and I am going to banff to ski. No cell phone no contact..

Yeah, I'll chime in here too, what you've done the past few days has actually set you back more.

She's pushed the boundaries of Plan B...you caved. She's learned that you are not serious about Plan B.

She also got her alank fix, and this will sustain her in the A that much longer...

Go dark, and remove yourself...don't engage AT ALL. Even arguing is engaging her. Leave the area. She comes to your house, get the kids in the car and GO. Or better yet, don't answer the door... She comes to work, excuse yourself to another office with instructions not to be disturbed by ANYONE (especially her) until she is gone. She tricks you into answering hte phone...say goodbye, and hang up.

Explain to the kids about Plan B, and it is your choice to SAVE the M, and you are getting advice to do it this way...hope they understand.

<small>[ January 20, 2005, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: StillHereMakingIt ]</small>

What they said... good advice.

Alank-Just wanted to chime in and say that I am with ya. Plan B with the kids, tough. Just so you know, I have also blown up and said fine, you want it, you got it, go file...but she didn't...and neither did your WW. Proof that they still want to come back.

Hang in there, as bad as you blew it and you hurt her, she KNOWS she has hurt you as bad or worse.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you want it, you got it, go file...but she didn't...and neither did your WW. Proof that they still want to come back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'd like to butt in here, and ask about the above.

The fact that they didn't file -- I don't think that's proof that they still want to come back, do you?

I'm inclined to think that for some that may be true, for others it's simply a case of not having the "guts" or the wherewithal to actually execute it, and for others it's some convoluted mess of emotions/turmoil/fence-sitting/who-knows?

Anyone have any words of wisdom on the subject, ie. why the WS doesn't file, even though taken at face value, all indications are that they want to?

I asked my WW last week on what she wanted... a separation or Dv. She said she didn't know. I don't understand how the WS is faced with one of the most important choices of your life reconcile or Dv. The WS is in a "finding themselves" mode (garbage) and yet they can't make up their minds. If the roles were reversed and I had to make this choice I would be focusing all I had in trying to "find" the answer. Seems to me that most of the WS's here are just vascillating and cake-eating.

Native

I think many times they know in their gut that divorce would be a mistake, that they will end up regretting it. But on the other hand they're stuck because they feel that going back to the marriage is a step backwards. They don't want the marriage that they had. Somehow, when they're stuck or cake-eating or whatever something must propel them off of the fence, as in Plan B. They have hopefully noted the improvement in the BS and can come to a point where they are willing to take a leap of faith, bury the old marriage, and start to participate in building a new one.

My WW is so far away from taking a leap of faith I want to push her off the edge <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

At some point look at what you are doing...

Take a look at how many people are here for you.

It all falls on deaf ears.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tqt:
<strong> [QUOTE]....Anyone have any words of wisdom on the subject, ie. why the WS doesn't file, even though taken at face value, all indications are that they want to? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not sure if you'd call this 'wisdom' or something else but one of the reasons the WS don't file c/b due to the fact, they don't want to spend their $$ on the D. They would much rather the BS pay for the D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> A WS confessed that to me. Am I surprised? Nope. Just highly disappointed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

JMHO,
L.