Yes, I know. But if you read about Plan B it's really about you concentrating on taking care of yourself and essentially washing your hands of her, until she hits bottom.

Let God do His work on her. She is not your problem anymore. Trust Him to change her heart and de-fog her.

Ditto what Legato said!

I am trying to wash my hands of her.

As you know it's hard, very hard when the kids are involved. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I also know that when she tries to get me into a conversation she is looking for ways to justify her A. She wants me to get mad, she wants to tempt me.

I just want it to end. The faster it does the better. I also know I am not ready to get back into our M right now, way to many things unresolved at this point.

Just trying to stay away as best as I can.

Yes, I know it's very hard with the kids and it's hard to explain to them.

Yes, by arguing with you she gets a 'fix'. She gets to escape her guilt temporarily by convincing herself that you deserve all of the pain that you are experiencing. It's kind of what they call a zero-sum; there is a fixed amount of pain - if she can put some of it off onto you then that lightens her load. Your job is to allow her to experience all of her pain and not allow her to transfer any of it to you. Your job is to stop hurting - do whatever you need to do, except self-destructive behavior, to decrease your pain. Right now that's all that she has for you - pain.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just want it to end. The faster it does the better. I also know I am not ready to get back into our M right now, way to many things unresolved at this point.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Faster may not necessarily be better. As you say, you're not ready for recovery right now.

Think of it as your old marriage is over. When it's time for recovery you will both have to build a new marriage. I believe this will happen but I don't know how long. It's in God's hands. Anything you try to do to hasten along will only draw it out longer.

Pray, for your wife. Ask God to lead her home, but in His time.

Thanks so much Legato.

I know you are right and I am trying so hard right now.

My love for my W will win out at some point I think.

You're welcome.

I never did Plan B but it sounds to me like it's supposed to be easier that Plan A. Maybe Mortarman can comment.

Try and have some fun.

How's the new job?

The new job is so very differant from what I am used to.

In my old store I had so many people to do differant jobs, this dealership is small in comparison so I have to do much of it myself. I have a lot to learn here but the change has been good and I am having some fun at work right now.

It is alos very strange to sell imports.

I am so used to big trucks and SUV's, here we sell cars and Vans, a few SUV's but nothing like what I am used to.

Alan-

Hi, I don't know if I've posted to you before or not, but I am going to plan B this week. I can only hope for the reactions you are getting, I would be more scared if my WH complied and didn't *try* to contact me at all.....but I'm prepared (I think) for either event.

My daughter (Ours together) is 10, and I explained a little about it to her today. I said "DD10, come here for a second, I need to talk to you" She said "Whaaaaat "(LMAO) she knows when it's one of *those* talks. I said "I want to talk to you for a second, come here" So she did, and I said "Listen, in the next week Mommy isn't going to be seeing Daddy, or talking to Daddy anymore until he decides to stop seeing his *friend*" She said "Uh! Mom! Why?!" I said "Because, DD10, when you are married you aren't supposed to have 'girlfriends' or 'boyfriends'" I said "Now you can still call your Daddy, and your Daddy can still call you...but if he asks to talk to me, just know that I am not going to" She rolled her eyes. I said "Daddy will probably ask you questions about me, like "What's your Mom doing?" She said "And I'm gonna tell him" I said "That's fine DD10, but I'm going to ask you a favor, if he calls and I am not home, that is ALL he needs to know, he doesn't need to know where I am or why I'm gone, okay?" She said "Okay" I said "It's possible that he might ask you if I have a boyfriend....what would you say if he asked that?" She said "I'd tell him 'Yes'" I started laughing, and I said "DD10, why would you tell him yes?" She said "I dunno....I would just tell him no I guess" and I said "Why? Why don't I have a boyfriend?" She said "Because you're married, and you're not supposed to" I said "Yep" She said "I'm not going to tell him that" I said "That's fine honey, tell him whatever you want, but I don't want you to lie...okay?" She said "Okay" and walked away..looking pretty glad to be out of that conversation LMAO!!!! Sheesh I tell ya, these pre-teens!

I read this entire thread, and I think that what's going on is very encouraging for you. It appears to me like it's a textbook example of how this is supposed to go. She's in pain, I can tell, and I'm sorta a novice here on MB.

So anyway Alan, if nothing else I'll be here in the same boat with you shortly, perhaps we can commiserate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have this sneaking suspicion I'm not going to have a daggone thing to post, I think my WH is probably gonna be like...Okay, if that's what you want.....and go black himself, maybe not, I guess I've never put him in this position before...I've been busy kissing his @ss for months now...LOL!!!

Well Alan, I guess I'll catch ya later. Hope your kids are doing good. I have 3 girls....it's hormone city around here....eeeek!! LOL

-Caren

P.S. Oh my goodness....someone reply to me on this thread!!! I will not be ignored LMAO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Plan B Support Thread

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Thanks for the support Caren.

I think it is classic Plan B stuff going on, it's just so hard. Anytime you want to talk, let me know, I can share some real strange Plan B stuff from my WW.

Ya wanna exchange e-mails?

Mine is: the_pieces_of_my_broken_heart@yahoo.com

So e-mail me if ya wanna.....Goodness knows I'll need the support.

-Caren

Caren, mine is

Just so you know my computer is down right now, wont be up untill thursday but I will email you as soon as I am up.

Thanks for the help and support. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 01:22 PM: Message edited by: alank ]</small>

Alan....you have mail.....mail you can't get until your computer is fixed...LOL, but it's there anyway. I sent it so you'd have my addy and so I could add yours to my address book <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

No need to thank me for my support, you'll feel like support hose by the time I'm done needing support LOL!!!!

-Caren

Caren, I can offer a lot of support. I have seen day turn to night and the sky turn pink. It is amazing at times what a WW will say. I would think it is the same for all of them. If I am able to get my email at work up and running (new job) I will email you sooner if not I will be praying for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Caren, I so look forward to fixing my computer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Okay Caren and Alank...

It is okay for you to post here. It is okay to privately post to someone of the same gender.

It is not okay to email issues concerning your wife or husband to someone of a different gender. You are establishing a private relationship with another man or woman. While your intentions may be good, this is how affairs happen. or at least appearance of affairs.

Keep it here.

In His arms.

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Never thought of that Mortarman. It is amazing how my own actions can at times mirror those of my WW.

I didn't give it a second thought, I was happy someone was willing to offer support.

Oh my goodness....my intentions were completely pure.

I'm sorry if it was taken out of context, and if it makes you uncomfortable, then it's okay by me....heck I spend 1/2 my life on this board, it's not like I'm ever unavailable.

Mortar....love ya <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Caren

Caren, I took it as someone looking to offer support, thats it. I was doing the same.

My intentions were pure and not intended in any other way.

Sorry if it was taken the wrong way, was not my plan.

Both of you...we know your intentions are pure. And you are just trying to help.

But this is exactly why you dont have close friends of the opposite sex. Especially privately. Because you start commiserating, and elling your story...then you are there for the other to cry to...and what do you have? Another woman or man meeting your needs. Dont think you arent susceptible to an affair? Many people on this board have had affairs sneak up on them, and they never knew what happened before they were in it.

That is why you must have boundaries. I almost fell for it myself. JL and Asylyn saved me. After that, I have no close women friends that arent a part of another couple, where we do couple things together. Never alone. And I no longer confide info or problems concerning my marriage with any other woman.

It isnt because you are "bad" that you shouldnt do this. It is because we all are weak, especially as BSs. Protect yourself and your heart.

In His arms.

Thanks Mortarman.

I understand what you are saying. It's good to have people look out for you.