Hey Caren, I know you're intentions were pure..

Sorry about the mess here, I had emailed you back through my webmail. I thought nothing about emailing you as I did understand you're intentions were pure.

I also erased my WW last voice mail. It was so hard to do, now I want to hear what she had to say <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I always hope that her next message will be one of I agree to the Plan B letter, lets move ahead with life and recovery.

LOL I'm not easily offended, so it's all good. I never considered that a possibility...but then again, I am always naive like that....I don't think anyone would ever steal from me either....I just don't think that way. Not so great in the 'street smart' department.


-Caren

Feeling very down today...

Great sense of loss, it just seems that nothing is going the way it should. My stomach has been churning all day so far, feel like I am going to get sick and I don't know why.

This rollarcoaster is driving me nuts. The WW called at 1:30 last night, woke me up. I didn't answer the phone, but I did have a hard time going back to sleep.

I just want this to end. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

{{{Al, hamster and girl's}}}

Alan,

Ask God for strength and comfort. Make sure that you're doing your best to take care of yourself.

I am trying to do the best for me right now. I just feel very drained...I know at some point it will all come to an end, I just dont' know how much I have left. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Alan,

Why don't you start a new thread and ask for Mortarman to help. I am not the Plan B expert but he is.

You may want to consider anti-depressants. I have heard that Wellbutrin is good.

Somehow you need to get a boost cause it sounds like you are faltering. That is why I suggest asking God. I posted to someone yesterday saying I don't know how people to do this without God helping them. I don't think I could have made it without Him. When I felt like the pain was too much to endure I asked for Him help and I felt Him wrap His arms around me and give me comfort. He'll do it for you also if you ask.

Alank,

Legato is right. Seek God first. He will help you and show you the way (James Chapter 1).

Also, I would suggest you keep busy. Put more projects on your plate everyday then you have time to complete. Make sure you dont stop doing stuff and lay down until you are tired. Turn off the ringer on the phones when you lay down. Protect yourself.

Get some projects going. Easy things that you can complete. Put new brakes on the car...something. You see, you need to start stringing some successes together. it improves your outlook. So, dont take on projects that will take a long time. Do some that are short and you can accomplish.

I even started playing some of those video games my kids have. Some of the ones that take days and weeks to get thru all of the levels. First, it was fun to just play with them. But second, I was workign toward something, even though it was just a game. My mind was busy...and I couldnt concentrate on the current situation with my wife and miss her. And as I succeeded at the game, a got a little more confident in other areas of my life.

On the weekends, have friends to go to, to go out with. Groups. If they have kids, then take your kids and habg out together and watch TV or something. Rent a movie. Or get someone to watch the kids and go hangout with the guys for the night (no gals!!).

The point is to keep busy, and dont be awake when you lay down to go to sleep. Be tired, so you would nod off immediately.

On the meds, antidepressants are good. Sleep pills arent, because you have children and yo uare alone with them. You dont want to be that asleep if there is a problem with them.

Let me know what else I can do. All I can say is that while I love Plan B, it is hard at first. But I promise, it does get better. And when you get to the other side of it, you will be glad you did this!!

In His arms.

Hey, alank. Just aother thing. YOu and Caren should remove your email ids off this thread. Not a good thing to have in cyberspace.

You are doing well, fellow Canuck. Hugs to the rat, errr, rodent err, hamster.

I had my first session with God last night.

I dug out my Bible and started to read, I don't know what it did for me, yet my best days seem to be sunday after church.

I am trying to keep busy, it's just the last few days I seem overwhelmed with what is going on.

I do feel like I am at the end of my rope, I have not felt this way yet, but now I do. I don't understand why? It has been a little over a year now, and I don't know how anyone does this for years on end!

I hope and pray for help and I know at times it is here for me, yet I just feel my world starting to implode.

I am looking for new things to do, and perhaps that is part of it, I have not been busy enough. My mind often wanders to my WW and what she is doing right now, at times it kills me.

I will no longer listen to her messages as they have messed me up big time. She says how crappy things are with the OM, she tells me he is a jerk, yet she ends up with him time and time again.

Why, is she looking to punish herself, or does she think she can turn him aroumd. She told him a week ago she is done with the casual stuff, it's time for the real thing and he told her we will see how it goes........Can't she see he is playing her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am so mad and hurt I want to rip his head off, she deserves so much better.

Is it normal for WS's to put up with crap from the OM/OW?

My WW is doing just that.

1. Her OM dates other woman

2. He wont return her calls

3. He is never threr when she needs him

4. He wants only what he wants

5. He talks down to her

6. He talks about other women in front of her

7. He wont call her for days

8. It is his way or no way

9. He only wants se* from her

10. He does not care about her

These are things she has told me, why does she put up with it? Is there some logic behind it?

Do all WS's put up with this?

I don't understand and I probebly never will, but it kills me that she is putting herself through this. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It is addiction. In spite of what her mind tells her, the addiction is stronger. She will get fed up. She is having very few of her needs met right now, if any. Her Love Bank is hemorrhaging. You think you're freaking out - imagine what she must be going through! Her addiction has caused her to trade a good man for a piece of scum and yet she can't let go quite yet - maybe because it means admitting that she made a mistake. Maybe she is still hoping somehow that it's going to turn out well, even though she hears a small voice growing ever stronger, whispering, "You little idiot! What have you done?".

And
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> what she is doing right now, at times it kills me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll tell you exactly what she's doing right now - she's spiraling down and when she hits the bottom all of a sudden she will no longer be confused. She will know exactly what and who she wants and she will hope that it's not too late. Hopefully she will read your Plan B letter and understand that you are waiting for her. Be patient. Get ready for that day. Make sure that you are ready and that it doesn't catch you off-guard. It could happen tomorrow.

Alan-

I don't know if you like country...but what you said in your last post made me think of this Garth Brooks song. Particularly the lyrics....I dunno, sad songs help me...they don't depress me, they make me feel like someone else has felt the same way.

What She's Doing Now

Last time I saw her it was turning colder
But that was years ago
Last I heard she had moved to Boulder
But where she's now, I don't know
But there's something about this time of year
That spins my head around
Takes me back, makes me wonder
What she's doing now

chorus

'Cause what she's doing now is tearing me apart
Filling up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows
What she's doing now


Just for laughs, I dialed her old number
But no one knew her name
Hung up the phone, sat there and wondered
If she'd ever done the same
I took a walk in the evening wind
To clear my head somehow
But tonight I lie here thinking
What's she doing now

chorus
*******************************************
I think it applies, actually to me too, only well...it wouldn't be what "SHE'S" doing now...it'd be "He".

It's a dual meaning, you're wondering what she's "doing"......and you wonder if she knows what she's doing to you......

-Caren

How about bad luck, I ran into my WW at Boston Pizza last night. Went to play pool with a friend and there she is.

I tried to leave as fast as I could but she was able to yell at me all the way to my car. Telling me she is not with OM, she is all alone and hurt. She has a way with words right now. Anyway I left and cried all the way home <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I need this to be done.

Alan,

I feel like I need to apologize to you for going on such a rant about your wife spiraling down and OM being scum. You're looking for solace and comfort and I'm getting on a soapbox; my apologies.

I was reading Mortarman's post to you back on Plan B day and realized that what you are feeling is normal; you're experiencing withdrawl from your wife in the same way that she will when she goes NC. Just hang in there as best you can and look into anti-depressants. It will get better for you every day. Take care of your girls and let them be your source of joy.

Alan,

I didn't read your post until just now. I'm so sorry that this happened but it sounds like you handled it perfectly. Perhaps this incident will have a good effect.

I wish I had the words that would make you feel better...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>These are things she has told me, why does she put up with it? Is there some logic behind it?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you mean "these are things she has told me"?

whrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Plan B Police!! Step aside!!!

Excuse me sir, we have a report that you've been communicating with your wife while in Plan B?

What do you have to say for yourself?

WAT

worthatry,

I think that he is referring to things that she has said when she leaves messages. I believe that he has decided to just erase them now without listening.

Wat, Legato

I am not talking to her at all, she is so deep in this fog with a guy that treats her like dirt it scares me.

All the info I have passed on here are from messages she has left me.

For some reason I am the most hurt I have been. She is trying to pull me into her world, yet her OM is still a factor. For whatever reason she wants to cake eat. She left a message last night asking me to come watch a movie with her.

Her world is strange right now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Alank,

Plan B is working!! You are in the first phases, where you go into withdrawal, and she tries to cake eat. All a part of the plan here. In another week or so, the anxiety will die down in you and things will get better.

In the meantime, we take a peek into the fog bank...

Your WW is sitting there, after weeks of NC with you. She is in withdrawal, and cant get you to listen to her foggy justifications. so she has to talk to herself. But a funny thing is starting to happen...her fog talk is beginning to not make sense to even herself! she s starting to get confused again about why he is where she is at.

but as JL said on anther thread, you have given her a roadmap out of the fog. And so, she does have that. And as the days go on, she negins to entertain "What if my BS is right?" And then she will try to contact one more time, to test you. But you hold...and she realizes she is stuck...and has to make a decision.

Then, we will see where your wife goes.

So, as you can see, a few more steps in the plan. But all that will happen for you is things will get better. for her, it is going to be a rough bunch of weeks.

Keep up the good work.

In His arms.