Just received call from WH he said he just got done reading MB pages I printed from what is an EA. He said he had read them before but reread them today. He realizes how deceitful he has been and that he had thought it was ok because he had no PA. He said he is so sorry and was so wrong for so long. He wants us to work and talk more tonight. I have to thnk everyone. You guys have really helped me so much. I feel now that he has realized what he has done that we can move on and make sure our M never has this happen again. As I have said we always were avery close couple before all of this. I believe we can make this M strong again. Now that he is no longer blind to what he did. What do you people think ? Am I right at this point and he is going to MC...

That's good news. I hope all works out for you. That is the kind of realization we all hoped our WS would come to at some point. It looks like the fog may be lifting in your neighborhood. I wouldn't put away your foghorn and lighthouse just yet. A new fog could come rollin' back in so run with the clearing you have and hopefully you can run out of it for good.

MIF?

Good for you. Sounds like you are headed down the right path. This whole what is/isn't an A slowed down FWW and I for some time. You are at a real turning point.

Best of luck!!

This is pure speculation..but, how often have you been *deceitfull* and not aware of it?

I think perhaps..the realization he speaks of..could more accurately be called acceptance..and not that he was being deceitfull..but that he was in an inappropriate relationship [the deceit existed because instinct already told him this, and he was conflicted because he didn't want to accept it and act on it].

So the question becomes..what action does acceptance bring?

Noodle

Well we are going to be talking soon tonight -he told me will talk tonight -what if he wants to not talk just get along -I think I should push it -you see he is the type if I let something rest he will never go back to it. So I am going to ask my question about 2nd woman -I have a right to know if it went to a PA -if it did I want him to have and Aids ck. She is a s_ut.Young and has been with other MM. Likes sugar daddy's to pay her way. Told Wh that is what she was looking for. When I told him I knew everything about her last summer he blew up so now I know that was why. I even knew how old she was, where her business was, took pictures of her home, knew what name it was uner -her old married name(she is D) ,sent into her store 3 times. She ran out the back door all 2X's so I knew. Once she was stuck with a customer and could not get away and she was intelligent not the moron my Wh had said she was. I have gotten to know how tosearch the web so well. My MC said I should be a detective. I may just go back into her store and tell her she is a slu_. Just to see her face. Bitc_ that she is. My WH is 59 she could have been his daughter. and I told him that last year.

Realtor,

Your H's revelation is good. Remember this is fairly new once the fog starts to dissapate so give him some space and time to digest this info. Don't overload. You need to watch how much he can handle.

You are more like a spotter for a gymnist. Ask him to let you know when he is ready for more. Work on this together. Don't get angry that he isn't getting it all. This isn't school. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

We were having the start of a good talk when the fog came over him -I could see it rollying in and just like that in front of my eyes the fog monster got him. So when he started lying about things again I just started saying yeah I know -wasn't dinner great tonight -I really like that Prime Rib and got off any serious topic. Kept me sane and I did not get angry. It ccame back as soon as I said so you realize you were deceitful -good the Ea was deceitful of you and as sonn as I added and so was she that is wehen the Fog came. So as long as he thinks she is this wonderful person unable to do any wrong -he is not ready for recovery ?

I certainly wouldn't say that he isn't ready for recovery.... remember, recovery is a process not one giant leap.

Hang in there and always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!

Ok I will hang in there but it is so hard -he says he has NC -trying to believe last night was the first Thursday night he cam home early from work(?) - so maybe now there is NC. Always came home Thursday nights late -about 3 -4 hrs later then other nights. I had started going to to eat by myself -he wouldn't even call me. Then he started calling and cking on mee. major cake eater. Why does WH want someone else yet nobody can want me ?? Crazy huh..The fog moster has him in a tight crasp. He even says I should thnk her -so I am going to get a thank-you card and mail it to her. I will show him the card and be all sweetness and light. But isn't this all like acting we show them how happy we are when we are so miserable. We cry alone,rant alone, say we are fine when we are not just to please some son of a b@itch who has cheated. That is the hardest part -we should all be up for awards..

Good...sounds like a breakthrough! Good luck!

Good...sounds like a breakthrough! Good luck!

Realtor,

That's one of the frustrating parts of recovery. Isn't it weird to see it in their eyes as they go in and out of the fog? Scary ya??!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now you are doing well by recognizing it and testing to see what brings him in and out of the fog. One thing I found was using the OWs last name instead of her 1st name, helped. WS' esp the men don't like to hear their things (OWs) called by another last name. I called PBR - OW in mycase....Mz Chewed or Mrs. H..... Her maiden name was similar to the above.... I spoofed it up a bit and that's how I referred to her. It brought me some relief and kept him from going in and out of the fog too much.

L.

Ok but her last name is LOVE - how's that for a good one and here e-mail address not all of it is angeldarling --gag,gag,gag,gag, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I can't stand her names -can't spit is out I have called her OW top him that helps more.

Does she have a maiden or another name? Something that doesn't bring good feelings to him?

L.

I don't know any of her names and do not want to ask..This just makes me sick. He ants me to send her thank-you card -thinks she and I could be friends -Oh I'll send her a card alright. Holding myself back from that. Thank-you for giving me back my H who is now a WH -thank-you for all the changes in my M. You can have him -but have decided you don't want him -so you found out who he really is...You can take back your garbage -cause now I don't want the used equipment . Just a vent... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok, then give her a name. You get to choose. LOL!!!

As for the thank u note..... consider that fog babble, ask him..... r u for real? Then look at him seriously and say.... you want me to send her a CARD? Don't mention what kind..... just give him that look to make him wonder what kind of card you could send. LOL!!!

BTW, I was told similar.....WS said I should thank the OW for taking him out of our lives.... I shook my head and said.....yea I should.... you think she can take you can give me back my H? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

L.

I can't believe he thinks you should send her a thank you note. GAG!!! My WH told me I should thank OW too right after he told me about the A. He said she was willing to give him a chance to save his marriage. OH...HOW NOBLE OF HER!!!! GAG< GAG< GAG!
I'd like to send all OW a note but it wouldn't be a thank you....it would have you at the end but the other word would start with F!

ok bought a card -it says "Thanks for your help= cpi;dn't have done it without you !!! I will have hubby sign his name and I'll sign mine as J -thats what she referred me as in her e-mails..Then beofre I mail it I will adress it to both of them her and her H . May even write in it couldn't have ruined a marriae with out you !!!smiley face...

Realtor,

No card. Don't send it. OWs like to rile up the BSW.

She isn't worth the stamp much less the card. LOL!!!

No, just send her H a card...... at his work.

Does he already know of the A? When we started rcovery, Xws gave me permission to contact her H.

L.

Qw are deffinetly not in recovery yet -he is still in the fog. Last night I sat next to a guy who has been trying to be friendly with us - H has ignored him for months -probably because he is ok looking and H knew he was unfaithful and afraid to hae other men around us. We hae some single friends and woman and guys as well. We know lots of couples and everyone down here does get to gether for cook outs and such. It is fun when you go out as msot of us have children that are grown to be able to sit with friends while you eat dinner. There is no flirting only good conversation and the company. The single guys talk about who they are dating and there is alot of teasing done. Sometimes we even get to meet their dates ! it is more like an extended family down here. I have avoided making new friends lately because of WH -so last night I talked to the guy and his brohter and WH even joined the conversation -it was pleasant. I am now going to do what I want and not think about WH needs. Until he starts to talk to me and be honest and open and get rid of the FOG I will make me very happy. I have been living with a Fog Man for so long I just did not see it. Now you guys have woke me up. When he stops deffending OW then I will talk not until.He needs to take responsilbity for his actions and I will hold him accountable.