</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by afterall:
<strong> David -

Your W is going to a 'formal' with another guy?

Why?

I would ask her why isn't she taking you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did. She didn't want me to go. And the more I think about how she acted when I asked her about her new undies, the more I am convinced there's more to this than I at first thought. It just hit me that she may be actually going with the OM. She doesn't want me around, except to take care of her at home - doesn't want to go anywhere with me, she has started coming up with various excuses for not seeing the MC on Friday.....

I'm starting to panic again. Dangit. I'm not invited to the formal - it's 'invitation only' so I can't really crash it, but I have to do something. If she is really this bent on leaving the marriage, why doesn't she just go instead of dragging me around like this? I guess she wants me to blow up and be the bad guy.....

Ain't gonna happen. I went thru this in my last marriage. Made a lot of the same mistakes. I can't even remember how many men my XW slept with before finally leaving with one - and I let it happen. It's happening again!

She's up to something, no doubt.

Stay calm man .... you cannot control her, only yourslef.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> She's up to something, no doubt.

Stay calm man .... you cannot control her, only yourslef.

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How? How can I stay calm? She gave me a huge list of things to get done today, and then left to go to lunch with someone. She's spent nearly all of our money on new clothes, and God knows what else, She's never home, except for a few minutes in the morning and late at night after I'm asleep. She loves all the stuff I'm doing for her, but won't let me into a single aspect of her life, because I 'snooped' on her privacy.

Everyone keeps telling me to work on myself - well, that's all I have - that's all I can do. But part of myself is hurting very much right now and I don't knwo how to work on that.

aqllright..lets get the logistics down..

what is the date of the formal..

(what type of school)
what type of formal...??

who does she expect to watch the kids that night...
what if you magically had to work or had plans that night...??

what if you were take the kids out of town that weekend for a some fun...

ARK

This sounds like my life last year. I'm getting angry just reading it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I've got another question: What is her source of income?

Ok ark...

Law School, I have no idea what kind of Formal. I've never even been to one. I just know that the school encourages married couples to take part in everything.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">who does she expect to watch the kids that night...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I watch the kids EVERY night, except when I work.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what if you magically had to work or had plans that night...??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Our oldest son is 17. He can watch - he's had to before while I've worked all night and she's spent the night elsewhere.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what if you were take the kids out of town that weekend for a some fun...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is probably the best idea. At least we'd be somewhere else.

David

David,

Not sure if I posted to you before but I have read your story and I need to react to this one....

Privacy??? Where is privacy in your vows?? Is that honor your spouse?? I think not! You SHOULD have a log of your wifes internet activties. Without any LB'ing gather up the evidence. Hire an investigator. Do something!!!

Let me ask you another question:

Would you let your daughter go to a formal wearing those underwear??

you're being CR*&PPED on David....by your spouse. Do not let it continue any longer. Listen to the advice above....

I was once that angry person...and I was the BS...If I knew about it when it happened I would be in prison now....you're not the only one with a problem in your relationship....

sorry for the apparent 2x4 but as a freidn once told me when I was going through my hell of a bad divorce...

"there's only so much crap a fly can eat"

good luck....a keep posting...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong> This sounds like my life last year. I'm getting angry just reading it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I've got another question: What is her source of income? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Her source of income? Well, I work, but she got all her school loans, etc this month, so she has money for herself. Or did. I think she's spent most of it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Send me on my way:
<strong> David,

Not sure if I posted to you before but I have read your story and I need to react to this one....

Privacy??? Where is privacy in your vows?? Is that honor your spouse?? I think not! You SHOULD have a log of your wifes internet activties. Without any LB'ing gather up the evidence. Hire an investigator. Do something!!!

Let me ask you another question:

[qb][quote]Would you let your daughter go to a formal wearing those underwear??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you're being CR*&PPED on David....by your spouse. Do not let it continue any longer. Listen to the advice above....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm trying - have to calm down right now. I just don't get what's going on - I'm too dense, I think....

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"there's only so much crap a fly can eat"

good luck....a keep posting... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know, and I've just about had enough....Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm trying - have to calm down right now. I just don't get what's going on - I'm too dense, I think.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">David...you KNOW EXACTLY what's going on. (another 2x4)....

What I want to tell you is your despair...is NORMAL. Everything you're feeling right now is normal...including RAGE....many of us have felt it. Hell... I feel it for YOU!

Formulate a plan...and stick to it.

Be ready for plan B

The one thing you need to do is stop the affair...you may not be able to. But understand...it can and will get worse for you as she continues her abuse. Ready yourself. Use us for support.

It is my opinion that you should stop ENABLING her affair with any support. Whether it is time, money, a place to flop her sorry A$$....stop enabling it in any way. One thing I suggest is you keep that chin up...they always hit you when you're not looking....

Your wife may NEVER see the harm she is causing but chances are she will....

I may sound somewhat militant now due to my personal experiences but...

Privacy is one thing, secrets are another. No one has the right to destroy your family unit behind your back. Let her know you will look wherever you need to, to find whatever you have to. Say it with love. Weather the storm of fury she will send your way. Say what Pep suggests.

Document all of her behavior in a dated daily agenda so you can refer to it if necessary at a later date regarding custody issues Don't let her bully you with the snippets of law she has been force fed. It's like reading a book on karate and then thinking you can fight.

No more money. Separate your accounts, Let her spend her school money...it will catch up to her. Don't bail her out. If she finds credit down the road, further measures will be required to protect your finances.

Find out about this other guy, expose expose expose. I left it too long. Only worse than waiting this long is waiting an additional day.

I wish I would have found this site this time last year. I wish I would have called someone like Harley. I spent more speaking to Janis Spring author of After the Affair with little satisfaction as to a strategy.

Make sure you take care of your physical well-being via diet and exercise. Look into some help via medication to smooth out the bumps a tad.

Good luck.