Wife is highly depressed.

I don't think this is fog. I'm no mental health pro, but I think my wife is in a deep bout of depression. I noticed her checking out 'depression' web sites last night. Well at least she's realizing it and trying to figure out some kind of therapy for herself. She is very anti-drug therapy. She has her reasons I guess, she is a nurse with many years of experience so her reservations are based on seeing the worst that can happen.

I am so very concerned about her mental health, and I'm very concerned about mine. As I write this my stomach is churning up inside. Yesterday I started seeking out phyciatrists for myself. The 'anxiety' I feel may be a part of depression, I don't really know. I need something and fast!

An update. I've been more vocal about her nasty attitude. We've also managed to get into a 'fight', I got on the topic of her EA and she starting sending up alibis and I quickly shot holes in them. I also said I only told the truth to OMW and what happened was a result of her actions. She has stopped denying there was an effort to hide. Now it's she couldn't talk to him in front of me, just wasn't comfortable. I told her she seemed to need him to cope, she countered with whats wrong with that - I drew a parallel to my copong method (beer) and said we can both agree that wasn't right. She got back on the it's only because he's a male. I countered with 'would you write a letter like that to a female?'

Basically I didn't let her scare me into submission this time. I guess reaching my saturation with her emmotional abuse has left me numb to her threats.

Maybe I do have some levelerage after all.

Last night she leaned over and gave me a kiss good night, but said 'this doesn't mean everything is alright'. I said I know.

Strange things are happening.

I've been taking more of atough stance on things with my wife. I've been respectively standing up for myself and have even had a few arguments.

She seems to have calmed down a bit and some affection has returned.

Last night was yet another experience. She came to bed last night and asked for SF. Her words were 'I want sex, but not the love'. Afterwards I asked what that was all about and she said she just needed it and was feeling so lonely.

Mark,

I've been following your story for a while now. I think the turnaround happened for me and my FWW when I started making my boundries crystal clear. I think she respected me more for not letting myself be a doormat. I stopped playing the victim, realized that I really could be just as happy (after a time) if we did get divorced and accepted that that was more than a possibility, but an option. When I realized that, I was able to engage and be loving and happy (not all the time of course) because I chose to be in the M. I took my power back. When I did that, she responded very positively.

You're making progress! Yay!

Yeah I'd say there's progress. Verbal exchanges are civil. We've been watching DVD's togther the last few nights. The request for sex was totally unexpected.

On the way home from work Friday I stopped off and bought her a single rose. She asked if it had anything to do with last night. I told her 'maybe'. She told me not to get the wrong idea. We stopped talking about it and I went to bed. She came up soon after and I got up the nerve to ask her if she 'wanted anything', she said 'no I have to work tomorrow, and I don't want to talk about it now either'. SHe said she wanted to talk about the SF earlier, but her sister was there. I don't know what she wants to say, I think it's more don't get your hopes up.

Anyway it's progress.

Civil verbal exchanges are big progress. I used to get big time verbal abuse for a long time even before the A. Just recently we agreed (at her suggestion no less) that we don't say hurtful and disrespectful things to each other. If we begin to fight and say bad things we call "PICKLE" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> which is our silly keyword to stop. Then we let things cool down and think about what we need to say so it isn't said in a damaging way.

Personally, I found that with my FWW, if I sat back and acted normal for a while, she would bring up the conversation. It was on her mind all the time, so even when she brought it up she would think I had initiated the conversation.

Maybe you should ease up a little once in a while and enjoy the progress that has been made before you forge ahead again. It's draining on both of you to have to deal and talk about it constantly. Don't push and keep those boundries strong!

Just got back from church - wfife has to say hello to OM in front of me. I hate that. Now hpw do I deal with this?