dbl post...I hate that!

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 11:15 PM: Message edited by: faithinme ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong> That heart may need healing and may never be pre-heart attack healthy...but the overall quality of life and health CAN be vastly improved.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with 100% of what you posted. YOu actually illustrate my opinion better than me. LM </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">See how alike we are in our thinking, LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Actually, I was wondering how you've been. I haven't seen you much. Glad to see you still around.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I agree and the same can be said of a recovered marriage after an affair....BUT IMO, you can never have that "pre heart attack healthy" heart...aka first class seat of a marriage not scarred by infidelity. You can recover and build up again but you can "NEVER go back". YOu can live a great and productive life (i,e have a great and satisfying marriage after an affair) but it will never be quite the same. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm still curious to know what BS's would wish to "go back to". The M pre-A was not a "healthy heart". It was weak and had a heart attack. The M was not "first class". It was not even coach. It was "stand by" and it didn't make the flight. The M pre-A was riddled with undiscovered weaknesses that made the M vulnerable in the first place.

Do BS's believe that the M WAS healthy pre-A?
The WS apparently didn't think so.

If you go back to a point in time pre-A, what course do you think your M would have taken had the A not occured and you continued along business as usual? My guess would be eventual divorce.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just by your defensive remark I am sure that you took my post (and opinion <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) the wrong way. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure what way you think I took it... but anywho...

I think what is actually being discussed on this thread is quality of life....

And the "way" I interpreted your opinion is this:

You said that a marriage having survived an affair can never have the same quality of life as a marriage which did not suffer an affair.

Is this or is this not your point?

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
[
[/qb]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with 100% of what you posted. YOu actually illustrate my opinion better than me. LM [/qb][/QUOTE]See how alike we are in our thinking, LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Actually, I was wondering how you've been. I haven't seen you much. Glad to see you still around. [/QB][/QUOTE]

FIM:

I have been doing very well, thanks for asking. I am still around but do not post too much. I am in such a different place in my recovery than a lot of people on here that I try to refrain from giving an opinion on specific people's cases. I have wanted to write to you on your thread but your WH just seems to really bring the worst out in me and I didn't want to write a post telling you to kick the $um ***** to the curb... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I hope that you can stay strong in your resolve to D him. Yeah, I know that this is a MB site, but I don't think your WH will ever change and I don't want to see you or your beautiful children hurt anymore than you have suffered. You have died a thousand deaths with this man, and boy I do pray for you here that you can stop the madness.

Anyways, your post above was right on. I think it is funny that you (and others) here can say what I want in such a more eloquent fashion. I hope I can get better on this. Take care and good luck with staying strong.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Marriage is a lot of work, whether its with someone new or with someone old. Infidelity adds a huge series of additional problems to try to defeat, especially when you are already in a damaged marriage.

I do believe the problems can be overcome (and there are many people on this board who are proof of that) but you've also got to look at the fundamentals of your marriage and see if that is worth the fight. Some are, and some aren't. You and your partner have to decide that for yourself.

I really haven't had any other choice but regardless if I did, I've decided I'd prefer to take my chances with being alone or with someone new rather than try to mend the huge gashes with someone old.

I think this the route more likely to achieve long term happiness for both myself and my children.

The world out there is a scary place but also is full of opportunity and hope. You just have to look at it the right way.

Miker

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: Miker ]</small>